Can a M/F relationship ever be completely paltonic? Poll.
I vote NO.
My theory (from experience) is that in every instance:
if one of the two were completely honest, he or she would agree to have sex with the other.
If you claim that you have been in a relationship where this is not true then I assert that YOU were the one that did not wish to have sex.
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The only time I could really see a M/F relationship being truly purely platonic, is in the case of an apprentice/master relationship. Something where age and expertise are way too big of an influence.
Kind of cool when that can happen too. Some of the best things I’ve ever learned were from older males whom I was close with but not at all in any kind of romantic or sexual way–too big of a gap to even contemplate, was a non issue.
So it can happen, with big gaps in age and experience/wisdom/intellect.
Maybe it’s not just attraction that’s the issue. Maybe it’s more of a young people thing, when you’re just really not sure of what you want, what you’re attracted to, who you are yourself…etc. So everyone experiments.
It does suck when someone doesn’t want to experiment with you though, but alas, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
On another note, even though one might want to sleep with the other, that’s a very primal instinct. And it doesn’t always mean love or anything like that either.
I have lots of close male friends, and maybe they want to fuck me and sometimes it’s funny to joke about, but they know it’s just a thought. I mean people in their 20s and 30s are around a lot of reproductively healthy people. It’s normal to want to have sex with your attractive friends. But you don’t have to act on it. Doesn’t change the friendships at all, it just is.
@possiblehubris, I was poking fun at your username.
An obvious counterexample to your claim would be a friendship between a homosexual male and a homosexual female.
Just as you probably aren’t attracted to every woman you see (are you heterosexual? add “and man” to that statement if you aren’t), the general idea can be applied to others, no matter what their sexual orientation is.
@toniolo, and these two girls you addressed the issue with are in committed relationships? If no, what stops you from taking it to a physical relationship…I am not longer single but it seems like the nature progression.
@citygirl9050, Nah, we haven’t hung out one on one for a while. Last time I saw her was a few weeks after my daughter was born. There have only been two of these weird conversations, one on the phone and one on fb. My wife doesn’t know any of this, I’m not trying to hide anything from her and She’s not the jealous type at all, it’s just not a conversation I want have. I just have to talk to my friend and clear the air for both of our sakes.
@possiblehubris, no, i tried but it NEVER worked, the other person is hurt that you don’t want to make the commitment to go further than just friends, BUT later on the feeling can die, and then you can have a platonic relationship, but maybe the feeling comes back again, i did not experience that (yet) from either my or the other person..you can however agree on a platonic relationship meaning you won’t do anything with your feelings towards the other person, that could work fine actually, because you only consider the person as being attractive, that doesn’t mean you want to jump on him or her all the time, you CAN control it if you choose to do so..unless you really really see this person as something special eg you’re in love with him or her. Then it would be just torture to act platonic lol.
No offense bro, but this is a stupid question.
Of course it can. It’s merely a matter of choice and honesty.
Plus, agreeing to possibly have sex doesn’t mean it can’t be platonic. First of all, it’s just hypothetical. Second, even if they act on it that doesn’t necessarily change anything. They can still be just friends.
Been there, done that.
I think it’s possible to a certain extent. I’ve had many friendships with males that were platonic but I’m unsure how many of them wanted to sleep with me. Does that matter though? Our friendships were always based on common interests such as gaming or something.
Only once I can remember I had a great best friendship with a guy, and ended up falling in love with him. We were a great team. I ruined our friendship by revealing this too him months after he got a girlfriend. She forbade him from seeing me and probably with good reason.
Still, whenever I think of platonic m/f relationships, I think of him. We were best friends but looking back I believe we were probably both holding back feelings and that may’ve been what made it exciting.
@jeslyntweedie, Oh, but how do you know the joking isn’t just a case of the classic “it’s just a harmless joke” deception? How do you know it’s not the subconscious finding a way to let itself shine in a way that isn’t as easily spotted? Or an attempt to negate the whims that are there?
Not saying it is so, but it could be you know. How Freudian have you gotten with this stuff haha?
How well do you know your subconscious?
Well, I’d really like to know why was this question ever formulated, as valid reasons would have first crossed your mind. In my personal opinion AND experience, a boy/man and a girl/woman can be 100% friends without any romantic or sexual desires bugging them. In the case they’ve got those desires, well… There must be confidence to create a friendship, mustn’t it? Why not talk about it? Each day/time I observe people, they take sex and romance way too far and over react their emotions, like they’re living in a soap opera or a theatrical play. I mean… Relax, dude!! It’s just a feeling!! You’re human and you’ve got’em as you also may not have them!! That’s why you need to understand when you may not be the significant other of your significant other.
In conclusion… Why not??
I’ve only ever had one friendship with a female that was platonic. We worked together, got to talking, hanging out and she is just a really chill, smart, funny chick. I was never attracted to her whatsoever, not that she’s ugly, just not my type and she about six years younger than me. Might not seem like much if you are older but when we started hanging out she was 17 and I was 23. It was a pretty big gap but she was very mature, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand her.
We’ve been friends for about 3 and a half years, talk often, both of us have been though multiple relationships together, been single together and nothing really ever came up except when I told her that her boyfriend at the time was douche bag, and would end up hurting her. She accused me of being jealous, I told her it couldn’t be further from the truth and I just got really bad vibes from the guy. We didn’t talk for about three or four months until I was proven right and she called me to apologize, that was the only argument we’ve ever had and we are still good friends.
But, Just within the past few weeks I have been getting some strange vibes from her. I’m a pretty perceptive person and the way she’s been acting, the things she’s been saying lead me to believe she has kind of fallen for me. I don’t desire any sort of relationship with her other than friendship, I’m just honestly not attracted to her. I’m feeling kind of awkward about the whole thing but I completely understand why it has happened.
I’ve always been there for her as a friend, I’ve always been the older guy, big brother figure. She comes to me for advice, the times she hasn’t taken it she eventually realized I was right. I have always been protective of her because she has always been really innocent, never gotten in trouble, just really straight edged and I’ve always been the opposite. I guess it’s the bad boy thing, and she wants more because she realizes that I’m the only guy who has been there for here without ulterior motives. I get it, I really do and I should have expected this would happen. Kinda sucks though, I don’t know what to do.
@nisrom, Thanks. More than a bit pissed that I misspelled platonic but glad people are jumping in.
I think you have a good discussion topic re: the Kinsey Scale. I have not had much discussion with men especially about varying degrees of heterosexuality. I would consider myself very much a heterosexual, but I have been attracted to males on occasion and like you say perhaps certain characteristics in males. Thanks for adding to the nuances of this conversation:)
@possiblehubris No they’re not, but what stops me is that I don’t see them as romantic partners. Yes, we have common interests but I think there is a clear distinction between girls you like to hang out with and girls you would wanna date romantically. To me, a physical relationship is not necessary. I already have a physical relationship that satisfies my sexual desires so why risk sabotaging a friendship for pleasure that I can get elsewhere? But I guess it all comes down to whether or not both people think a platonic relationship can work. If you’re both satisfied being friends then I see no reason why the relationship shouldn’t stay platonic.
No relationship is, male-male, female-female, mother and son, mother-daughter, father-daughter, father and son, brother-sister, yes we are all a little incest gay, shouldn’t act on it though, just a heads up ;)
Of course this can occur when both parties know exactly the circumstances but from my experience I would say no. Of course your genetic wiring can tell you that you want more than and if one party wanted to have sex/hook up that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not platonic. I think you can think of at least one girl you would never hook up with mentally physically etc and think of who that girl has that feelings for and wallaaaa defintely possible. I remember their was a time I just really wanted a girl best friend so I searched and searched and to this day not a single chick, all sent to the friend zone ( I know i’m a moron etc.)
@cadeus333, I think you should get her to hook up with another guy, or just set her up with someone.. that should help. maybe talk to her about girls… get her to realize that it will never happen between you guys or else you’ll just lead her on in your subconscious way. Unless you’re thinking about her too … ;)
@possiblehubris, Do you really want the answer to that question?
If you knew the terms, you would understand that it’s all about the feelings. If there is no earthly eros, it’s platonic.
Believe it or not, but we choose our infatuations. If you find that you can’t stay around girls without getting turned on, that’s on you, your decision to not take charge of your desires.
Lust is nothing but a lack of self-control.
If you can’t stop getting turned on, that means your mind is in a lower place. Bring it out of there, and it stops.
@dalniente, I don’t know what you mean
@beyond, sage words once again. My wife and I tried to be friends. She wanted to be “friends” much longer than I wanted it. But it was in the early stages of being platonic that we started to fall in love.
@trek79, love it! wasn’t my intention with the post, but Freud would certainly agree:)
@citygirl9050, I probably should have mentioned that I have been married for about 8 months and I have a baby girl just a little over 2 months old. She knows this, she has met and hung out with my wife and just recently saw my little girl. That’s what makes it really weird. She is not the home wrecker type at all, she is a very respectful person.
She hasn’t come out and said anything obviously inappropriate, just things like “I really hope Daysi (my wife) knows how lucky she is” or “I can’t believe I never really realized what amazing guy you are, I thought guys like you were a myth or something”. To which I can only respond “uhhhh…thankkksss…*nervous laughter*”.
It’s entirely too awkward…