Battling a distrusting-self loathing voice every second of the day

Very moving post, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with that. You’re looking in the right place for the kind of resources to be able to cope with this the right way. Have you tried meditating? the book Joyful Wisdom, http://www.amazon.com/Joyful-Wisdom-Embracing-Finding-Freedom/dp/0307407802 got me interested in doing it more often. There are plenty of people that have gone through similar situations as you, my advice is to read up on people that have and ways to deal with it. Though I can’t relate to this problem on a personal level, I can tell you that if you continue to look around and ask questions about it you will run into the right kind of material.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve been a scared person a lot of my life. I could have described myself as a great actor, who doesn’t believe in himself and is self doubting ego, but tricks himself into thinking that one day things will change. But things are changing. Its a choice, really, to become the person you want to be, to think and act the way you always wanted. I connected some of the dots together mate and I found that to really change you’ve got to stop fighting fire with fire. Don’t fight ego limitations with the same limited thinking, with the same ego. I found that its easy to be my best self and shine when I’m on my own and writing about it but going into situations that bring out the less conscious side of me brings down my IQ several points and limits me. You realize that you are unconscious, but the mistake is that you realize you are unconscious as a habit of the ego, not an actual realization at all! And you can’t create change with your ego, only imprints. When you feel yourself being who you don’t want to be against your WILL, such as being negative and doubtful, see it and force yourself to think the way you want, no matter how fake it will feel, no matter if you still feel bad. Know how you want to be and be it, in this moment and in future moments against the resistance of your negative habits. It feels GOOOD to make a real choice and you are totally capable of so much more! And now that you can consciously be what you will to be, you can have the knowledge to do a lot of good amazing things that others would be fearful of doing. Live your life at the edge theres no better way to do it! I’m still teaching myself and pushing boundaries as well with a long way to go, good luck @angzilla !

@angzilla, You described how I felt a number of years ago. The one day I made the decision to do something about it. After a number of years of hard work I can say that I happy and well adjusted, but remnants of my old self still remain. That being said I have developed a set of tools that bring me back to the good state.

BTW there is no one answer that will work for everyone, you must and will figure out what works and doesn’t work for you.

In my case I read, I sought professional help, I worked with sacred plants and studied shamanism.

In terms of reading, I would recommend Don Miguel Ruiz’s The 4-Agreements. The second is Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. Both books will tell you about the negative voices you struggle with, what they are, why they are there and what you can do about it.

I also found talking to a professional on a regular basis allowed me to reflect thoughts, and, for a short time I took medication. Like I said, everyone needs to find their own way, but I worked with a counselor for 2 years and took meds for about a year. I’m off all meds for quite some time and do not anticipate going back on them. They are not the right choice for everyone. But, they did help me.

I also found that working with Sacred Plants and Shaman have dramatically changed my life for the better.

@angzilla, you are not your mind/thoughts

All brilliant responses for you@angzilla, thats what I have started loving about this site, the honest wisdom and vibe floating about!
I ofcourse too have a story. And mine was an intense battle. I am a very sensitive person. A sensitive guy on top of that. So imagine how confusing anything that requires understanding begame to me. I was fully of the opinion that the world can become a better place. But never quite believed it was going to happen. I believed people could live their dreams, and that with the right heart, intentions and effort, anything would become possible. And then sometimes, set backs set us back. And we have these strong beliefs in ourseoves and abilities blown out of the water sometimes. Too often we loose the discipline battle, because I think we are honestly too scared to test ourselves. We sometimes dont even take up the challenge because it’s easier conforming with the majority and going along the easy obvious way instead. Follow the program. So we let go of who we are and follow our careers and distractions instead.
Even though we know. Even though deep inside truth is etched all over your consciousness. We all yearn for that authentic connection to source. And we find it everywhhere else, but in ourselves! When we discover it there, we need not look for the “feeling” anymore. We recognise ourselves AS that feeling. And then the thoughts just become tools we learn how to control by focusing our energies towards the results we desire. Remember also dude. There is no real bad outcomes. There just is. When you can accept that, you dont resist the negative. You feel it for what it is, and you let it go. When you remember fear is ONLY some chemicals your body produces just to make you aware and excited – then you will resist no longer. Then you stop fighting yourself. You start trusting yourself instead. And thats when all the negativity just becomes a thought, some firing in your synapses. When you wish no longer to experience that energy vibration as what it is, then turn your awareness elsewhere, and so too shall your being follow.
I believe I had these thoughts and battles of my own will real bad at stages. And they DO pass>>>!!!!SJ S *(QY@&EY &E !!!! I swear to you they pass. I became an extremley anxious, depressed and fearful person because of it. For many yearsd I lived in this extreme fear. (By the way @colonelmoustache, sometimes I think we should not fight that thought with a sudden response, I just realised it works better never to repress anything as that very act sometimes makes the intensity worse everytime of our unease) I finally accepted the advise I “heard” and tried so often. I let go. I trusted. I let the fear and doubts and all negativity wash though me when it comes. I recognize that its just a thought. A reaction. Some chemicals. And then it loses it’s strength of grip it has on me. And trust me, I had it so bad that I became a real phobic of nearly everything. It ruined my life to degree. But now I’m loving it. Because it shaped my experience. It’s litteraly the most exciting thing in your life, when you liberate your mind from the slavery to thought, ideas, conceptions, doubts, advise, programming, when you discover you are merely an obsever to any of these. Tou every occurance you allow your self to be part of, to every experience you are. Then we become the greatness we so scared to discover.
Dude – we have no purpose other than to be the best most beautiful self we possibly can. When we start acting just on that, and the realization of who we are determines how we in fact follow our paths, then we let fo of all anxieties modern day living hilds us to. We FORGET fear. We all feel fear, it will always be there, but you become forgetful that it actually bothered you after a while. When you have no pressure of achievement, of being liked, of pleasin others, of being special, of being the best. When you let go of thoughts of what you previously considered to be success and worthy living. THEN, you become free. When free – you’re free! Lol/ You’re free and its a beautiful liberation because yu wont rely on a relationship to make you feel that way. Unfortunatley, I know this may sound fucked up, but relationships are also too hyped. They become addictions if we allow them too, and we bcome dependant on them for that feeling! When it does end like yours did, it is a major shift and can hurt! It thoes you completely out sometimes. You don’t have to let it!
Now I do believe the world is going to become that beautiful place. Why, just because I’m going to let it!
Just be Buddy!