i know this topic has come up before. do people like being single? or do they feel sad when they are single? how do people view being single. of course there is that idea that those who are single must be unhappy… I definitely love being free as a bird and having crazy experiences being single but also it’s so great to cuddle in bed with someone you really care about… I want to know what you all feel about it, whether in general or what you’re going through…
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I’ve been single for forever! It seems like a long time. But I have my mom who is also single for company. I wouldn’t say I hate being single. But I would say I want to be with a man, not for the newness, but for the company.
@ CJV: The only thing I miss about having “someone” is the cuddling!! The sleeping next to, the spooning, the awesome morning sex, the altogether there-ness of another warm cuddly body to kiss and hold. major cuddler here! I had four wonderful months with the best person to sleep with, she was completely quiet and angelic when she slept and if she she wasnt spooning me she always kept a hand or arm on me. Oh my god i miss that right now!!!!! I used to be a super sexual hunter gatherer single lady, but right now I’m loving this little dry spell. Gets my head straight. It’s nice not to have to think about someone else for a while!
@ Rain: I’m intrigued by your word choice. Are you married? (legalities)
I have been single for about 7 years now(34) after a particularly hard breakup with a girl I was about to propose to who I still consider to be my soul mate. I love being single and have become quite selfish with my time, as in doing what I want/when I want and not having to consider anybody else, yet still miss being able to share my life with somebody.
The problem I have is that I am getting older and want nothing more to settle down and have a family, yet the only girl I actually feel attracted to(emotionally) is my best friend who is a lesbian. We get on really well and a lot of the time it actually feels like it is a relationship(as in she stays over and we even sleep in the same bed cuddling a little but nothing more than that, we talk to each other most nights and not often there is more than a day gap in our conversations), but she just can’t be with a guy(100% lesbian..0% bi) although we have spoken about it and she said if she could choose not to be gay she would as it is hard(traditional/conservative family) and she could see a relationship working with me.
I am also one of these people that gets hung up on girls(as in a 5 year crush which stopped me pursuing any other girls) so being a little hung up on my best friend(with almost a 0% chance of a relationship) kind of really worries me as time is marching by and although I am a guy and have a little longer to have kids, don’t want to be a old fart when my kids hit 18…
I don’t like it. I’ve been single now for 8 months. Before that I was a steady 5 years in relationships (2.) I’m seeing this one guy now and just the thought of him not being my boyfriend makes me sad. It makes me wonder if I ever find someone really interesting again. Or did I change and do people still like me? I’m used to getting attention. When I was in a relationship I had lots of boys hanging around me. But that’s over now. Why do things change? I ended my relationship because I loved the attention I got from others. Why did it stop? I would really like it if someone could fall in love with me again.. On the other side, I’m this strong young woman now. I was never as good as I am now in the things I do. I never had so much time to do the things I love. What makes us then unhappy? Why do we still want this one thing you don’t have?
Let’s see what spring brings to us..
I like what you posted in another discussion, something about embarking on a new chapter in your life, an awakening. When I came upon this site I felt the same way. Sounds like a lot of people do. Here’s to our happiness along this journey!
I enjoy being single ( 5 year relationship ended last August ) Ive been doing stuff for myself. But the most important part is learning from that experience. I am still friends with her, our break up was mutual and nobody got hurt. Like Ive heard it said when it comes to finding someone “It always tends to happen when you are not looking”
I split 5 month ago after 5yrs and after we decided to get married.
Now I’m fine, I’m very lucky having a busy life, fantastic friends and not struggling to get girls (nice girls i mean) but I cannot say I don’t think how would have been my life with her everyday (I would never come back, just thoughts)
I starded to try to see the nice part of everything happens and this helped me to be fine.
It’s fantastic to have fun during weekends, to be free not to say where, what and why… But on monday and the rest of the week receiving a message with an easy “Have nice day” from someone important would make my day a good day, and you have to consider that weekend is long 2, rest of the week 5…
Cheers to a new season, Aurely :)
Single life has a lot of lulls in it – sometimes you feel absolutely hopeless. But when you’re at that point in your life, the last thing that you can do is doubt yourself. I mean in the end, whose the one person who you can count on, whose always gonna be there? You! I know it sounds like one of those things everyone tells you after a break up but that’s the kind of mentality that helped me get out there and try new things. People like you, and people love/will fall in love with you again. What did you learn in your last relationships about your capabilities and your boundaries? If there is something you’d do different, and you feel strongly about it stick to your guns. What I mean is this: For example, I am really bad for not letting people get to know me because I used (sometimes still) think I’m an uninteresting person and far too complicated to be loved. This put walls between myself and one particular guy, and it got too much for him to bear that he left me. It was an eye opener, for sure. Since then, I’ve taken that big lesson and have been letting people get to know me, knowing that one day someone will catch. I’ve fired through 5 or 6 potential lovers sticking to my idea and each one of them was a huge letdown. It felt like the more I opened myself up the more I got rejected, but I realized that I was just surrounding myself with the wrong kinds of people. I started to go to the gym because I love working out, and there I’ve met a lot of motivated, happy people who are a lot like me! You have a lot of love to give, and you’re a good person. Focus on yourself in this time and develop your foundation of you – do the things you love, take long walks and appreciate every moment. The reward from this grows exponentially inside of you and you lead your life down the path you created. You’ll run into people everywhere on this journey, just not necessarily when you feel like you need it most. I hope that made sense!
I guess one of my biggest issues is being very comfortable around people in general and being myself, just because I’m scared of liking people way more than they like me. I do love people it’s just that there’s often a certain distance, as if I’m half in, half out, somewhat unsure. I feel it’s something I need to resolve before getting into another relationship. The first one was long-distance, and the second one I was sort of a rebound – there was mutual like and love, but there was always something wrong creating a distance (on both our parts).
I’d love to find somebody though. I love getting into other people’s worlds, exploring their likes and finding out what makes them tick.
Personally.. I want to dominate the single life. Yup.
Become a fully independent, confident, and successful being on my very own before I give myself in a true committed beautiful loveydovey whatever-floats-your-boat.. “relationship.”
Breaks my heart when I see the ones I love feel dazed n confused like a little puppydog without a guy or gal to boost them up and make ‘em feel like somebody.
Who really needs marriage if you’ve got love. ^_^
I don’t usually jump into things knowing I have, what is it now? 52% chance of failing? hahaha..so why would I get hitched?
It’s been 7 years since I’ve been in a real relationship and I, for the most part, don’t miss a thing. The freedom is too much fun that I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. I like to travel, and for the next five years at least will not be in the country, or one place for that matter for more than half the time. Kinda hard to start dating someone when you know that’s coming up, as I wouldn’t want to put anyone else through that.
A relationship can be convenient at times, but honestly it’s just too much hassle.
being single has its moments of coolness…then there are times when i’d love a ‘bonnie’ to roll with this ‘clyde’…a bestfriend…so close that we receive the same thoughts at time..i def miss having a beautiful lady to give to, provide for, surprise, catch concerts with, rollin papers ), and to share some of my corny jokes with
@aurely, you should meet me ;)
I myself have been single for 2 years and I just been living I think the normal average college guy life. Going out alot and meeting many different girls which is totally fun. At this point I have been busy with one girl particularly for around 6 months, Its alot of fun and I really like the stability which an relationships brings (Im not saying Im in a relationship, but it is quite close).
I was single for almost 5 years before meeting my gorgeous other half about 3 years ago. Did I love being single? Sure did! It was amazing- met lots of people, every little bit of my time was my own. But I won’t lie, it was also mixed with moments where I felt lonely, I’m someone who loves loving people. Being single did let me heal enough from my previous relationship, which I very much needed…and also gain a fresh perspective on the kind of partner I would like to share life with. So it was also one of the most valuable times in my life too! Being in a relationship is wonderful, love it to bits! There are moments where I miss certain aspects of singledom, just like while I was single I missed aspects of being with someone. Having said that, I’ve found a wonderful man so being in a relationship is pretty blissful :)
I’ve had my share of heartbreaks. I understand how Alex feels. Being hurt sucks, but in the end, I feel as if I benefited from every relationship I’ve had. I’ve been single for the past year and half and there are plenty of times I wish I could have someone to hold at night. Hell, I just would love to have someone to talk to about life and it’s many wonders.
It’s been awhile since I’ve even thought about entering another relationship. I’m 21 years old, but it seems now that I’m looking for someone the way I’ve never looked before. It’s kinda of exciting. The trick is…I don’t look for anything. I figured that I have college to get through and I have dreams to obtain. I’m not sure I’m dating material at the moment. Unless, she were to be just like me, understanding that I have to focus on my future at the moment. Maybe then I could worry about love and relationships.
This may sound selfish, but I want to be able to work as hard as I can to achieve my goals and dreams, and having a relationship would just put too much stress on me. Being single has it’s ups and downs, but ultimately I feel that I have built strong relationships with people by just being friends. I guess I’m just waiting for love.
Well said Joseph! I compare being single… to having a babysitter if you have kids.. or if you’re a teenager & your parents go out of town & you can all of a sudden do whatever you want for a brief period of time. It’s like a vacation. I say that bc I’ve been single for less than 2 years of my life since I started dating. You play to your crowd—you are definitely a different person when you’re single and when you’re not. In trying not to hurt your partner’s feelings, or trying to be “loyal” to them.. you limit yourself. Being single is a freedom you don’t know until it’s gone… but the grass is always greener right?
M, I would more than gladly share, but finding the best words to fully explain why I feel tethered, flightless, and caged is not always easy…
I will say that increasingly over the past 5 years, I feel like I have to sacrifice what I dream of for myself entirely, and that to stay here, in this relationship, that I have to keep hiding who I really am, and who I really want to be. I am not comfortable in the skin I have to wear every day almost all day long anymore. I find myself starting to dislike who I have become by requirement in order to “make it work”……
*shrug* There is so much more… drunken (not me, I’m don’t get drunk that often, just drink to enjoy the actual drink, lol) destruction of property, hurled insults, etc etc etc etc. I am not a band aid, and I was not born to remain under some one’s thumb, repressed and locked away in jealous paranoia, nor am I a fan of being taken for granted, over and over. If I am willing to sacrifice so much of who I am, the least that I should be given is equal respect, adoration, and love. Appreciation.
*shrug* That’s an idea, anyway….
I used to be clingy, after we broke up I felt empty without a relationship. Then we got back together. Now, I haven’t seen him for half a year (So I feel single). And honestly I love it. What they always say.. How another person can’t make you happy.. Only yourself can.. It is so true! Thus you become more desirable. Also, you have to love yourself before you can love another – very true. Plus I love my alone time as well!
It’s awesome that you want to be single and independent. I think that’s a smart thing to do, make sure all your own problems and things that need to get done are in order before going into a serious relationship. However, I fully believe in practice and “failing” as well so don’t belittle the people, including me, who like to be in relationships. It is a preference and not a weakness.
I think many people everywhere who seek a relationship with others aren’t doing it to make themselves feel better, to be “somebody”, I think we humans do it because we want to connect and share our lives with someone. It’s a life-enhancer to me, personally. I am guilty of liking the compliments my boyfriend gives me and it makes me feel great, but I am with him because I deeply care about him and I want to make him happy because that makes me happy. I want to create a positive life for us and I believe we help each other grow as people. We’re a unit! And it helps us flourish rather than limits us.
This isn’t true for everyone of course. Everyone has their reasons and many are legitimate. Yet, there are some who are primarily in a relationship with someone else because they need an ultimately artificial boost to function and that is sad. That’s the type of relationship that should be scrapped because that is not give and take, that is just a battle of take.
So I hope you understand where I am coming from and that perhaps you find someone when you’re ready.
Oh boy do i understand that! Finding the right words is a tug of war between struggle and pleasure that I have with most any topic. I have always been of the mind that I will never get married because I simply don’t feel that for me it is a realistic option. I love spending time with myself too much! I think I can only handle certain aspects of being with someone too. not the whole package. for now I am content to graze this pasture like a bumbling little cow, mozying on over to this little patch of buttercups, then over to that little clover patch, so on so forth lame analogy continues….