Can a girl not use smiley emoticons without guys thinking I'm flirting?
I’m not trying to pose this as a topic to vent in (well I guess the inherent thought equates venting)… But I’m trying to ask a serious question here.
Guys, can a girl not smile without guys thinking they’re flirting?
I actually mean for this to extend to in person also, but this overwhelmingly gets misunderstood online all the time (not necessarily just by me, I swear I’m not sending smiley emoticons to tons of guys on fb or something).
I love having genuinely nice interaction with people. Now I certainly don’t mind someone finding me attractive, that’s nicely flattering to anyone, but how they exert that interest in their actions can change something from just an added side note to reason for me feeling extremely uncomfortable, suspicious and cautious and everything in between.
It’s commonly a mistake made, however, and the part that bothers me is when they feel like that instantly means I’m really into them and they either make well, very misogynistic and direct comments (often, and it is thoroughly uncomfortable and disgusting the high percentage is old men) whether they realize it or not or some variation where they have to make a bold move on me.
It’ll literally only take a smile sometimes. I’m not exaggerating a bit.
And I’m seriously not some extra attractive person or anything, from a very honest neutral objective. I feel I’m pretty average and range on the thicker average size.
Recent poll said ~60% of this site is male, so:
Males, what is your view on this phenomenon? Do you agree/disagree with this reaction? Do you feel that is a common reaction or more relative and ratios are different than how often this seems to happen?
I am sincerely curious and extremely open minded. I’m into true gender equality (not feminism), however have been taken advantage of in different contexts and am naturally distrusting anyway so when I feel my safety is even the slightest challenged I go into instant survival mode.
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@beardlike, This is what you sound like. ” OMG like the world is such a sad place because like, guys will think I am like flirting with them if I like just send them a smiley face. Like WTF?”
I mean seriously now. The solution to this problem is so simple that its not even worth talking about. Stop sending guys smiley faces unless you are flirting with them. The world is not going to end if you have to stop using emoticons in your casual cyber-conversations. I feel like if you would have put your phone/computer away for ten minutes and gone outside and thought about it, you would have definitely figured out a solution to your problem within 10 minutes.
There is nothing else to say about this topic at all. I’m not trying to be an asshole but I do wan’t to let you know that this thread is far too stupid to warrant a space on this website. I hope that in your future threads you will either contribute something of essence or ask truly thought provoking and intelligent questions that foster intelligent and creative responses.
Good day to you.
After thinking for five minutes of something to say, I have to agree with Sasho that this whole issue is pretty stupid. You obviously know a guy’s body language and gestures enough to tell how they’re responding to your input. You can’t set expectations for all ‘guys’ because no one is the same as another, I assume the same for women. I wouldn’t say emote smileys automatically trigger infatuation, but if the person is already attracted to you, anything you do to reciprocate their interest will be taken as flirting. However, to declare an absolute from a handful of examples is foolish; don’t set expectations of guys or of gestures, just keep the flow.
@beardlike, From my point of view, sending smileys in texts and/or smiling at someone doesn’t equal flirting – why should it? Smiling can show that you like someone, yes, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. No, on the other hand, it can also mean that you’re just happy or that you’re just friendly and like interacting with them – that you don’t dislike or hate them..
Personally, I use smileys almost all the time when I’m texting another person, whether it’s a guy or a girl. I do it because I like to show my mood and because it isn’t easy to read moods in just plain text (unless you use a lot of emotional adjectives).
Of course, I won’t deny that if I’m texting a girl I find attractive, I use smileys more often, but even if she also uses smileys I don’t assume that she’s interested too. Frankly, I have problems reading moods or intentions in texts, I need to talk with them in person to understand it – so it might just be me who’s stupid in that area.
I guess it’s different from person to person how they perceive smileys….
–Really, I like how you think you know what kind of man I am just by reading my answers.–
stop being defensive then lol. i don’t claim any special powers or abilities beyond what any human is capable of, i can just see it, and i know i can bc i daily test my theory in every interaction i come in contact with, i created a base understanding and went from there
–It’s not hostility in that way, I just didn’t know how else to say it.–
right, its this ‘need’ to argue my point, which is the point i keep pointing out, but is also the point you keep dancing around because you cannot see the point as i point it out because you are to caught up with proving i am wrong, which again, is the point
again, ‘generalizing’, if you are not like this, then there is no need to defend yourself bud, i don’t doubt you when you say you’re not, my doubt only comes from your need to continue to defend yourself against something you do not do, especially when i mentioned previously i was generalizing.
and i can see it. this is not a brag, this is an understanding, you’re welcome to not believe this, i have no need to prove it to anyone as i have seen the cause / effect of this understanding produce results in reality on a daily basis, i can predict and flow seamlessly.
to you you don’t act silly, to someone that is secure, you do, you are unaware of how you are coming across, and you’re right, silly doesn’t always mean extreme, silly can just be abnormal as well, like being shy, unable to find your voice, etc. etc., sooo many variations, i can only speak in general terms,
and its silly bc, the reality is, you are only afraid of yourself and you allow this fear to dictate your actions within reality, and i use the silly to not come across as negative, just… silly, ya know, no reason for it really
If there is the slightest possibility that the smiley could mean sex, it probably would be interpreted that way. Thats just how we are programmed, sorry if that bothers you. Suggest you wait 13 days for the bugfix.
–No, it’s more that I feel to defend men in general–
– Do you know what men are thinking for sure?–
no, i never approach it from a sure standpoint, i know what to look for and when i see it, i sit back and watch and allow them to paint the portrait of who they are form their actions
allow me to ask you the same question, these men who you feel the need to defend, are you sure? because you definitely seem to think so.
woman and men are easy to understand once you know what to look for, you only see bragging because you want a reason not to believe me.
@beyond, I’ve seen you get heated and let someone under your skin during a topic (not too long ago) and your posts, besides devolving down to just namecalling pretty much in this particular thread I’m referencing, seem pretty much the same unless it’s a topic that caters to your personal interests.
I’ve noticed you a lot (since you are literally in almost every post I ever read at some point.) I started off liking you. But eventually noticed a trend.
I’m not super outgoing, I’m extremely tended towards introversion. The situations in person are largely at work where I am the front counter person and absolutely have to talk to the customer. You obviously are picking and choosing what to pay attention to.
My point on your multiple posting is that there’s no way in hell you read the whole thread when you’re doing your serial-posting. Which leads to distortion of perception more than there already is.
You offer quality advice when you bother to, but again from what I’ve noticed you only do this on topics that already cater to your own interests.
Otherwise it is overwhelmingly one-liners or trolls. There is nothing realistic because all of them are always inherently polarizing and extremely discriminatory, just like this one.
You are literally doing exactly what you are accusing me of doing. “You can also read other people’s post and imagine you know what they’re thinking without talking to them.”
Your first post, you call me stupid based off of posts where I did not talk to you at all.
You’re really ignorant in a lot of ways. Very obviously.
@bobbylloydxd, I knew exactly what you were trying to do, it didn’t pass over me. I can see where I didn’t pose my point well in how I said it, but what I mean is basically condescending someone and dumbing down what I already said is a completely moot execution of trying to say anything. You took what I said, which you said yourself was enough to at least show that I am intelligent and scrunched it down into something it is not.
I asked a string of questions in which could foster real answers from males on a subject I’ve wondered many times.
I could agree that if your complaint was how I executed the idea, because I can see how certain wording could slant you to think so, especially the title which is the first thing you see.
However, that doesn’t strip the topic of any ability to be useful or wasn’t cause on any intellectual grounds to be made. It led to further more insightful conversation and if I hadn’t been so bent on venting and removed a paragraph or two and changed some wording, there could’ve been more productive conversation on something that could’ve been a better topic.
As for drugs, you don’t need to preach to me. I literally wouldn’t be the same person today without psychedelics, however, they were not absolutely necessary and I’m glad people are able to utilize them for higher purposes than what half of these people probably only care about that lurk on the drug board, which is recreational use for the pretty lights.
I appreciate it’s POTENTIAL, but just because people mention it all the time doesn’t mean it’s the “higher intelligence” threads. It is only one thing that is under a vast category of methods to achieve the same thing. It’s actually a little ludricrous that they pop up so often. I’ve scoured these many times all the way to the end for new info, it’s what brought me to this site. But I was disappointed quickly. Almost none offer new insights.
To put it on a pedestal as many people in this site do is addictive thinking and deluded. The word is literally “hallucinations”. It is a chemical not natural to humans and can put us into overdrive permanently if abused.
I’m not trying to put them down, I’m just saying in a very nonelegant way that we are all eggs of the same basket except for people who are trolls. They are the only thing superfluous. Literally only putting down people to enrich their ego. Negativity like that never influences people the way their responses are supposed to tailor to.
Look. I can see where you’re trying to come from. But with growth of a site it is absolutely inevitable that what you described will happen. It is purist to expect any less and for the good of the site it is essential.
Also, what makes you think the site’s caterings haven’t grown along the the HE populace? Fb was an online address book for Harvard students to start, so what? Leaps and bounds different. This is an exaggerated analogy but I think I offer a valid point. The headlining on the website states only a general support of growth on a global scale and only specifically mentions the Valhalla movement, something completely unrelated to drugs!
That the general HEathen also enjoys a nice j and some trails is a very nice collective to be enjoyed, but is incredibly shortsighted if that is to be believed this is the sites main focus still. (Not saying you do, am only stating.)
You obviously have a good head on your shoulders and I actually do appreciate your general niceties you’ve presented and appreciate the patience you’ve imparted. I just think that your view is slightly skewed towards an elitist bias being here so long.
Philosophy is not just some intangible thing, you’re supposed to be able to extend it to everyday things. Otherwise you’re stuck in this philosophizing cloud. You should be inspired by mundane things and be able to connect it to a more inherent simple meaning. The truth of the universe reflects itself in everything, because everything is a product of people.
You can’t just dump these people or these thoughts if they are concerns. The problem is that there is too much separation of thought and categorizing and we decide to weed out what doesn’t fit our description of what’s “right”.
Think about it. If people don’t like a topic, then overwhelmingly people will ignore it an it’ll die within the first page. Happens all the time. If good ol @boundary had done that this SURELY would have died. But instead be sensationalized it and brought it attention. Same as you posting bumped it. I actually happen to appreciate your two cents, but you answering it did opposite of killing the topic. If people stopped choosing what’s right and threadbashing within, and just ignored “plainly stupid” topics they would all burn and die instantly. It’s literally counter productive. It makes no sense to me to point it out in a negative or superior context if a person only wants the topic to not exist anymore.
My end-all is that I was trying to show you how it’s all the same. Because it is all opinions and how they are offered. Framing can 100% alter a persons perception, something that was already showing proof back in like the 60′s. which comes to the point again that it is all relative.
I think if you just detached your idea one step further you’d see a whole lot of elitism going on in this site on a regular basis. I think this site was, is, and can grow into something massively amazing. I believe in it. It IS for me and I will stay, and so will all the other lower vibrational chitlins till we reach our next stepping stones in life and how we see the world.
We all are on different scenic routes to the same path.
I think we can both easily learn something from this. And every opportunity presented in your life that conflicts with you.
Namaste and happy posting, I’ll see you on the boards.
@filipek Sorry posted again before I saw you reply. As for the thing that prompted me on this is actually completely opposite of a private conversation, it happened in complete public on a third party’s picture and the exchange between the two of us consisted of two comments exactly. Friend and I are commenting too much on a picture and dude says we’re clogging his newsfeed, I apologize, say “haha” and suggest to unfollow post. That’s it.
A short convo between friend and dude happens where he says open-endedly the sass is unneeded, jokingly. Hoping to not offend, all I say is exactly: “I didn’t mean any sass :) It’s all Skye, I swear.”
End. 3-4 mins later, dude simultaneously adds me on fb and sends me a message saying “hey” or some other gay variant. It’s pretty black and white. I don’t know this guy, have never met him, never knew of his existence until this exchange.
As for the dudes…. ok honestly most of that happened at work. I don’t get approached by random dudes often, it’s always when I’m already convoluted into some awkward close relation to them like standing close to each other in a crowded line or something similar.
I always know because they always have the same exact smile on their face (its almost always a smirk), their eyes narrow a little (just something I’ve noticed), and they almost always change their stance to openly face me/kind of hang around the front counter unnecessarily. But the biggest ones are always they lean on the front counter a very obvious way and linger.
Oh yeah, and they say something really direct and uncomfortable or talk about something you know they don’t give two shits about by the way they ask and linger on the convo way longer even after it’s dead.
@beyond, For such an influential poster you are so full of hate sometimes. I know if I’m attracted to someone or not.
I’m actually extremely unsexual naturally and things that catch people’s attention and turn them onto the dating game don’t work for me at all. I don’t lust after people like so.
So kindly fuck off, ahem.
@beardlike, It definitely is a possibility, though I think that we, as humans, have to be careful of how it should change. I think men are generally using this defense mechanism because women are trying to tell them “how to be men” – which is most likely impossible for women to do, in my opinion – so they sort of “revolt”.
It’s true that some parts of society is still misogynistic, but we also have to be careful that it won’t become the opposite, although it is becoming more ordinary to think like that. There must be a balance in between the two, but I don’t think we’ll ever find it because men and women have different views on how the world should be.
Remember that it’s only how I see it.
This happens to me more often than I’d like to discuss..but I would like to say that I agree with your partner. Women do have the same reaction to “smileys” & I’ve found myself wondering if someone is trying flirt with me (through text) based on the emoticons they’ve used. But..from what I’ve experienced, they usually make their intentions painfully obvious.
and again, i don’t claim to ‘know’ you, you are using this tiny part of your retort as a red herring, if you recall, i said,
–your persistence in attacking my position despite me saying i was generalizing and your lack of understanding of common male / female differences indicates a high probability that i was talking about you in my original statement,–
high probability, meaning, i could be wrong, i can accept being wrong, but your actions indicate a different reality, and your continuation in this matter only proves this further.
@beardlike, You’re right about society almost promotes this behavior from men, but I think it’s also a defense mechanism. In this day and age, where women have a lot more influence, I think a lot of men are feeling threatened by the feminism that society also promotes – it’s just my thoughts, though
@creds, It doesn’t bother me. Really. Like I said, “how they exert that interest in their actions can change” everything. If you come off as a persistent creeper, nope, I don’t like that and want you to go away.
If you are flirting and just saying neutral things, that’s not very threatening.