Can ‘friends with benefits’ ever turn into more?

3 years, 4 months ago

I’ve been messing around with this guy for a few months now. We started talking at work and exchanged numbers and were just friends for awhile. He’s super funny, like kind of an asshole funny- which i appreciate. And he’s just down to earth. Well… he began asking me out about a week after we started talking and i kept saying no because i just got out of a super long relationship.. He asked me out every week, even though i said no. eventually, i found out that my ex had started seeing someone else. so obviously, i texted him and said ‘let’s make out.’ since then our relationship has been strictly sexual. we went into it knowing that we weren’t dating, we were just messing around. unfortunately, since it started, i’ve been growing attached to him. i play it off like we’re still just friends and he has no idea i actually care about him… can this ever be more?

September 27, 2011 at 7:44 pm

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Profile photo of Jeff Jeff (@pairodime) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

dont force it on him, or assume it will happen either. the important thing to remember is that everything must ‘flow’ into a man’s life. anything that feels too fast or slow for a man will not work. that being said there are things that he might say that could mean whether or not he wants a relationship

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Profile photo of alive alive (@alive) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

well he was asking me out before all this started… like on actual dates and whatnot.. i’m just worried that now all he sees me as is a friend he calls when he wants to have sex. i feel like i ruined what could have been an actual thing had i not jumped right into this sexual relationship.

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

I don’t think there’s ever a “one size fits all” answer to questions like this. It all depends on the individuals involved. I would trust your gut and like Jeff said, don’t force it… If I were you I would put the way I feel out in the open and see how he reacts. It’s so much better than playing games or keeping things ambiguous.

Edit: if he wanted to date you before I don’t see why he wouldn’t want to now, unless he is seeing someone else already. Maybe ask if you can finally take him up on his offer to date?

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Profile photo of jep jep (@tooth) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

sure it can turn into more….. my current girlfriend and i were FWB for like a few years before it turned into more. now we live together, and are moving halfway around the world together, well not quite but damn close….what sort of ended up happening was that we both had other people coming and going over the years, but somehow we would still always get together in the end. in other words, it was a GOOD thing that we werent “officially” a couple for that time, because we may have ended up breaking up because neither of us were ready at the time. just go with the flow, like other people are saying, and appreciate the person when youre with them. dont stress out if they date someone else because if/when they break up, you can still get together. see? FWB is a good thing!

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Profile photo of alive alive (@alive) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

@jep i like looking at it like that. thanks.

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Profile photo of Trisha Trisha (@trishashifter) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

yes

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