Battling a distrusting-self loathing voice every second of the day
Id really like to explain my story but I don’t know where to begin. I feel like i’ve been plagued with problems of perspective and a victim of myself for my whole life. I can remember having this voice that tells me basically that I’m never good enough and I will never be who I should be. It’s sort of like I’ve created this narration that causes me to lose faith in everything from myself, to what im doing, or how im feeling and what others are saying or doing. I pretty much have this voice of negativity and doubt that causes a distrust in everything I come in contact with. I feel I’m an extremely bright person and when I get the right chance to run with the ball I’ll take it all the way home but this voice in my head tells me that I should question everything which hinders my ability to really dedicate that energy to realizing my potential. All of my focus and energy is used combating this destructive voice/mentality. This has led me on a roller coaster of attitudes and behavior and I feel like Im seriously starting to lose this battle. I literally question everything in my life and I have a hard time really fitting in with anyone because I have this aura of negativity that causes me to look at everything from a negative 3rd person view. I frequently view this site to find bits of inspiration from others and I love the wealth of advice and information. Ive done alot of reading and research to try and identify my problem and its all come down to recognizing this voice but I’d honestly like liberation from this because I feel like If continue to let this rule me and control me that I wont live the life I truly want and It may end up even being cut short. Id really like assurance or maybe a finger pointed in the right direction to finding help or that answer.Maybe someone out there has gone through this and made it out or if I should seriously consider therapy. Ive tried long and hard to really uncover myself and sort of come to peace with myself to start the healing process but Im having a hard time dealing with this. Anyone have any advice?
Very moving post, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with that. You’re looking in the right place for the kind of resources to be able to cope with this the right way. Have you tried meditating? the book Joyful Wisdom, http://www.amazon.com/Joyful-Wisdom-Embracing-Finding-Freedom/dp/0307407802 got me interested in doing it more often. There are plenty of people that have gone through similar situations as you, my advice is to read up on people that have and ways to deal with it. Though I can’t relate to this problem on a personal level, I can tell you that if you continue to look around and ask questions about it you will run into the right kind of material.
I’m glad someone else out there shares this weird perspective with me. I escaped it over this summer and found my self, but then lost it somewhere along the road… for 4 months, I felt like I was invincible and could conquer any obstacles! Then I got my heart broken and that supercharged mentality fell apart fast. I’m still dealing with it all, but I think what helps the most is trusting in life/god/theuniverse and yourself that you’ll be ok. Just work hard to stay as healthy and fulfilled as you possibly can so that you’re ready for everything life hands you. This inspires hope and potential. Remember to keep the ideas of life/death and your ego in mind, and never miss an opportunity to make your life and self better – as well as those around you.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I’ve been a scared person a lot of my life. I could have described myself as a great actor, who doesn’t believe in himself and is self doubting ego, but tricks himself into thinking that one day things will change. But things are changing. Its a choice, really, to become the person you want to be, to think and act the way you always wanted. I connected some of the dots together mate and I found that to really change you’ve got to stop fighting fire with fire. Don’t fight ego limitations with the same limited thinking, with the same ego. I found that its easy to be my best self and shine when I’m on my own and writing about it but going into situations that bring out the less conscious side of me brings down my IQ several points and limits me. You realize that you are unconscious, but the mistake is that you realize you are unconscious as a habit of the ego, not an actual realization at all! And you can’t create change with your ego, only imprints. When you feel yourself being who you don’t want to be against your WILL, such as being negative and doubtful, see it and force yourself to think the way you want, no matter how fake it will feel, no matter if you still feel bad. Know how you want to be and be it, in this moment and in future moments against the resistance of your negative habits. It feels GOOOD to make a real choice and you are totally capable of so much more! And now that you can consciously be what you will to be, you can have the knowledge to do a lot of good amazing things that others would be fearful of doing. Live your life at the edge theres no better way to do it! I’m still teaching myself and pushing boundaries as well with a long way to go, good luck @angzilla !
YOU NEED TO READ TAMING YOUR GREMLIN by rick carson!!! book changed my life when it came to that issue. i feel so free now. and now i dont listen to that voice.
@angzilla, You described how I felt a number of years ago. The one day I made the decision to do something about it. After a number of years of hard work I can say that I happy and well adjusted, but remnants of my old self still remain. That being said I have developed a set of tools that bring me back to the good state.
BTW there is no one answer that will work for everyone, you must and will figure out what works and doesn’t work for you.
In my case I read, I sought professional help, I worked with sacred plants and studied shamanism.
In terms of reading, I would recommend Don Miguel Ruiz’s The 4-Agreements. The second is Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. Both books will tell you about the negative voices you struggle with, what they are, why they are there and what you can do about it.
I also found talking to a professional on a regular basis allowed me to reflect thoughts, and, for a short time I took medication. Like I said, everyone needs to find their own way, but I worked with a counselor for 2 years and took meds for about a year. I’m off all meds for quite some time and do not anticipate going back on them. They are not the right choice for everyone. But, they did help me.
I also found that working with Sacred Plants and Shaman have dramatically changed my life for the better.
@angzilla, I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been combating negative thought for more than a year now. And I have definitely improved! I found that it is all about working at it. You have to really be conscious of your thought, yes, meditation has helped, but it is the daily conscious effort to recognize negative thought and turn it positive. When I first started noticing negative thoughts, I wore a rubber band on my wrist that I would snap when I realized I was thinking negatively. Converting those negative thoughts to positive ones is key. Your mind right now has established “negative thought” as its go-to default action when presented with a situation. Start imagining what life would be like if naturally you thought in a positive voice and start recognizing when you’re not. It takes work, and it will be easy to be doubtful because you will have negative thoughts, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Just remember to view it positively as well. Like I said, it takes work. But if I can do it, you can do it.
@angzilla, you are not your mind/thoughts
Your not alone, we all have that distracting selfish inner voice.Next time that flow negative energy fills you, ask your self what would love do? Like you said you are a bright beautiful soul and the only way to embrace that is to believe in your self that you are! Because you truly are :) i wish you the best of luck, start writing when this dark side appears or go for a run.
namaste friend <3
All brilliant responses for you@angzilla, thats what I have started loving about this site, the honest wisdom and vibe floating about!
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