Basically, I have seen this girls picture a couple times now and every-time it really does touch me when I see her self portrait and when I read her written caption underneath it. Mainly because I was always considered ‘fat’. (skip past my rant to see the pic again, and THIS girls caption of her own picture)
I am the curviest of of my siblings. To create an image they are all tall, thin, lean, olive skinned, long legged, dark eyes and dark brown hair with natural blonde and red highlights and tones. Truly gorgeous. And I don’t envy them for it, I do believe they are soo beautiful, and handsome and will grow to be beautiful and loving people.
Now, I’m much shorter than them, green eyes, curly blonde hair, light skin and not so lean and thin. I have insane curves, but not so much like a Kardashian. lol I am a little chubby and rock a TON of stretch marks.
I have always had the trouble of loving my body, it rocks back and forth for me. Because I do love my body, I feel beautiful, but its the little comments by friends,family and accuatinces.
” You would look really beautiful if only you lost some weight”
” You should really cover up little bit, the stretch marks on your hips are showing.”
Among other -not so mean sounding- statements that sent me into a downward spiral of wishing I wasn’t so fat and unappealing.
Now that I’m ranting, i just wanted to throw in my experience that has happened recently.
I met this new boy, a musician (of course), and I almost instantaneously feel into a state of really liking this boy. And he felt the same, we became entranced be the lust and caring we felt toward each-other. We had sex, but our relationship soon feel apart because he was terrified of commitment and choosing me over all the others he was dealing with, it was far to much for him to handle, all the emotion set him off and sent him away. Which was alright, because I too was getting to caught up in all the emotions as well, after all.
Now I still cared for him, so I stuck around and he came around. But the point to this story was that for the first time ever during sex or in front of an partner during intimate times I felt so ugly and fat. He spoke of his past girlfriends, being thin and bashful. He has a thing where he loves watching his lover strip down and walk around completely naked, as he admires the female body, he just loves how its looks and works. Now I have nothing against this, I would of done it for him as well, it would make me happy to. BUT hes ex’s were all thin, long, lean, with perky tiny breasts, and I could imagine with no prominent stretchmarks. And he made that fairly clear, this is what he liked.
This one time, laying naked in his bed, I rested his hands the bony part of my hip, and expressed to him how that was my favorite part of my body. He hardly cared. Later when we were dressed he explained how I should start working out, and I would have a nicer toned body.
And just to let it be known. I DO WORK OUT. More than many skinny girls I know do. I am very fit and am working on it, but its just how my body is, I will never be stick skinny, my bones are too large and far apart, I would look disturbed rather than stick thin.
Now I’ve decided that falling for this boy, is in my least of interest, and I am just coming back up from the downfall of feeling awful about my body. I want to love me, and not feel like I’m being judged for my naked body.
I want to feel beautiful in my lovers eyes, and he never really called me beautiful.
I am beautiful!
So now without so much damn further adieu, here is the beautiful girl that inspired me, and set he on this rant about being and feeling beautiful in your own skin. Thank you all for reading this.
WARNING: Picture might be considered obscene because subject is not thin. And we all know that only skinny people can show their stomachs and celebrate themselves. Well I’m not going to stand for that. This is my body. Not yours. MINE. Meaning the choices I make about it, are none of your fucking business. Meaning my size, IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
If my big belly and fat arms and stretch marks and thick thighs offend you, then that’s okay. I’m not going to hide my body and my being to benefit your delicate sensitivities.
This picture is for the strange man at my nanny’s church who told me my belly was too big when I was five.
This picture is for my horseback riding trainer telling me I was too fat when I was nine.
This picture is for the girl from summer camp who told me I’d be really pretty if I just lost a few pounds
This picture is for all the fucking stupid advertising agents who are selling us cream to get rid of our stretch marks, a perfectly normal thing most people have (I got mine during puberty)
This picture is for the boy at the party who told me I looked like a beached whale.
This picture is for Emily from middle school, who bullied me incessantly, made mocking videos about me, sent me nasty emails, and called me “lard”. She made me feel like I didn’t deserve to exist. Just because I happened to be bigger than her. I was 12. And she continued to bully me via social media into high school.
MOST OF ALL, this picture is for me. For the girl who hated her body so much she took extreme measures to try to change it. Who cried for hours over the fact she would never be thin. Who was teased and tormented and hurt just for being who she was.
I’m so over that.
THIS IS MY BODY, DEAL WITH IT.
and FUCK YOU ALL who tried to degrade my being and sense of self with your hurtful comments and actions.
GUESS WHAT IT DIDN’T WORK HAHAHAHAH
As a male, it offends me to be represented by someone who views your as anything less because of body type. I have always been on the heavier side and, honestly, it bothered others more than it ever bothered me. In fact, the times I did attempt to lose weight I failed…simply because I didn’t care enough to stick with it…I didn’t support the reasons behind why I was trying to change myself.
I have made some legitimate changes, though, after really thinking about certain things. It took me quite some time to really sober up to the unhealthy things I was doing and how that was also impacting me, and so it became much easier to establish a lifestyle change for those reasons.
It’s one thing to change because you are told to or people put you down if you don’t, but it’s a completely different thing to change because, deep down, you know what is happening now is leading you down a road you don’t want to travel. For me, it was what I was eating and how I was eating it…I equate the vast majority of it to “garbage.”
Anyway, I have stretch marks as well from my first year as a freshman in college, but I prefer to call them my tiger stripes…they will be with me for a while and I see no reason to not embrace them as I do my mind and my passions.
@mentalkink, that was beautiful, thanks for sharing. and you deserve to be with a guy that thinks that you are beautiful, and not compare you to other women, such as his exes. you are your own person and how you compare to others does not make up who you are.
You must also keep in mind that if you want to lose weight you should not change for others. All you really need to do is take care of yourself. Treat your body with respect. Eat healthy. Continue to work out. You will feel good about yourself if you are living a healthy lifestyle.
” He spoke of his past girlfriends, being thin and bashful…”
Well, then he is a jerk and so insecure about himself. Forget about him, it’s not even worth the effort.
Anyhow, great confidence. I think that if you feel okay with yourself and you are comfortable in your body there is no harm in being curvy.
Anyhow, it’s okay to do it as long as it is of NO harm to your health and well being. :)
@mentalkink, So glad you shared this on here [: I’ve seen it a few times before and it inspires me every time. I am a super confident person and completely in love with my body, but I haven’t always been that way. My frame isn’t my struggle, but I have been made fun of for my large adam’s apple, knock-knees, my big nose, and acne. I don’t give a shit now. I love these things. “perfect” is boring. If i see a pretty girl, I won’t remember her nearly as much as a girl I see with a huge smile and bright eyes.
I wish I could spread this message to more girls. I am that person that when a friend talks negatively about themselves, I freak out and go off on them and get way over-defensive in their defense. I doubt that’s the best way to go about it though, I should work on finding a better way.
Anyways. Thanks again for sharing.
and fuck that dude. he sounds ignorant and insecure.
one of my boyfriends once told me while laying in bed one night “i love getting to run my hands over you. It’s like a get to touch art.”
The body is art. It’s absolutely beautiful, each piece in its own way.
We shouldn’t settle for anything less than someone who loves and respects our body in that way.
@adpad309, Thannk you every much :) And thank you for your sweet time.
@lytning91, thank you! I totally get where your coming from, it always seemed to bother others more than me, and it was because they didnt like me that i h=ever thought about changing. ahah i love the tiger stripes :P that;s just friggin awesome. And I feel proud for you, Im happy your at that place now :)
@dominika, not gunna lie, your comment made me tear up a little bit. I’ve never really had someone care for me, or tell he a guy isn’t worth me before. Especially from a stranger, tank your dearly for caring kind love.
As well as you @rocketman, thank you :) he really is kind of a jerk, and its nice hearing this from a fellow guy.
And @vernalsoul, you are indeed a work of art! And I understand what you say about seeing pretty girls, that all seem the same, if they had something unique about them, hey, I’ll remember. We will sooo not settle for less. thank you babe :)
@mentalkink, I love you.
I needed this. I needed this A LOT. You are strong, and beautiful, and your confidence radiates through your post. I’m so happy to see a post like this on HE. This is so inspirational….God I wish I could hug you, in a non creepy way. From one XX chromosome to another.
I’ve had the same exact struggles. I’ve destroyed my joints to drop forty pounds, and even though it’s blatant I’ve worked hard to get to my goal, people still tell me I’m not fit enough. What the fuck is fit “enough”? WHAT THE FUCK IS PERFECT. We have to love ourselves, regardless of what other people think. It’s hard on us, and I don’t want to be biased in regards to genders, but it’s really, really fucking hard to be that “perfect” we’re taught to be. (I had one ex tell me I needed to lose weight once too, I punched him in the face though.) It’s even MORE hard to be ourselves, to be true to ourselves and love ourselves when we’re constantly reminded that we aren’t “enough.” Especially when we share our self with someone, and they are absolute self rejecting assholes. I’m sorry men like that were thrown in your path, but damn girl. You walked away with a confidence that radiates through this post and I know you will find a guy who respects you for who you are. Keep on kicking ass and staying true to you – it sounds like you’ve found your way.
Always remember you are beautiful, regardless of what type of skin you wear. It’s your body – rock it. Rock it til the sun explodes. Or until our hearts do. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you thank you thank you.
Of course. Lots of good points.
But there’s a reason why people are so anti-obesity.
It’s because it’s one of the most obvious indicators of terrible health. It’s a slow and silent killer, we’re instinctively negative toward that stuff. And it’s not without a reason.
Imagine one of your friends or family members had scurvy, and doesn’t do anything about it. You tell them to eat some oranges, but nah they’d rather not, and they keep walking around with scurvy, slowly dying and not doing anything about it…
Would you think that looked good? Would you say we all have to love that person’s body despite the scurvy?
Well, it’s really the same thing with fat people.
And I’m not hating on fat people here, most of my family is fat, I used to be fat, doesn’t mean I like them less or anything.
But there’s a good reason why we don’t like fat bodies as much as healthy ones. It’s not superficial, it’s actually very deep stuff.
And nobody “just happens to be” fat. It’s just a result of your actions.
You could be thin, as thin as anyone else, but you choose not to. Blaming genetics or shit like that is just silly.
Being fat is just like RSI or cancer, it doesn’t just happen, people brought it upon themselves.
But anyways, don’t let other people’s opinions affect your sense of self. Don’t let anything affect that, other than yourself. Always be true to yourself, always keep it real.
It doesn’t matter what happens around you, or what you do, keep yourself validated from within. Seeking validation from external sources is pointless and dumb.
Just stay strong. No matter what happens, you’re fine just the way you are, just as you always were and always will be.
However, keep in mind that keeping the fat means slowly killing yourself.
@alexa, Oh My Epic Goodness! I don’t even know what to say! For the love of All, I would very much love to hug you dearly :D You made me smile with your much appreciated nerdy-ness aha
But I am really and truly so glad that I could effect you, and others, with this post. :) It literally put me in such a state of joy and happiness, a couple tears have fallen down my cheeks. I really didn’t know I had such perceived confidence, I was just writing how I felt, (and I’ve been feeling pretty lame) and I wanted others to feel good, powerful and above all just know they are beautiful,
Whether you are thick, thin, tall, short, light, dark, smart, lame, sick, healthy, boy or girl. You are doing your best, you are beautiful and you can make it, :)
You are soo damn beautful Alexa :) and I want you to know that, dont every change youself for anyone as well. You can have confidence, you just have to be happy and know what your doing with what you have, is right. :)
@manimal, I do understand you point of view. And it is very much valid. Its true if you go down to a deep level, there is a reason why people don’t like ‘fat’ people, and it is true that it is because we don’t like sickness and subconsciously cast these people away.
Personally, no I am not obese, nor is the female in the picture, I am not sure for her, but I have always been chubby, all through childhood and into my teen and now adult years. I am a chef now, and know how to eat healthy as my family always has, junk food was just not around in my child years and my siblings bodies would seemingly show this fact better than looking at mine. I played competitive soccer, I was never an unhealthy person.
I’m not blaming genetics or other shit like that, but it is fact, I got my body type from my father and will never look like the bone thin models. And I’ll be okay with that.
Again, I agree, my Nanny was obese and died from it. I understand your ‘Scurvy’ example, yes it should be noted that a healthy diet is nessesary and if someone you love or know is gaining weight it should be addressed.
But not through comments saying you would be attractive if you lost weight,
Thank you for your view, its appreciated :)
Your body sustains your mind, why would you not want a healthy body?
I feel the same about fat people as I do about people who litter or pollute the earth in excess. We all pollute to some degree. Just like we all eat something unhealthy from time to time and we all don’t sleep enough every night. But we try not to let it get out of hand. Being fat shows lack of self-control. The amount of fat people in this world is a perfect indicator, to me, that most people have little self-control and most people don’t care about the earth. Statistics on pollution and visual evidence of litter along with obesity statistics and visual evidence (fat people everywhere) confirm my suspicion.
The earth sustains your body, so why would you treat the earth poorly?
Those are my thoughts. Take them as you will, I do not hate you haha :)
Feeling confident is always a good thing. But, if you are obese to the point where its negatively effecting your health and you STILL don’t care then that’s pretty fucked up. Some people are just naturally large boned and endomorphic. You can always change that if you truly aren’t happy with it.
@mentalkink, But that girl in the picture IS obese. Maybe not by US standards, but by Rest-of-the-world standards she is. Definitely past the danger threshold.
And I don’t mean to be a dick, but it looks really bizarre.
Just because you’ve always been chubby doesn’t mean you’ll always be. The “big boned” argument isn’t really valid, because obesity isn’t natural, it’s not in the genome.
I was always chubby too, so were my parents, but I’m ripped now, and yknow what? It wasn’t nearly as tough as people said it would be.
And your bones being further apart doesn’t mean you need more fat. The same bf% is healthy and good looking for larger people as for smaller ones.
Just like you, I was always doing sports and playing around outside as a kid, and not eating more or worse food than others, still I was fat. But those things are not the only things that determine how fat or slim you are.
The most likely issue is crippled metabolism, which is getting more and more common, it doesn’t come from nowhere. There’s always a cause. There are a few different things that can cause this, but no matter which on it is, there is one solution that always works.
And that’s explosive workouts. Sprints and weightlifting. Intermittent fasting can also help kick-start the metabolism. So can temperature therapy. There’s lots of things that contribute.
Basically, something in your body isn’t working the way it should, and therefore it cannot handle fat the right way. It doesn’t come from nowhere, and it’s not incurable.
How hard have you really try? Because the vast majority of people say they’ve tried everything when they’ve barely tried at all. Not saying this is you, but don’t overestimate your previous attempts, and never underestimate your potential.
What a lot of people do wrong when trying to lose fat is they do some bullshit exercises like jogging. That won’t help. You need to keep your body burning fat by more low-intensity movement like daily walking and stuff like that. And you need to grow some muscles because that’s the most effective way to burn fat, since the muscles will use up the stored excess energy to keep themselves nourished. You need to get your metabolism working hard by really intense exercise, like sprinting and weightlifting.
Also, more protein, more water, and less carbs. Plus less poison, poison forces the body to add more fat to protect itself.
This is all basic stuff. You can’t go wrong with it. That’s why people usually have very little sympathy for fat people.
And, look, like @adamd said. It shows a lack of control, it shows that you don’t take care of yourself. And that rings the alarm for most people.
And that’s why most fat people don’t feel good about themselves, it’s literally the body crying out for help going “Hey what are you doing to me? Stop it!”
Over time some people learn to ignore it…
…most would say that’s a good thing, but I actually find it tragic.
Stick thin is worse than fat, especially concerning health. Why would anyone want to be stick thin? Unless they had anorexia or some shit like that?
It’s not about trying to look like someone else, it’s about YOUR health and looking YOUR kind of good. Utilising your genetic potential is what looks good. I know a bunch of larger girls who look great, but they have normal bf% and muscle tone, somewhere between 11-15% bf.
I don’t mean to be mean or anything, or to discourage your self-esteem. Not at all. I think it’s great that you feel good about yourself, like you should, like you were meant to. I’m glad that you’re not letting superficialities get you down.
Just don’t let it harm your motivation to get better.
Peace and love
@adamd, I feel you. And I like your thoughts. I like your idea about sustaining and not polluting, our earth and therefore our bodies. Our physical bodies are just as important as our Spiritual bodies and so on. This post was more directed towards a personal aspect, but I’m glad people are taking up about obesity in conversation. I think the obesity rate and the fact that America has become morbidly over weigh, almost as a whole, is disturbing, and yes it is likely due to lack of self-control and lack of caring. Social culture is something I am very interested in. But this lack of, is generally due either to the idea and belief that it will be alright in the end(so why waste my time now- creates a no accountability attitude) ;or the whole idea around, being unhappy with your life and yourself, but enduring the false idea that you cannot do anything about it. therefore feeling stuck. Both are ridiculous reasons to be obese, but are common reasons. Basically we need to step up, educate and friggin step out of our comfortable and conformable shells that we are seemingly in. Education and gaining knowledge is a great way to start, Thank you @manimal, you did provide great knowledge and hopefully gave people a start to become healthy, and think again. Truly I hadn’t realized how dis-formed she might look. It really is unhealthy, I’m happy she feels go about herself, and therefore me gaining confidence, but it is wrong if you are unhealthy as such here. Although she is still beautiful,
humans were not built like that.
@cognizantelephant, Depends what you mean by all bullshit.
They’re learned behaviours, that means changing them is simple. Just overwrite em. If it’s learned, it can be unlearned.
Habit is a poor excuse, so is upbringing. The past in general is a poor excuse.
Forgive me, finals week be killing my soul.
@mentalkink, I don’t mind at all. By emotional upbringing I meant the quality of a person’s upbringing in the context of emotions. It could be stressful, loving, hateful, you name it. Every person has two unique parents so it isn’t a purposeless area to dissect. But people aren’t that simple, they could have life denying characteristics.. like eating to stop the contemplation of pain – it happens. Although I believe this has deeper roots into a persons personality.
@manimal, But that is why we struggle isn’t it? We try to do one thing, and our experience with doing that thing impacts us slowly, until there is a great level of tension between who we were and are trying to be. I’m thinking this struggle is the past integrating into our future self. The level of the struggle is perhaps equal to how deep we were pushed back into ourselves in the past, in various areas of our life. And I’m not making any excuses here, just kicking the shit.
Lots of good points already made. I think you should be happy regardless of what anyone else thinks. However, I would hate myself if I was fat, and it’s what you think about yourself that matters most. Also, I think there has been an overcompensating backlash against “model body society.” Of course you shouldn’t be anorexic, but I think being fat and being overly sensitive to other’s fatness has become too acceptable in American culture.
I’m glad we all agree the guy is a jerk.
I’ve seen both ends of the spectrum personally. When I was a kid, I was extremely overweight (more than just a little pudgy), and then I grew up to be very, very thin and very, very tall. I can assure you I get just as many negative comments on the tall thin side as I did on the short chubby side. The good thing about seeing being an extreme is that you really learn to be considerate of others and learn that being critical of outward appearance is a waste of time. In that sense, it gives you the compassion towards others that every human being ought to have.
@mentalkink, You seem to be on the good road. I see some very good points on your side, but what I also hear mainly in the end of your story is some form of anger. Don’t let anger get the better of you, I get a bit of a feeling you pushed your ‘bad self view’ away into anger. Most important is that YOU feel fine inside your body, you don’t have to show that to others, you only have to know it yourself. A lot of people don’t mean harm when they say you ‘could lose a few pounds’, try not to be offended by such remarks and ignore those of people who do mean harm, THAT is real confidence. As you said you we’re healthy and fit, I see no reason to change if you wouldn’t want to! Enjoy :)
@mentalkink, My gf has been in the same boat for so long. I’ve expressed I don’t give a shit about her body (as long as she’s healthy), I want he to work out because I feel like it improves confidence, gives motivation, and is just… a goal, something one works towards, but I can’t SAY that because its taken not very lightly.
I’d like to forward your thing to her, maybe I will, maybe I won’t I don’t know.
But it is sometimes bad. She beats herself up so much for it, and its not fair at all. She’s a very beautiful girl, but she doesn’t focus on that, she only wants to find whats wrong with her. She’s always improving though – every day she feels a bit better, a bit more confident, etc. But its such an ingrained thing – to strive for this unnatural beauty, there is no doubt it will take some time to fully transcend this.
Sometimes when we’re intimate I have to be cautious where I touch, as she’ll get too self-conscious, but it is cause she cares – she (you, girls in general) project this on to other people, always. Sometimes its true people are shallow, but often it isn’t.
A real guy doesn’t care, just be healthy and I think you’re pretty.
p.s. and by healthy I’m not talking about Barbie body. I’m talking about a normal fucking person, who takes care of themselves.
Confidence is healthy. Confidence is hot. And I seem to believe that confidence has an effect on the body’s image… seen by all.
There’s nothing like loving the way you’re made. That old thing still stands: how can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself? You go girl! This is inspirational in so many ways!
I agree with others too – you have to treat your body as the mind blowing machine it is. But I think the main point here is that society is failing us in the way of expectations of ourselves and others and how we judge others by those standards. There’s a brilliant quote on here by Banksy who says that the companies “have rearranged the world to put themselves in front of you”
So we end up constantly seeking perfection in ourselves and in others, and seem to victimise those who go down their own individual paths.
My point, i suppose, is that it isn’t about being fat or skinny, it’s about how people think about you, and the majority of the population can’t help disliking the way you look, because you aren’t trying to be the model you see on the billboards every damn day. It’s not just fat/thin, it’s race, hair colour, sexual orientation, disabilities. You need to pity these poor individuals who are being brainwashed! Life is a playground which isn’t ruled by products and advertising and the woven threads we wear to keep us warm. Go live it girl! It seems you’re reaching some level of bliss. And what the geoff is more important than that!?!