Can a girl not use smiley emoticons without guys thinking I'm flirting?

2 years, 1 month ago

I’m not trying to pose this as a topic to vent in (well I guess the inherent thought equates venting)… But I’m trying to ask a serious question here.

Guys, can a girl not smile without guys thinking they’re flirting?

I actually mean for this to extend to in person also, but this overwhelmingly gets misunderstood online all the time (not necessarily just by me, I swear I’m not sending smiley emoticons to tons of guys on fb or something).

I love having genuinely nice interaction with people. Now I certainly don’t mind someone finding me attractive, that’s nicely flattering to anyone, but how they exert that interest in their actions can change something from just an added side note to reason for me feeling extremely uncomfortable, suspicious and cautious and everything in between.

It’s commonly a mistake made, however, and the part that bothers me is when they feel like that instantly means I’m really into them and they either make well, very misogynistic and direct comments (often, and it is thoroughly uncomfortable and disgusting the high percentage is old men) whether they realize it or not or some variation where they have to make a bold move on me.
It’ll literally only take a smile sometimes. I’m not exaggerating a bit.
And I’m seriously not some extra attractive person or anything, from a very honest neutral objective. I feel I’m pretty average and range on the thicker average size.

Recent poll said ~60% of this site is male, so:
Males, what is your view on this phenomenon? Do you agree/disagree with this reaction? Do you feel that is a common reaction or more relative and ratios are different than how often this seems to happen?

I am sincerely curious and extremely open minded. I’m into true gender equality (not feminism), however have been taken advantage of in different contexts and am naturally distrusting anyway so when I feel my safety is even the slightest challenged I go into instant survival mode.

December 8, 2012 at 2:54 am

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@bobbylloydxd, I knew exactly what you were trying to do, it didn’t pass over me. I can see where I didn’t pose my point well in how I said it, but what I mean is basically condescending someone and dumbing down what I already said is a completely moot execution of trying to say anything. You took what I said, which you said yourself was enough to at least show that I am intelligent and scrunched it down into something it is not.
I asked a string of questions in which could foster real answers from males on a subject I’ve wondered many times.
I could agree that if your complaint was how I executed the idea, because I can see how certain wording could slant you to think so, especially the title which is the first thing you see.
However, that doesn’t strip the topic of any ability to be useful or wasn’t cause on any intellectual grounds to be made. It led to further more insightful conversation and if I hadn’t been so bent on venting and removed a paragraph or two and changed some wording, there could’ve been more productive conversation on something that could’ve been a better topic.

As for drugs, you don’t need to preach to me. I literally wouldn’t be the same person today without psychedelics, however, they were not absolutely necessary and I’m glad people are able to utilize them for higher purposes than what half of these people probably only care about that lurk on the drug board, which is recreational use for the pretty lights.
I appreciate it’s POTENTIAL, but just because people mention it all the time doesn’t mean it’s the “higher intelligence” threads. It is only one thing that is under a vast category of methods to achieve the same thing. It’s actually a little ludricrous that they pop up so often. I’ve scoured these many times all the way to the end for new info, it’s what brought me to this site. But I was disappointed quickly. Almost none offer new insights.
To put it on a pedestal as many people in this site do is addictive thinking and deluded. The word is literally “hallucinations”. It is a chemical not natural to humans and can put us into overdrive permanently if abused.
I’m not trying to put them down, I’m just saying in a very nonelegant way that we are all eggs of the same basket except for people who are trolls. They are the only thing superfluous. Literally only putting down people to enrich their ego. Negativity like that never influences people the way their responses are supposed to tailor to.

Look. I can see where you’re trying to come from. But with growth of a site it is absolutely inevitable that what you described will happen. It is purist to expect any less and for the good of the site it is essential.
Also, what makes you think the site’s caterings haven’t grown along the the HE populace? Fb was an online address book for Harvard students to start, so what? Leaps and bounds different. This is an exaggerated analogy but I think I offer a valid point. The headlining on the website states only a general support of growth on a global scale and only specifically mentions the Valhalla movement, something completely unrelated to drugs!
That the general HEathen also enjoys a nice j and some trails is a very nice collective to be enjoyed, but is incredibly shortsighted if that is to be believed this is the sites main focus still. (Not saying you do, am only stating.)

You obviously have a good head on your shoulders and I actually do appreciate your general niceties you’ve presented and appreciate the patience you’ve imparted. I just think that your view is slightly skewed towards an elitist bias being here so long.
Philosophy is not just some intangible thing, you’re supposed to be able to extend it to everyday things. Otherwise you’re stuck in this philosophizing cloud. You should be inspired by mundane things and be able to connect it to a more inherent simple meaning. The truth of the universe reflects itself in everything, because everything is a product of people.

You can’t just dump these people or these thoughts if they are concerns. The problem is that there is too much separation of thought and categorizing and we decide to weed out what doesn’t fit our description of what’s “right”.
Think about it. If people don’t like a topic, then overwhelmingly people will ignore it an it’ll die within the first page. Happens all the time. If good ol @boundary had done that this SURELY would have died. But instead be sensationalized it and brought it attention. Same as you posting bumped it. I actually happen to appreciate your two cents, but you answering it did opposite of killing the topic. If people stopped choosing what’s right and threadbashing within, and just ignored “plainly stupid” topics they would all burn and die instantly. It’s literally counter productive. It makes no sense to me to point it out in a negative or superior context if a person only wants the topic to not exist anymore.

My end-all is that I was trying to show you how it’s all the same. Because it is all opinions and how they are offered. Framing can 100% alter a persons perception, something that was already showing proof back in like the 60’s. which comes to the point again that it is all relative.

I think if you just detached your idea one step further you’d see a whole lot of elitism going on in this site on a regular basis. I think this site was, is, and can grow into something massively amazing. I believe in it. It IS for me and I will stay, and so will all the other lower vibrational chitlins till we reach our next stepping stones in life and how we see the world.
We all are on different scenic routes to the same path.

I think we can both easily learn something from this. And every opportunity presented in your life that conflicts with you.
Namaste and happy posting, I’ll see you on the boards.

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

and again, i don’t claim to ‘know’ you, you are using this tiny part of your retort as a red herring, if you recall, i said,

–your persistence in attacking my position despite me saying i was generalizing and your lack of understanding of common male / female differences indicates a high probability that i was talking about you in my original statement,–

high probability, meaning, i could be wrong, i can accept being wrong, but your actions indicate a different reality, and your continuation in this matter only proves this further.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Flirting :
Ok I will see you then ;)

Not flirting:
Ok I will see you then :D

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Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

-right, its this ‘need’ to argue my point, which is the point i keep pointing out, but is also the point you keep dancing around because you cannot see the point as i point it out because you are to caught up with proving i am wrong, which again, is the point-

^This, I think might be the problem. I don’t think i got your point at the time, my bad. I tend to create discussions out of things I don’t fully understand, which is pretty stupid. I know my weakness better than anyone, so I should’ve noticed – but I didn’t.

Anyhow, I still think the way men behave differs from place to place.

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

dude, i agree with you 100%, here is the first key to understanding, ponder on this by observing the truth in the interactions of men / woman in the reality around you, if you do not see it, then i was wrong,

men desire to feel respected

woman desire to feel loved

as you said, this is a variant, there is no static definition, it is all dependent on who the person is, which, considering all the variations out there, fluxcuate considerably,

but those two concepts are the general cores that those with much broader perspectives on the matter than i do point out, i took what they said to heart and started observing, the insight i gained from playing with those two thoughts made everything click into place, id be very interested if you see something too, feel free to contact me anytime =)

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

and to correlate those cores to my original post, it is man who does respect himself therefore has created an illusion of respect to compensate, that act a’ fool to woman and assume the woman wants them simply bc they pay attention to them. it is an overcompensation, a need to feel like the best,

and this is why they act silly, and the level at which they do this is completely dependent on their security level, the less secure, the more silly, the more secure, the more real, they can be,

and in my observations, most men struggle in this area, not just with woman, but woman are a huge ego boost for these types

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Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@tine, Hmm, this is pretty interesting. I’ve never thought about it that way, but I’ll definitely keep an eye out for signs of this – learning about psychology and human relations is always fascinating, in my opinion.

And about your original post, don’t you mean men who doesn’t respect themselves? Otherwise, I don’t really understand it.

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

what creates confidence in self, respect in self? actions. if you do actions that you know you shouldn’t due to their destructive nature, you create a schism, from this schism your brain has to compensate to allow you to continue in said actions, this creates the illusion called ego, ego becomes the balance through which reality flows that allows you to continue, but it limits the individual’s ability to see because it only allows data through to the logic of that brain that continues to perpetuates the lie, otherwise, the schism is felt,

this is why you feel a general anxiety, this schism, because who you think you are and who your actions define you as are in conflict.

a man cannot truly respect himself if his actions are not respectful in nature, and it is the depths of this illusion (which is correlated to the quantity of destructive actions), that dictates his response to females,

which is why, the more insecure (anxious) you are, the more silly you are, the more secure you are (right action), the more you can be yourself, because you are not lying to yourself any longer.

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Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@tine, Yeah, that what I thought you meant by it, after reading it again. Thanks for clearing it up, though.

-which is why, the more insecure (anxious) you are, the more silly you are, the more secure you are (right action), the more you can be yourself, because you are not lying to yourself any longer.-

^Just because you’re insecure doesn’t mean that you’ll act silly – believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve been pretty insecure in myself and act by how other people perceived me but that just made me passive and confining myself.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I think I’mma just use the “D” instead of “)”. Makes it seem more jolly and casual. And cut back on usage.

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

to you you don’t act silly, to someone that is secure, you do, you are unaware of how you are coming across, and you’re right, silly doesn’t always mean extreme, silly can just be abnormal as well, like being shy, unable to find your voice, etc. etc., sooo many variations, i can only speak in general terms,

and its silly bc, the reality is, you are only afraid of yourself and you allow this fear to dictate your actions within reality, and i use the silly to not come across as negative, just… silly, ya know, no reason for it really

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Profile photo of Alex Alex (@apacheco10) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Why are we talking about something so trivial? There’s greater problems we can, and should, be focusing on out there in this beautiful, beautiful universe.

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Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@tine, Ah, I see. You could’ve just used the word “abnormal”, I think it describes it better – but I can see what you mean.

And yeah, fear is a pretty large factor in this “equation”.

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@beardlike, Let me get this out of the way so that I can respond to you appropriately. I will never give any credit to the idea that there is any substance in a conversation about texting smiley faces. The closest that this thread came to substance was you and beyond trying to to belittle each other. This never had the potential to be a good topic.

As for drugs… If you are looking for incredible insights into the drug world there is not a better place, you just have to look harder. I won’t open any topic about marijuana or any other depressant. You shouldn’t either. Martjin wrote an incredible blog about his experience with ayahuasca. You could start there if you are looking for insight. I just read yesterday about Iboga for the first time. Who knows if I ever would’ve heard of it if not for this sight.

I did not say that the point of HE is to discuss drugs. I don’t encourage drug use. I merely responded to you defending this thread by bashing on the pot heads that discuss their pothead ideas here.

There is so much philosophical value in everyday life, way better and deeper than emoticons. Here are questions that could be asked that inspire thought and build substance: How do I react to the homeless? The Jehovahs witnesses? The rich? The ugly? How much longer will I sell my life away for monopoly working in restaurants? Why do I try to impress people online with my intellect? Am I who I want to be? Why? Why not? How could I improve myself?

There are a million questions that if you spend time considering them, will get you a hell of a lot further than asking why do men think I am flirting with them when I am not trying to? Everyone is different. You can’t expect for me or any other man to ever know why another man reacted a certain way in a situation we know nothing about.

You have to start focusing on solution based thinking. The solution to your problem was ridiculously simple. Stop sending men smiley faces unless you want them to think you like them. You weren’t looking for a solution, and so you spent way too much time and energy focusing on a retarded question that nobody could ever know the answer to. You could have been pondering the nature of your consciousness, while instead you spent your time in the clouds focusing on something far too dumb for you. If you decide to take one thing from me, please consider solution based thinking. It saves so much time and energy.

Obviously I am perpetuating the bullshit by posting here. Unfortunately I can’t figure out to write a private message with the new format of the site. I don’t go around thread bashing very often. If you weren’t better than this, than I wouldn’t have bothered.

I’m not elitist. I want to learn from you. I want what you have to offer me. In order for me to get that from you I need for you to grow, and through your growth I can grow. My favorite rapper said this to someone he was free-styling with who thought that it was a contest. “I’m not trying to beat you or defeat you, I’m trying to complete you, because when your complete, me too. We can make it through the fog and be who we need too.” Pretty much how I feel right now.

You are right that we are all heading to the same place hopefully. I appreciate you for making me aware of this. I do forget that people are at different points in their growth and that your strengths may be my weaknesses and vice versa. Good point. It doesn’t really change what I’ve said though. If I have something that can help you grow I should share it.

You want to be in the right, but you aren’t. You definitely shouldn’t be wasting your time or anyone else’s by thinking or talking about emoticons. I hope that soon you can admit this to yourself so that you can grow. Being wrong once in a while is inevitable. I would be doing both of us a disservice if I didn’t call you out on your nonsense, unless you choose to ignore me and never think about what I’m saying. In that case I’ve wasted my time and probably boosted your ego. Which would be bad because you already have an ego issue.

I’m done with this thread. I hope you can take something from it. Best of luck to you.

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@beardlike,

examples of the point i made abound, huh? if you think about it, your thread is kinda a ‘trap’ for these people, forcing only one type of response from their minds

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@beardlike,

i wouldn’t try to reason, reason implies logic, insecurity implies the opposite, nothing will be heard because they can’t see past the emotional response this type of conversation elicits

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@beardlike,

–what creates confidence in self, respect in self? actions. if you do actions that you know you shouldn’t due to their destructive nature, you create a schism, from this schism your brain has to compensate to allow you to continue in said actions, this creates the illusion called ego, ego becomes the balance through which reality flows that allows you to continue, but it limits the individual’s ability to see because it only allows data through to the logic of that brain that continues to perpetuates the lie, otherwise, the schism is felt,

this is why you feel a general anxiety, this schism, because who you think you are and who your actions define you as are in conflict.

a man cannot truly respect himself if his actions are not respectful in nature, and it is the depths of this illusion (which is correlated to the quantity of destructive actions), that dictates his response to females,

which is why, the more insecure (anxious) you are, the more silly you are, the more secure you are (right action), the more you can be yourself, because you are not lying to yourself any longer.–

what you are saying does not make it past the ego, the ego only hears what it wants to

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Profile photo of Tine Tine (@tine) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@michaelo,

lol, i just realized i got preachy when you were just commenting on a typo.. fail me, sorry.

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Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@tine, It’s not a problem at all. I understood you initially but even if I didn’t, you were just trying to help me understand it, so it’s fine either way.

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Profile photo of Nick Nick (@splashartist) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

All I read was “blah blah blah smiley face blah blah blah”. Solution: no smiley face unless you are flirting. Problem solved. Now where we’re we? Oh right, drugs. Carry on.

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Profile photo of Cody Cody (@versai) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

After thinking for five minutes of something to say, I have to agree with Sasho that this whole issue is pretty stupid. You obviously know a guy’s body language and gestures enough to tell how they’re responding to your input. You can’t set expectations for all ‘guys’ because no one is the same as another, I assume the same for women. I wouldn’t say emote smileys automatically trigger infatuation, but if the person is already attracted to you, anything you do to reciprocate their interest will be taken as flirting. However, to declare an absolute from a handful of examples is foolish; don’t set expectations of guys or of gestures, just keep the flow.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

There you go, folks. STUPID is what the OP is and everyone who replied to her bullshit to “help” continue the bullshit.

Liberate yourselves.

It doesn’t happen very often. :)

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Profile photo of Kira Kira (@cleversleazoid) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

This happens to me more often than I’d like to discuss..but I would like to say that I agree with your partner. Women do have the same reaction to “smileys” & I’ve found myself wondering if someone is trying flirt with me (through text) based on the emoticons they’ve used. But..from what I’ve experienced, they usually make their intentions painfully obvious.

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