Can a girl not use smiley emoticons without guys thinking I'm flirting?
I’m not trying to pose this as a topic to vent in (well I guess the inherent thought equates venting)… But I’m trying to ask a serious question here.
Guys, can a girl not smile without guys thinking they’re flirting?
I actually mean for this to extend to in person also, but this overwhelmingly gets misunderstood online all the time (not necessarily just by me, I swear I’m not sending smiley emoticons to tons of guys on fb or something).
I love having genuinely nice interaction with people. Now I certainly don’t mind someone finding me attractive, that’s nicely flattering to anyone, but how they exert that interest in their actions can change something from just an added side note to reason for me feeling extremely uncomfortable, suspicious and cautious and everything in between.
It’s commonly a mistake made, however, and the part that bothers me is when they feel like that instantly means I’m really into them and they either make well, very misogynistic and direct comments (often, and it is thoroughly uncomfortable and disgusting the high percentage is old men) whether they realize it or not or some variation where they have to make a bold move on me.
It’ll literally only take a smile sometimes. I’m not exaggerating a bit.
And I’m seriously not some extra attractive person or anything, from a very honest neutral objective. I feel I’m pretty average and range on the thicker average size.
Recent poll said ~60% of this site is male, so:
Males, what is your view on this phenomenon? Do you agree/disagree with this reaction? Do you feel that is a common reaction or more relative and ratios are different than how often this seems to happen?
I am sincerely curious and extremely open minded. I’m into true gender equality (not feminism), however have been taken advantage of in different contexts and am naturally distrusting anyway so when I feel my safety is even the slightest challenged I go into instant survival mode.
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This happens to me more often than I’d like to discuss..but I would like to say that I agree with your partner. Women do have the same reaction to “smileys” & I’ve found myself wondering if someone is trying flirt with me (through text) based on the emoticons they’ve used. But..from what I’ve experienced, they usually make their intentions painfully obvious.
and again, i don’t claim to ‘know’ you, you are using this tiny part of your retort as a red herring, if you recall, i said,
–your persistence in attacking my position despite me saying i was generalizing and your lack of understanding of common male / female differences indicates a high probability that i was talking about you in my original statement,–
high probability, meaning, i could be wrong, i can accept being wrong, but your actions indicate a different reality, and your continuation in this matter only proves this further.
@beardlike, You’re right about society almost promotes this behavior from men, but I think it’s also a defense mechanism. In this day and age, where women have a lot more influence, I think a lot of men are feeling threatened by the feminism that society also promotes – it’s just my thoughts, though
@creds, It doesn’t bother me. Really. Like I said, “how they exert that interest in their actions can change” everything. If you come off as a persistent creeper, nope, I don’t like that and want you to go away.
If you are flirting and just saying neutral things, that’s not very threatening.
hey, gonna let you in the secret, based on age and primarily, maturity level, any attention you give a single/non-single male will make him wonder if you want him, this is not a emoticon problem, the emoticons are just a part of the overall, which is unforced, female attention, which translates in their minds as,
‘o, my gentle jesus, this girl just sent me an emoticon / did something nice for me / looked in my direction / spoke kindly to me, she probably wants to fuck!’
i am not kidding. maturity level is seen here, so if you find you can talk to a dude and him just be chill, he’s pretty secure with himself
@beardlike, Let me get this out of the way so that I can respond to you appropriately. I will never give any credit to the idea that there is any substance in a conversation about texting smiley faces. The closest that this thread came to substance was you and beyond trying to to belittle each other. This never had the potential to be a good topic.
As for drugs… If you are looking for incredible insights into the drug world there is not a better place, you just have to look harder. I won’t open any topic about marijuana or any other depressant. You shouldn’t either. Martjin wrote an incredible blog about his experience with ayahuasca. You could start there if you are looking for insight. I just read yesterday about Iboga for the first time. Who knows if I ever would’ve heard of it if not for this sight.
I did not say that the point of HE is to discuss drugs. I don’t encourage drug use. I merely responded to you defending this thread by bashing on the pot heads that discuss their pothead ideas here.
There is so much philosophical value in everyday life, way better and deeper than emoticons. Here are questions that could be asked that inspire thought and build substance: How do I react to the homeless? The Jehovahs witnesses? The rich? The ugly? How much longer will I sell my life away for monopoly working in restaurants? Why do I try to impress people online with my intellect? Am I who I want to be? Why? Why not? How could I improve myself?
There are a million questions that if you spend time considering them, will get you a hell of a lot further than asking why do men think I am flirting with them when I am not trying to? Everyone is different. You can’t expect for me or any other man to ever know why another man reacted a certain way in a situation we know nothing about.
You have to start focusing on solution based thinking. The solution to your problem was ridiculously simple. Stop sending men smiley faces unless you want them to think you like them. You weren’t looking for a solution, and so you spent way too much time and energy focusing on a retarded question that nobody could ever know the answer to. You could have been pondering the nature of your consciousness, while instead you spent your time in the clouds focusing on something far too dumb for you. If you decide to take one thing from me, please consider solution based thinking. It saves so much time and energy.
Obviously I am perpetuating the bullshit by posting here. Unfortunately I can’t figure out to write a private message with the new format of the site. I don’t go around thread bashing very often. If you weren’t better than this, than I wouldn’t have bothered.
I’m not elitist. I want to learn from you. I want what you have to offer me. In order for me to get that from you I need for you to grow, and through your growth I can grow. My favorite rapper said this to someone he was free-styling with who thought that it was a contest. “I’m not trying to beat you or defeat you, I’m trying to complete you, because when your complete, me too. We can make it through the fog and be who we need too.” Pretty much how I feel right now.
You are right that we are all heading to the same place hopefully. I appreciate you for making me aware of this. I do forget that people are at different points in their growth and that your strengths may be my weaknesses and vice versa. Good point. It doesn’t really change what I’ve said though. If I have something that can help you grow I should share it.
You want to be in the right, but you aren’t. You definitely shouldn’t be wasting your time or anyone else’s by thinking or talking about emoticons. I hope that soon you can admit this to yourself so that you can grow. Being wrong once in a while is inevitable. I would be doing both of us a disservice if I didn’t call you out on your nonsense, unless you choose to ignore me and never think about what I’m saying. In that case I’ve wasted my time and probably boosted your ego. Which would be bad because you already have an ego issue.
I’m done with this thread. I hope you can take something from it. Best of luck to you.
@beardlike, the true is that emoticons are just emoticons. I think that not using emoticons may set some limits to what you want to express, and that using all the time you’ll sound pretty like an idiot. So just use it sometimes, not always.
@bobbylloydxd, OMG like you are totally like completely hyperbolizing what I said, like, into a stereotype like like
This goes back to how I responded to the thread about the girl in high school about her personal problems with her friends and many people bashing her when she had real questions to real thoughts and people decided what was “good” enough to be on HE.
Seriously, this might be an exaggeration but 1 in 4 topics on the main board is about fucking drugs and how they enhance your life. EVERYDAY : “weed works for me.” “well weed doesn’t work for me.” “psychs make me fink deeply.”
Come on, people, look all around you.
5 hours ago on the front page I saw 3 out of 7 or whatever that showed asked almost the same exact question about marijuana use or made a direct response to oppose another popping thread with the other opposing topic title.
you’re not coming off as an asshole (meh, maybe a little but whatever, I’m not gonna go piss and moan and cry about it), but you sir cannot see if you think this is the only possible braindead topic on these boards.
You get what you want to get out of this site, and you contribute what you want to contribute. If you bothered to read all of the comments, we brought up some interesting points in which we talked about social dynamics, etc, and other topics talked about daily on this site.
Stop putting this site on such a fucking pedestal, it is exactly made out of what it is made out of and I am a part of that, and it is nothing more. Sorry you are so incredibly misinformed, looooool
@tine, Sorry, but I respectfully disagree with your statement:
“…. any attention you give a single/non-single male will make him wonder if you want him ….”
I think you’re generalizing pretty much with that statement. Not all men/boys think like that – men that just want to be friendly/friends do exist, even if we might be the minority (Yeah, I include myself in that statement).
-right, its this ‘need’ to argue my point, which is the point i keep pointing out, but is also the point you keep dancing around because you cannot see the point as i point it out because you are to caught up with proving i am wrong, which again, is the point-
^This, I think might be the problem. I don’t think i got your point at the time, my bad. I tend to create discussions out of things I don’t fully understand, which is pretty stupid. I know my weakness better than anyone, so I should’ve noticed – but I didn’t.
Anyhow, I still think the way men behave differs from place to place.
I can hardly imagine that sending certain emoticons is the (only) cause of this. Are you sure that you are not giving them some kind of, may it be covert, hints?
From my personal experience I know that some girls are just more open with their expressions than others, not necessarily meaning that they are into you, but sometimes it is hard to distinguish the difference. I guess it is a learning path and if you really want to know if somebody is into you, you simply need to address it and talk about it.
@xetado, I don’t use it very often. I try to moderate use of phrase “lol” and common emoticons in fear of being those people who use it when they have nothing to say or being repetitive. Although maybe I should constrict use more.
@tine, No offense, but to me it looks like you only see what you want to see. Well, that is, of course, the negative side of looking for something specific – you easily overlook everything else.
I also think it’s interesting that I try to defend men in general, as I am usually not one doing such a thing, but no wonder when there are persons like you around….. I guess I feel some kind of “hostility” towards my gender?
I like to hope the male populace is a little more sophisticated than that, but hey it’s a-ok if they’re not…
Although I notice this more and more as I get older. I’m not disgusted by the prospect of them jumping to *wondering*, but it’s so completely different when they take it upon themselves to turn it into a more chauvinistic thing like the gross appropriations I get at work. (I think there’s also something seriously correlated between girls serving men food regardless of how (un)attractive the female is and heightening of boldness. or maybe it’s that they have me stuck in a situation where I’m already talking to them? That’s probably a lot to do with it, cause I don’t often just randomly get approached.)
I kind of had inclinations to believe this, and this is a good reaffirmation. Thank you for reminding me of this truth.
dude, i agree with you 100%, here is the first key to understanding, ponder on this by observing the truth in the interactions of men / woman in the reality around you, if you do not see it, then i was wrong,
men desire to feel respected
woman desire to feel loved
as you said, this is a variant, there is no static definition, it is all dependent on who the person is, which, considering all the variations out there, fluxcuate considerably,
but those two concepts are the general cores that those with much broader perspectives on the matter than i do point out, i took what they said to heart and started observing, the insight i gained from playing with those two thoughts made everything click into place, id be very interested if you see something too, feel free to contact me anytime =)