Be yourself, be free

@jaymeh, Thanks for the shout out and kind words! It was a great idea to start this thread. I’ve read the above posts and your thoughts resonate wonderfully. I like it! :)

I could have had it all. I was so close. Idk what happened. I had a lucrative international business, people who actually wanted my company, a beautiful girl on both inside and out, and a family that actually loved me.

I got greedy though, tried to expand the business earlier than i should have. I wanted to come back to my homecounty to show off the success everyone said i would never achieve, as well as share the wealth with the people who were always there for me.
Somewhere along the lines however, i got caught up in the fast life.
Business was booming back in the UK, and i took forgranted the effortless inflow of cash, and generous exchange rates between the UK and US.

Somewhere i lost sight of my goal.. i was supposed to open up another facility here in florida for my friends to run, then return back to the UK. The fast life had its grip on me fairly quick however. Drinks on me whenever, parties, strip clubs, unnessasary purchases, i became immersed in consumerism to say the least.

My lifestyle effected me so much that i actually missed my return flight back to the uk. With the amount of spending i did here in florida, and the lack of time i put into the still runing business in the UK, it wasnt long before everything fell apart. So much for expansion :/. This was 2 years ago.. ive been stranded in this hell hole struggeling to start a business, or find an alternative plan ever since.
At 18 i was planning retirement.. im now freshly 20, and going to barber school.. wtf.

Ive resolved all of my internal issues now, and have no resentments about how things turned out, but still i often find myself questioning the “what ifs”, and where exactly i started down the path i ended up on.
If it wasnt for an amazing ayahuasca experience just recently, i would have given up by now.
Dunno why im posting all of this, but its just been eating at me the past few years. So thanks for listining.

@sabas4, Abso-freakin-lutely my man, and i’m so glad you see eye to eye with me on this! My dreams are the guiding force for my life, they decide what I’m doing next and where I’m headed. My friends all take the safe route, a.k.a. (“the route that makes sense”), and work whatever job they’re offered that pays them the salary they desire. For me, a simple salary is not enough, and will never be enough. Unless I am doing what I love to do for a living, I will simply not be satisfied, whereas they will do whatever it takes to get payed a salary they want to be paid. My motivation is simply not affected by money in the way it is for my best of friends and it causes a huge conflict. I have a hard time trying to see eye to eye with them on their life situations because of their heavy drive towards monetary compensation.

@jaymeh, Hahaha trust me it did, is nice to know I’m not the only one feeling bored or just sad with life haha, but well I hope universe will listen to us and as you said, it’s a “believing issue”. Yes I really enjoy change but the thing is I really don’t know how! And where to find the new people I need.
Well I see some similarities between your story and mine, but weed isn’t the problem with my friends, (I hope your friends realize you are the important one ;), if not, they surely will) they are now too superficial and it feels bad for real, I share your “I want change I need change” mood, I’ve been through family shit too and I think that’s what makes more difficult for us to meet new people. So let’s start moving on and leaving that shit behind, we’ll find that happiness again :)
Thanks for sharing your story with me :) it helped me a lot and I wish you the best!