being emotionally detached to other people

2 years, 10 months ago

I was just wondering what other peoples views are on being emotionally detached from other people?

Since maybe around this time last year I have found myself to be very detached from other people, believing that the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Don’t get me wrong I have old friends who I adore, but the thought of new relationships scares me, investing (in my case fragile) emotions into someone that may or may not let you down.
I wish to maximise happiness in my life, and so far I the times I have felt most sad have been a result of a breakdown of a relationship (all kinds, not just romantic), and after realising the fragility of human relationships I resorted to kind of withdrawing a bit.

I feel I lead a very happy and fulfilled life, I do not feel lonely and do not feel there is a ‘gap’ in my life for not allowing myself to become attached or emotionally invested in other people. I adore anything to do with nature and the wild, i read widely and avidly and when I take walks to the beach/a lake/a forest/mountains/countryside i truly feel happiest.

I guess my question is is what are other peoples opinions on this? ‘Never get so close to any one that you can’t walk away from them in a seconds notice.’ – is a quote i read somewhere. Does anyone else experience a level of emotional detachment, and what are your feelings/thoughts on it?

01.28.2012 at 2:54 pm

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

Your emotion is yours, their emotion is theirs, and those are separate. Non-reactiveness to others’ drama is a good thing, but avoiding people out of fear is a bad thing.

If you must stay away from others to avoid being hurt, you are still very attached. When you can lose someone and not hurt, that’s when you’re detached. And that’s when you’re free and joyful.

Don’t let your ego, or anyone else’s ego, dictate your feelings.

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Profile photo of Alex Eastman Alex Eastman (@alex) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

I try not to feel empathy for people I am not close to, otherwise I’d feel sorry for someone all te time. Even with my friends I try to be emotionally detached at times, because frankly, I have enough shit of my own tO worry about.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

@tdagarim You are not emotionally detached from other people. There are just too many idiots who exaggerate their own lives and are obsessed with attachment, attention-seeking and false glory ass-kissing, while they are weak and sentimental sissies, who’ll object my statement by saying I’m insensitive and disrespectful to every living coward in the world. Besides the profanity, I’m making a very good point here. Cheers.

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Profile photo of Erica Erica (@erica2012) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

I’m so glad I found your post. I feel the exact same way and sometimes question whether or not it’s healthy. I like my own company best, and really don’t need friends (although I have plenty) I have to force myself to keep up a bit of a social, but it is more because I think I “should” than because I “need to”.

I have been this way since childhood, but the funny thing is that since childhood I have always been one of the most popular people in class/at work/at the gym etc…

I think that it is funny that the less effort I put into making friends or getting wrapped up in any drama, the MORE people want to be my friend and pull me into the drama.

emotional detachment equals freedom and happiness as far as I am concerned, because of the fragility of humans. I have let people down and have been let down and have realized that I am my own best friend!

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

I’m kind of like you in regard to what you’re saying. When I’m smoking weed regularly it is disproportionally pronounced for whatever reason, and leads to my being unhappy eventually – in which I usually soon after get off the smoke.
I recall last summer when I stopped getting high after a period of heavily smoking several times a day I could literally feel my connectivity with other people reemerging. It puts me in a much better mood all of the time if I’m giving love to and feeling the love of everyone in my sphere.
I find that your psyche is requiring a transition; hence, the introversion and detachment. I notice you like to read widely and explore. Seems as if that reinforces that you are preparing for a new chapter. Caveman wiring… nomad wiring, bro. If you meditate I’d start using the time to ask yourself what it is that you pursue -you’ll find it.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

@erica2012 i am exactly the same too. as a girl also there’s so much more emphasis placed on the need for really strong, close, tight bonds with friends, and i do have that with some of my oldest friends because they realise and understand my need for alone time, although not sharing the desire themselves! i’ve come to the conclusion that aslong as i don’t feel isloated or lonely at any point then my way of living and my view on human relationships has served me fine so far and will continue to do so! :)

@dan with regards to toking i get it completely. a couple of summers ago i had a friend and we got high quite frequently, but i found myself feeling almost numb and i just didnt really care about much! felt very ‘meh’, and thats not how i like to feel when it comes to life, i like to feel very in the moment and ‘there'; grass disconnects you in that respect. i’ve never tried meditating but i can see its a popular and regularly discussed topic here on HE, i will definitely have to give it a go! thanks very much for your advice.

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Profile photo of Stephen Stephen (@stepvhen) 2 years, 10 months ago ago

Bro, I see through the illusion of self and I’m still attached to people. I see reality as is, and I’m still attached to people.

I think your issue is one of trying to not get hurt.

I don’t exist, I know I say that for comic effect a lot but it’s true. Neither do you. What you think of yourself is just the thought in the mind of an animal that would function equally well (better in fact) if it realized there was no self pulling it’s strings.

And still hurt is a feature of my reality.

It’s a part of life hurt. Pain. You can frame it anyway you want. Tell yourself that “pain means I’m growing” or that “hurt makes me stronger” but unless what your saying has some basis in reality you are deluding yourself.

Truth is. Hurt happens. It’s a part of life, indivisible from the rest of life. At any given time your life could be composed entirely of pain, it won’t last forever and it’s not likely, but it is possible. Right now somewhere in the world someone is suffering total mental and physical pain. Complete and total hurt. That’s life.

There’s one alternative to life.

So take your pick.

Hurt or death?

@the weed discussion.

Weed is a little prick of a drug.

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Profile photo of Ekaterina Ekaterina (@superduper) 1 year, 8 months ago ago

It is always a relief to read about people that are like you in a lot of ways. My take on it is that its wonderful, enjoying your own company rather than being dependent on others, in a world where you cannot rely on anyone. You are all you need, nothing is more important than your own life and well-being. Nothing is more important than your path to enlightenment. Thanks for your post :)

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Profile photo of Marie Marie (@ARCANUS) 1 year, 8 months ago ago

I feel like I live in a duality; there’s the truth that no one can give to me that which I cannot give myself and then there’s the truth that I need to be around people, and to connect with them in order to survive and thrive. I enjoy my own company and to depend on myself, but I can only survive alone for so long, from where I stand, people need people.

I find that when I feel detached to the people around me, it’s because I’m detached from my own feelings. I tend to numb my feelings because I’m scared I won’t be able to cope with them or that they’re unimportant. And by repressing the traits I wish to diminish, the traits only grow and I become self-destructive. When I treat myself harshly, is when I feel apathetic. So in order to feel connected to people, I guess I need to feel connected to myself unfiltered..

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Profile photo of Dreamer Dreamer (@heartbeat) 1 year, 8 months ago ago

@, I feel this way too, but that is only because all the crap you had to deal with in past relationships or bad actions regarding contact with other people that may hurt or feel so bad that you don’t want to go there anymore…I FEEL THIS strongly, i don’t know if it is normal, because i tend to talk a lot to people but in the end i don’t want to feel attached inside to that person, i just want to be free and careless without having to deal with the nagging feelings that happen when people get too attached to each other..but i don’t know if that is normal, because feelings are part of life itself, but i share your opinion not to let your feelings be dependent on someone else, especially in relationships……it feels different however, not so all consuming passionate, more distant and stable…

On the other hand i do feel i want to feel close to someone, but that means you have to be vulnerable, or at least on some degree you become vulnerable….and i dont want that because it generally sucks as an experience yet it opens other ways of feelings and thoughts…..:S

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Profile photo of Billa Billa (@chetan) 11 months, 2 weeks ago ago

@erica2012, (I think that it is funny that the less effort I put into making friends or getting wrapped up in any drama, the MORE people want to be my friend and pull me into the drama.

emotional detachment equals freedom and happiness as far as I am concerned, because of the fragility of humans. I have let people down and have been let down and have realized that I am my own best friend!) this is so true in my life its awesome to see people of my kind lots more confidence increased..

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