Classic from friend to girlfriend dilemma
So, I have a really smoking hot friend. And she’s really awesome too, popular and all the stereotype hot, sexy, popular cool type girl. She has a lot of male friends, all of whom probably want to be with her. However I do consider me her best and closest male friend. And lately I’ve been thinking a lot about her (love wise), and it scares the shit out of me because I do not want to lose her. And no, “be honest and tell her what you feel, maybe she does the same for you, and worse thing that happen is a no”, is not going to work. Several previous incidents where her male friends have confessed their love to her, they’ve all been denied and she has had an awkward relationship with them ever since – I cannot risk that.
So, my question. Do you have any past experience, or suggestions, on how I can slowly seduce her? I’m already massaging her, but getting too close to her boobs and sensitive area is way off limits. Further I’ve considered “mere exposure effect”, and just let nature do its part, but even thats difficult. Gah, how to get out of this ridiculous friend zone without telling her/be too obvious?
Ps. I have no issue whatsoever to do a move on a girl as long as I consider it to be the best move.
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This is an easy question. Guys have been stupid and not figured out how to do this. Actions speak louder than words and this really simple action conveys so much but can be innocent too if she doesn’t reciprocate. When walking, grab her hand. I know it sounds stupidly simple, but if she doesn’t pull away she most likely is interested in you as well. Of course not always, but most the time. If she pulls away her hand then she isn’t interested, and you didn’t even have to say anything. You can just pretend it didn’t happen and try to move on. Holding hands seems juvenile, but it is such a powerful thing in the early stages of a relationship.
@creds, Duuuuude. That’s no good, you’re only making it worse.
Here’s what my friend told me a long time ago when I was in the situation that you’re in:
“It’s like a fork in the road. A V shape. You being at the bottom of the V, the starting point, then you choose your path. One leads to the dreaded platonic nice guy friend zone, the other leads to love and hot sex. At first, you can switch from one path to the other with ease, no sweat dude. But the further you walk, the more the distance grows, the harder it becomes to get to the other path. The V is bent outwards too, the paths go further and further apart exponentially.
And this isn’t just about the current situation with you and this girl. No… this affects your behavior too, your future. For each time you decide to wimp out not take action, you manifest that action more and more in your head until it becomes a real habit, one that’s very hard to break. The more you do it, the more it sets. The resistance builds up. You’ll become more and more uncomfortable among girls, more and more awkward, more and more unable to relax, more and more lonely. Stifled and awkward.
And it’s not just about girls, it affects your interactions with all people, even yourself.
If you act instead, the opposite is true. You become more and more comfortable, confident, chill, sociable, free, awesome.
It’s like a fighting a rubber band. The harder you push, the more resistance you face, that’s your bitch ego. If you give up, you bounce back, you lose, you’re a bitch. But if you push until it breaks it’s gone forever and you’re a champion. You’re free, man.
It’s all about here and now. Fuck resistance, if you don’t push through it will only get harder. The sooner you act, the easier it will be, the less time and energy you will waste, the more time you’ll be having a great time.
So get your shit together man, cuz this is not how a sane man lives.”
I was smart and applied it, I got what I wanted. The guy is completely right.
You gotta take action right now. Stop making excuses, stop wimping out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hard, the only reason it’s hard is because you refuse to do anything about it. The longer you wait the worse it will get, THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.
And you know what? The most likely scenario is not what you think. The most likely scenario is that she appreciates it, and recognizes your courage and honesty.
Here’s the thing dude, when you’re feeling all nervous and shit around a girl, you’re making HER feel bad. When you feel free and good, SHE feels free and good.
The way you’re doing it now, you’re making her feel awkward, and like there’s something wrong with her because you’re not making a move on her. It’s not nice at all dude, you don’t do that to someone you love. And if you have any self-respect you don’t deny yourself what you want. She likes you, dude, she wants you to be free and awesome.
She wants you to be a man.
Be smart, be a man, cut the crap and just MAKE A MOVE. Drop that ego, dude, and all will be fine.
Worst case scenario is that you don’t get her. And you know what? That’s only temporary, you can get another chance, and another. It’s not gonna take 3 years, more like 2 weeks. Tops.
Hell, I’ve fucked up big time so many times, and a few of those times the girl called up later that night or the day after to apologize for rejecting me, even setting up a new date.
You never know, dude, things like that happen. And girls are very forgiving in general.
Plus, since you’ve been on these movie dates, there’s bound to be a bunch of tension built up, she might be feeling just like you feel. Sometimes all it takes is that little move and suddenly she’s all over you, that’s what this kind of tension does to people, especially to girls.
So, dude, be smart. Stop being weird and just MAKE A MOVE.
You’ll never regret it. It’s good for you in so many ways.
You gotta go for what you want.
If you want great stuff in life, you gotta be willing to LOSE great stuff too. Gotta let go man.
There is no safe, never has been, never will be, it’s all an illusion.
Also, you’re afraid you might “lose” her? Well, first of all you obviously don’t even have her yet, at least no the way you want her, how can you lose something you don’t have? You can’t, mate.
Second, you’re gonna lose EVERYTHING sooner or later, you can’t keep ANYTHING forever, everything you have is just “borrowed” so to speak. You’re gonna lose that girl one way or another, sooner or later, may as well aim to get the most out of your time with her yknow. Instead of a half-assed half-measure friendship, why not at least try to get a deeper relationship, sex, maybe kids and all that jazz?
Why not, man? Why not aim for the best? Why settle for something you don’t really want? Hmm?
Also, all of your half-assery when trying to get close to her is definitely one of the main causes it’s off limits. Girls are like that yknow, when a guy is half-assing with them they find it creepy and/or annoying. Gotta be HONEST and DIRECT man, show some spine yknow, and some soul.
Life’s WAY too short for pussyfooting. Drop that shit. Let go and LIVE!
@creds, I can relate to you so well. When I moved to PA when i was nine there was a girl next store, we became friends and i always had a liking for her ever since i knew her. But the older we became the closer we became, were eighteen now and have known each other for nine years. I really do love her, yet she does not feel the same way and it really does kill me, we’ve had sex before and it really complicated things. But the way we got to that point was because i was always there for her and always cared for her no matter what, it would really hurt me at times and sometimes it would hurt me too much seeing her with other people so much that we would just not talk for a time, but everytime we ignored eachother we both just ended up getting really hurt. But today we are still extremely close and i still feel for her and she loves me too but not in the way i wish, my plan though to win her over is just to be there. Every step of the way, girls want someone who accpets them, someone who cares for them, someone who wants them to have a good life, a girl wants someone who gives them freedom to be themselves, they want someone who opens the doors, who smiles at them, who puts up with there stupid girl bs. It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but if you really do love her and want to be with her someday thats what you have to do. I know it seems hard and i dont even follow all my own rules, but from my experience i’ve seen that when i do those things for her it makes her soo happy. i can just tell that even though she has a boyfriend, theres still a part of her that holds on to me. It kills me to see her with someone else but i really do love her and want to prove that im just better, so im just gonna try and keep up with the crap and wait for the day. Good luck to you sir, just be you. Intimacy with someone comes with complete truth and honesty
yeah, really you should be able to tell whether it can happen or not. Encounter resistance and embrace the friendship. If you push and she pulls, go with the flow.
And grab her tits all the time, punch em like bags. Girls love that they just would rather put you in prison than admit it. Im genius.
@ijesuschrist, I know what you mean. Absofuckinglutely.
I really can’t tell how people should approach this kind of stuff. I usually don’t think about relationships at all and I bluntly say “Your face, I like that shit”, then it may work out or not… Recently I’ve been hit by Cupid, but he seems to upgraded from bow and arrows to fucking cannons.
@creds, you just have to fucking know. She may be dealing with the same thoughts. Usually stuff like that gets exaggerated and people don’t consider the fact that being with someone is actually not that same fairytale we wish it to be, but it could be if you try and make a fucking move. So if nothing happens, big fucking deal. You gotta be honest with yourself. I don’t know what else to say to you, tell her that love sucks, but she doesn’t. Good luck.
Im in this situation, in fact, I’ve been in this situation for some time now (about a year) and I’m not going to stand by idly any longer. I’m going for it today, and I believe I’ve mentally prepared myself for whatever outcome I get (apart from a yes :P). In my opinion I’d say just go for it! Theres no use torturing yourself about it or putting it off, thats what disorders are made of, and I personally feel just coming out with it would be enough of a relief in itself regardless of her response.
The fact you have seen what has happened in her history does complicate things somewhat, but try to reverse the situation, if she told you she liked you, what kind of person would you have to be to not only tell her no, but let the friendship be ruined? I dont like to believe I’d be friends with someone who would let our friendship go to waste (she can break my heart, just leave the friendship alone!)
Anyways those are my reasons/rationalizations take it or leave it, but I believe that as long as you aren’t stagnating in the relationship your moving forwards for the right reasons.
Oh and hi, this is my first post after a while lurking, hopefully first of many :D -ZZZ
@anarchy Grats man, its success stories like this that are driving me at the moment
So…. The question is “How do I make a move on a girl, one that is obvious enough that she would interpret it as “Hey, this guy wants me” if she liked you, yet subtle enough to seem innocent if she doesn’t.”
That’s a hell of a question. Did I get it wrong?
It’s hard for any of us to give good advice because we don’t know her. All girls are different and there isn’t one special secret tip that works in all cases. In my experience I have had chick friends for years and for a long time none of them would have been able to see me as more than a friend, but as time passed they started seeing me as more than a friend. As long as you’re always there for her, and keep some casual flirty behavior in your friendship, she’ll realize one day that your a great option. Make sure your completely comfortable around each other, and maybe even state the fact that y’all would make a great couple. If you can plant the idea in her head it will grow, and it might be slow, and it might not blossom, but hopefully you care about her enough that staying friends with her wouldn’t be the end of the world. Good luck dude.
I read everything on that thread and it’s very interesting how everyone complicates a simple relationship.
Well if the problem was a classic “friend to father of her child”, then it would have been complicated. No? I think yes.
RV Star kinda has a point… Making a joke is a good indirect way to test the waters. Watch her reaction without making it obvious you are doing so. If she laughs awkwardly with a slight air of disgust or “wtf”-ness, you have your answer.
@thezango, how did it go, man?
I very much like the idea of to just go with it, do what I like and LIVE. That is a very good life philosophy. However, it’s just too hard. Tonight we were on another “movie date”, which just couldn’t be more friendzoned. I thought to myself “just do it”, but moving my hand on to feeling her thigh was just too difficult, I couldn’t do it. It was just too weird.
Rational decision making
Worse case scenario: Lose her as a friend (No, she’s not gonna shoot me).
Most likely scenario: She will just overlook it. (aka. remove my hand from her thigh/hand and pretend nothing happened – completely losing any chances for the next… 3 years at least)
Best case scenario: Happily ever after
Just to make one thing clear to those not sure: I want us to go from just friends to being in a relationship.
Perhaps your friend doesn’t want to be seduced? Maybe she’s not all that you think she is? Personally, I would say that if you really do actually love her then you should tell her that because life’s too short and anything can happen and you’d probably never forgive yourself if you didn’t at least tell her how you really feel and something happened.
@dsublime94, If I knew a girl for that many years I would have learned pretty much everything I’d need to know to seduce her 100%. In my opinion, if it hasn’t happened by now, consider the friendship strictly platonic. You’ve grown up with her for so long that she’s practically your sister. There’s a difference between being there for a girl and making her your woman. If you are really that close to her you’d know exactly what to do to shake off these other guys and corner her with your seduction, without smothering her. You keep talking up this huge advantage of being her closest buddy, but you’re not using it.
If you’re that convinced that the relationship is destined to happen, even if after a series of fall-backs, then why aren’t you doing the same thing she is? –Exploring the field, testing out other girls to see if this one is really the one you want to be around forever. If what you say is true, you’ll always have each other for backup. But it doesn’t sound like she appreciates that as much as you do.
This man here offers wise advice.
This is what I’m going to explain once to you dude and only once and I’m sorry I’m gonna be hard on you because I wish someone told me this. Love and sex don’t follow logic, so why in the hell are you on here trying to reason with it? This is exactly what I use to do before I got girls is talk to all my buddies about it. Luckily they stopped giving a shit and I had no other choice but to act on those feelings. I then came to the realization that just so happened to be what those feelings are there for.
Let those feelings drive you nuts until you can’t handle them, make a move on her, go from there. It is 100% better to try and ask for forgiveness later than to not try at all. The stupidest things you could do for you is a. tell her you like her, trying to reason with unlogical emotions, and then get thrown in the friendzone, or b. not do anything about it and feel like shit every time a new dude comes around.
dude stop being a pussy and whip your dick out and swaffle her.
swaffleing is hitting something with a semi-erect penis.
Please don’t report this, i am absolutely dead serious.
actually 2 pieces of advice:
you wanna know how I got my (amazing) girlfriend?
Completely wasted, saw her, smiled, grabbed her tit in the kitchen at a party. She grabbed my neck and we started making out. Embarassing as hell for both of us to tell, but it cemented something great.
Secondly I used to be best friends with a girl and fell madly in love with her for years. I brought it up numerous times, but then i realized she had such a skewed perception of herself that she literally drove me away because of it. She began to think that SINCE I liked her, she was too good for me in a sense, and that she could always “fall back” on me, so to speak – when she was bored or she was fighting with anyone else, but chose to exclude me otherwise. She broke my heart, and now I don’t like being friends with chicks unless they are really really friendly – i just don’t trust them. They’ll eat you.
I created an account just to answer this question.
A few years back in high school, I became really close friends with a girl I went to elementary school with. Same thing as you, she has a lot of guy friends, cool, fun to be around, real, smokin’ hot. Anyways, we became best friends throughout the first few years of high school. She broke up with her boyfriend that she was with (went to different schools), and immediately, I told her that I was into her. I was extremely shy in my freshman year of HS, so this was not easy. She lead me on and I was devastated when she told me that she didn’t feel the same way. She told me she could never date me. So as hard as I tried to avoid her, I was just drawn back in by her. She was amazing. So I stuck around for another year or so. About mid way through grade 10, we got even closer. This time I was for sure thinking it was going to be a repeat of grade 9. New Years Eve of grade 10, one of my bro’s stayed the night with her and we got real cuddly. I fell asleep in her arms (drank too much), then when I woke, I swapped places with her and had her in my arms. For about a month after this incident, we became quite close. We kissed one night, and within the next couple of days, we were dating. She has been my amazing girlfriend for almost two years. We have a great relationship and hardly ever fight. The sex is great, we fuck almost everyday lol. Make sure you are actually interested in her and don’t just wanna stick it in her. We plan on staying together for years to come. Just living it day by day and seeing how it goes. I’d definitely say I feel much better about myself and life is great being with her. Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Good luck to you man. Hope you get what you want :P
@creds, dude are you looking for some different kind of advice than what was already stated? Nothing is too hard but you can make it that way, I swear its just in your head and will be that way every day until you fight back or accept it. I’ll let you know another price of knowledge that my friend shared with me; When people imagine their future selfs doing something, a goal, like talking to a girl, it shows up in the part of the brain that “thinks” about other people. In other words you think of yourself as a different person AKA not yourself. It will never be easier until you do it an it will always feel Way more real and probably ‘hard’ when you are actually there. You have to decide for yourself if you want to have an answer or to be ‘safe’. That’s an easy question and once you answer it or act out your answer then you know what is more important for you.
Ps there are some really good responses here, dude you should read them again and try if you want apply it as if you we’re doing it now rather then imagining a future scenario. :)
I’ve thought a lot about this lately because I am in love with someone who seems to think of me as just a friend. In the end, I decided not to say anything because I love him so deeply as a friend that I wouldn’t want to destroy that, which I think would happen if I tried to change things.