Apathetic towards life except when high

2 years, 1 month ago

I’m in my mid twenties and have been feeling a complete disconnect from life and people since my adolescence. I don’t feel any emotions. I don’t have any close friendships and not sure that I really desire them. I had been on and off anti-depressants for the majority of my life. At best, they stabilized me so my apathy doesn’t make me dabble in thoughts of suicide but I still felt lobotomized when on them. Unable to feel. The only solution I have found to alleviate this apathy is smoking marijuana. After I smoke, my emotions come flooding back. I feel like socializing, trying new things, writing (something I took pleasure in during early teens) capable of achieving anything: I feel like this is who I really am. When I’m high I tend to journal like mad before the high runs out and write down all my feelings so I can look back and remember I actually can feel things. I want to feel this way all the time without being high. I want to live for me and not just for those who care about me. As soon as the high leaves me, I feel nothing again. Has anyone been here? How have you dealt with it? Please help. This is a terrible way to live.

December 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You must sign in or join to reply!

1
Profile photo of Almeida Almeida (@xetado) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Psychology says happiness can be achieved through pleasure, engagement and meaning. Put your efforts on having any of them, even if you don’t want to. Try meditation, see the beauty in the small and simple things around you. Just know that when you get there, you’ll love it all. God bless ya, peace and love.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Lexie Lexie (@lexie91) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

I can definitely relate to what you’re going through. I’m also in my twenties and seem to lack interest in just about anything unless I’m high. Unfortunately I don’t have any magical solution. However, I found that taking a multivitamin and being healthier in general has had a positive effect. I started doing yoga and meditation, which really helps to make me more aware. Let me know if you figure out what works for you though because it really does suck to live so apathetically.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of kendra kendra (@somuchlovetogive) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@pirsteofpyrite, I have also struggled with depression on and off since my adolescence. What i have learned today to help me over come my moods and depression was first. change your diet. have you ever looked at what kind of chemicals you might be consuming to off balance your body (emotions,fatigue,unmotivated) I know as a personal trainer, if you do not fuel your body properly on top of be sedentary you will have imbalances within the body. now a days you have to be aware that most foods you ingest are made of chemicals and not nutrients to heal. Second you have to change your mind-set, if you keep thinking that only weed makes your life better, well then that will be the only time your happy. You have to create happiness from within, with a conscious decision “mind over matter”. Anti-depressants do nothing to fix the problem, they only cover it up. You have to find the root of this problem and embrace it with baby steps. Have faith in yourself. Exercise. i promise, will release the same hormones as smoking :) good luck

keep your head high and thoughts higher <3

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

I’ve definitely been there although my substance was alcohol. I feel like now, I’m only a step slightly better than that in that I stopped drinking for the wrong reasons. I was never abusing but I would drink some before social things just so that I would actually care to meet people and could get some damn charisma back…It seems sometimes like my sober state is sort of a ghost version of me, when my tipsy self is who I actually am. I’ve always found that I’m happiest when I have close friends I can count on and who share my same beliefs, who I don’t have to protect myself from and lately I haven’t had the best influences. My problem is that you can’t just step out your door and have amazing friendships, so I’m trying to focus on myself like it seems you are. Make each decision as wisely and honestly as you can and hopefully something will eventually click. I have problems maintaining or developing interests in things so I know it’s easier said than done. Hang in there!

[Hidden]
Reply to this topic

More Posts Like This

1

Looking for friends ?

I’m Indian, 17, I read a lot, I’m pretty normal I think. Smoke weed sometimes, just looking for cool people to talk to and share worries with. I’m a good listener and have some free time on my hands, so...

21

What single change would have the MOST positive impact on the world?

Could be societal, political, economical, etc. In other words, if we could only change ONE thing about the world to better our lives, what should it be?

9

Suggestions for a site-wide HE 30 day challenge?

Starting in February, we’re going to have monthly 30-day challenges! We had a very successful challenge years back when the discussions were first added to HE. It’s time to revive them! Which challenge should...

1

Dreams of the same location

Hello everyone! :) I’m new to this site but it looks very interesting and I’m curious to what people have to say about all this. I was actually just talking to a friend about this and I’ve mentioned it...

6

Where are the discussions?

Three years ago was when I first found HE. The focus in the early days was discussion, ideas and argument. That was HE 2.0, we are 3 version onwards and the majority of the front page of HE is filled with pictures of...

1

Anybody aware of similar websites?

I love this website so much for everything from daily motivation, awareness, ambition, inspiration, etc etc. It truly is one of the best websites I’ve ever encountered, but i’m also fairly new to these type...

1

Great ways to promote something??

Besides social media, what do you do when you need to promote your work? For example, I’m looking for some tips because I want to promote my youtube channel and a couple of videos that I did.

1

I Would Like to Hear Your Suggestions..

So a little while back I created a discussion on here that was labelled, “Spaying or Neuturing”, and most of you guys were against it, including myself. Reason being? First and foremost I live by the code:...

11

Living Another Life in a Recurring Dream

Starting three weeks ago, I came back from a trip, exhausted, and slept for about 15 hours. In those 15 hours, I had a dream that spanned 17 years. The dream started with me waking up the next day and I lived out my...

1

Should "Lone Survivor's" Marcus Luttrell's dog killers be executed?

Should the men who beat and murdered Marcus Luttrell’s service dog DASY be put to death? If you have not heard of Marcus Luttrell, he is the Lone Survivor of Operation Red Wings, Afghanistan 2005. Nineteen United...

3

Whats your No. 1 book on spirituality?

We all get ideas from books and INSPIRED by them! Which is the book which inspired you the most? I know that a book cannot bring you forward, but still it can bring in the motivation needed to go forward. I start: my...

1

Hey People. I Love You

Hey People. I just hit my head kind of hard in a totally embarrassing way that involves my dog, a laptop, general clumsiness, a coffee table, and a bit of gravity. I’m going to be fine, I’ve had worse than this. Just...

1

DMT

I’m not very experienced with strong psychedelics, but I’ve been offerd some DMT by one of my best friends. (He and his dad cook DMT cacti), but I’m not sure if I should use it. Should it? Thanks

1

Lesser known religions?

I used to be a very strong born-again Christian, but recently became Agnostic after God refused to communicate with me after years of pleading to him. I’m still interested in religion though, and God may or may not...

3

Without Death's Certainty

Without Death’s Certainty Without Death’s certainty, my Love, I would neither mourn, nor cherish you You would be resigned To an old page in my story Without Death’s certainty, my Love, I would neither...