Classic from friend to girlfriend dilemma

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Avatar of creds
creds (@creds)    2 years ago

So, I have a really smoking hot friend. And she’s really awesome too, popular and all the stereotype hot, sexy, popular cool type girl. She has a lot of male friends, all of whom probably want to be with her. However I do consider me her best and closest male friend. And lately I’ve been thinking a lot about her (love wise), and it scares the shit out of me because I do not want to lose her. And no, “be honest and tell her what you feel, maybe she does the same for you, and worse thing that happen is a no”, is not going to work. Several previous incidents where her male friends have confessed their love to her, they’ve all been denied and she has had an awkward relationship with them ever since – I cannot risk that.

So, my question. Do you have any past experience, or suggestions, on how I can slowly seduce her? I’m already massaging her, but getting too close to her boobs and sensitive area is way off limits. Further I’ve considered “mere exposure effect”, and just let nature do its part, but even thats difficult. Gah, how to get out of this ridiculous friend zone without telling her/be too obvious?

Ps. I have no issue whatsoever to do a move on a girl as long as I consider it to be the best move.

4 votes, posted 07.02.2012 at 5:05 pm
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Avatar of Bryan Hellard
Bryan Hellard (@xyver)2 years ago ago

So…. The question is “How do I make a move on a girl, one that is obvious enough that she would interpret it as “Hey, this guy wants me” if she liked you, yet subtle enough to seem innocent if she doesn’t.”

That’s a hell of a question. Did I get it wrong?

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Avatar of R.V. Star
R.V. Star (@rickvonstar)2 years ago ago

start making jokes about making out

Get drunk

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Avatar of Jon Leo
Jon Leo (@d503)2 years ago ago

Appeal to her subconscious. Use hidden keywords in your speech. Try to appear in her dreams.

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Avatar of Nick
Nick (@janski)2 years ago ago

I’ve been in the same situation for years. It’s sad really, but there’s nobody I would rather be with than her. The friend zone is where I’ve been doomed to be in it seems like.

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Avatar of DaJetPlane
DaJetPlane (@lytning91)2 years ago ago

@xyver, Oh God, you made me lol with this reply. It really is a “might powerful” question, indeed.

@creds, I mean, I feel like you probably know this person well enough to imagine what they are looking for in a mate, or just in intimate relationships. Think about what you would be asking for and see if that matches up well with what she has been known to do in the past. I find that, most often, girls are just as interested in certain aspects of a relationship as we are, but there are those who would really find that much exposure to be a turn-off.

IDK dude, you are basically restating a question men have been trying to answer for basically…ever.

I am currently in a similar situation, and am trying to figure out if it is worth it to introduce the concept of intimacy into our relationship, but I think these things work out best when allowed to flow naturally.

I’d say just do you and allow it to unfold as it should. Maybe there will come a time when your massage will wind up encouraging her to guide your hand somewhere else. Maybe she’ll find someone knew and you will realize that she isn’t where you are thinking of going. Just live and be excited for each moment.

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Avatar of Dsun Dre
Dsun Dre (@dsundre)2 years ago ago

stare at her eyes for 10 seconds without moving or saying anything -

if the 10 seconds goes through successfully and she’s still looking at you without her saying anything or disarming the situation go for it.

if it doesn’t succeed then guess what ; she already ran that scenario in her head.

Guys seem to forget that pile of good looking cells has a thought process and has prolly had many thoughts and situations about all their friendly/emotional relationships – just like how guys run scenarios in their heads for every girl they find attractive.

honestly you feel so attached to her that you don’t want to lose her that means there is a feeling of control somewhere in there. IF there is any feeling or desire of control – even if you don’t realize it now – then it won’t work.

Here’s a tip : don’t fucking use any TRICKS or TRAPS to SEDUCE her, you don’t seduce your perfect mate – your perfect mate seduces you ( and not in that sense – again stupid social conditioning forces you to think of the ”game of seduction” and that’s not what i mean ), and you aren’t hunting for deer – you’re trying to see if she’s into you and dude
if she is – it’s blatantly obvious.

my neutral advice would be to tell her you find her physically attractive for obvious reasons but that doesn’t change the way you view her as friend and you obviously value her qualities a lot.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years ago ago

dude stop being a pussy and whip your dick out and swaffle her.

swaffleing is hitting something with a semi-erect penis.

Please don’t report this, i am absolutely dead serious.

actually 2 pieces of advice:
you wanna know how I got my (amazing) girlfriend?

Completely wasted, saw her, smiled, grabbed her tit in the kitchen at a party. She grabbed my neck and we started making out. Embarassing as hell for both of us to tell, but it cemented something great.

Secondly I used to be best friends with a girl and fell madly in love with her for years. I brought it up numerous times, but then i realized she had such a skewed perception of herself that she literally drove me away because of it. She began to think that SINCE I liked her, she was too good for me in a sense, and that she could always “fall back” on me, so to speak – when she was bored or she was fighting with anyone else, but chose to exclude me otherwise. She broke my heart, and now I don’t like being friends with chicks unless they are really really friendly – i just don’t trust them. They’ll eat you.

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Avatar of ELizard
ELizard (@heavydreamz)2 years ago ago

@creds, If you’re in the friend zone, she is thinking “of course he wants me” like all the other guys. You need to separate yourself from this and get her thinking, “what makes him different?” This is cool because you can tell her how gorgeous and pretty she is all day but if you are the one who is NOT making a move, she is going to wonder what makes you so untouchable. That’s what she wants, a guy who can have the balls to give her a chase. Works like a charm!

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Avatar of Jeremy
Jeremy (@chadvice)2 years ago ago

She’s probably just as afraid of coming to terms with the fact that all her guy friends like her as you are to tell her the fact. Maybe she needs you to be the stronger one.

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Avatar of Christian Chavez

you really have two choices, either sack up and make a move, or accept that you guys are gonna be just friends. Slowly trying to seduce her is not going to work. If you guys have been friends for a while she isn’t gonna think about you in a sexual way just because you are doing slightly more sexual things to her. sorry for being so blunt

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Avatar of creds
creds (@creds)2 years ago ago

Thanks for replying guys. Really good advice that I will for sure take in to account. I will try the ten second stare later today (she invited me over for some lasagne), maybe that will create some kind of spark. And probably a wise thing being the different friend that’s not hitting on her directly, or confessing or whatever all the other guys have done.

And I guess if the being different – ten second stare is not doing the trick, the get drunk and grab her boob thing needs to work its magic. If she punches me, I for sure know we’re just friends, haha.

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Avatar of Jake
Jake (@jesus)2 years ago ago

@creds,

Just tell her how you feel. I understand the fear of rejection is debilitatingly scary, but regardless of what she says you’ll feel great that you faced your fear and just told her after you do.

Best of luck.

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Avatar of Ellie

RV Star kinda has a point… Making a joke is a good indirect way to test the waters. Watch her reaction without making it obvious you are doing so. If she laughs awkwardly with a slight air of disgust or “wtf”-ness, you have your answer.

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Avatar of Ellie

@creds, oh and do not grab her.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years ago ago

lol@”wtfness”

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Avatar of creds
creds (@creds)2 years ago ago

Haha, thanks I’ll try withstanding grabbing her. But the joke part indeed is a good way to test the vibes!

And, haha on the wtf-ness!

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Avatar of Sasho Stoyanov
Anonymous (@)2 years ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I know what you mean. Absofuckinglutely.

I really can’t tell how people should approach this kind of stuff. I usually don’t think about relationships at all and I bluntly say “Your face, I like that shit”, then it may work out or not… Recently I’ve been hit by Cupid, but he seems to upgraded from bow and arrows to fucking cannons.

@creds, you just have to fucking know. She may be dealing with the same thoughts. Usually stuff like that gets exaggerated and people don’t consider the fact that being with someone is actually not that same fairytale we wish it to be, but it could be if you try and make a fucking move. So if nothing happens, big fucking deal. You gotta be honest with yourself. I don’t know what else to say to you, tell her that love sucks, but she doesn’t. Good luck.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years ago ago

yeah, really you should be able to tell whether it can happen or not. Encounter resistance and embrace the friendship. If you push and she pulls, go with the flow.

And grab her tits all the time, punch em like bags. Girls love that they just would rather put you in prison than admit it. Im genius.

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Avatar of Grand Kahlib
Grand Kahlib (@kahlib)2 years ago ago

don’t tell her anything. bust a move, and if rejection happens just laugh it off.

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Avatar of Becks
Becks (@steve217)2 years ago ago

@creds, Simple, get her to help you seduce some other chick, do that role playing thing where she pretends to be the ‘other chick’ and you pretend you’re asking her out. If you can manipulate the situtation well enough try and convice this smoking hot friend of yours to tactically date you to make this hypothetical other chick jealous. The crux behind all this insanity is simply a way of literally bringing you together, perhaps her tips on seducing women will reveal more about her, remember even if the chemistry is fake it’ll still take place and as a women she’ll be obligated to suffer some kind of hormonal reaction to it, you might have her telling her other friends ‘It’s complicated’, finally if this gets you in bed with some other chick you’ll be sweet, if things go sour with the other chick guess which jealous emotionally invested best smoking hot friend is there to score you on the rebound?

And if all of that doesn’t work you can always read the catcher in the rye and shoot the president opting to impress her.

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Avatar of Callisto
Callisto (@calypso)2 years ago ago

This is an easy question. Guys have been stupid and not figured out how to do this. Actions speak louder than words and this really simple action conveys so much but can be innocent too if she doesn’t reciprocate. When walking, grab her hand. I know it sounds stupidly simple, but if she doesn’t pull away she most likely is interested in you as well. Of course not always, but most the time. If she pulls away her hand then she isn’t interested, and you didn’t even have to say anything. You can just pretend it didn’t happen and try to move on. Holding hands seems juvenile, but it is such a powerful thing in the early stages of a relationship.

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Avatar of anniec
anniec (@anniec)2 years ago ago

Since you spend a lot of time together, I would have thought it should be obvious if the attraction is mutual. Girls have a way of letting you know if they want you- And in this case, she doesn’t sound like a shrinking violet type or lacking in confidence in coming forward.
Just grab her for a kiss next time you part ways.. Good luck, oh and, do let us know how you get on- I am intrigued.

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Avatar of Madison
Madison (@dammitmadison)2 years ago ago

lol. Giving awkward sexual massages is possibly the worst thing ever. If you seriously want to be more than an awkward hook up with her then you really need to change your approach. And honestly nothing is going to happen until either you or her confess.

I’m dating someone who used to be my best friend. We both liked each other for so long but my best friend at the time (not a good friend) told me that he liked someone else so I never did anything about it. I asked him straight forward about it and he was kidding around but I thought he was being defensive. He was like “WE’RE JUST FRIENDS.” but like a year later I thought we were “talking” and then he mentioned some girl he was going to hook up with and I got mad. And he kept bothering me on telling him why and finally I told him I liked him and he confessed to always liking me and now we’ve been in a relationship for over a year. People are always like “you two are STILL together?” and I honestly don’t see us breaking up any time soon.

So it could either work out or not. I also have a good guy friend who told me he liked me and I shot him down but we’re still great friends. It just depends on if she WANTS to get over that or not. Like if she’s gonna be a jerk about it then that’s her problem and all you can do is move on. There are plenty of people in the world lol.

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Avatar of dsublime94
dsublime94 (@dsublime94)1 year, 11 months ago ago

@creds, I can relate to you so well. When I moved to PA when i was nine there was a girl next store, we became friends and i always had a liking for her ever since i knew her. But the older we became the closer we became, were eighteen now and have known each other for nine years. I really do love her, yet she does not feel the same way and it really does kill me, we’ve had sex before and it really complicated things. But the way we got to that point was because i was always there for her and always cared for her no matter what, it would really hurt me at times and sometimes it would hurt me too much seeing her with other people so much that we would just not talk for a time, but everytime we ignored eachother we both just ended up getting really hurt. But today we are still extremely close and i still feel for her and she loves me too but not in the way i wish, my plan though to win her over is just to be there. Every step of the way, girls want someone who accpets them, someone who cares for them, someone who wants them to have a good life, a girl wants someone who gives them freedom to be themselves, they want someone who opens the doors, who smiles at them, who puts up with there stupid girl bs. It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but if you really do love her and want to be with her someday thats what you have to do. I know it seems hard and i dont even follow all my own rules, but from my experience i’ve seen that when i do those things for her it makes her soo happy. i can just tell that even though she has a boyfriend, theres still a part of her that holds on to me. It kills me to see her with someone else but i really do love her and want to prove that im just better, so im just gonna try and keep up with the crap and wait for the day. Good luck to you sir, just be you. Intimacy with someone comes with complete truth and honesty

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Avatar of Cody
Cody (@versai)1 year, 11 months ago ago

@dsublime94, Damn, idk bro. That sounds like THE friend zone. I think what others have said about giving her a chase has some validity. If you’re ALWAYS there for her and at her side, then you’re like her puppy that she already has. She’s probably more attracted to the other guys who make her feel good but keep a distance, because they create an illusion of having something she wants. I think she likes having a little challenge to strive for, something to improve upon. I don’t think anyone wants to be told they’re perfect forever, they like to be reminded in hidden moments of their inner perfection.

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