@ CJV: The only thing I miss about having “someone” is the cuddling!! The sleeping next to, the spooning, the awesome morning sex, the altogether there-ness of another warm cuddly body to kiss and hold. major cuddler here! I had four wonderful months with the best person to sleep with, she was completely quiet and angelic when she slept and if she she wasnt spooning me she always kept a hand or arm on me. Oh my god i miss that right now!!!!! I used to be a super sexual hunter gatherer single lady, but right now I’m loving this little dry spell. Gets my head straight. It’s nice not to have to think about someone else for a while!
@ Rain: I’m intrigued by your word choice. Are you married? (legalities)
@M, *sigh* Yes. Lol…
Rain….do tell more? If you are comfortable sharing such private stuff.
M, I would more than gladly share, but finding the best words to fully explain why I feel tethered, flightless, and caged is not always easy…
I will say that increasingly over the past 5 years, I feel like I have to sacrifice what I dream of for myself entirely, and that to stay here, in this relationship, that I have to keep hiding who I really am, and who I really want to be. I am not comfortable in the skin I have to wear every day almost all day long anymore. I find myself starting to dislike who I have become by requirement in order to “make it work”……
*shrug* There is so much more… drunken (not me, I’m don’t get drunk that often, just drink to enjoy the actual drink, lol) destruction of property, hurled insults, etc etc etc etc. I am not a band aid, and I was not born to remain under some one’s thumb, repressed and locked away in jealous paranoia, nor am I a fan of being taken for granted, over and over. If I am willing to sacrifice so much of who I am, the least that I should be given is equal respect, adoration, and love. Appreciation.
*shrug* That’s an idea, anyway….
Oh boy do i understand that! Finding the right words is a tug of war between struggle and pleasure that I have with most any topic. I have always been of the mind that I will never get married because I simply don’t feel that for me it is a realistic option. I love spending time with myself too much! I think I can only handle certain aspects of being with someone too. not the whole package. for now I am content to graze this pasture like a bumbling little cow, mozying on over to this little patch of buttercups, then over to that little clover patch, so on so forth lame analogy continues….
I edited my reply, explained more.
“The least you should be given…” ? Most people don’t feel they owe anyone anything. I would say start demanding of yourself that respect, adoration, love, and appreciation, and if someone in your life doesn’t want to do the same, then you can be content with the fact that your worth and your happiness doesnt depend on them! Girl I don’t like at ALL your description of fitting into another skin for this person.
I don’t like it either…and I have said as much. I shouldn’t strike anyone as a wallflower around here, I know how to open my mouth and express my feelings and desires. So please, do not think that I have sat by and just allowed this to go this way. I have debated, battled, defended, etc. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of my willingness to serve those I love, my people pleasing nature, being used against me. And dammit ALL, I need fire and passion, too. I need to be WANTED. I need to be pulled close, growled over, snuggled, needed….And not the way someone needs a couch that they have had for years and are comfy with….
I have been single for about 4 years now. There are times when I love it, and times when it makes me miserable. I’ve dated a few guys here and there, one of whom I REALLY fell for and wanted to get serious with, but later discovered that he was a liar, a cheater, and just not the person I thought he was. This was last September, so still pretty recent. We met in August, hung out all the time for about a month, took a “break” and started hanging out again in November, and stopped again right after Christmas. That back and forth and up and down really took a toll on me emotionally. I didn’t even know him that long, but it was one of those connections where you feel like you have known the person for years and are immediately comfortable around them….Needless to say, I don’t speak to him anymore. Not because I have ill feelings, it’s just easier to get over it and move on without the reminder of him and having to talk to him every now and then.
I really do like the freedom I have being single, but I still want to be able to share my life and experiences with someone. Yes I have my friends and family for that, but its the intimacy part that I am missing from my life. I miss having that special someone to cuddle with and kiss and hug and fall alseep with. Its not about sex either…I mean I am a girl…I could get that anytime if I wanted to…lol. (us women are lucky that way)…but I don’t like to do that. Sometimes I think I am too picky with who I date, but I don’t want to just settle for a guy because hes nice, or treats me well, or we have the same interests. Obviously I want those things, but if theres no physical attraction, whats the point. I can’t force myself to be with someone if theres no spark or chemistry. Thats really something that is hard to find (for me at least).
Its really hard to meet people to when you are older. I’m only 29, but you really notice how fast life comes and goes at this age when your are single and all your friends are starting to settle down. I know I’ll meet that special someone at some point….im just really impatient now..haha. Anyone have any sweet, good looking single friends??? Send em my way…haha
you say you havent sat and allowed and yet here you are still….maybe standing, yelling, kicking, screaming and allowed? I don’t want this to come off as accusatory and I don’t want to “shrink” you. I like just talking to you and learning more about you :)
I guess I *gasp* chose my words wrong in that explanation. I HAVE allowed it to get to where it is. But not without kicking and struggling at least. I know that in some ways, I stayed because despite the bad, security in someone being there, no matter how bad I felt, in some ways, was at least security in something? I have abandonment issues, I know for a fact. I have said in tears more than once, “I just want someone to stay”… I know it’s from my childhood losses of my adopted mom, my adoption at a “cognitive” age, etc etc.
I like what you posted in another discussion, something about embarking on a new chapter in your life, an awakening. When I came upon this site I felt the same way. Sounds like a lot of people do. Here’s to our happiness along this journey!
I guess one of my biggest issues is being very comfortable around people in general and being myself, just because I’m scared of liking people way more than they like me. I do love people it’s just that there’s often a certain distance, as if I’m half in, half out, somewhat unsure. I feel it’s something I need to resolve before getting into another relationship. The first one was long-distance, and the second one I was sort of a rebound – there was mutual like and love, but there was always something wrong creating a distance (on both our parts).
I’d love to find somebody though. I love getting into other people’s worlds, exploring their likes and finding out what makes them tick.
I was single for almost 5 years before meeting my gorgeous other half about 3 years ago. Did I love being single? Sure did! It was amazing- met lots of people, every little bit of my time was my own. But I won’t lie, it was also mixed with moments where I felt lonely, I’m someone who loves loving people. Being single did let me heal enough from my previous relationship, which I very much needed…and also gain a fresh perspective on the kind of partner I would like to share life with. So it was also one of the most valuable times in my life too! Being in a relationship is wonderful, love it to bits! There are moments where I miss certain aspects of singledom, just like while I was single I missed aspects of being with someone. Having said that, I’ve found a wonderful man so being in a relationship is pretty blissful :)
@Rain: Even though we have just introduced ourselves I’m still sending you lots of hugs and strength to keep listening to your TRUTH!
Personally ive been single for 4 years now. I havent had a serious relationship since my last girl of 3 years. At first I enjoyed the hook ups and the freedom that comes with being single…then i went through a period where I was extremely lonely and just couldnt find anyone to go steady with. Now at this point Im always looking, but Im starting to realize how difficult dating becomes as we get older….money, careers and status becomes much more important in general for long term relationships, and Im so unsure of where and what Im trying to do with life that most girls that are going through the same thing find little security in what i have to offer….on the other end the girls that do want to tag along are too wild for me, as Im looking for some foundation and direction in someone myself……when your alone, all you want is somebody there….and when you have someone by your side, you long for freedom…Murphy’s law i suppose………i cant wait until i meet her, I know we’ll find eachother eventually, In the meantime Im just trying to make it through the day
@Rain I just wanted to stop by a say that you are a fabulous person and although we don’t really know each other I felt really identified with your story. it was very brave of you sharing all that you felt, and think that you are entliteld to demand everything you need from the person you love. I’ve been through something similar myself, and I’ve known the feeling of being trapped and caged and wearing a different skin. It’s probably not as far as you because i haven’t been married, but i see what you’re going through. I just wanted you to know that i’m sending you lots of love and strenghts.
i have been single for two years now, after a 2 year and very close relationship with a girl. i definitely enjoyed being single for the first year because of all of the time to myself, and it has really helped me be creative and explore exactly who i am. it has also made me realize that i am a relationship and need someone who needs me just as much, its a very satisfying feeling.
I Have been off and on with my first love for 8 years…. 4 days ago was the 8th year. shes amazing. we have gone threw it all. I’m twenty three now. i cant believe its been that long. Its crazy. def. my best friend. idk where its headed but ill let it go where its gonna go. long time huh?
@Nicole – you totally spoke my mind on that reply.
I’ve been single 4 years. I love the freedom that being single provides, and I’m also the type of person that values my solitude. I really need my alone time. My friend jokes around with me that I’ve been on more first dates than anyone he knows, haha. What I struggle with though is why I can’t seem to find anyone. After awhile I start to feel like it must be that there’s something wrong with me. I was seeing this guy briefly, just a month or two, and at first he was super into me. We clicked from the get go and I had the best first date of my life! We really had a blast together. Then he started sending me all these weird mixed signals and eventually told my friend he just “didn’t feel a connection.” Like, wtf. I sure as hell did. And that’s beyond frustrating. And I tend to let my negative thinking get out of hand when I think about the whole dating issue I start wondering if I have some awful personality trait that I’m not aware of and it makes me feel very isecure. I think we all need to feel loved in a romantic way at some point in our lives, I think it’s built in.
I am single since last 3yrs. I had only one relationship that lasted for about three months only. I am living life fully though sometimes I feel lonely. Living single or in a relationship has their pros and cons. The purpose of life is to live it fully whether you are single or in a relationship.
I’ve been single for forever! It seems like a long time. But I have my mom who is also single for company. I wouldn’t say I hate being single. But I would say I want to be with a man, not for the newness, but for the company.
I enjoy being single ( 5 year relationship ended last August ) Ive been doing stuff for myself. But the most important part is learning from that experience. I am still friends with her, our break up was mutual and nobody got hurt. Like Ive heard it said when it comes to finding someone “It always tends to happen when you are not looking”
It’s been 7 years since I’ve been in a real relationship and I, for the most part, don’t miss a thing. The freedom is too much fun that I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. I like to travel, and for the next five years at least will not be in the country, or one place for that matter for more than half the time. Kinda hard to start dating someone when you know that’s coming up, as I wouldn’t want to put anyone else through that.
Well said Joseph! I compare being single… to having a babysitter if you have kids.. or if you’re a teenager & your parents go out of town & you can all of a sudden do whatever you want for a brief period of time. It’s like a vacation. I say that bc I’ve been single for less than 2 years of my life since I started dating. You play to your crowd—you are definitely a different person when you’re single and when you’re not. In trying not to hurt your partner’s feelings, or trying to be “loyal” to them.. you limit yourself. Being single is a freedom you don’t know until it’s gone… but the grass is always greener right?
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