This is a place to talk about your self and to get things off of your chest. It’s always nice to have someone to listen and to ask for help so that is what this is for. Go ahead and talk about whatever you need help with and we will all pitch in :)
Coming to terms with your issues and set yourself free!
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@daynah, The person that you are meant to be with is on their own journey and might not be ready to meet you yet. There are a million positive answers to this question and if your patient, it will be worth the wait :) When you force it is where folks run into issues. It should be an easy flow for the most part.
Sometimes I think I’ve blown too many golden opportunities, and what’s worse, it was only ever my own mind that fucked me over with negative feedback instead of an actual outside force that I had no control over. In this case, accepting responsibility for my life actually makes me feel even worse…sometimes I think that I was happier when I was ignorant and could console myself by saying “oh there’s nothing you could have done anyway.”
I can’t seem to stop fucking up, and it’s really driving me mad.
I’ve never been able to properly express myself in any way, which has made me alienated and shut off from others. While being around other people, including family and closest friends, I often function “mechanically”, behaving in a way I think people would expect me to behave, almost completely lacking spontaneity. When trying to meet new people, I can’t make any meaningful conversations since my mind often becomes completely blank and I immediately start looking for the escape route. The only time when I can be my true self is while being completely alone and I have realized that fears of rejections and humiliation are probably the main causes of all this.
This site seems to be crowded with people who can actually read/listen and understand and I thought that sharing here might help, at least a bit.. I do understand that no one else can overcome my fears for me and I am not expecting any straightforward answers or directions, but I just wanted to get this off my chest for the first time in my life :)
how can you be yourself when you don’t even know who you really are. I don’t believe that statement at all. I say, get up every morning, say its gonna be an awesome day and do something spontaneous that you wouldn’t do normally. DO every opportunity given to you and enjoy its experience with an open mind.
@sabas4, well, my instinct is always the thing that tells me “I can’t do it” in the first place. My instinct tells me that getting what I want is not realistic/that it is crazy talk, that I have to settle because I’m just not exceptional/smart/charismatic enough to do better than that. I don’t know when it first began, but I’ve always had this bad thought loop stuck in my head that says I’m not good enough. So it’s probably a mix of the other three, not enough effort/taking stuff for granted that was never really mine/negativity, which talked me out of putting in effort. Basically I would always tell myself either I can’t do it and there’s nothing I can do to help myself, or that if it is meant to be, then everything will take care of itself and I won’t have to do any work, and as a result a lot of opportunities passed me by and I ran out of time. That, and I used to believe a lot of negative things about myself and the world that simply weren’t true for my situation. I’d always run the worst case scenarios in my head, and not once did I visualize myself doing well.
I don’t want to bore or depress you with the details of each and every instance of this, because there are a lot of instances, and I’m trying not to be one of those people that goes on and on. Still, I wish there was something I could do to stop repeating these mistakes before it becomes the story of my life. And thanks for listening, I guess it helps a little bit :)
@moni, This reminds me of myself. A lot of people told me they hated me at first, but then started to love me. I usually tell them that I always hated them and continue to do so. :) … I don’t like people that judge by first impressions, that’s all. Idiots. I’m such a dick.
@moni, oh it happens! I’m guessing you want to cast yourself in the best possible light but when you first meet a person the pressure of presenting a good first impression kind of makes you anxious and you end up doing and saying silly shit? Lol It’s happened to me before, yes. But I used to be the extreme opposite…which is worse. I’d want the person to know everything about me in the first ten minutes because i really really wanted them to think I’m funny, nice, fun etc etc I’d make the biggest fool of myself!!
But I have a mate who is just the most coolest person know but when it comes to meeting new people she acts weird!! I think always remember you are absolutely and thoroughly equal to that person you are getting to know. You know you have a strong personality and be smooth in showing that off…maybe ask THEM questions, that way the onus is on them to give an appealing answer and it gives you time to kind of ease into an effortless conversation. Look people deep in the eye and smile…that’s the best first impression you can give. It suggests confidence and honesty. What do you reckon??
@theskafish, Hey I hope I can help… here it goes…
So I’m a person that believes if you think positive things, then positive things will happen and vice versa.
Do you think negative thoughts a lot? It seems, by reading your post, that you just seem unhappy about where life has put you. Well what I’m going to tell you is just stop.
Stop blaming yourself. Even if it is your fault, and I’m not saying it is, just let the past be the past. Dwelling on it is just going to bring bad and negative energy into your mind.
I usually don’t get all “the universe has it’s ways” but I strongly believe that if you put negative or positive energy out into the universe that’s what the universe is going to give back to you.
I’m sorry that golden opportunities have passed you by, but that isn’t going to be the last of them! I know it’s not!
What you need to do so you don’t miss them is to open your eyes and see the good things in life and then maybe the decisions you make will become more clear.
Stop giving yourself negative feedback too, think of all the things you are happy for in life. And don’t say nothing because you have a life and that is something to be happy about! When you think about it life is a wonderful gift and the only reason people don’t think so is because they put themselves in that situation….
Also I think this issue started when you kept saying “oh there’s nothing you could have done anyway.” This goes back to my universe thing and also everyone can always do something, it’s just if you think it’s the right thing to do!
I’m really glad that you waited until you were ready for another relationship :) Good for you!
I’m also really glad that you saw those girls as friends after a while because it kept your eyes open for the perfect, beautiful girl you described!
I know your pissed but yes the universe has it’s ways and I’m glad that you realized that. If you think the universe is telling you to wait, then wait. There is nothing wrong with that. Also maybe the universe has something else in store :) There is a list going through my mind of what this could be but I’ll just keep it to myself.
Also if you see a future with this girl don’t let her go! Be by her side! I know it will hurt but if you are there through the thick and thin with her it will pay off. And who knows, this guy may be the wrong person for her.
Your welcome! This is why I made this (and I also just like talking and helping people even though I’m really not so good at it) so people could get things off of their chest in a judgement free zone! I also love how confident you are in yourself don’t change muthafucka!
@eliot, I’ve been there man. What I’ve come to realize(and this site has played a huge role in that) is that the most effortless and happiness-inducing thing you can do is just be you. Yeah, that advice is cliche as fuck, but there’s a good reason why it’s cliche as fuck. Once you start just expressing yourself for the sake of expressing it rather than to gain some kind of approval, you become free. Don’t speak with the intention of coming off a certain way, just be genuine. It’s so simple that we all overlook it sometimes. Do what you love. Laugh even if you’re laughing by yourself in a group(I do all the time), talk about what you care about. ASK QUESTIONS!!!
I love oasis haha :)
But people aren’t always pathetic…. but yes people do make their own beds and they must either lay in them or try to make the up.
Now onto your songs…
(it’s good) to be free- I couldn’t agree with this song more. It says “You know what I got all the things off of my chest, I’m finally where I want to be but you keep trying to stop that. You keep trying to say that your shit is my fault and it isn’t” …. at least that’s what I think it says and I see how it relates to what you posted. It’s good no to have anything weighing you down and don’t let anyone try to throw their shit at you!
Supersonic- when I listen to this song I think of two things….
1) “You made your bed so now you have to lay in it”
2) “You are the only one that can really free yourself.”
Now if your reading this post and are having problems go listen to these songs. Sometimes I think the best way to express ourselves is through lyrics and quotes. I’m actually really happy that you did this by the way! I love it when people can relate to songs!
@theskafish, Hi! I kind of know what you mean. You feel even worse because you know that you know better!! Can i ask how have you blown these opportunities? By ignoring your instinct? Not putting enough effort? Taking it got granted? Negativity?
@dwun81, Hi! Wow I think I know that feeling. First of all, props for heading to LA and just going for it! I love that attitude!
My thing is music; singing professionally is my dream! And guess what? I’ve never bothered telling some of my friends! Funnily enough, I also come from a boring ass town in Melbourne Australia and let’s just say, nothing good ever comes out of this neck of the woods lol I have wonderful friends that are crazy fun etc etc BUT they just don’t get it. We have disagreed on so many things in the past that I dare not tell them my little clichéd dream to be a singer. Hell no! I’ve been quite academic all my life so I’ve hid behind that for so long. However, few of my close friends know and they have been semi-supportive. They know how singing lessons have overtly made me a much happier person, but I guess the happiness of a friend is not necessarily the best thing for them. Of course they know what’s best for me! (Sarcasm). Some have made judgments without even hearing me sing. What if I was the next Aretha Franklin for god’s sake (I’m definitely not), we should be keen on finding peoples true talents and helping them shine. We should all want each other to exercise our passions as our day job. RIGHT? Instead people are so cynical and just following the 9-5 cycle of life (to their own detriment) and maintain the status quo. They don’t see that they are stuck in the rat race that they have been conditioned to endure.
I’m sorry if I went off track! Haha Is that why you disagreed with your room-mates? Because they have no life experience and live life in a black and white way? lol Are you more energised and positive about your dreams?
For the majority of my young life I have listened to what negative things others would say about me, and I have believed it, even worshipped it. I have been wrapped up in my own “reality”. I have made myself a victim, and hidden away from my life. I have tried in vain to control my own existence so as not to get hurt. I have tried to prepare for every kind of experience, so as to not get mentally or physically wounded, and this has kept me from doing what I really wanted to do, and kept me from the core of existence which is to experience new things with an open mind. I have been more dead than alive. More ignorant than happy. I have been narrow-minded. I have been overly sensitive. I haven’t been able to realize how to be happy, how to create my own bliss. I have let other people lead me in directions and not taken control of my own life. I have tried to blame others for my misery. I have not valued my own life. I have been so angry with myself, life, others. Because I didn’t understand and I was scared. I have been in the prison that is my mind in the state it is in when I have been alone for too long. After realizing this, I have become open. I trust my own instict, judgement, myself. I am more able to see other people’s point of view, and realize when I am being unfair to myself. I am now able to receive love and support from others, and not push it away. I haven’t felt like I deserve love, and it always seemed to me others were so much happier than me. I could not understand why I wasn’t happy. I have been trapped within myself. I was so fragile, and I let other people’s insecurities affect me, so I withdrew into myself for many years. I love my ego now, because it makes me more of a resource instead of the burden I used to feel like. I love myself, and I love others, and I am no longer afraid of the things that used to keep my trapped. :) To conclude: I haven’t been able to understand others because I haven’t been able to understand myself. Wow, feels good to share. Thanks.
@sabas4, Thank you for that positive spin on my life. And yes, I think you are on track with what you’re saying.
I think what I need to do right now is evaluate myself and become something new and improved each and every day. I was in the rut of self-doubt and thus fear, leading me to collect every ounce of my life-force at the end of each day by becoming intoxicated in an attempt to feel all of my self-worth, because I wasn’t feeling any during the day.
I know the way out is loving myself, I can’t possibly not love myself – such is a fallacy! I need to respect and take care of myself so I have something to live for every day when I wake up, and something to work on all day.
Today I have awoken to feelings of joy and hope and it’s great. I suddenly can feel my ‘internal compass’. :)
Awh, you have a really big heart :)
But I can see why you think that is a problem…. but you know what sometimes it’s good to be able to empathize with people.
If you feel like it’s too much just take a second and think about what your feeling for that person. Think about the situation. If it isn’t too important then try to get your mind off of it, kind of train yourself not to be overly empathetic. I know this is going to be hard but trying never hurts, right?
But also maybe if you try really hard to be yourself more you will break this phase :)
Just remember that there is no harm in trying things to help you out!
You know what, I’m glad you posted this.
I’m glad you got to get it off of your chest.
I’m glad you shared it, because someone might read it and change them.
Sometimes life and the universe has its weird ways, but they all have a purpose. Just remember to keep your head high and that there is always a rainbow at the end of a storm :)
I think it’s really cool you’re from the UK. I’m from the US and my dream is to go over there, and maybe even live there. Hopefully that’s what life plans for me to do too!
@mandacrush, I feel that having a strong sense of empathy for others is actually a quite positive characteristic. As far as dealing with people who treat others in a negative way, you could try to use your sense of empathy to communicate with the aggressor, because you are correct in saying people’s actions are a reflection of their own situation and outlook on life. If you could use your own personal outlook to help influence others rather than being a broken-hearted bystander, your actions would align with your emotions and could lead you to happiness.
However, that is just my personal view on the matter and I am by no means perfect myself. I opened this thread with the intention of seeking guidance on my own issues. I almost feel stupid posting them on here because they seem so simple, yet I could really use some wise words from someone who I feel actually knows what they’re talking about. So here it is: about a year and a half ago I left my hometown (a relatively small, boring town in Michigan) to take on an internship in LA. While out there I had a great realization that my unhappiness in life was largely due to the fact that I was neglecting my dream of Acting and leading a life I had basically ended up in rather than one I had dreamed of having. I realized that the way I behaved was a product of trying to be liked by others in school and not based on what I truly believed in. I started taking acting lessons out there and was sublimely happy, excited to return to Michigan and finish my final year of college with my friends once again. However, I had become a different person, and my friends had not. I originally went to that school to play football, and upon returning I decided to quit the team to continue my pursuit of acting, a decision I believe my friends and teammates did not truly understand. We no longer agreed on many of the things that had made us become friends in the first place and began to grow apart. This really started to ware on me as the year went on, as the closest of these friends were my roomates. I began to silence my opinions as to prevent instigating arguments with my roomates day in and day out. I became very much an individual person, constantly seeking ways to better myself as an actor and as a person. I have since graduated, and am back living at my parents house taking acting classes, working, and saving up money to move back out to LA. However, the feeling of disconnection I felt with my roomates continues to plague me in nearly every aspect of my life. I feel that I can no longer make a true connection due to the fact that I lived that year being constantly shot down and disagreed with. I need something to get me out of this funk but I no longer have any true friends to share with. Any thoughts on what could help? My mind is open to just about everything.
@theskafish, ummm, I’m certainly not bored! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you don’t see the opportunity as an opportunity at all! You have preconceived the outcome already…that you will fail or you will stuff it up somehow. So the opportunity is not something new, fresh, exciting or potentially life-changing. It does not energise you. Please correct me if I’m wrong.
In my honest opinion (as cheesy as it sounds…but in any case I think you know this deep inside) you need to re-remind yourself that you are in total control of the outcome. You have the power to ultimately achieve the goal AND you also have the power to completely fuck it up. Needless to say if you really want it, and if the universe wants you to have it, you will ultimately achieve the desirable outcome. If you fuck it up, well…join the club! Ahaha man have I done that before! And I felt the same as you afterwards (e.g. I believed that the first fuck up is evidence that I am useless). But guess what, you gain shit loads from TRYING. All those emotional things like…strength, patience, lesson learnt etc But on a practical level, you have experienced something different, you have made contacts with new people, you have practised your skills in a different way etc
So why think ahead? With every good opportunity that presents itself to you, just ride on it. You are in control of the outcome. Worst case scenario and it doesn’t quite work out…with your luck, another opportunity will come. And dude, if you’re being thrown opportunity after opportunity, although you may not believe in yourself, sounds like the universe does!
i dont even know who i am. i couldnt tell you what my favorite; book, movie, actor/actress, musician, i cant even write a paper describing a meaningful event in my life bc i have none except when ive partied with my friends and have done drugs. fucking cool right? ..not at all.
People are not “the only ones guilty of their bad situation”. You are only in part in control of the circumstances you are in. You are in complete control of your reaction. You are in complete control of how you feel about the circumstances you are in. So, yes, it is true with plenty of practice you can get damn good at seeing the bright side of things and rollin’ with the punches. I feel like plenty of people here realize that, but need a place to vent so they can become more clear on exactly why and how they need to practice. Shit, I know I sure do. I think you would do well to practice not fucking hating the fact that other people have issues to work through, whether external or internal. It’s a beautiful feeling to realize how in control of our lives we really are, and how great we can make them. But you need to have compassion for those who haven’t had this realization, or have but not to the extent of it being able to help their particular situation. Nobody has shared this serious of an issue, but I have a hard time believing you’d be all smiles and positivity if you got stabbed in the stomach, or hit by a bus. In that circumstance, would you “acknowledge that you’re the only one guilty”?
@jaymeh, Hahaha trust me it did, is nice to know I’m not the only one feeling bored or just sad with life haha, but well I hope universe will listen to us and as you said, it’s a “believing issue”. Yes I really enjoy change but the thing is I really don’t know how! And where to find the new people I need.
Well I see some similarities between your story and mine, but weed isn’t the problem with my friends, (I hope your friends realize you are the important one ;), if not, they surely will) they are now too superficial and it feels bad for real, I share your “I want change I need change” mood, I’ve been through family shit too and I think that’s what makes more difficult for us to meet new people. So let’s start moving on and leaving that shit behind, we’ll find that happiness again :)
Thanks for sharing your story with me :) it helped me a lot and I wish you the best!