i know this topic has come up before. do people like being single? or do they feel sad when they are single? how do people view being single. of course there is that idea that those who are single must be unhappy… I definitely love being free as a bird and having crazy experiences being single but also it’s so great to cuddle in bed with someone you really care about… I want to know what you all feel about it, whether in general or what you’re going through…
I have kind of mixed feelings about it right now since I’m fresh out of a relationship. I’m not the type to have random hookups, the most I’d usually do with someone I don’t really care for is cuddle and make-out. I’m a very affectionate person so not having anyone to be affectionate with now sucks. But before him, I was single for about three years and loved it. I was sick of guys and their bullshit and all the heartache that comes along with it, so until I met him, I really didn’t want anything to do with guys. I suppose I’m sorta slipping back into that mindset because I remember how much easier and less stressful it was just being alone, not having an emotional attachment to anyone. But I’m not completely over the ex yet so at times I feel a bit sad to be alone.
I totally agree with all of you. I’ve been single for about 9 months now and it’s been a lot of fun – going out and meeting new people, being flirtatious and all the rest of it. But it’s definitely nice to have someone to bed with at night and lay there talking about your day or whatever. It’s hard to have that connection with someone and ‘no strings attatched’ at the same time.. each situation has their ups and downs but I figure that’s how we balance ourselves out. Besides, if it wasn’t for me being single right now I would NOT have learned some of the astonishing things I have discovered in myself. I was tired of being sad and hung up on my ex, so I decided to make the best of it. I have to say that I prefer single life right now because of all the changes present in my life. Remember – love yourself, it makes loving others much more enjoyable when the time is right :)
I don’t like it. I’ve been single now for 8 months. Before that I was a steady 5 years in relationships (2.) I’m seeing this one guy now and just the thought of him not being my boyfriend makes me sad. It makes me wonder if I ever find someone really interesting again. Or did I change and do people still like me? I’m used to getting attention. When I was in a relationship I had lots of boys hanging around me. But that’s over now. Why do things change? I ended my relationship because I loved the attention I got from others. Why did it stop? I would really like it if someone could fall in love with me again.. On the other side, I’m this strong young woman now. I was never as good as I am now in the things I do. I never had so much time to do the things I love. What makes us then unhappy? Why do we still want this one thing you don’t have?
Let’s see what spring brings to us..
Cheers to a new season, Aurely :)
Single life has a lot of lulls in it – sometimes you feel absolutely hopeless. But when you’re at that point in your life, the last thing that you can do is doubt yourself. I mean in the end, whose the one person who you can count on, whose always gonna be there? You! I know it sounds like one of those things everyone tells you after a break up but that’s the kind of mentality that helped me get out there and try new things. People like you, and people love/will fall in love with you again. What did you learn in your last relationships about your capabilities and your boundaries? If there is something you’d do different, and you feel strongly about it stick to your guns. What I mean is this: For example, I am really bad for not letting people get to know me because I used (sometimes still) think I’m an uninteresting person and far too complicated to be loved. This put walls between myself and one particular guy, and it got too much for him to bear that he left me. It was an eye opener, for sure. Since then, I’ve taken that big lesson and have been letting people get to know me, knowing that one day someone will catch. I’ve fired through 5 or 6 potential lovers sticking to my idea and each one of them was a huge letdown. It felt like the more I opened myself up the more I got rejected, but I realized that I was just surrounding myself with the wrong kinds of people. I started to go to the gym because I love working out, and there I’ve met a lot of motivated, happy people who are a lot like me! You have a lot of love to give, and you’re a good person. Focus on yourself in this time and develop your foundation of you – do the things you love, take long walks and appreciate every moment. The reward from this grows exponentially inside of you and you lead your life down the path you created. You’ll run into people everywhere on this journey, just not necessarily when you feel like you need it most. I hope that made sense!
@aurely, you should meet me ;)
I myself have been single for 2 years and I just been living I think the normal average college guy life. Going out alot and meeting many different girls which is totally fun. At this point I have been busy with one girl particularly for around 6 months, Its alot of fun and I really like the stability which an relationships brings (Im not saying Im in a relationship, but it is quite close).
I used to be clingy, after we broke up I felt empty without a relationship. Then we got back together. Now, I haven’t seen him for half a year (So I feel single). And honestly I love it. What they always say.. How another person can’t make you happy.. Only yourself can.. It is so true! Thus you become more desirable. Also, you have to love yourself before you can love another – very true. Plus I love my alone time as well!
About 9 months ago, I got into the relationship I’m in now and I’ve never been so happy in my entire life. It’s been my first serious relationship but I never actually thought I’d be the kind of person to really love a relationship as much as I do. I’ve learned so much about myself from being with someone else and I realized how important it is to let yourself go around certain people. Being single was fun and all but it’s really nice to have that feeling that there’s always someone to turn to and there’s always someone that loves you. I hope someone understands what I’m talking about :)
I was in a long relationship that ended about 2 years ago and since then I’ve enjoyed my single life to the point that I fear commitment now; I’m afraid that I may be too selfish perhaps. Either way I can vouch for both being single and in a relationship, although I’ve spent far more time in the former situation. Both can be great, although I would say that relationships are more rewarding and consequently more frustrating as well. Still…. I think I’m finally ready to really put myself out there again.
Girlfriends that are supportive inspire me, so when I am not in a relationship I feel a lack of drive. I am a textbook tough exterior but vulnerable beneath and I often need the support in order to overcome the occasional difficulty.
Being single can be liberating, I currently am but I do miss the intimacy and support from time to time. But I suppose the grass is always greener…
My boyfriend is my bestfriend. I am always happy to have him and some of my past boyfriends have been great too as far as a strong friendship goes. I hate being single because I don’t have a good friend with me.
I have never been good at making good girlfriends. Girls honestly scare me in the way that guys are scared of girls lol. I think they’ll turn me down so badly it’ll make me cry. A lot of girls are also too whiny, too uninteresting to me. Men tend to be more relaxed. I am probably attracted to the wrong type of girl when I try to make friends but it just almost never works out. I had a best friend for 6 years that was a girl once and it was great but I never found a friendship like that one ever again.
I am happy with having just guy friends but I feel like I am missing an aspect of me. I want to go shopping with someone, be girly with someone because I am girly. Lol shopping with my mate is a nice, he can channel his inner flamboyant, fashion-conscious homosexual but that’s really just him being sensible in my opinion. I haven’t really found that guys lack fashion sense. I think it’s a myth! But he does tire, he does want me to find a girl to really utilize my feminine side.
I do want girlfriends. I wish I were Samantha from Sex and the City with three other friends hehe. Being with someone romantically is like a crutch for me though, it allows me to shirk that duty, finding girlfriends. In other words, when I am with someone, I don’t experience other aspects of life that have been almost untouched by me that I would still like to touch. So I guess being single does allow for an element of that but really, I am happy being with my sweetheart.
I’ve never felt like I could support a relationship. Some of my friends get on me about it, but I try to not let it get me down. It’s not that I’ve never thought about having one or that I think I can’t get one… I guess I’m just afraid it would fall apart and hurt. I know it’s not a very good excuse, but there it is. I’m afraid of trying. :P
Plus I think when my mom and dad got divorced when i was little, it traumatized me about relationships and made me feel like they were a bad thing. I know that isn’t true now, but the mentality remains.
Personally.. I want to dominate the single life. Yup.
Become a fully independent, confident, and successful being on my very own before I give myself in a true committed beautiful loveydovey whatever-floats-your-boat.. “relationship.”
Breaks my heart when I see the ones I love feel dazed n confused like a little puppydog without a guy or gal to boost them up and make ‘em feel like somebody.
Who really needs marriage if you’ve got love. ^_^
I don’t usually jump into things knowing I have, what is it now? 52% chance of failing? hahaha..so why would I get hitched?
I’ve had my share of heartbreaks. I understand how Alex feels. Being hurt sucks, but in the end, I feel as if I benefited from every relationship I’ve had. I’ve been single for the past year and half and there are plenty of times I wish I could have someone to hold at night. Hell, I just would love to have someone to talk to about life and it’s many wonders.
It’s been awhile since I’ve even thought about entering another relationship. I’m 21 years old, but it seems now that I’m looking for someone the way I’ve never looked before. It’s kinda of exciting. The trick is…I don’t look for anything. I figured that I have college to get through and I have dreams to obtain. I’m not sure I’m dating material at the moment. Unless, she were to be just like me, understanding that I have to focus on my future at the moment. Maybe then I could worry about love and relationships.
This may sound selfish, but I want to be able to work as hard as I can to achieve my goals and dreams, and having a relationship would just put too much stress on me. Being single has it’s ups and downs, but ultimately I feel that I have built strong relationships with people by just being friends. I guess I’m just waiting for love.
It’s awesome that you want to be single and independent. I think that’s a smart thing to do, make sure all your own problems and things that need to get done are in order before going into a serious relationship. However, I fully believe in practice and “failing” as well so don’t belittle the people, including me, who like to be in relationships. It is a preference and not a weakness.
I think many people everywhere who seek a relationship with others aren’t doing it to make themselves feel better, to be “somebody”, I think we humans do it because we want to connect and share our lives with someone. It’s a life-enhancer to me, personally. I am guilty of liking the compliments my boyfriend gives me and it makes me feel great, but I am with him because I deeply care about him and I want to make him happy because that makes me happy. I want to create a positive life for us and I believe we help each other grow as people. We’re a unit! And it helps us flourish rather than limits us.
This isn’t true for everyone of course. Everyone has their reasons and many are legitimate. Yet, there are some who are primarily in a relationship with someone else because they need an ultimately artificial boost to function and that is sad. That’s the type of relationship that should be scrapped because that is not give and take, that is just a battle of take.
So I hope you understand where I am coming from and that perhaps you find someone when you’re ready.
I have been single my entire life I am 22 years old. do I regret this not at all. do I get lonely FUCK YES!!! I have tried dating and stuff but I have never met anyone (who feels the same way towards me[Jake Gyllenhaal] and it sucks) that I am totally connected with and willing to be in a relationship with. Should you take risks and go on dates? Yes, of course! you must be safe about it though(rapist). Is being single better than a relationship? It depends on if your in the right or wrong relationship or who you are as a person. For me i would love to be in one. I am willing to wait for my Jake Gyllenhaal to sweep me off my feet so we can make out passionately. This way of living is not for everyone. Patience and strength( to keep it in your pants) are a must.
@ Ashleigh, “I think we humans do it because we want to connect and share our lives with someone.” veryvery truuue.
Appreciate the response! You couldn’t be more right, I’m often too blunt when it comes to things. I definitely see the other side of things, was just trying to explain that I see no harm in embracing the independent life while it’s what you have. I look forward to becoming “a unit” someday too! =)
I’ve been in a number of serious relationships ranging from 1 year to 3.5 years. I’ve been single now for 1.5 years after a 2+ year relationship. I love a positive fun relationship and have had some great ones. But, I love being single as well.
Your single time is very valuable. Look at it as a great opportunity to get things done for YOU. Get projects done, trips/adventures, get fit, save money – some of these things are difficult to get done in a committed relationship. Get that stuff done during your single time. It’s a great time to improve yourself and you’ll feel more fulfilled in your next relationship. And you’ll be that much better for your next partner.
(Bonus for taking that advise – keeping your mind active MASSIVELY helps in reducing the lonely factor after a breakup. Keep mentally busy and you’ll have a much easier time of it!)
@ CJV: The only thing I miss about having “someone” is the cuddling!! The sleeping next to, the spooning, the awesome morning sex, the altogether there-ness of another warm cuddly body to kiss and hold. major cuddler here! I had four wonderful months with the best person to sleep with, she was completely quiet and angelic when she slept and if she she wasnt spooning me she always kept a hand or arm on me. Oh my god i miss that right now!!!!! I used to be a super sexual hunter gatherer single lady, but right now I’m loving this little dry spell. Gets my head straight. It’s nice not to have to think about someone else for a while!
@ Rain: I’m intrigued by your word choice. Are you married? (legalities)