My life was a full-fledged shape at one time with sides and depth, a top and bottom, it had dimension and direction. Though, ultimately it was hollow, holding nothing within it, it was superfluous. It wasn’t actually any of what I had thought it was, the idea of being whole was a veil for the lack of integrity I believed I had, which was brought by the shape itself. I realized soon that this geometry was not me and that I was a mere point within the center of the structure, no matter how closely I examined the point it did not grow or shrink.
The void that I was now a part of scared me; the idea that I was before was shattered, it didn’t exist. I was lost without direction, passive and suspended in nothingness. I remained motionless for what seems like an eternity. I felt things I had never felt prior my deconstruction, I assumed it was depression when in hindsight it was progression through regression.
Once I had accepted that I was just a blip, zero dimensional, something happened; I began to expand, but not in all directions, I became a line in the void that was now my home. I was active for the 1st time in my life, I was able to decide which direction I wanted to travel in. This was exciting, I felt like I was discovering so many new possibilities that I had forgotten even existed. After twisting and turning I found myself reaching myself again, the point of my rebirth. I had created a window into my new world, a place I created, a place I know and can define and redefine to my liking, an idea of which I was in control of.
But, this was would only statisfy my urge to expand, to evolve, for a small period of time. Soon the 4 corners of this window all reached outwards and to each other, connected and became one once again. Now the structure began to look familiar, yet it wasn’t the same as before. This time there are no rules, there is no solidity or constant state of being. If something happens to this infrastructure my world will not be shattered, for what I have created just that same as the zero dimensional point I started with. It’s all false and will surely fall apart, I will not weep though I will rebuild over and over.
There’s no room for ignorance in this abyss I now call home.
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@thepinkmyr, This was helpful since it identified the passive nihhlism as a stage on the way to action and willpower. Can you explain what is meant by realizing that lies are necessary for life? Why live at all if there is no authentic dignified existence? And is this reassessment and adoption of new values including religion or spirituality if desired? Is the recognition of our inability to know any truth in conflict with a commitment to a set of beliefs?
@thepinkmyr, I find nihhlism and the acceptance of meaningless to not leave any room for the idea of love. And yet I read quotes from nihilists/existentialists/absurdist who reference love and beauty as the meaning of their existence
@anjelica, I’m going to answer, but I do not claim to know the real answers.
Can you explain what is meant by realizing that lies are necessary for life?
Why live at all if there is no authentic dignified existence?
A: You may not like this, but what else have you got to do?
And is this reassessment and adoption of new values including religion or spirituality if desired?
A: Yes, anything goes.
Is the recognition of our inability to know any truth in conflict with a commitment to a set of beliefs?
A: Yes, it would, otherwise this kind of thing wouldn’t be a struggle. This is evolution.
@anjelica, That would be a weak persons way out, yes :P
I hope I helped :3 I’m posting something right now, just doing a few edits to it. These were all older notes I had on FB and decided to share with people here. This conversation has made it worth while :)
@anjelica, that is, of course, your prerogative.
You look at the meaninglessness and give it value, a negative value. Which is just as false as it being positive, the important part is to recognize that. Think of it like you’re the viewer of a film, of which is life. You don’t control what is happening within the film, but what you can choose is how you perceive it; whether it be positive or negative.
The choice is yours, nothing will change until you do.
@thepinkmyr, if you are interested these are the threads i have posted in the past couple weeks, all about the same sort of issue. I am desperate for new ideas and enlightenment if you would like to respond/ share. no pressure of course : )
@anjelica, It’s why I’m hear :)
I’ll be checking yours right now, check mine :D
@thepinkmyr, why do we continue to rebuild and strive for creation? how is there contentedness in a never ending battle?
This I what I am experiencing but I have not rebuilt my world and my self yet. I cannot choose a direction
@anjelica, If I have it right, the idea is that once you accept meaninglessness, you are freed to create your own meaning. Of course, that’s quite a parlour trick in itself.
Maybe it’s more accurate to say that, once you accept meaninglessness, you are freed to stop obsessing over nihilism and other philosophical rabbit holes and to go back to living life as a biological organism, which has instinctive and inherent needs like love, food, etc.
@anjelica, You can either choose to be creator or destroyer, or both. The truth is what you want it to be. Ex. If you, subconsciously, want everything to be meaningless in the search of a truth, everything will be meaningless. Same applies vice versa.