This is a place to talk about your self and to get things off of your chest. It’s always nice to have someone to listen and to ask for help so that is what this is for. Go ahead and talk about whatever you need help with and we will all pitch in :)
Coming to terms with your issues and set yourself free!
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@mandacrush, I feel that having a strong sense of empathy for others is actually a quite positive characteristic. As far as dealing with people who treat others in a negative way, you could try to use your sense of empathy to communicate with the aggressor, because you are correct in saying people’s actions are a reflection of their own situation and outlook on life. If you could use your own personal outlook to help influence others rather than being a broken-hearted bystander, your actions would align with your emotions and could lead you to happiness.
However, that is just my personal view on the matter and I am by no means perfect myself. I opened this thread with the intention of seeking guidance on my own issues. I almost feel stupid posting them on here because they seem so simple, yet I could really use some wise words from someone who I feel actually knows what they’re talking about. So here it is: about a year and a half ago I left my hometown (a relatively small, boring town in Michigan) to take on an internship in LA. While out there I had a great realization that my unhappiness in life was largely due to the fact that I was neglecting my dream of Acting and leading a life I had basically ended up in rather than one I had dreamed of having. I realized that the way I behaved was a product of trying to be liked by others in school and not based on what I truly believed in. I started taking acting lessons out there and was sublimely happy, excited to return to Michigan and finish my final year of college with my friends once again. However, I had become a different person, and my friends had not. I originally went to that school to play football, and upon returning I decided to quit the team to continue my pursuit of acting, a decision I believe my friends and teammates did not truly understand. We no longer agreed on many of the things that had made us become friends in the first place and began to grow apart. This really started to ware on me as the year went on, as the closest of these friends were my roomates. I began to silence my opinions as to prevent instigating arguments with my roomates day in and day out. I became very much an individual person, constantly seeking ways to better myself as an actor and as a person. I have since graduated, and am back living at my parents house taking acting classes, working, and saving up money to move back out to LA. However, the feeling of disconnection I felt with my roomates continues to plague me in nearly every aspect of my life. I feel that I can no longer make a true connection due to the fact that I lived that year being constantly shot down and disagreed with. I need something to get me out of this funk but I no longer have any true friends to share with. Any thoughts on what could help? My mind is open to just about everything.
i dont even know who i am. i couldnt tell you what my favorite; book, movie, actor/actress, musician, i cant even write a paper describing a meaningful event in my life bc i have none except when ive partied with my friends and have done drugs. fucking cool right? ..not at all.
@dwun81, That might honestly be the best advice I’ve heard yet. I think if I found a way to be more confident in the positive outlook I have on the world, I would not be beat down by other’s attitudes. Instead, I could possibly change their attitudes. I just need to find this confidence somewhere within me. Occasionally, I feel as though everyone is so critical of each other that it really discourages me.
So, I completely see where you are coming from in your situation. I really commend you for having the guts to follow your heart. You made your heart happy by following your true passion. And I know that it seems so hard that your old friends don’t seem to understand you or the way you feel about life. I have come accross that a lot.
My best advice is to go to more places, events, whatever that have a higher likelihood of people who are more accepting of others. Get involved in something that does good for others. Maybe Habitat for Humanity or volunteer at an animal shelter. Those who are very willing to give back have good hearts, and are always open to new connections. Connections that are real and might satisfy your desire for a true friend who will listen to you and you can learn from.
Until then, stay strong. People can be so judgmental, but look at everyone posting here. You’re not alone.
Hope that helps (:
@rickvonstar, relating to people isn’t really a key thing. I mean it’s nice to be able to do it but sometimes supporting people when they need it is enough :) Also if you want to try to start relating to people I suggest just to embrace the situations that happen so you can relate back to them when the time is right.
@daynah, You know I’m dealing with that same situation right now. I’ve talked to a lot of people about it but the other day sometime had a long talk with me and I think it’s logical. But, then again this is me and I hope it helps you.
They told me that sometimes there are people in this world that other people don’t want to hurt. Now everyone that knows me knows I have a big heart and that I’m really nice. I know that people in high school don’t really care about girl’s feelings but sometimes there are people that they just can’t not care about. I’m one of those people. Now I don’t know if that helped you so I’m going to give you my own advice… I should of just started out with this ha…
But you know what don’t rush things. In the end everything works out and you know what if you rush things you might miss the important stuff. Just remember that the universe has it’s ways of working things out and no one is ever really alone in the end!
@theskafish, Hey I hope I can help… here it goes…
So I’m a person that believes if you think positive things, then positive things will happen and vice versa.
Do you think negative thoughts a lot? It seems, by reading your post, that you just seem unhappy about where life has put you. Well what I’m going to tell you is just stop.
Stop blaming yourself. Even if it is your fault, and I’m not saying it is, just let the past be the past. Dwelling on it is just going to bring bad and negative energy into your mind.
I usually don’t get all “the universe has it’s ways” but I strongly believe that if you put negative or positive energy out into the universe that’s what the universe is going to give back to you.
I’m sorry that golden opportunities have passed you by, but that isn’t going to be the last of them! I know it’s not!
What you need to do so you don’t miss them is to open your eyes and see the good things in life and then maybe the decisions you make will become more clear.
Stop giving yourself negative feedback too, think of all the things you are happy for in life. And don’t say nothing because you have a life and that is something to be happy about! When you think about it life is a wonderful gift and the only reason people don’t think so is because they put themselves in that situation….
Also I think this issue started when you kept saying “oh there’s nothing you could have done anyway.” This goes back to my universe thing and also everyone can always do something, it’s just if you think it’s the right thing to do!
You know what, I think that secretly socially awkward people are the best people. When you are out of a group I bet your an amazing person and you know what? One day someone is going to notice that and that person is going to make you feel comfortable. The only thing you need to do is not to push that person away.
If you do this I promise you that you will never, ever be lonely
@jaymeh, the funny thing is that I was hanging out with my mate yesterday when she all of a sudden said: you know, Moni, I absolutely hated you when I first met you but then I got to know you better. Now I love you to bits. =))
And also, thank you so very much for your kind words! x
@moni, This reminds me of myself. A lot of people told me they hated me at first, but then started to love me. I usually tell them that I always hated them and continue to do so. :) … I don’t like people that judge by first impressions, that’s all. Idiots. I’m such a dick.
@staringatstars, maybe your life feels like a loop because it is a loop, most lives are. Most people, I’m talking about most of the people in the world create there past over and over again, but why do we do that?
I have an answer for you, we are programmed to do that, it’s a habit to do that, the reason I know this is because off this man: Bob proctor, he showed me something that changed my life forever, I have the links to the 3 video’s right here:
Link 1: http://youtu.be/9oYbZtUrz7g
Link 2: http://youtu.be/NI4ic6swL84
Link 3: http://youtu.be/WA155xP384U
Hope you enjoy the video’s
much love paradigmshift30
Thank you for that inspiring post!
This goes to show that even if you aren’t happy with yourself right now if you work towards it one day you will be!
I’m very happy that you made your life into something to smile about :) just thinking about that makes my heart smile.
You are a beautiful person inside and out, your story proves it to be true!
Never change and keep your head up, you deserve it.
No pain no gain.
I know that’s really cliche but it’s true. This experience is going to make you stronger. I know it is hard right now and it hurts but if they left you then you didn’t deserve them. I believe that one day you are going to find the right person and this will just seem like a little bump. You might also look back at this time as a lesson and say “Wow, that made me realize things I didn’t before.”
Just remember that you are a person with the strength to move mountains, if you believe you can.
It’s great to know that you are meeting new people and think that it is amazing! I feel that meeting new people makes the world a little bit bigger for me and that just makes me excited! I hope you take that fact with you somewhere.
If you want to date someone just do it!!! If it’s a girl, or a boy, you never know how things will turn out! Never regret something, it is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. The best way to go about something like this is to become friends first and then tell them your feelings. Then, I’m not saying it will, if something goes south you have your friendship to fall back on.
I love art! I’m an artist too and you know what find other materials to use that express who you are! Go to a yard sale and pick up an old canvas and paint over it. Or pick up a old coffee table and use the top as a canvas. Just get creative and never, ever give up on art.
Change sometimes can be a good thing, and I would say it is in this situation but then I saw your thing about drinking. I’m not a big drinker, I really dislike it actually but I don’t judge people for doing it. I’m just not that type of person. But, has your money been going to your habit? If so maybe you should stop until your bills are paid and you feel comfortable with your money situation. I’m not trying to sound mean and if I am I’m sorry :( It just seems that you want to stop too by the way you said your doing it too much. You don’t have to quit completely, social drinking on occasion is fun :) That’s what I do.
I don’t think you know that this is a pretty common thing and you are not alone! When you think about it everyone is trying to impress everyone else in this world. The other day I saw something that said “We are all trying to be different, but we are all turning into copies.”
I think that you think you have a problem but I don’t see it. I think you see that quote and don’t know how to handle it. Scratch that, I think you just try to play along with everyone else when in fact you want to be different but don’t know how everyone will react. Okay I might be wrong so I’m going to get off of this topic and move on… please don’t be angry!!
My true advice to you is sit down alone one day and make a list of things you like doing. By yourself, with your friends, with your family. Then from that list make another list of the things you enjoy most about that activity. This will show you that you aren’t mechanical, not at all!
Also if the people you are talking to make you feel uncomfortable then surround yourself with the people that make you feel comfortable. This will really help with most of the things you listed and it will help you to feel like your own person. Then when you feel confident go out and make new friends!
Also don’t think people don’t like you or anything negative because from my personal experience that isn’t true like 90 percent of the time and you know what fuck the other 10 percent. If they don’t think your good enough for them then the are NOT good enough for you to be wasting your time on.
I’m glad you decided to talk about this! keeping things bottled up is not good at all and if you ever need anything I’m here! :)
I’m really glad that you waited until you were ready for another relationship :) Good for you!
I’m also really glad that you saw those girls as friends after a while because it kept your eyes open for the perfect, beautiful girl you described!
I know your pissed but yes the universe has it’s ways and I’m glad that you realized that. If you think the universe is telling you to wait, then wait. There is nothing wrong with that. Also maybe the universe has something else in store :) There is a list going through my mind of what this could be but I’ll just keep it to myself.
Also if you see a future with this girl don’t let her go! Be by her side! I know it will hurt but if you are there through the thick and thin with her it will pay off. And who knows, this guy may be the wrong person for her.
Your welcome! This is why I made this (and I also just like talking and helping people even though I’m really not so good at it) so people could get things off of their chest in a judgement free zone! I also love how confident you are in yourself don’t change muthafucka!
I love oasis haha :)
But people aren’t always pathetic…. but yes people do make their own beds and they must either lay in them or try to make the up.
Now onto your songs…
(it’s good) to be free- I couldn’t agree with this song more. It says “You know what I got all the things off of my chest, I’m finally where I want to be but you keep trying to stop that. You keep trying to say that your shit is my fault and it isn’t” …. at least that’s what I think it says and I see how it relates to what you posted. It’s good no to have anything weighing you down and don’t let anyone try to throw their shit at you!
Supersonic- when I listen to this song I think of two things….
1) “You made your bed so now you have to lay in it”
2) “You are the only one that can really free yourself.”
Now if your reading this post and are having problems go listen to these songs. Sometimes I think the best way to express ourselves is through lyrics and quotes. I’m actually really happy that you did this by the way! I love it when people can relate to songs!
Awh, you have a really big heart :)
But I can see why you think that is a problem…. but you know what sometimes it’s good to be able to empathize with people.
If you feel like it’s too much just take a second and think about what your feeling for that person. Think about the situation. If it isn’t too important then try to get your mind off of it, kind of train yourself not to be overly empathetic. I know this is going to be hard but trying never hurts, right?
But also maybe if you try really hard to be yourself more you will break this phase :)
Just remember that there is no harm in trying things to help you out!
@jaymeh, :) I think its awesome that you’re taking the time to read and reply to everyone. Especially my long ass post haha. And anythings possible, so I guess I’ll try to stay close but not too close to her. After meditating on and thinking about this for a bit longer I think I’ve realized that this pursuit of a relationship kind of motivated me to make changes for the better in myself – everything from excersising more to doing yoga to eating better to reading more. But now I see that I need to make this motivation for positive change independent of a hope for a relationship. Thanks a ton for replying and making me feel better!
Is there are previous situation or event that happened that hold you back?
If so try to deal with accepting that situation or event so you can get over it and move on. That saying “When one door closes another opens” explains this perfectly!
If that isn’t the situation I can kind of relate. Whenever I get the chance to make new friends I have second thoughts and hold myself back. I’m trying to work on this and I have discovered something, giving people a chance never hurts.
Also when I hang out with new people at first I’m shy and backwards, but to tell you the truth all new people are like that because you aren’t comfortable with those people yet. I’d say if the first hang out goes well and you think “hey I want to be with these people more.” then go for it! The only way you are going to get comfortable around these people is if you are around them more and after a few hangouts you won’t even remember why they were awkward!
I just helped someone out with a similar problem on here… except I can’t remember which post it is on haha so I will just re-write some things…
Okay I told the person to go home and make a list of things you like doing…. this can be things you like doing by yourself, with your friends, or with your family.
From that list make another of the things you like most about those activities.
See I’m pretty sure that second list is going to have some unique things on it :)
But to tell you the truth I think you do have those events right now but your just having/going through a hard time in your life with drugs and parties. Sometimes when we are in dark places it is hard to see the light. Maybe you should try to limit your drugs and parties…. then maybe who you are will start to become clear.
I know you are your own person and I have all the faith in the world in you! All you have to do is start trying to become who you want and then all the blocks will fall into place.