Be yourself, be free
This is a place to talk about your self and to get things off of your chest. It’s always nice to have someone to listen and to ask for help so that is what this is for. Go ahead and talk about whatever you need help with and we will all pitch in :)
@jaymeh, Okay I’ll start: I cant relate to most people, due to my life experiences and various attitudes I hold
@jaymeh I’m a good person, why am I still alone?
@daynah, Convert your solitude into a piece of art detailing how very “good” you claim to be. Write a poem! A short story! Draw! I believe you to be a goodhearted person, (as you say); now is your time to make believers of us all.
@optimystic, I do that all the time. I just never show my stuff. Now, I most definitely will!
Do you wish for help in that matter?
You know the the reasons why, you just need help seeing the answer.
Your past experiences and attitudes..your judgements, preconceived notions, your weaknesses..are all clouding your “commucational” vision. You can’t listen when you knowingly admit your attitude is affecting your relations with people.
Your experiences and attitudes are nothing but ideas you hold inside yourself. Wash yourself with new experiences, new ideas and new attitudes that will best help you in your goal of relating to people. It is of no use holding onto experiences that hold you back from action.
Perhaps it may help to view yourself as an egg. All of your experiences, your actions, your feelings, your ideas…they are all contained in the “shell” of you…your egg. Ask yourself, would you want to deal with this egg? Are you happy with the inners of your shell?
If you are not, simply put new seeds (new positive experiences) in your shell that will grow and help you to be the person you want to.
@rickvonstar, If you don’t mid me asking, what experiences have made people unrelatable to you?
@daynah, Fantastic! :)
@jaymeh Hi, nice to meet you! perhaps the reason you are alone is because you have chosen to be. Please don’t misunderstand though, let me ask you some questions: Are you shy by nature? do you tend to engage in activities that involve staying at home e.g. art, songwriting, reading? would you ever sit next a stranger in class and start a conversation? do your friends introduce you to their other friends?
I don’t doubt at all that you are a good person…but that is separate from being alone.
Unless…would you say you have been in bad relationships and friendships even though you have done all the right things and you cannot understand why you end up alone?
@searchingforthetruth, @immagoner, its not like I’ve had a bunch of bad life experiences that make me bitter/cold towards people. It’s probably the opposite, honestly most people seem to me (with the exception of this website and chance encounters here and there in “real” life) like animals.
For example, if I try to talk to the average person about mystical experiences I am likely to just be stared at.
@daynah, The person that you are meant to be with is on their own journey and might not be ready to meet you yet. There are a million positive answers to this question and if your patient, it will be worth the wait :) When you force it is where folks run into issues. It should be an easy flow for the most part.
I can imagine that’s tough if your mostly interested in having deeper conversations that most people don’t usually have. My closest friends that I relate to and have conversations like the ones found on this website with started out as shallow acquaintances, but as I got to know them better I became more comfortable with asking them what they thought about religion and dreams, etc.
@immagoner, I suppose then it’s more of a feeling of people and myself not willing to open up to larger things with one another at early stages of interaction. Which I don’t really see the point in. But then if you go straight for the whole cake, it weirds people out. I’m probably making too big of a generalization
@rickvonstar, Well I think your right in regards to most people, but this website does show the few who don’t mind going straight for the whole cake!
Sometimes I think I’ve blown too many golden opportunities, and what’s worse, it was only ever my own mind that fucked me over with negative feedback instead of an actual outside force that I had no control over. In this case, accepting responsibility for my life actually makes me feel even worse…sometimes I think that I was happier when I was ignorant and could console myself by saying “oh there’s nothing you could have done anyway.”
I can’t seem to stop fucking up, and it’s really driving me mad.
how can you be yourself when you don’t even know who you really are. I don’t believe that statement at all. I say, get up every morning, say its gonna be an awesome day and do something spontaneous that you wouldn’t do normally. DO every opportunity given to you and enjoy its experience with an open mind.
@theskafish, Hi! I kind of know what you mean. You feel even worse because you know that you know better!! Can i ask how have you blown these opportunities? By ignoring your instinct? Not putting enough effort? Taking it got granted? Negativity?
@sabas4, well, my instinct is always the thing that tells me “I can’t do it” in the first place. My instinct tells me that getting what I want is not realistic/that it is crazy talk, that I have to settle because I’m just not exceptional/smart/charismatic enough to do better than that. I don’t know when it first began, but I’ve always had this bad thought loop stuck in my head that says I’m not good enough. So it’s probably a mix of the other three, not enough effort/taking stuff for granted that was never really mine/negativity, which talked me out of putting in effort. Basically I would always tell myself either I can’t do it and there’s nothing I can do to help myself, or that if it is meant to be, then everything will take care of itself and I won’t have to do any work, and as a result a lot of opportunities passed me by and I ran out of time. That, and I used to believe a lot of negative things about myself and the world that simply weren’t true for my situation. I’d always run the worst case scenarios in my head, and not once did I visualize myself doing well.
I don’t want to bore or depress you with the details of each and every instance of this, because there are a lot of instances, and I’m trying not to be one of those people that goes on and on. Still, I wish there was something I could do to stop repeating these mistakes before it becomes the story of my life. And thanks for listening, I guess it helps a little bit :)
@rickvonstar you may find that you can relate to people more than you think you can. We have a lot more in common with one another than we think that we do… we just don’t always choose to share the personal experiences that make us so similar. In my opinion, you sholud try opening up to someone. Share a secret with a friend or family member you are close to and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. I really do believe that human beings exist for each other. We would have nothing without one another and it is important to make an effort to connect with each other. It really is exciting and fun :):)
I am socially awkward. I have many fears and the biggest fear is being lonely.
@theskafish, ummm, I’m certainly not bored! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you don’t see the opportunity as an opportunity at all! You have preconceived the outcome already…that you will fail or you will stuff it up somehow. So the opportunity is not something new, fresh, exciting or potentially life-changing. It does not energise you. Please correct me if I’m wrong.
In my honest opinion (as cheesy as it sounds…but in any case I think you know this deep inside) you need to re-remind yourself that you are in total control of the outcome. You have the power to ultimately achieve the goal AND you also have the power to completely fuck it up. Needless to say if you really want it, and if the universe wants you to have it, you will ultimately achieve the desirable outcome. If you fuck it up, well…join the club! Ahaha man have I done that before! And I felt the same as you afterwards (e.g. I believed that the first fuck up is evidence that I am useless). But guess what, you gain shit loads from TRYING. All those emotional things like…strength, patience, lesson learnt etc But on a practical level, you have experienced something different, you have made contacts with new people, you have practised your skills in a different way etc
So why think ahead? With every good opportunity that presents itself to you, just ride on it. You are in control of the outcome. Worst case scenario and it doesn’t quite work out…with your luck, another opportunity will come. And dude, if you’re being thrown opportunity after opportunity, although you may not believe in yourself, sounds like the universe does!
I’m a terrible person. Or so I’ve lead myself to believe.. Why do I feel so righteous the majority of the time?
@danfontaine, Hey! wait…so you believe yourself to be a terrible person but you FEEL righteous at the same time? That is, feel pride in what say and do, but that is a false feeling because you truly believe you are terrible. I just want to clarify…?
@moni, Hi! do you feel like you crumble when you meet people; instead of just being yourself? So you fear people never really knowing who you are?
@sabas4, Yes I think you are correct
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