Apathetic towards life except when high
I’m in my mid twenties and have been feeling a complete disconnect from life and people since my adolescence. I don’t feel any emotions. I don’t have any close friendships and not sure that I really desire them. I had been on and off anti-depressants for the majority of my life. At best, they stabilized me so my apathy doesn’t make me dabble in thoughts of suicide but I still felt lobotomized when on them. Unable to feel. The only solution I have found to alleviate this apathy is smoking marijuana. After I smoke, my emotions come flooding back. I feel like socializing, trying new things, writing (something I took pleasure in during early teens) capable of achieving anything: I feel like this is who I really am. When I’m high I tend to journal like mad before the high runs out and write down all my feelings so I can look back and remember I actually can feel things. I want to feel this way all the time without being high. I want to live for me and not just for those who care about me. As soon as the high leaves me, I feel nothing again. Has anyone been here? How have you dealt with it? Please help. This is a terrible way to live.
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Psychology says happiness can be achieved through pleasure, engagement and meaning. Put your efforts on having any of them, even if you don’t want to. Try meditation, see the beauty in the small and simple things around you. Just know that when you get there, you’ll love it all. God bless ya, peace and love.
I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. I’m also in my twenties and seem to lack interest in just about anything unless I’m high. Unfortunately I don’t have any magical solution. However, I found that taking a multivitamin and being healthier in general has had a positive effect. I started doing yoga and meditation, which really helps to make me more aware. Let me know if you figure out what works for you though because it really does suck to live so apathetically.
@pirsteofpyrite, I have also struggled with depression on and off since my adolescence. What i have learned today to help me over come my moods and depression was first. change your diet. have you ever looked at what kind of chemicals you might be consuming to off balance your body (emotions,fatigue,unmotivated) I know as a personal trainer, if you do not fuel your body properly on top of be sedentary you will have imbalances within the body. now a days you have to be aware that most foods you ingest are made of chemicals and not nutrients to heal. Second you have to change your mind-set, if you keep thinking that only weed makes your life better, well then that will be the only time your happy. You have to create happiness from within, with a conscious decision “mind over matter”. Anti-depressants do nothing to fix the problem, they only cover it up. You have to find the root of this problem and embrace it with baby steps. Have faith in yourself. Exercise. i promise, will release the same hormones as smoking :) good luck
keep your head high and thoughts higher <3
I’ve definitely been there although my substance was alcohol. I feel like now, I’m only a step slightly better than that in that I stopped drinking for the wrong reasons. I was never abusing but I would drink some before social things just so that I would actually care to meet people and could get some damn charisma back…It seems sometimes like my sober state is sort of a ghost version of me, when my tipsy self is who I actually am. I’ve always found that I’m happiest when I have close friends I can count on and who share my same beliefs, who I don’t have to protect myself from and lately I haven’t had the best influences. My problem is that you can’t just step out your door and have amazing friendships, so I’m trying to focus on myself like it seems you are. Make each decision as wisely and honestly as you can and hopefully something will eventually click. I have problems maintaining or developing interests in things so I know it’s easier said than done. Hang in there!