I vote NO.
My theory (from experience) is that in every instance:
if one of the two were completely honest, he or she would agree to have sex with the other.
If you claim that you have been in a relationship where this is not true then I assert that YOU were the one that did not wish to have sex.
I don’t think the hubris is just possible, it’s very much there.
Ironically if both of them are with the intentions for a platonic relationship, they’re usually right for each other.
@dalniente, I don’t know what you mean
@beyond, sage words once again. My wife and I tried to be friends. She wanted to be “friends” much longer than I wanted it. But it was in the early stages of being platonic that we started to fall in love.
@trek79, love it! wasn’t my intention with the post, but Freud would certainly agree:)
i vote no also, however there was one chick who i considered to be a best friend. i would have had sex with her in an instant and i never told her, but strangely i was alright with that. i mean it was a problem with other girls who i told or tried to make it clear that i wanted them or even if i didnt tell them i couldnt stand to be around them, but with that one girl i never minded the platonic friendship and for the most part i just enjoyed her company…it was kind of weird even for me
Nah, one of them will usually be looking for a little more fun than the other.
coinciding desire sets friendship on fire.
The only time I could really see a M/F relationship being truly purely platonic, is in the case of an apprentice/master relationship. Something where age and expertise are way too big of an influence.
Kind of cool when that can happen too. Some of the best things I’ve ever learned were from older males whom I was close with but not at all in any kind of romantic or sexual way–too big of a gap to even contemplate, was a non issue.
So it can happen, with big gaps in age and experience/wisdom/intellect.
Maybe it’s not just attraction that’s the issue. Maybe it’s more of a young people thing, when you’re just really not sure of what you want, what you’re attracted to, who you are yourself…etc. So everyone experiments.
It does suck when someone doesn’t want to experiment with you though, but alas, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
On another note, even though one might want to sleep with the other, that’s a very primal instinct. And it doesn’t always mean love or anything like that either.
I have lots of close male friends, and maybe they want to fuck me and sometimes it’s funny to joke about, but they know it’s just a thought. I mean people in their 20s and 30s are around a lot of reproductively healthy people. It’s normal to want to have sex with your attractive friends. But you don’t have to act on it. Doesn’t change the friendships at all, it just is.
I’ve only ever had one friendship with a female that was platonic. We worked together, got to talking, hanging out and she is just a really chill, smart, funny chick. I was never attracted to her whatsoever, not that she’s ugly, just not my type and she about six years younger than me. Might not seem like much if you are older but when we started hanging out she was 17 and I was 23. It was a pretty big gap but she was very mature, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand her.
We’ve been friends for about 3 and a half years, talk often, both of us have been though multiple relationships together, been single together and nothing really ever came up except when I told her that her boyfriend at the time was douche bag, and would end up hurting her. She accused me of being jealous, I told her it couldn’t be further from the truth and I just got really bad vibes from the guy. We didn’t talk for about three or four months until I was proven right and she called me to apologize, that was the only argument we’ve ever had and we are still good friends.
But, Just within the past few weeks I have been getting some strange vibes from her. I’m a pretty perceptive person and the way she’s been acting, the things she’s been saying lead me to believe she has kind of fallen for me. I don’t desire any sort of relationship with her other than friendship, I’m just honestly not attracted to her. I’m feeling kind of awkward about the whole thing but I completely understand why it has happened.
I’ve always been there for her as a friend, I’ve always been the older guy, big brother figure. She comes to me for advice, the times she hasn’t taken it she eventually realized I was right. I have always been protective of her because she has always been really innocent, never gotten in trouble, just really straight edged and I’ve always been the opposite. I guess it’s the bad boy thing, and she wants more because she realizes that I’m the only guy who has been there for here without ulterior motives. I get it, I really do and I should have expected this would happen. Kinda sucks though, I don’t know what to do.
I vote yes.
I vote that it is possible, they both have to be unattracted to each other, duh.
@cadeus333, I think you should get her to hook up with another guy, or just set her up with someone.. that should help. maybe talk to her about girls… get her to realize that it will never happen between you guys or else you’ll just lead her on in your subconscious way. Unless you’re thinking about her too … ;)
@citygirl9050, I probably should have mentioned that I have been married for about 8 months and I have a baby girl just a little over 2 months old. She knows this, she has met and hung out with my wife and just recently saw my little girl. That’s what makes it really weird. She is not the home wrecker type at all, she is a very respectful person.
She hasn’t come out and said anything obviously inappropriate, just things like “I really hope Daysi (my wife) knows how lucky she is” or “I can’t believe I never really realized what amazing guy you are, I thought guys like you were a myth or something”. To which I can only respond “uhhhh…thankkksss…*nervous laughter*”.
It’s entirely too awkward…
@cadeus333, and respectfully this is exactly what I mean. With best intentions from both of you, a strong and honest relationship platonic relationship eventually sours. To me it seems that at first the age difference was a big deal, but as she has matured and your relationship has grown so too have the feelings romantically on her side.
I would go as far to say it is almost human nature.
I am friends with some girls– but this chasm always needed to be discussed in the open before we could be hurt by one another and then decided whether rebuilding into a genuine platonic relationship was possible/desirable.
I vote no. Even when you really are just friends and you are unattracted, you will still find yourself, every once in while, saying to yourself, “ooo, I’d have a bit of that.” Maybe I’m just a creep, who knows, but I think human, no animal, nature just doesn’t allow it.
@possiblehubris I think yes. I have many friends that are girls. Some more attractive than others and I’m obviously sexually attracted to any woman who’s beautiful. But I believe friendships should run deeper than any primal urges to have sex. I’ve actually had this conversation with two of my female friends about how we’re both sexually attracted to one another but realize its not worth it to ruin the relationship we currently have. If it’s about sex, find a fuck buddy. It’s much harder to find a person who shares the same values and worldview than it is to find a one night stand, regardless if that person is male or female.
No offense bro, but this is a stupid question.
Of course it can. It’s merely a matter of choice and honesty.
Plus, agreeing to possibly have sex doesn’t mean it can’t be platonic. First of all, it’s just hypothetical. Second, even if they act on it that doesn’t necessarily change anything. They can still be just friends.
Been there, done that.
@jeslyntweedie, Oh, but how do you know the joking isn’t just a case of the classic “it’s just a harmless joke” deception? How do you know it’s not the subconscious finding a way to let itself shine in a way that isn’t as easily spotted? Or an attempt to negate the whims that are there?
Not saying it is so, but it could be you know. How Freudian have you gotten with this stuff haha?
How well do you know your subconscious?
@possiblehubris No they’re not, but what stops me is that I don’t see them as romantic partners. Yes, we have common interests but I think there is a clear distinction between girls you like to hang out with and girls you would wanna date romantically. To me, a physical relationship is not necessary. I already have a physical relationship that satisfies my sexual desires so why risk sabotaging a friendship for pleasure that I can get elsewhere? But I guess it all comes down to whether or not both people think a platonic relationship can work. If you’re both satisfied being friends then I see no reason why the relationship shouldn’t stay platonic.
@possiblehubris, Do you really want the answer to that question?
If you knew the terms, you would understand that it’s all about the feelings. If there is no earthly eros, it’s platonic.
Believe it or not, but we choose our infatuations. If you find that you can’t stay around girls without getting turned on, that’s on you, your decision to not take charge of your desires.
Lust is nothing but a lack of self-control.
If you can’t stop getting turned on, that means your mind is in a lower place. Bring it out of there, and it stops.