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Everything doesn’t always make immediate sense to people though. I have a friend that you cant do that with, at least if you want to be effective. You have to explain A and B before you present C, otherwise, if you just present C, he’s going to flip out and not understand without the background of A and B.
That’s not sugarcoating, that’s being effective. Sure, the problem might lay in him, but you can’t immediately change people to work for you though, and if you feel he could benefit from the information, its disrespectful if you don’t try to find a way in which they will understand.
I think there is a moderation to it. You need a filter but still have the essentials. I am a very speak my mind, very honest person. I cant stand it when people lie to me. I feel much more comfortable with someone calling me ugly or something like that instead of them lying to me. I surround myself with people that are willing to give me the honest to God truth. Its important to tell the truth. And pointless to lie most of the time. But I see times where it may be needed. thats just pretty rare.
I know a guy who would use ‘honesty’ as an excuse to be downright rude, and it made me realise that there really is a time and a place for white lies. Deciding that ‘lying is bad’ is a perfect example of this dualistic society that we’re supposed to be trying to get away from. In fact, it may be the perfect example of how that black/white paradigm doesn’t work.
There’s a time and a place for everything…
People who are blunt, while respectful, that’s just great. Love them.
Smart-ass-dummies who don’t know shit about shit, who just talk just to talk and say ‘I’m being brutally honest’… Have no time in the agenda for ‘em.
And… One more word on blunts… Yes, I love to smoke them too!
Bought a rolling machine yest… It’s the only way to roll blunts. ; )
@ Alex, what you said doesn’t conflict with being blunt, there is just more blunt explanation to give. You can be blunt in your reasoning. Just because you have to explain A and B to get to C, doesn’t mean your not being blunt. That is effective bluntness.
@ Nicholas, I don’t think lying is good. I don’t think that you should have to lie to someone to make them feel better about themselves. I also don’t think you should go out of your way to be negatively blunt with someone. Kind of goes with the whole “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. “
I kinda agree with @Tony here
I am not a blunt person, but the truth will come out of me. I may lie about something initially but in the end I will end up telling the whole truth. Is that blunt? ha
I personally really like people that are blunt, but not ass-hole-blunt. There is a way to say things bluntly without having to be “Sorry this may hurt, but I just want to tell you the truth”; thats basically setting yourself up to be a huge asshole. If someone wants the truth I think they deserve to know.
I think being brutally honest is the way to go, I feel it’s morally right and also efficient in that it saves the time of both yourself and whoever you’re dealing with. I know this contradicts what I said in an earlier thread about lying and cheating, but I only advocated those things because it seems that being brutally honest in a society of liars, cheaters, and manipulators only puts you at a disadvantage, like bringing your fists to a gunfight.
But I am all for honesty and think if everyone were honest we’d have a better world. If everyone in business were honest for example, looking to make a nice living instead of a killing, we wouldn’t have this mess we’re in. Also in personal life, politeness for politeness’ sake or sugarcoating is not only lame but counterproductive. If someone says nice things to me but doesn’t mean them, then how do I know what I lack, or need to improve? I’ll falsely assume everything is fine and keep making the same mistakes over and over. Also, to be less than honest in social situations to me is just plain cowardice.
Like for example…
I was buying an iPod off this dude from my neighborhood.. Here goes the dialogue.
Ralph: Hey I got an iPod for sale. 1,000 pesos.
Me: How many gigs?
Me: Umm, well, it aint worth more than 50 bucks.. So I’ll give you 500 pesos.
Ralph: Ok… Let’s do it.
Me: (I go for the cash into my pocket)
Raplh: Wow, give me that 200 one you got too. make it 700.. and I’ll throw in the headphones too.
Me: Dude, we agreed on a price already. I have the money. All I want is the iPod.
Ralph: well, it comes with the headphones and the charger… and you know what, I can sell it for 1,000 and plus, i know this guy…….
(I stopped listening)
And I simply said: Dude, kindly cut the bullshit please. You’re dealing with a gentleman and I’m talking serious business. I have the 500. If you’re not going to sell me the iPod at the settled price, I don’t have time to be here joking arguing and chatting with you.
Ralph: (looks blankly and just says): Ok, give me the money. here you go.
I was blunt… But kind. My tone was cool and collected the whole time.
Exactly, softening the blow is counterproductive. Even if a person doesn’t want to hear the truth, that’s what they need to hear. Don’t help them avoid reality, help them get over their bullshit fear of reality.
Brutal honesty all the way.
@Tine, I first read your comment and thought “heck yes, being blunt all the time is the definition of being an asshole” but then thought- the moments that I have been blunt or my friends have been blunt towards me have generally been moments that I have really learned from. And being blunt doesn’t mean that one cares about every issue- it’s not like one has to go around putting people down.
Sometimes being blunt is hitting on someone you like or speaking your mind when you know it is going to be shot down. Being blunt is risking others opinions of you- but I think it’s a risk well taken.
The truth- or other peoples perceptions of ‘the truth’- can hurt- but it’s good to develop thick skin and embrace to the point opinions.
Blunt is the way to go. And there’s nothing disrespectful about being blunt, beating around the bush IS disrespectful. If you respect a person you tell that person the truth, everything else is just fucked up.
And I don’t like people wasting my time by sugarcoating and beating around the bush. You got something to say? Say it, the way it was intended to be said. I don’t like people who can’t be blunt with me, and I don’t like people who can’t take bluntness.
If you can’t handle the blunt truth, you got fucking issues.