Can a girl not use smiley emoticons without guys thinking I'm flirting?

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Anonymous (@)    1 year, 9 months ago

I’m not trying to pose this as a topic to vent in (well I guess the inherent thought equates venting)… But I’m trying to ask a serious question here.

Guys, can a girl not smile without guys thinking they’re flirting?

I actually mean for this to extend to in person also, but this overwhelmingly gets misunderstood online all the time (not necessarily just by me, I swear I’m not sending smiley emoticons to tons of guys on fb or something).

I love having genuinely nice interaction with people. Now I certainly don’t mind someone finding me attractive, that’s nicely flattering to anyone, but how they exert that interest in their actions can change something from just an added side note to reason for me feeling extremely uncomfortable, suspicious and cautious and everything in between.

It’s commonly a mistake made, however, and the part that bothers me is when they feel like that instantly means I’m really into them and they either make well, very misogynistic and direct comments (often, and it is thoroughly uncomfortable and disgusting the high percentage is old men) whether they realize it or not or some variation where they have to make a bold move on me.
It’ll literally only take a smile sometimes. I’m not exaggerating a bit.
And I’m seriously not some extra attractive person or anything, from a very honest neutral objective. I feel I’m pretty average and range on the thicker average size.

Recent poll said ~60% of this site is male, so:
Males, what is your view on this phenomenon? Do you agree/disagree with this reaction? Do you feel that is a common reaction or more relative and ratios are different than how often this seems to happen?

I am sincerely curious and extremely open minded. I’m into true gender equality (not feminism), however have been taken advantage of in different contexts and am naturally distrusting anyway so when I feel my safety is even the slightest challenged I go into instant survival mode.

0 votes, posted 12.08.2012 at 2:54 am
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Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike,

yea, sry, the answer is fairly simply, it is not a literal ‘drool’, but they are ‘mentally drooling’, and that’s why they start to act weird, they become too self aware and whatever maturity level is found inside is reflected in their response, which is why you can get a multitude of response ranging from -chill- (less common) TO an assortment of nonsense (related to their ego perception of themselves)

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo, I know for sure that there are men who differ of course… generalizing is never wholly true, there’s too many humans. Unfortunately, though, I think what you exhibit is what differs you from what is a “man” and simply a grown-up boy.
Completely mentally balanced people are going to be insurmountably less inclined to have self-doubts and insecurities. I just think that most of the populace is exactly not that and will show signs of weakness in different forms, including jumping to hoping a girl is hot for him at any possible sign.

I would like to also throw on the table the idea of gender roles and how it plays in terms of how guys perceive women and how they think they’re supposed to interact with them.
This whole “men have to be manly manly men” and “women have to be exaggerated proportions and have good hair/makeup/whatever” thing we buy into by society can’t help the problem.
It’s probably what propels them to think it’s ok to just talk to a lady like being a smooth and aloof operator will impress them.
And the girls who are conditioned to think this points to affluence or whatever it is that makes it appealing only purports this.

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MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@tine, Think of me what you want to. I’m not going to try to change your view on men because it sounds like you’re pretty firm in that belief – like you can see what every man is thinking….

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Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo,

again, ‘generalizing’, if you are not like this, then there is no need to defend yourself bud, i don’t doubt you when you say you’re not, my doubt only comes from your need to continue to defend yourself against something you do not do, especially when i mentioned previously i was generalizing.

and i can see it. this is not a brag, this is an understanding, you’re welcome to not believe this, i have no need to prove it to anyone as i have seen the cause / effect of this understanding produce results in reality on a daily basis, i can predict and flow seamlessly.

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike, Yeah, I am accusing you, so what? Were you trying to convince me that people should pay attention to what they’re not interested? Sometimes I regret I’m even paying attention.

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MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike, You’re right about society almost promotes this behavior from men, but I think it’s also a defense mechanism. In this day and age, where women have a lot more influence, I think a lot of men are feeling threatened by the feminism that society also promotes – it’s just my thoughts, though

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Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beyond,

aww man, don’t be angry, the only way out is through brother =)

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Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beyond,

aren’t you set on mirror smashing atm?

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@tine, I’m not angry, just pointing out the ridiculous as usual.

@beardlike, “Completely mentally balanced people are going to be insurmountably less inclined to have self-doubts and insecurities.”

Have you seen completely mentally balanced people? :)

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marthamena95 (@marthamena95)1 year, 9 months ago ago

just write as whatever way it pleases you, whether you are flirting or not. If they think you are flirting, ok. If you are not flirting, it is still ok.

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MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@tine, First of all, I am not defending myself (mention where, please), I just mentioned that I disagreed with you – that my opinion is different than yours. No, it’s more that I feel to defend men in general – read my previous post on why.
Secondly, all I see is bragging, telling me that it’s like that everywhere. Do you know what men are thinking for sure? No, I don’t think you do. It’s the same as if I claimed that I know what women are thinking – and I’m not, because I am not a woman – hell, I am more confused by some things about what women are thinking….

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beyond,
“Have you seen completely mentally balanced people?” Yes I have. They’re pretty easy to spot once you talk to them. You are not one of them. Neither am I, never quoted as saying such either. I’m currently working on myself and am trying to neutralize everything that’s always been hyperbolized/sensationalized in my life and trying to find the truthful, neutral balance that is in everything. I applaud anyone doing the same.

I am also stating and you are proving that you are blind to how much you are rampant with the qualities for which you love to troll and threadbash people for.
I’m done giving you any more reasons to stroke your ego dick. Now go threadsurfing so you can find someone as equally ignorant and blind as you are and have a staring contest. Goodbye. Last response.

@michaelo, This is totally plausible as a dynamic! You know, I read something not too long ago about how we are still in a mostly male-dominated society on a general whole as of right now, but we are quickly shifting into a female-dominated world and in a lot of manners certain subjects have been overwhelmed by female dominance entirely.
Obviously the first one to this would be sex. Back in maybe the 70′s we could still argue that males dominated sex, but as soon as “sex sells” became a thing and civil rights became more widespread and “political correctness” became an issue (especially in areas of harassment, goodgod that shit is so dumb sometimes) it deff shifted gears.

It sucks though, cause I think that it’s a nasty vicious cycle. Although the feminism is daunting and working (not that I necessarily support just feminism, that tends to be too radical and anti-man), the reason there’s such a huge movement still is because we still have a very misogynistic natural way of looking at things. Jesus, equal pay is still not a real law.

@marthamena95, This is also a staggeringly well placed point. You actually just made me feel way better about all of the in-betweens. But..

I still don’t know what to say to make creepy old men stop talking to me for too long. :/ I really don’t like it.

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

Note to all: my boyfriend just made a beautifully executed point as he brushed over the topic. The same literally goes for guys too, that they can’t use a smiley face without girls thinking they’re flirting and spurning them or some shit.
So sad but true.
I sincerely hold onto the grounds that I am not like what seems to be an overwhelming stereotype of girls, btw. (Actually, I’m often misunderstood by them and always had to huddle in with the “weird” girls in hs, ha.)

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Bobby (@bobbylloydxd)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike, This is what you sound like. ” OMG like the world is such a sad place because like, guys will think I am like flirting with them if I like just send them a smiley face. Like WTF?”

I mean seriously now. The solution to this problem is so simple that its not even worth talking about. Stop sending guys smiley faces unless you are flirting with them. The world is not going to end if you have to stop using emoticons in your casual cyber-conversations. I feel like if you would have put your phone/computer away for ten minutes and gone outside and thought about it, you would have definitely figured out a solution to your problem within 10 minutes.

There is nothing else to say about this topic at all. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I do wan’t to let you know that this thread is far too stupid to warrant a space on this website. I hope that in your future threads you will either contribute something of essence or ask truly thought provoking and intelligent questions that foster intelligent and creative responses.

Good day to you.

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Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo,

–No, it’s more that I feel to defend men in general–

interesting…

– Do you know what men are thinking for sure?–

no, i never approach it from a sure standpoint, i know what to look for and when i see it, i sit back and watch and allow them to paint the portrait of who they are form their actions

allow me to ask you the same question, these men who you feel the need to defend, are you sure? because you definitely seem to think so.

woman and men are easy to understand once you know what to look for, you only see bragging because you want a reason not to believe me.

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MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike, It definitely is a possibility, though I think that we, as humans, have to be careful of how it should change. I think men are generally using this defense mechanism because women are trying to tell them “how to be men” – which is most likely impossible for women to do, in my opinion – so they sort of “revolt”.
It’s true that some parts of society is still misogynistic, but we also have to be careful that it won’t become the opposite, although it is becoming more ordinary to think like that. There must be a balance in between the two, but I don’t think we’ll ever find it because men and women have different views on how the world should be.
Remember that it’s only how I see it.

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Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beyond,

=D, you know i am your friend, the voice might have a lil influence here

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Anonymous (@)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@bobbylloydxd, OMG like you are totally like completely hyperbolizing what I said, like, into a stereotype like like

This goes back to how I responded to the thread about the girl in high school about her personal problems with her friends and many people bashing her when she had real questions to real thoughts and people decided what was “good” enough to be on HE.

Seriously, this might be an exaggeration but 1 in 4 topics on the main board is about fucking drugs and how they enhance your life. EVERYDAY : “weed works for me.” “well weed doesn’t work for me.” “psychs make me fink deeply.”
Come on, people, look all around you.
5 hours ago on the front page I saw 3 out of 7 or whatever that showed asked almost the same exact question about marijuana use or made a direct response to oppose another popping thread with the other opposing topic title.

you’re not coming off as an asshole (meh, maybe a little but whatever, I’m not gonna go piss and moan and cry about it), but you sir cannot see if you think this is the only possible braindead topic on these boards.

You get what you want to get out of this site, and you contribute what you want to contribute. If you bothered to read all of the comments, we brought up some interesting points in which we talked about social dynamics, etc, and other topics talked about daily on this site.

Stop putting this site on such a fucking pedestal, it is exactly made out of what it is made out of and I am a part of that, and it is nothing more. Sorry you are so incredibly misinformed, looooool

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Avatar of MichaelO
MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@tine, No offense, but to me it looks like you only see what you want to see. Well, that is, of course, the negative side of looking for something specific – you easily overlook everything else.
I also think it’s interesting that I try to defend men in general, as I am usually not one doing such a thing, but no wonder when there are persons like you around….. I guess I feel some kind of “hostility” towards my gender?

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kendra (@somuchlovetogive)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@livelifeloving, I agree, just be yourself! and if being you means sending a smiley face, well then who cares? everyone has a different perception anyways :) @beardlike

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Avatar of Bobby
Bobby (@bobbylloydxd)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@beardlike,
1. I used that stereotype to hopefully make you see how you come off when you ask stupid questions. Good work noticing.

2. Psychedelics are awesome and are way more interesting than emoticons could ever dream of being. This site originated as a site to talk about drugs, hence the name high existence. There has never been a single blog entry about cyber-flirting, tons about mind altering substances. If the site isn’t for you then don’t use it, but please don’t dumb it down for the rest of us.

3. I can obviously see that this not the only brain dead topic on the site. I’ve been a contributing member of the site for over 2 years now, there were less than 1000 members when I joined. The quality of content on this site has gradually gotten worse and worse. Arguments like your “Everyone else gets to post stupid shit, why can’t I?” aren’t helping. Seriously you tried to defend your mind numbing thread by saying that it is only slightly worse than some of the other stupid threads. You should have instead said “Thank you for calling me out when I’m whack, I understand that it is because you care. This was a stupid thread, I should start going outside more and stop thinking about stupid things.”

4. This site has the potential to be awesome again if intelligent inspired people talk about what inspires them and challenges them. You are obviously an intelligent person, and you have a chance to be a part of all of the awesomeness. But first you need to pick your mind up out of the gutter, and realize how trivial and stupid much of what you are consuming yourself is. Your brain was made to ponder over so much more than cyber-flirting and emoticons. I want to see what your capable of.

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Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo,

–No offense, but to me it looks like you only see what you want to see–

the irony of you saying this kills me,

just because you are clueless as to the signs doesn’t mean its not possible to see them, how do you think counselors, advisers, wise-people in general know what to say? everything is observable, you just have to know what to look for,

your persistence in attacking my position despite me saying i was generalizing and your lack of understanding of common male / female differences indicates a high probability that i was talking about you in my original statement,

now see, i hold this view loosely, i just sit back and observe your actions, i treat you no differently nor think myself as superior, if you feel this from words it is simply a reflection of your ego,

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Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo,

–I guess I feel some kind of “hostility” towards my gender?–

you’d only feel this way if you do what i was saying, if you are not like i said most men are, then you would treat my post with indifference, your actions and the perspective through which you are responding reveals everything. there is no hostility in my words, just truth, truth if you picked a book on the differences between men and woman, you could see for yourself

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MichaelO (@michaelo)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@tine, Really, I like how you think you know what kind of man I am just by reading my answers. I’m sorry, but I don’t think you know the kind of man, I am…. at all…. or at least, that’s what it looks like from my point of view.
Anyhow, I think it differs from where we live. Apparently, we live in very different societies. Your statement is definitely not true where I live (Denmark) – for the most part, anyways.

EDIT:
It’s not hostility in that way, I just didn’t know how else to say it.

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Avatar of Tine
Tine (@tine)1 year, 9 months ago ago

@michaelo,

–Really, I like how you think you know what kind of man I am just by reading my answers.–

stop being defensive then lol. i don’t claim any special powers or abilities beyond what any human is capable of, i can just see it, and i know i can bc i daily test my theory in every interaction i come in contact with, i created a base understanding and went from there

–It’s not hostility in that way, I just didn’t know how else to say it.–

right, its this ‘need’ to argue my point, which is the point i keep pointing out, but is also the point you keep dancing around because you cannot see the point as i point it out because you are to caught up with proving i am wrong, which again, is the point

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