Be yourself, be free

2 years, 2 months ago

This is a place to talk about your self and to get things off of your chest. It’s always nice to have someone to listen and to ask for help so that is what this is for. Go ahead and talk about whatever you need help with and we will all pitch in :)
Coming to terms with your issues and set yourself free!

08.27.2012 at 8:11 pm

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, Because I judge people and because I think I am superior. Of course I’m not superior but I probably exaggerate the negatives in others. I have my own negatives but I love to overlook them and focus on others’s. Who doesn’t?
I do it to such a magnitude though where I am able to completely ignore my faults because those around me are such shit.
I still have moments of admiration of others, and guilt in the face of others’s achievements, but then I go ahead and convince myself that my potential is greater than theirs. This completely disassociates myself from competition. My only real competition is myself, but my idea of myself is so great that I need not compete with ANYTHING.
I am truly insane.

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Profile photo of Marie Marie (@ARCANUS) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

For the majority of my young life I have listened to what negative things others would say about me, and I have believed it, even worshipped it. I have been wrapped up in my own “reality”. I have made myself a victim, and hidden away from my life. I have tried in vain to control my own existence so as not to get hurt. I have tried to prepare for every kind of experience, so as to not get mentally or physically wounded, and this has kept me from doing what I really wanted to do, and kept me from the core of existence which is to experience new things with an open mind. I have been more dead than alive. More ignorant than happy. I have been narrow-minded. I have been overly sensitive. I haven’t been able to realize how to be happy, how to create my own bliss. I have let other people lead me in directions and not taken control of my own life. I have tried to blame others for my misery. I have not valued my own life. I have been so angry with myself, life, others. Because I didn’t understand and I was scared. I have been in the prison that is my mind in the state it is in when I have been alone for too long. After realizing this, I have become open. I trust my own instict, judgement, myself. I am more able to see other people’s point of view, and realize when I am being unfair to myself. I am now able to receive love and support from others, and not push it away. I haven’t felt like I deserve love, and it always seemed to me others were so much happier than me. I could not understand why I wasn’t happy. I have been trapped within myself. I was so fragile, and I let other people’s insecurities affect me, so I withdrew into myself for many years. I love my ego now, because it makes me more of a resource instead of the burden I used to feel like. I love myself, and I love others, and I am no longer afraid of the things that used to keep my trapped. :) To conclude: I haven’t been able to understand others because I haven’t been able to understand myself. Wow, feels good to share. Thanks.

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Profile photo of SBas SBas (@sabas4) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@danfontaine, haha I like insanity…

Right so you are overly critical of other people. That does not make you a terrible person! Gosh no! That is just a part of you (and me; I do the same thing sometimes) that your clearly not happy with. I think it has to do with you being more ‘aware’ or ‘enlightened’ and you got to that stage a bit earlier than the people you associate with. So there is a bit of frustration. A bit of rolling of the eyes. You kind of pity these people who you perceive as close-minded. Most people who use HE have bitten the ‘awareness’ apple and find the information on here so refreshing (in comparison to the meaningless conversations we have daily). Its like we know the secrets to life and we cant help but see others as clueless. Is that why you think you are critical of others?

Sometimes when I get that feeling (especially around my best friend who just cannot make decisions for herself…she is so very swayed by public opinion) I remind myself that everyone is different and some take much longer to ‘wakeup’ from sleepwalking through life. I think of subtle ways to introduce her into the being in touch with her spiritual side like recently I showed her a youtube video about Jim Carrey talking about his spirituality (im taking baby steps with her ok!). Instead of seeing her faults, I see her as a work in progress or someone who has potential but she is just a bit distracted, slow, weak etc at the moment. Her up-bringing, her experiences and circumstances are different to mine. The truth is (let’s not sugar coat it); you know a lot. You have an inquisitive mind so you’ve gathered information about life and its mysteries and complexities much quicker than most people. Arguably your wiser, you know the path to success etc etc. But thats not a free ticket to look down upon everyone else…perhaps you have a more noble duty of spreading your positive attributes and your wisdom to those you know!

But It seems you have self confidence which is a good asset to have! Thats awesome that you dont have competition! You must have tremendous energy, you must go for every opportunity and you probably get a lot done because you never doubt yourself. Its not a negative. Just know that whether you like it or not, you have some faults (just like the people you judge! lol). So just like you criticise others about their faults; scrutinise yourself. Perhaps learn from others so you can mend those bad habits. That way you realise yourself as a teacher AND a student.

I really hope I’m on the right track with what you actually mean. If Im not, please do not hesitate to say!!

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Profile photo of studentlamo studentlamo (@studentlamo) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

so after about 6 weeks of my ex leaving me, its only in the last week the pain has started to get a hold of me. Damn you!

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Profile photo of Moni Moni (@moni) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, yes! I get totally weird because inside I’m trying to decide whether to smile or not or what to say etc. It takes me a while to get used to people and start being myself. I have heard many times that people hated me when they just met me and then slowly started to change their opinion about me. Do you get that as well?

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Profile photo of Moni Moni (@moni) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@studentlamo, aww honey! Hugs

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Profile photo of SBas SBas (@sabas4) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@studentlamo, Hi! I’m sorry to hear about the break up. So you were doing ok up until recently? What made it skydive? Was it memories of the good times?

@ARCANUS, Aw I’m glad you feel better. You’re very sensitive by the sounds of things!! So am I! People always confuse that with weakness! You are not weak! You’re thinking is deep and you ask yourself many questions… your just overwhelmed by the magnitude of yourself, your life, your worth, your feelings. Because you don’t have any answers you brokedown little. But now you are learning and understand and that’s what brought you to HE! Well done mate! Do you feel like everything Is clearer now that you understand how Devine you are? :)

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Profile photo of SBas SBas (@sabas4) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@moni, oh it happens! I’m guessing you want to cast yourself in the best possible light but when you first meet a person the pressure of presenting a good first impression kind of makes you anxious and you end up doing and saying silly shit? Lol It’s happened to me before, yes. But I used to be the extreme opposite…which is worse. I’d want the person to know everything about me in the first ten minutes because i really really wanted them to think I’m funny, nice, fun etc etc I’d make the biggest fool of myself!!

But I have a mate who is just the most coolest person know but when it comes to meeting new people she acts weird!! I think always remember you are absolutely and thoroughly equal to that person you are getting to know. You know you have a strong personality and be smooth in showing that off…maybe ask THEM questions, that way the onus is on them to give an appealing answer and it gives you time to kind of ease into an effortless conversation. Look people deep in the eye and smile…that’s the best first impression you can give. It suggests confidence and honesty. What do you reckon??

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Profile photo of Moni Moni (@moni) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, totally agree.

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie (@tangledupinplaid21) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I have noooooooooooo idea how I’m going to pay rent/bills in the next few days. I owe about $400+ and have about 5. fuuuuck.

However, I’ve been meeting new people lately and it’s amazing.

I want to try to date a female but don’t know how to go about it.

Art is my life and I just ran out of canvas. :( in the past couple weeks I’ve painted a car, a shed, an abandoned boat and abandoned building.

I feel like I am in the crest of a huge wave of change right now.

I’ve been drinking waaaayyy too often(every day).

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Profile photo of Eliot Eliot (@eliot) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I’ve never been able to properly express myself in any way, which has made me alienated and shut off from others. While being around other people, including family and closest friends, I often function “mechanically”, behaving in a way I think people would expect me to behave, almost completely lacking spontaneity. When trying to meet new people, I can’t make any meaningful conversations since my mind often becomes completely blank and I immediately start looking for the escape route. The only time when I can be my true self is while being completely alone and I have realized that fears of rejections and humiliation are probably the main causes of all this.

This site seems to be crowded with people who can actually read/listen and understand and I thought that sharing here might help, at least a bit.. I do understand that no one else can overcome my fears for me and I am not expecting any straightforward answers or directions, but I just wanted to get this off my chest for the first time in my life :)

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie (@tangledupinplaid21) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@eliot, I’ve been there man. What I’ve come to realize(and this site has played a huge role in that) is that the most effortless and happiness-inducing thing you can do is just be you. Yeah, that advice is cliche as fuck, but there’s a good reason why it’s cliche as fuck. Once you start just expressing yourself for the sake of expressing it rather than to gain some kind of approval, you become free. Don’t speak with the intention of coming off a certain way, just be genuine. It’s so simple that we all overlook it sometimes. Do what you love. Laugh even if you’re laughing by yourself in a group(I do all the time), talk about what you care about. ASK QUESTIONS!!!

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Profile photo of studentlamo studentlamo (@studentlamo) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, Memories of the good times, Memories of the times when i could of been better at making her feel loved. and knowing that when she comes back to university i will eventually have to see her with someone else. The old cliché “you never know what you had until its gone.” comes to mind

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, Thank you for that positive spin on my life. And yes, I think you are on track with what you’re saying.
I think what I need to do right now is evaluate myself and become something new and improved each and every day. I was in the rut of self-doubt and thus fear, leading me to collect every ounce of my life-force at the end of each day by becoming intoxicated in an attempt to feel all of my self-worth, because I wasn’t feeling any during the day.
I know the way out is loving myself, I can’t possibly not love myself – such is a fallacy! I need to respect and take care of myself so I have something to live for every day when I wake up, and something to work on all day.
Today I have awoken to feelings of joy and hope and it’s great. I suddenly can feel my ‘internal compass’. :)

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Profile photo of Ben Ben (@benjamin) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Really glad I saw this post yesterday, cause I really need it today :P

I’m pissed. Dissapointed and frustrated really. Basically, at the end of last year I could finally say I got over this breakup that took me about a year to get past. So having felt I was once again rooted in myself, I started taking an interest in looking for a girl again. I didn’t wanna rush or force anything, i just felt I was ready so I’d keep my eyes open. I pursued a couple girls who I liked, failed cause I got too close to them and they just saw me as a friend, but then realized it was all good in the end cause as I got to know them better it became clear we were better off as just friends anyway. But then this girl who I had met once before ended up in a couple of my classes. I had never gotten to know her before; always said hi if I saw her around but never had any actual conversations. After talking to her a bit more over a couple weeks I realized she was fuckin awesome. She loves philosphy, especially shit like Buddhism/Taoism, listens to great music, is a tree hugger like me, and is just so much fun to be around. I jump the gun, and tell her I like her way too soon cause I was afraid if I waited too long I’d just get friendzoned again. She says she’s not at a point where she’s looking for a relationship but she likes hanging out with me.
After that I gave up for a little while, but then towards the end of the semester she started seeming like she was into me. I was almost certain about it, and was still very much into her. But since it was the end of the year and soon enough we’d be seperated for a couple months I figured it’d be better to wait until the beginning of this semester to ask her to lunch, or whatever other kind of first date. So over the summer we’ve texted a lil bit, talked on facebook, and the mood is always cheerful with lots of smileys and !!’s. But yesterday I see that now she’s in a relationship with this guy who lives near her hometown. And it just fuckin sucks, cause I was really lookin forward to something awesome finally happening for me after a couple years of not even having kissed a girl.

This morning I knew I’d get a TUT message from the universe in my email. I was hoping for some guidance. It said that the “home runs” in life almost never happen when you’re looking toward the future, but if you work a little moment by moment on bettering yourself, that’s when they come to you. That struck me, and was really exactly what I needed. Cause I realized I’ve spent almost this entire summer so focused on looking forward to being with her. And I realized that I had been doing the same thing with other girls even before I had really started to talk to her. Its hit me that in my pursuit of a relationship I never REALLY took the time to do what exactly will get me there the fastest, which is take a little time for myself and chill on that whole part of life. It always amazes me how much life is like a goddamn Chinese fingertrap. It still fuckin blows though, cause now I feel regret for not having done that sooner, cause I know me and this girl could have really had something great together. But at the same time I feel like feeling regret for anything is kinda stupid, because it’s my belief everything happens at the exact right time you need it to to learn the lesson you need to learn. What I need to learn is to give myself some time, and then trust the universe to bring me a relationship when I’m ready. But I’m just pissed and a lil jaded I didn’t do that sooner.

Again, thanks for this thread. I needed a little place to vent this stuff. I know what I need to do, but still any comments or advice would be appreciated. In alot of ways I know I’m a smart, confident muthutrukka who’s gonna make life awesome for myself. But it’s days like these that I see how much I need to work on certain parts of my life : /

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Alright, I’ll try to be myself and get things off my chest.

I can’t seem to be myself when I have absolutely nothing to get off my chest because I can actually express myself and get shit done. And I fucking hate that people are so fucking pathetic and don’t acknowledge that they’re the only ones guilty of their bad situation. My eyes hurt from your bullshit! So here are two songs related to the topic.

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Profile photo of Ben Ben (@benjamin) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@beyond,
People are not “the only ones guilty of their bad situation”. You are only in part in control of the circumstances you are in. You are in complete control of your reaction. You are in complete control of how you feel about the circumstances you are in. So, yes, it is true with plenty of practice you can get damn good at seeing the bright side of things and rollin’ with the punches. I feel like plenty of people here realize that, but need a place to vent so they can become more clear on exactly why and how they need to practice. Shit, I know I sure do. I think you would do well to practice not fucking hating the fact that other people have issues to work through, whether external or internal. It’s a beautiful feeling to realize how in control of our lives we really are, and how great we can make them. But you need to have compassion for those who haven’t had this realization, or have but not to the extent of it being able to help their particular situation. Nobody has shared this serious of an issue, but I have a hard time believing you’d be all smiles and positivity if you got stabbed in the stomach, or hit by a bus. In that circumstance, would you “acknowledge that you’re the only one guilty”?

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@benjamin, I’ve realized that every shared complaint is only prolonging the negative effects of it, I don’t have to be smiling like an idiot to be optimistic so I could actually find a solution to my issues. And usually when people have a problem they have to search for solutions to solve it somehow, not just retell the story and relive the drama.

Although yeah, pure expression is a great release. I needed it too, that’s why I shared that. :) Right now my left eye is swollen and hurts when I blink, but I’m the only one I would blame for that, even if I don’t know how I got it, I’m the main reason for having it. I just prefer to blame myself for my own bullshit and I avoid doing it in front of others to save them from that bullshit. And it’s better to learn from these issues, get the lesson and help others, complaining never helped anyone.

Also, getting stabbed in the stomach or getting hit by a bus is also something I must have done to allow it to happen. I can’t make a difference between carelessness and accident so it’s on me. If I start being a pussy I’d expect compassion in return though. :)

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Profile photo of SBas SBas (@sabas4) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@danfontaine, wooo! I love this : ‘I suddenly can feel my ‘internal compass’. I agree, self respect rather than forcing yourself to love yourself for the wrong reasons (to deal with self-doubt etc). Address the crux of the issue head on! Good luck :)

@studentlamo, Do you want her back, honestly? or are just feeling a little worried that she has another man, and thats why you want her back?

@beyond, I totally agree that telling people your problems is exactly what labels it into a problem. They have already carried it long enough and they have already identified it as a problem in their own minds. So their stuck. But its unfair to call that ‘complaining’. Its just another process of finding answers. ‘Aceepting’ our circumstance as a consequence of our actions, is fucking hard. I know it will take time for me, but I believe it to be true. Pure expression is all thats going on. A lot of the advice is showing people that its up to THEM to change it, because at the end of the day, they brought it on themselves.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@sabas4, I am trying to find a way to explaining that without sounding like an asshole, but just make people kick themselves in the ass when they need to. A lot of the problems of people come from their own laziness, although a few would really admit it because they share the misery with their friends who are the same and just love to share the things they hate doing, more than actually doing something about it. Fuck it.

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Profile photo of cori cori (@c0r1) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

i feel incredibly selfish. on friday, we had two deaths at the high school where i graduated from. a girl was in a car accident and died and then a boy brought a gun to school and shot himself in the bathroom. i went and took molly and rolled balls for two days straight. i feel like i’m wasting my life away and both of them deserve the life that i am taking forgranted.
the thing is, i can’t stop. i’m completely numb without a drug inside my body. completely. i feel no emotions whatsoever. it’s really scary and i don’t even know who i am anymore.

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Profile photo of eskimofriend eskimofriend (@eskimofriend) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@jaymeh, Love the idea of this, you should check out http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/ – it’s the essentially focusing on the same thing, finding a sense of release, but it’s done through a social network format, pretty cool.

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Profile photo of SBas SBas (@sabas4) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@beyond, no, yes, I know what you mean. But some people can be totally frank; and tell them the cold hard facts. Some of us try to make people see that in a less overt way (which can can work in some circumstances). That way they can totally realise it themselves without me screaming it in their face. There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to these things.

But sometimes I just want scream ‘ wake the fuck up’!

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Profile photo of Mandy Mandy (@mandacrush) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I have a serious problem where I over-empathize with everyone. I always feel really bad for someone who treats someone badly and it literally breaks my heart. Even if it is something as little as accidently interrupting someone. I feel as though when people are a bit abrasive with me, I take it too seriously. I am aware that people act the way they do because of how they’re feeling or their own life expierences. But still, I let it affect my emotions too much. I feel like this is really holding me back from being myself.

Any advice would be REALLY appreciated! Thank you :)

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Profile photo of Haley Richey Haley Richey (@hlyrichey) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I hate not being more social and outgoing towards people, but I find myself turning down every chance I get to make friends.

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