This is a place to talk about your self and to get things off of your chest. It’s always nice to have someone to listen and to ask for help so that is what this is for. Go ahead and talk about whatever you need help with and we will all pitch in :)
Coming to terms with your issues and set yourself free!
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I’m really glad that you waited until you were ready for another relationship :) Good for you!
I’m also really glad that you saw those girls as friends after a while because it kept your eyes open for the perfect, beautiful girl you described!
I know your pissed but yes the universe has it’s ways and I’m glad that you realized that. If you think the universe is telling you to wait, then wait. There is nothing wrong with that. Also maybe the universe has something else in store :) There is a list going through my mind of what this could be but I’ll just keep it to myself.
Also if you see a future with this girl don’t let her go! Be by her side! I know it will hurt but if you are there through the thick and thin with her it will pay off. And who knows, this guy may be the wrong person for her.
Your welcome! This is why I made this (and I also just like talking and helping people even though I’m really not so good at it) so people could get things off of their chest in a judgement free zone! I also love how confident you are in yourself don’t change muthafucka!
@sabas4, Because I judge people and because I think I am superior. Of course I’m not superior but I probably exaggerate the negatives in others. I have my own negatives but I love to overlook them and focus on others’s. Who doesn’t?
I do it to such a magnitude though where I am able to completely ignore my faults because those around me are such shit.
I still have moments of admiration of others, and guilt in the face of others’s achievements, but then I go ahead and convince myself that my potential is greater than theirs. This completely disassociates myself from competition. My only real competition is myself, but my idea of myself is so great that I need not compete with ANYTHING.
I am truly insane.
You know what, I think that secretly socially awkward people are the best people. When you are out of a group I bet your an amazing person and you know what? One day someone is going to notice that and that person is going to make you feel comfortable. The only thing you need to do is not to push that person away.
If you do this I promise you that you will never, ever be lonely
Do you wish for help in that matter?
You know the the reasons why, you just need help seeing the answer.
Your past experiences and attitudes..your judgements, preconceived notions, your weaknesses..are all clouding your “commucational” vision. You can’t listen when you knowingly admit your attitude is affecting your relations with people.
Your experiences and attitudes are nothing but ideas you hold inside yourself. Wash yourself with new experiences, new ideas and new attitudes that will best help you in your goal of relating to people. It is of no use holding onto experiences that hold you back from action.
Perhaps it may help to view yourself as an egg. All of your experiences, your actions, your feelings, your ideas…they are all contained in the “shell” of you…your egg. Ask yourself, would you want to deal with this egg? Are you happy with the inners of your shell?
If you are not, simply put new seeds (new positive experiences) in your shell that will grow and help you to be the person you want to.
@beyond, no, yes, I know what you mean. But some people can be totally frank; and tell them the cold hard facts. Some of us try to make people see that in a less overt way (which can can work in some circumstances). That way they can totally realise it themselves without me screaming it in their face. There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to these things.
But sometimes I just want scream ‘ wake the fuck up’!
@jaymeh, the funny thing is that I was hanging out with my mate yesterday when she all of a sudden said: you know, Moni, I absolutely hated you when I first met you but then I got to know you better. Now I love you to bits. =))
And also, thank you so very much for your kind words! x
@sabas4, Memories of the good times, Memories of the times when i could of been better at making her feel loved. and knowing that when she comes back to university i will eventually have to see her with someone else. The old cliché “you never know what you had until its gone.” comes to mind
I have a serious problem where I over-empathize with everyone. I always feel really bad for someone who treats someone badly and it literally breaks my heart. Even if it is something as little as accidently interrupting someone. I feel as though when people are a bit abrasive with me, I take it too seriously. I am aware that people act the way they do because of how they’re feeling or their own life expierences. But still, I let it affect my emotions too much. I feel like this is really holding me back from being myself.
Any advice would be REALLY appreciated! Thank you :)
I could have had it all. I was so close. Idk what happened. I had a lucrative international business, people who actually wanted my company, a beautiful girl on both inside and out, and a family that actually loved me.
I got greedy though, tried to expand the business earlier than i should have. I wanted to come back to my homecounty to show off the success everyone said i would never achieve, as well as share the wealth with the people who were always there for me.
Somewhere along the lines however, i got caught up in the fast life.
Business was booming back in the UK, and i took forgranted the effortless inflow of cash, and generous exchange rates between the UK and US.
Somewhere i lost sight of my goal.. i was supposed to open up another facility here in florida for my friends to run, then return back to the UK. The fast life had its grip on me fairly quick however. Drinks on me whenever, parties, strip clubs, unnessasary purchases, i became immersed in consumerism to say the least.
My lifestyle effected me so much that i actually missed my return flight back to the uk. With the amount of spending i did here in florida, and the lack of time i put into the still runing business in the UK, it wasnt long before everything fell apart. So much for expansion :/. This was 2 years ago.. ive been stranded in this hell hole struggeling to start a business, or find an alternative plan ever since.
At 18 i was planning retirement.. im now freshly 20, and going to barber school.. wtf.
Ive resolved all of my internal issues now, and have no resentments about how things turned out, but still i often find myself questioning the “what ifs”, and where exactly i started down the path i ended up on.
If it wasnt for an amazing ayahuasca experience just recently, i would have given up by now.
Dunno why im posting all of this, but its just been eating at me the past few years. So thanks for listining.
@danfontaine, haha I like insanity…
Right so you are overly critical of other people. That does not make you a terrible person! Gosh no! That is just a part of you (and me; I do the same thing sometimes) that your clearly not happy with. I think it has to do with you being more ‘aware’ or ‘enlightened’ and you got to that stage a bit earlier than the people you associate with. So there is a bit of frustration. A bit of rolling of the eyes. You kind of pity these people who you perceive as close-minded. Most people who use HE have bitten the ‘awareness’ apple and find the information on here so refreshing (in comparison to the meaningless conversations we have daily). Its like we know the secrets to life and we cant help but see others as clueless. Is that why you think you are critical of others?
Sometimes when I get that feeling (especially around my best friend who just cannot make decisions for herself…she is so very swayed by public opinion) I remind myself that everyone is different and some take much longer to ‘wakeup’ from sleepwalking through life. I think of subtle ways to introduce her into the being in touch with her spiritual side like recently I showed her a youtube video about Jim Carrey talking about his spirituality (im taking baby steps with her ok!). Instead of seeing her faults, I see her as a work in progress or someone who has potential but she is just a bit distracted, slow, weak etc at the moment. Her up-bringing, her experiences and circumstances are different to mine. The truth is (let’s not sugar coat it); you know a lot. You have an inquisitive mind so you’ve gathered information about life and its mysteries and complexities much quicker than most people. Arguably your wiser, you know the path to success etc etc. But thats not a free ticket to look down upon everyone else…perhaps you have a more noble duty of spreading your positive attributes and your wisdom to those you know!
But It seems you have self confidence which is a good asset to have! Thats awesome that you dont have competition! You must have tremendous energy, you must go for every opportunity and you probably get a lot done because you never doubt yourself. Its not a negative. Just know that whether you like it or not, you have some faults (just like the people you judge! lol). So just like you criticise others about their faults; scrutinise yourself. Perhaps learn from others so you can mend those bad habits. That way you realise yourself as a teacher AND a student.
I really hope I’m on the right track with what you actually mean. If Im not, please do not hesitate to say!!
@rickvonstar you may find that you can relate to people more than you think you can. We have a lot more in common with one another than we think that we do… we just don’t always choose to share the personal experiences that make us so similar. In my opinion, you sholud try opening up to someone. Share a secret with a friend or family member you are close to and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. I really do believe that human beings exist for each other. We would have nothing without one another and it is important to make an effort to connect with each other. It really is exciting and fun :):)
@jaymeh Hi, nice to meet you! perhaps the reason you are alone is because you have chosen to be. Please don’t misunderstand though, let me ask you some questions: Are you shy by nature? do you tend to engage in activities that involve staying at home e.g. art, songwriting, reading? would you ever sit next a stranger in class and start a conversation? do your friends introduce you to their other friends?
I don’t doubt at all that you are a good person…but that is separate from being alone.
Unless…would you say you have been in bad relationships and friendships even though you have done all the right things and you cannot understand why you end up alone?
Really glad I saw this post yesterday, cause I really need it today :P
I’m pissed. Dissapointed and frustrated really. Basically, at the end of last year I could finally say I got over this breakup that took me about a year to get past. So having felt I was once again rooted in myself, I started taking an interest in looking for a girl again. I didn’t wanna rush or force anything, i just felt I was ready so I’d keep my eyes open. I pursued a couple girls who I liked, failed cause I got too close to them and they just saw me as a friend, but then realized it was all good in the end cause as I got to know them better it became clear we were better off as just friends anyway. But then this girl who I had met once before ended up in a couple of my classes. I had never gotten to know her before; always said hi if I saw her around but never had any actual conversations. After talking to her a bit more over a couple weeks I realized she was fuckin awesome. She loves philosphy, especially shit like Buddhism/Taoism, listens to great music, is a tree hugger like me, and is just so much fun to be around. I jump the gun, and tell her I like her way too soon cause I was afraid if I waited too long I’d just get friendzoned again. She says she’s not at a point where she’s looking for a relationship but she likes hanging out with me.
After that I gave up for a little while, but then towards the end of the semester she started seeming like she was into me. I was almost certain about it, and was still very much into her. But since it was the end of the year and soon enough we’d be seperated for a couple months I figured it’d be better to wait until the beginning of this semester to ask her to lunch, or whatever other kind of first date. So over the summer we’ve texted a lil bit, talked on facebook, and the mood is always cheerful with lots of smileys and !!’s. But yesterday I see that now she’s in a relationship with this guy who lives near her hometown. And it just fuckin sucks, cause I was really lookin forward to something awesome finally happening for me after a couple years of not even having kissed a girl.
This morning I knew I’d get a TUT message from the universe in my email. I was hoping for some guidance. It said that the “home runs” in life almost never happen when you’re looking toward the future, but if you work a little moment by moment on bettering yourself, that’s when they come to you. That struck me, and was really exactly what I needed. Cause I realized I’ve spent almost this entire summer so focused on looking forward to being with her. And I realized that I had been doing the same thing with other girls even before I had really started to talk to her. Its hit me that in my pursuit of a relationship I never REALLY took the time to do what exactly will get me there the fastest, which is take a little time for myself and chill on that whole part of life. It always amazes me how much life is like a goddamn Chinese fingertrap. It still fuckin blows though, cause now I feel regret for not having done that sooner, cause I know me and this girl could have really had something great together. But at the same time I feel like feeling regret for anything is kinda stupid, because it’s my belief everything happens at the exact right time you need it to to learn the lesson you need to learn. What I need to learn is to give myself some time, and then trust the universe to bring me a relationship when I’m ready. But I’m just pissed and a lil jaded I didn’t do that sooner.
Again, thanks for this thread. I needed a little place to vent this stuff. I know what I need to do, but still any comments or advice would be appreciated. In alot of ways I know I’m a smart, confident muthutrukka who’s gonna make life awesome for myself. But it’s days like these that I see how much I need to work on certain parts of my life : /
@jaymeh, :) I think its awesome that you’re taking the time to read and reply to everyone. Especially my long ass post haha. And anythings possible, so I guess I’ll try to stay close but not too close to her. After meditating on and thinking about this for a bit longer I think I’ve realized that this pursuit of a relationship kind of motivated me to make changes for the better in myself – everything from excersising more to doing yoga to eating better to reading more. But now I see that I need to make this motivation for positive change independent of a hope for a relationship. Thanks a ton for replying and making me feel better!
@sabas4, Abso-freakin-lutely my man, and i’m so glad you see eye to eye with me on this! My dreams are the guiding force for my life, they decide what I’m doing next and where I’m headed. My friends all take the safe route, a.k.a. (“the route that makes sense”), and work whatever job they’re offered that pays them the salary they desire. For me, a simple salary is not enough, and will never be enough. Unless I am doing what I love to do for a living, I will simply not be satisfied, whereas they will do whatever it takes to get payed a salary they want to be paid. My motivation is simply not affected by money in the way it is for my best of friends and it causes a huge conflict. I have a hard time trying to see eye to eye with them on their life situations because of their heavy drive towards monetary compensation.
@sabas4, yes! I get totally weird because inside I’m trying to decide whether to smile or not or what to say etc. It takes me a while to get used to people and start being myself. I have heard many times that people hated me when they just met me and then slowly started to change their opinion about me. Do you get that as well?
@staringatstars, maybe your life feels like a loop because it is a loop, most lives are. Most people, I’m talking about most of the people in the world create there past over and over again, but why do we do that?
I have an answer for you, we are programmed to do that, it’s a habit to do that, the reason I know this is because off this man: Bob proctor, he showed me something that changed my life forever, I have the links to the 3 video’s right here:
Link 1: http://youtu.be/9oYbZtUrz7g
Link 2: http://youtu.be/NI4ic6swL84
Link 3: http://youtu.be/WA155xP384U
Hope you enjoy the video’s
much love paradigmshift30