A letter to a friend

Homepage Forums Personal Mastery A letter to a friend

9
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)    1 year, 8 months ago

Hello everyone, it’s me again.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from an old friend whom I haven’t heard from in a long time.
It was not a very nice e-mail, very aggressive and condescending.
The guy was pretty much accusing me of a bunch of stuff that I had nothing to do with, and making a bunch of other crazy negative claims.

No, I’m not here to ask for advice on how to deal with it or anything like that.
It’s actually about my reply to it. I don’t know where it came from, I just wrote and what came out was pretty interesting.

And I think it highlights one of the main issues people have these days, and the solution to it.

Alright, here it is (translation may not be perfect)

“Hello, buddy. Long time no see.

Is that how you talk to an old friend? To be frank it didn’t sound friendly at all, just hateful.

I’m not glad to hear you’re in such a miserable situation, but I have nothing to do with it. Remember how we haven’t met in like two years and things weren’t this fucked up back then? Hmm?
So I don’t see why you’re blaming me for what’s happened.

It’s strange, you told me several times what a dick I am, but you never explained any so called connection between me and what’s happened. You told me a bunch of times that I owe you, but never gave any reason for that.
You asked me 22 times to apologize, but for what?

I don’t even know what it is I think you have done. I don’t see how our problems with your economy, health, fiancee, social problems, and so on are at all related to me.

But alright, let’s play this game.

I’m sorry that I was working while you were slacking.
I’m sorry that I was eating healthy while you were stuffing down junk food.
I’m sorry that I gave my body a chance to recover while you were using bullshit “medicine” to hide your symptoms.
I’m sorry that I was working out while you were watching tv.
I’m sorry that I was reading informative books while you were reading comics.
I’m sorry that I was working on my social tree while you were browsing stumbleupon.

I’m so sorry that I was out there dating girls while you were home jacking off.
I’m so sorry that I saved my money while you wasted yours on weed and booze.
I’m so sorry that I got up at 7 every morning while you slept in as late as you could.
I’m so sorry that I went to meditate with monks while you played videogames.
I’m so sorry that I learned meditation and martial arts while you learned a bunch of useless stuff.
I’m so sorry that I pumped all my time and money into making my own business while you worked a shitty dayjob and spent the money on worthless entertainment.
I’m so sorry that I thought about philosophy while you thought about stupid stoner bullshit.

I’m very sorry that you always did as little as you could get away with, instead of doing your best.
I’m very sorry that you always doubted yourself instead of thinking straight.
I’m very sorry that you always took the easy way out and always looked for instant gratification.
I’m very sorry that you just sat there doing nothing while other guys took the girls that you wanted.
I’m very sorry that you settled for some mean, fat, dumb bitch who ended up fucking you over.
I’m very sorry that you let envy and blame games run your life.
I’m very sorry that you always looked for support and validation and never tried standing on your own two legs.
I’m very sorry that you “couldn’t” stay sober enough to deal with your problems.

I’m sorry that your “big plans” were deluded and don’t fucking work, and that you refused to listen when people explained this.
I’m sorry that you lost your friends because they couldn’t stand your negativity.
I’m sorry that She CHOSE me and not you.
I’m sorry that your friend overdosed and that you can’t get over it.
I’m sorry that the world doesn’t work the way your deluded mind thinks it does.
I’m sorry that human biology isn’t fond of the poisons you fill yourself with.
I’m sorry that the world doesn’t recognize your greatness, whatever that may be.

Most of all, I’m so fucking sorry that I got myself out of the dirt while you decided to stay there. And I’m so sorry that you rejected all my offers to help you.

I’m “better off” than you for a reason. I worked fucking hard for it, I’ve spent so much time, energy and money on this. I’ve earned it.

There is only one person to blame for your misery, do you know who that is?
It’s you. You chose this. These are the results of your actions.
Just look at my sarcastic apologies, those differences in our actions and habits are what make all the difference.
You have put yourself here, and I warned you about this many many times, I tried helping you a lot but you refused.

When you tell me that I should recruit you because you’re my friend and your tremendous intelligence is a great asset and that I owe it to you… just what the fuck are you talking about?

Friendship means nothing in this game.
Would you hire a friend, that’s never seen a boat and doesn’t even know what a sail is, to build your boat? To sail it? To repair it? You would drown.
Would you bring a friend, that’s never held a weapon or faced fear, into war? Not only would he just be a burden and weigh you down, he would also get himself killed, and probably a bunch of comrades too. And if you survive, you’ll be getting the blame for that.
This is my battleship, and you don’t belong on it. Sorry mate, but that’s just the way things are. There are other things you could do very well, but not this.
You wouldn’t be of any help, and you wouldn’t enjoy it at all. It’s not a place for you.

As for the intelligence, you just said that Manimal is a bunch of morons with idiotic mentalities and imbecile agendas. If that is so, what use would we have of intelligence?

And just what is this intelligence you speak of? Your huge collection of useless trivia? Your knowledge of every comic book character ever? Your grades in useless things like history, maths, and the structure of languages?
By the way, how much time and money did you spend for that? A shitload, right? And where did it get you?
Look what I did, and where it got me.

WHICH WAS THE SMARTER CHOICE?
You’re not as smart as you think you are.

And I don’t owe you anything. I’ve done a lot more for you than you’ve done for me.

But you are my friend, and I wish the best for you. I want to help you, but I can’t help you if you won’t let me.
This is the last time I make this offer. I want nothing in return. But you gotta be willing to work hard and make sacrifices, for yourself, that’s the only way to improve your situation. If I hear any more negativity or excuses from you the deal is terminated.”

That’s where the relevant part ends, the rest is just personal stuff that’s irrelevant to this thread.

So what I mean when I say it’s relevant to this forum is all about the part about BLAME and REJECTING HELP.

That’s the main thing that’s standing in the way for most people who want to reach higher. And since that’s what this site is all about, this is good relevant information.

So let’s discuss these things.
Blame, responsibility, and being receptive to help. The worthlessness of apologies. Getting over your bullshit and working hard. Etc.

What’s your stance on this?

9 votes, posted 11.30.2012 at 1:28 pm
+

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Avatar of BirdFlyingHigh
BirdFlyingHigh (@birdflyinghigh)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal, Please reformat for the love of god. I have no idea who is saying what in your original wall o’ text.

edit: I realize it’s all your letter to him.

You are very good at berating your friends! I can see why people pay you a premium for it. :P

How is your motivational speaking stuff coming along? When you talk about “bringing him on,” was he trying to become involved with the philosophy/how to live your life courses that you are developing?

+
Avatar of Colton
Colton (@emecom)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@tine, I don’t necessarily think it was helpful, but he has already done it. Besides he isn’t asking us if what he did was right, he is asking for our discussion on the topics he brought up. I agree with you that for the most part you shouldn’t tell those things to a friend, that is why I have held my tongue a lot, but I don’t think we are in the position to judge whether or not Manimal is helping his friend or not because we don’t know the circumstances.

+
Avatar of Mikey W
Mikey W (@mikeyw829)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal, Great post. I used to fall into the trap a lot of blaming external sources for my shortcomings and failures, if not consciously, then subconsciously. But it’s really how I interpret those situations that determines how I act and what happens. Blaming is really just not believing you have any control over your life. It takes away all personal power. In a way, I think you could say anxiety is a form of blame. Depression is a form of blame. I don’t think I could firmly state everything in your OP with conviction at this point though. If I may ask, what exactly is Manimal (as in the group)?

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

it has everything to do with the thread, you are trying to paint the illusion that what you said to him was for his benefit, that you were ‘so-in-the-right’, the truth though, based on what you actually did, said, your actions, is the opposite.

the end does not justify the mean — you are lying to yourself if you believe this is true, this is a dangerous path to traverse my friend, you will find yourself neck deep at some-point

also, i feel the need to point one last thing out, i’m sry, i am going to use an expression that is often used over the internet, i understand that such slang is probably beneath you, but i feel it encompasses how i feel perfectly,

(( — yumadbro? — ))

hhrrmm? remember what you said to me in the ego thread? well, you said a lot, so here is a refresher,

—- WHY would I want to learn from some random schmo on the internet ….. That’s why you cannot teach me anything, just like the dojo master doesn’t learn from the beginners. I am already a couple steps ahead….. People who just want to think they’re smart/right. People like you. —-

remember, i am just some ‘random schmo on the internet’, you are ahead of me, i only think i am smart/right

————–your words————–

so, if you truly feel like i am without wisdom, i have nothing to say, that everything i say is ridiculous, — why then do your actions say otherwise? –

why paragraphs of communication? why the need to pick apart everything i say?

remember, i am just some internet schmo who knows nothing,

why not ignore me like you do a lot of people? why not dismiss me like you do with other people?

(( it is a contradiction that you still feel the need to comment despite me being nothing ))

if what you claim about me is true, this is what you would do,

– you would ignore me –

and you would let

– everyone see for themselves how ridiculous i am –

(( — yumadbro? — ))

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@emecom,

i only offer an opinion, like he does with everyone else, if he can’t handle a differing opinion then he shouldn’t offer his own all the time, he can take or leave what i say,

as for the post, it pained me to see him taking credit for something he didn’t do, he acted like all those things he said to his friend were for his friend’s benefit, he justified attacking and tearing his friend to shreds,

and everyone is here saying, “O, good job manimal, way to tell him”…. no, he shouldnt have told him that, him telling him that reveals he isn’t his friend in the first place, manimal had to ego lash back instead of giving his hurting friend some grace

fuck that, that’s such bullshit, it’s so slimy and disgusting to try and disguise his behavior like he was doing something good

slimy

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@birdflyinghigh, It’s my speciality haha.

I’m no longer on that project, I had too much to do for a while, a friend of mine took over and he does it better.

@mikeyw829, Just a group of guys doing the “human potential” stuff, empowerment, liberation, illumination, all that jazz.

@tine, I don’t deal in justifications and such bullshit. The ends are the means, the goal is the starting blocks.

I love that expression, but it’s not appropriate here. Anger is for suckers, making sure to get a point across is not anger, it’s a logical decision.

Why I reply to you? Because I want to help you, like I’ve already explained a shitload of times. How daft can you get?

If you think I was being mean to the dude you’re fucked up. Others see what was going on, but you’re too obsessed with giving the ego some “grace.”
I disregard that kind of shit, I treat people with REAL respect for WHO and WHAT THEY REALLY ARE.

Not a stupid fucking socially conditioned weakling needy egomaniac brainghost.

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

–Why I reply to you? Because I want to help you–

lol, this is always your excuse, here, let me clear something up so you are no longer confused, i do not want your help, i do not need your help, how you respond to reality shows nothing but selfish interest, i am not into this approach, i accept that this makes me inferior in your eyes

so now that it is known your help is not wanted, you can leave me to my ignorance,

right?

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

“If you think I was being mean to the dude you’re fucked up. Others see what was going on, but you’re too obsessed with giving the ego some “grace.”

this is completely mind blowing, you truly think that by tearing someone apart, viscously, is the best approach? you think grace is weak? you think a kind but firm approach is inferior?

(( can you not see what this says about who you are? ))

mind blowing, simply mind blowing

you are excusing your initial reaction to someone attacking you and making it appear like you said it for his benefit, if you believe what you said was out of friendship or his betterment, then you have bought into your own ego illusion

and remember, i do not need nor desire your help, therefore you should have no automatic need to respond to someone so confused and ignorant

+
Avatar of Colton
Colton (@emecom)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@tine, I can’t say whether or not it was done out of anger or what Manimals true intentions were. But that is besides the point, we should focus on what he was saying and if we do there is a lot we can take in and apply in our own lives.

Everyone falls into the trap of blaming others for their problems and sometimes you need a wake up call to realize that it is our problem, not theirs. In my life the times that I have really looked at myself and realized that I was being a bitch and blaming my circumstances on others was when someone had the courage to tell me.

So for that reason I like the post that @manimal, created.

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@emecom,

–No, I’m not here to ask for advice on how to deal with it or anything like that. It’s actually about my reply to it–

is what he stated at the beginning, just because what i decided to talk about in his reply was not what he wanted everyone to focus on, does not mean i am off topic

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@emecom,

“In my life the times that I have really looked at myself and realized that I was being a bitch and blaming my circumstances on others was when someone had the courage to tell me.”

indeed, did they belittle you, talk down to you, hate on you in every possible way, to help you out?

this is a horrible example manimal provided, i agree that we should not make excuses, i disagree with manimal thinking this is an example that shows how good he did, can you not see the real reason he posted this? he wanted everyone to see it, plain and simple, he wanted everyone to see how good he ‘got’ that guy,

this is proven by, ” I’m not here to ask for advice on how to deal with it or anything like that”, he is not here for any other reason,

his excuse reason was the justification he said, he was helping his friend, i am arguing the core, that he was not helping his friend, that in fact, what he said hurt his friend and how this reveals manimal in the circumstances

no one talks to a friend that way, thats how you talk to an enemy, i don’t care what illusions manimal tries to create to cover this

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@tine, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small people discuss other people” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Why are you turning everything into a personal drama when the rest of us are discussing the topic?
Why are you discussing another person, me, when that’s irrelevant, and the rest of us are discussing events and ideas?

Hungry for attention or something?

You want no help? Fine, your loss.
I’ll leave you alone if you stay out of my threads and drop the personal drama.

I wasn’t tearing anyone apart, what I was tearing apart was his ludicrous claims and beliefs. That’s all I do.
And how the fuck could I tear something apart viscously? Is there a thickness/saturation to the act of tearing something apart? Hmm?

What’s up with all these misplaced words and crazy grammatical contradictions?

I am very kind. Just not YOUR kind.
And I do not ignore people or things that I do not like.
I’m not here to enjoy myself, I’m here to produce results.

Not everyone is as selfish as you, keep that in mind.

All you’re saying is off topic nonsense, it has nothing to do with the letter or the subjects of disccusion, it’s all personal accusations. Get a grip.

If I wanted to show someone “how good I got that guy,” I would take a case where I did in fact “pwn” someone, reveal names, show pictures, etc. Not just show an informative email.
But that kind of behaviour is below me.

Ripping off a bandaid hurts, pulling bullets out of your body HURTS, shitting out your constipated turd FUCKING HURTS.
But the pain is a means to betterment.

When you build yourself into a fortress of shit, the only way out is to dig through the fucking shit. When you build a fortress of nettles, the only way out is through the nettles.

All great things are paid for with pain.

I wouldn’t talk to an enemy like that. If I have an enemy, I will break him down, lock him in his head, feed his self-destruction, add more shit to that fortress, more nettles, more sweet sweet comfort. Then I’d strike when he least expects it.

What I’m doing here is the exact opposite.

And I know it works. I have the experience, the knowledge, the facts.

You have only your projections. Tragic little boy.

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

lol—- see, you can’t help but respond,

(( my previous ((– yumadbro –)) point has been proven ))

thank you sir for being as predictable as i expected

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@tine, Troll HARDER.

You know, flooding and trolling are the kind of things that define an idiot, and also gets them banned from forums.

You may want to rethink this.

Or someone will step in and do it for you.

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

you are not even addressing my point, your words are the typical smoke and mirror illusions you usually lay out, like calling me a TROLL when the only crime i have committed is dare disagree with you

so funny, i am glad everyone gets to see you exposed like this, so they can start to see through the deception that is you

+
Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 8 months ago ago

@manimal,

–You know, flooding and trolling are the kind of things that define an idiot, and also gets them banned from forums.–

ooo cool, you are threatening me, i’ll tell you what, lets have Jordan look at our conversation and let him decide, in fact, i’ll let him know there is an issue, thanks for this

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 7 months ago ago

So, now that the TROLL seems to have calmed down, I’ll go ahead and bump this.

+
Avatar of cadeus
cadeus (@cadeus333)1 year, 7 months ago ago

@manimal, I have a feeling that the fact that you had to write this letter in the first place probably means that none of this will get through to the guy. I know the type, it’s just going to piss him off to the point that none of it will get through to him.

But you are my friend, and I wish the best for you. I want to help you, but I can’t help you if you won’t let me.
This is the last time I make this offer. I want nothing in return. But you gotta be willing to work hard and make sacrifices, for yourself, that’s the only way to improve your situation. If I hear any more negativity or excuses from you the deal is terminated.”

This seemed out of place to me. If the man (I’m assuming he is grown) really is all of the things you say he is, why not just cut the cord? Why offer anything? I hate to sound negative, but people that are like this, and already adults will almost never change. But out of curiosity, how old is he?

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 7 months ago ago

@cadeus333, It got through, we met yesterday to talk this shit over, and he’s in.

Why not cut the cord? Because he’s a friend, and because I don’t just give up on people.
He’s 24, but age doesn’t mean anything, it’s never too late to change. Just excuses.

+
Avatar of cadeus
cadeus (@cadeus333)1 year, 7 months ago ago

@manimal, Age has a lot to do with a lot dude, I don’t want to get hung up on that. He is still young, and still has a chance to start taking responsibility for himself and his actions.

I don’t normally give up on people either, but it has happened and I’m sure it will again. You really made the guy out to be completely worthless, irresponsible and on top of all that, a real dick. I can only go on the letter that you shared and I sure didn’t see many redeeming qualities, hence why I said “why not cut the cord?”. I know you’re not me, but I wouldn’t waste my energy on someone like that.

Apparently he isn’t a complete ass though, and you guys have worked things out. That’s really great man, and I wish you both the best of luck, especially you, because you could very well be the guide your friend needs to really grow up and start taking responsibility for himself and his actions.

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 6 months ago ago

@cadeus333, It’s never too late to change.

As for no redeeming qualities, I wouldn’t say so. The message was focused on errors, of course it doesn’t give a full representation of who he is.
And besides, I’d say there’s a lot more hope and potential for this guy than most people.
Most people have little to no “redeeming qualities” these days.

I appreciate the support, man.
And it’s going pretty well.

+
Avatar of yoinkie
yoinkie (@yoinkie)1 year, 6 months ago ago

@manimal, so basically… you dont post the original letter your friend sent you, rather just saying it was “very aggressive and condescending”. The original letter could have said anything, but of course we arent allowed to view it and make our own judgement on it, just take your word for it. Then you proceed to say you dont want advice, just want to show off how you can insult someone. Then you proceed to write a letter that allows you to brag about yourself while put the other down at the same time. Then, to top it off, you post your reply online so you can show the rest of the world how cool you are(in your own words). Take any opportunity to stroke that ego, eh?

+
Avatar of Michael
Michael (@peacefulmotivators)1 year, 6 months ago ago

I’m really worried about myself now. I feel like I am that person in your letter. Basically all those things you apologized for, I feel like I did too. The bad things I mean. Except I don’t really blame anyone else but me. I’ve been lazy and stupid and I know it. I just don’t seem to be able to fix it, and it sucks. Oh well, here’s to ignorance!

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 6 months ago ago

@yoinkie, Why would I spend that time translating a message that has no value, and make the post more that twice as long?

Where did I brag or say that I’m cool?
I posted the letter to highlight a major common problem, and the solution to it. And starting a DISCUSSION about it.

Take any opportunity to spew hatred on internet strangers, eh?
Take it easy, mate, you’re blowing your cover.

+
Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)1 year, 6 months ago ago

@peacefulmotivators, Don’t worry bro, you’ll figure it out. If you can’t see the path, just pick a direction and walk straight, you’ll find your path in no time.

Just take action, mate.

+