I recently found out that I am pregnant and am considering an abortion. Has anyone here had one? What was your experience like? Do you have any regrets?
First, I want to say “Much love to you!” I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like. So really all I can do is send love your way. So that’s what I’m doing as best as I can.
But I also wanted to give you an option you may not have thought of. Infant adoption. There are a crap ton of agencies out there willing to help, and they all have waiting lists.
No matter your decision, I wish you happiness.
Never had one, but I did give a daughter up for a very open adoption….here is our story..
She sits alone, the hard chair cold.
Nervously, she twists the ring on her finger.
Her eyes wander down to the band of gold.
Her eyes fill up, and her doubts begin to linger.
Before she can let her emotions lead her feet,
A woman walks up to her, young, and kind.
She shakily stands and leaves her seat,
Mentally willing her fears to stay behind.
They enter an office, cozy and warm,
As they are seated, she is asked to speak,
Gathering her composure as her thoughts swarm,
Despite her best efforts, the tears begin to leak.
“I have a baby now, and he said he’d be there,
But now I’m entirely on my own,
And a baby and a toddler would be too much to bear,
If I have to do it all alone.
So I came for help, to see if you could,
Help me find a family for this baby girl.
As long as there’s one who maybe would,
Let me be a part of her world.”
“I have a few, if you’d like to look”
And she handed the girl profiles to check out.
Her eyes stopped searching when she saw the 3rd book,
“This in the one!” she said, “Without any doubt!”
They met that evening, and talked all night,
She was thrilled to have found two people so great.
“We’d love for your baby to become our little light,
We are so excited we can hardly stand to wait!”
Their wait wasn’t long, the baby came soon after,
Their lives are complete, and she’s well taken care of,
Their days are filled with her wonderful laughter,
And all of their worlds are filled with love.
The girl is now married, with more babies on the way,
She sees her daughter often, and can easily tell,
Her gift is the joy and highlight of their every waking day,
And so our story now ends well.
That’s the basics. It’s mostly how it went. I knew when I found out about Abby that she would be someone else’s. There was no question then, and there never was. I called the agency I decided I most liked out of the yellow pages list, and the worker who came out to my house was AMAZING. Her name is Stephanie. She was just married at the time, but now has adopted her own two children. She gave me 3 profiles and scrapbooks the families had made for the birthmoms to look through. I didn’t like the first two books. Those families were just NOT what I wanted for my child. I liked the background story of the 3rd couple, though. When I opened their scrapbook, they looked so…REAL? I turned the page, and right there was “Chief”, sitting on their couch, under two trophy bucks mounted on their wall. And there was “Mom”, horseback riding, and with a huge catfish she had hooked. A southern girl at heart, I knew living up north now, this was the BEST family to give my little girl a similar life to what I had. Steph called them then and there, and they came down that night to meet me. We met at the agency, and we literally talked for SO long, that we moved the “meeting” to TGIFriday’s, right by my house, and were out til past midnight. We talked and talked and talked and talked after that night, and I knew, that THIS was the family for my daughter. And myself.
When Abby came 6 weeks early, I was terrfied, but they calmed me down and got me through it. I kept telling them I was sorry for possibly screwing up their baby. They laughed and told me I was being silly. I honestly felt like a surrogate at that point. I LOVE Abby, of course, but she was just always going to be THEIR baby in my mind. We all went to the NICU every day together while she was there. We came home to my house first, so the sisters could spend some time together. They had a baby shower for her on Mother’s Day, a couple of months after she was born, and I was the guest of honor. I opened the gifts while Mom read the cards, and I spent almost the whole day with Abby in my arms. I was their town’s hero of the day, I swear. Mom gave me a bouquet of white and pink roses in front of everyone, and we just held each other in tears. I don’t know, sometimes, still, who is more grateful to who…me to them, for loving my little girl the way I wanted, or them, to me, for giving them their first child together after 8 years of miscarriages and failed IVF. (Mom has 3 adult children from 2 horribly abusive marriages) My 1st daughter and I stayed at their house that weekend, and Mom’s older daughter and I became sisters that weekend for sure.
My oldest and I stayed up there that Thanksgiving, too. There was no question, we were all family. When I met my husband a few months later, they were the ones who I wanted approval of him from the most, and they certainly approved. Chief walked me down the aisle at our wedding, and both of my girls were our flower girls. They took the empty spots of parents that no longer existed in my life, and that meant the world to me.
There are tons of little stories about how our families have meshed, and how time has only brought us closer. They were there when hubby and I’s 1st child together was born, our son, who is 3 now. They had both of the girls, and were such proud “grandparents” then. I mentioned in a bother post that they want us to move to their small town so we can be closer than almost 3 hours away. Mom and I miss each other like crazy, to be honest. She truly is my MOM now, and nothing will change that. We have had our arguments, and we spent a month not talking, but just couldn’t keep it up, lol. And we were FLAMINGLY angry, too! *sigh* They recently lost their house in a tragic fire, and I was there within three days with stuff for them I had gathered from my neighbors and friends. When DH and I got our first house, we had nothing to put in it really, and they came down with a U-Haul full of furniture, and items for us, free, no questions asked.I know the birthmom of their younger ADD, too, and was sooo happy when they brought her home. (The DD, not the new BM, rofl)
Maybe my story is rare. But it’s my story. It’s Abby’s story. It’s their story. It’s OUR story. Its what we want, and like Mom said today, it’s the way it HAS to be for us.
THAT being said, every girl I know who has had an abortion has lived to regret that choice, and I know one who killed herself, and another who was never able to have her own children again. I won’t tell you not to. Sarah, it’s a life long choice that you have to be the one to make in the end, and none of us can say you are right or wrong. I wish you the best through this journey, whatever your choice, and I am here to talk if you ever wish to. I won’t judge you.
I pretty much agree with everyone on here. As I, like everyone, don’t want to get too into your personal situation, I think Adoption is always a great option. I know a few couples who have tried having babies many times and haven’t been able to conceive, Adoption can help those people get the family they always wanted.
@ Rain, Amazing story..really :)
Firstly, Rain, that is the most beautiful story I’ve heard in a long time. I’m on the verge of tears and I’m not usually the kind of guy to cry at stories. It’s truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Secondly, assuming that keeping the child is out of the question, I would go with adoption. Even if you are pro-choice, no one wants to have that on their conscience for the rest of their life.
Sarah, all that i have ever heard anyone say regarding an abortion that they have had, is that they regret it. in my opinion, it is taking away that baby’s chance at a life that they will most certainly have if you do decide to bring it into the world. I have nothing against those who do chose to abort, but like Austin said, it would kill you your whole life. give your baby a chance to experience this world, and grow with you, or possibly an adopted parent. There will be no what ifs this way, and you never know, this child could be the greatest gift you will ever receive in this life.
But yes, whatever you chose, you are loved (: good luck, and remember that things always have a way of working out, and either path you chose will make you grow.
forgot to say this:
just make sure you don’t do something that you regret, because it WILL haunt you. I wouldnt want to deny the right to life, but that’s just me. If you see fit, abort, but make sure that’s a decision that you know won’t haunt you.
I’m glad you came here to ask for opinions. That’s a very smart thing to do.
Roxy, I am not trying to start a debate at ALL with you. I merely want to say that it is YOUR opinion that the fetus is not a human being at that point. It is not a fact, it is totally opinion based. I am pro choice, so it has nothing to do with my feelings for abortion, nor my choice to adopt out previously. Merely stating that you cannot tell someone who is questioning this choice that and pass it off as a fact.
@Roxy – Just something I’d like to point out. sure there are plenty of kids that need to be adopted. But many times, the trouble is with the paper work and not that nobody wants to adopt. As for *infant* adoptions, the waiting lists are long. Very long.
Sarah, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do, but I’m going to echo what the majority of people in this thread are saying about adoption. Mostly because of my own bias that I was adopted at birth. My mom was sixteen when she became pregnant and didn’t know what to do. I was dreadfully close to being aborted. But she decided to keep me (hidden, unfortunately, which gave me a horrible immune system, but I digress).
It was a closed adoption, so i’ve never met my biological parents; not for my lack of trying. However, I’m eternally grateful to my mother every single day for giving me a life…period.
Whatever your choice may be, dear, I just hope you take time to weigh the options as best you can for YOUR life. I wish you peace in whichever route you take <3
I think it’ll feel as bad as you let it.
I’ve never had an abortion, but I went with two different friends to get theirs. I think if you do it, it’s like, just move on. It’s a serious decision, but it’s final, and your life can be as full of “what ifs” as you allow. If you think you might dwell and feel like shit forever, then maybe don’t do it.
I actually got pregnant with my daughter when I was 15 and I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I did NOT want a kid AT ALL. For some reason, I kept her and I just wish there was some way I could tell you how fucking amazing it has been to be her mom. I can promise you that it has only changed me for the BETTER. It felt like I was throwing away my life to have her, but NO! She GAVE me so much more than I coulda guessed! Now I’m 34 and she’s in college and she’s the product of a teen mom that came from a broken family. Statistically, she’s supposed to be a loser. I had “nothing” to offer her. But, as it turns out, we’re both pretty cool people and we made it work!!! You can too. Nobody really regrets their kids. Think about it.
I definitely wish you all the best, whatever you choose :)
If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get your abortion at? What type of abortion was it (medical or surgical)? How many weeks were you pregnant?
I haven’t been considering having the child (whether I keep it or give it up) because I have endometriosis. Also I’m tiny, 96 lbs., so the pregnancy could get complicated. My boyfriend does know and supports me no matter the choice.
Anybody else ever had an abortion? I’d love to hear some pro/cons between the pill, mifeprestone, and say a suction abortion under anesthesia?
Oh, and I’m six weeks….
Thanks for all the support, glad to see a ton of responses.
Roxy, I completely agree; more adoptions, more happy families, not just infant adoptions. But the fight to make that change is irrelevant when we are taking about the present situation. It’s not like Sarah can mystically give birth to a preteen and put him/her up for adoption. So I was making my case based on the idea that the child would be an infant if it were born.
So I had my abortion last night and so far everything seems to have went well. I am feeling good today and hope to go back to work soon although I am enjoying my time off! The procedure was slightly strange but I searched for a very long time to find a clinic that seemed to know what they were doing. I ended up in Charlottsville, Virginia and the staff was incredibly friendly. I have a follow up in three weeks to see if everything went well. So far I would recommend this alternative if really necessary but would definitely search for a good clinic even if it means flying or driving a long way. I personally drove 5 hours there and 5 back but definitely felt that the trip was well worth it. Thank you guys for all of your support! I hope that none of you have to make this kind of decision. It was a hard one for me but I feel as if I made the right choice! : )