Classic from friend to girlfriend dilemma
So, I have a really smoking hot friend. And she’s really awesome too, popular and all the stereotype hot, sexy, popular cool type girl. She has a lot of male friends, all of whom probably want to be with her. However I do consider me her best and closest male friend. And lately I’ve been thinking a lot about her (love wise), and it scares the shit out of me because I do not want to lose her. And no, “be honest and tell her what you feel, maybe she does the same for you, and worse thing that happen is a no”, is not going to work. Several previous incidents where her male friends have confessed their love to her, they’ve all been denied and she has had an awkward relationship with them ever since – I cannot risk that.
So, my question. Do you have any past experience, or suggestions, on how I can slowly seduce her? I’m already massaging her, but getting too close to her boobs and sensitive area is way off limits. Further I’ve considered “mere exposure effect”, and just let nature do its part, but even thats difficult. Gah, how to get out of this ridiculous friend zone without telling her/be too obvious?
Ps. I have no issue whatsoever to do a move on a girl as long as I consider it to be the best move.
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@creds As a girl, who has many guy friends I feel I can help you out.
first really ask yourself, are you in the friendzone for a reason? how long have you guys been friends? if its been years of her just being “one of the guys” she may really just see you as one of the guys :(
She may really be so chill that she does have a crush on you but fears the same thing, if thats so, subtle touches, drunken flirting and more one on one time may be all you need to get her to “subtly (spelling?) touch” back and BAM! you know shes into you too.
If you try to hang out with her a lot one on one (if you dont already do so) she’ll catch on and probably figure out shes into you. then I would imagine that she would either like it and keep going out one on one which eventually turns to dating. or she catches on and you casually go back to hanging out in a group.
orrrr you can always just confess her best friend, one that you trust. the best friend will totally know if you have a chance or not. but BEWARE! the best friend WILL tell her that you asked, so you have to be okay with her eventually finding out through the grapevine. which can work.. if youre into that
@splashartist, I’m pretty sure you (and a bunch of others here) are right. She’s too comfortable with us just being friends, I think my case is a definition of being friendzoned (so thanks @donjaime23, appreciate it).
And haha, it really sucks, I have to give her texting advice to send to a bunch of jarheads.
Oh well, I’ll just do what @boribori90 says and YOLO the shit out of myself instead, real gangnam style.
@creds, this is an old post but I thought I’d give my view anyway.
I’ve been in her position before. My friend and I have been bestfriend’s for the past 7years. He’s great, we have so much in common as well, sense of humour, history, understanding, likes dislikes. Always joking around with each other but when we have serious issues we can turn to each other for support and give advice. Besides cuddles, compliments here and there and playful teasing I never suspected a thing. Recently out of the blue and basically told me that he loves me, and has thought of me as more than just a friend for a few years now. He wasn’t going to tell me because he was scared of my reaction and didn’t want to loose our amazing friendship since having a female as a bestfriend was all he has ever wanted as well. I ofcourse was super shocked But because we have such an open and honest relationship we worked around it. Now we are exploring our feelings on other levels, going on dates having sex, experimenting but as Friends, not a relationship. Its honestly the best feeling ever, like a normal relationship minus all the drama and strings. Just two friends who love each other and aren’t scared to express it in everyway. Fuck society and all the rules they put in place. If you have feelings for her be open and honest, no bullshit tactics. Girls appreciate honestly. If you really mean something to her you guys will work something out, if she doesn’t want you in her life after you tell her then she wasn’t a good friend to start off with and there is someone better waiting for u. Go get em tiger;)
thank you for your post! I’ve decided to go on the awesome path, that’s where I feel most comfortable. And that means that I also end up having to confess my feelings to this girl. This girl that is nothing more than just a girl, so I should be able to man up and go for it. You pointing on my cowardness in this situation, and compared it to the rest if my life made me realize that you’re absolutely right. There’s nothing in me that’s not capable of this, I’ve just made her too complicated somehow. Tuesday afternoon European time I will execute the confession. No porn until next year if I chicken out. But again, thanks for a great post.
@beyond, as you may have seen I used some aspects from your post as well. The way I’ve somehow complicated me and my friends relationship has only made It too difficult to grow in to love relationship. So thank you, I will try to have a more thought through perspective from now on, not making it too complicated. I think that might ease up, making it easier to tell her what I do feel. Anyway, thanks for your contribution.
@birdflyinghigh, haha I would love to do that !
Thanks everyone for contributing.
bro, I was in the EXACT same situation. My best friend. Last week I decided to grow balls and tell her. I rolled a joint, picked her up, took her to the boardwalk where we always chill, put on “Take care” by Drizzy and Rihanna cause thats our favorite song and I was like “K im gonna tell you something but promise it wont change our relationship.” She laughed and said “i promise” and I told her how I felt and she said, “oh… I didn’t see that coming. I think we should probably just be friends.” I agreed and we laughed about it and it was sooo good to get it off my chest and honestly my feelings for her faded right there. but the inevitable happened. She started acting weird and different. So I don’t know what to tell you bro, honestly I think its only cause you can’t get her that you really want her. You wanna be the dude that gets her while everyone couldn’t. But suck it up and forget it cause if she’s worth the friendship, dont ruin it. Plus, she’s probably the worst when in a relationship. You haven’t seen her “girlfriend” side and its probably annoying as balls
Relationships are not just physical, there sensory and emotion filled. To get her you shouldn’t “get close to her boobs” nor expose yourself. Just tell her. That shit’ll come later. If you really love this girl, you care more about her physical apperance and would feel lucky to be with her for her personality and her goodness as a person rather than her looks. Question this and then find out weather you wan’t to go out with her or not and weather the realationship wouldn’t just fizzle out because the emotions are not right in it.
@dsublime94, Damn, idk bro. That sounds like THE friend zone. I think what others have said about giving her a chase has some validity. If you’re ALWAYS there for her and at her side, then you’re like her puppy that she already has. She’s probably more attracted to the other guys who make her feel good but keep a distance, because they create an illusion of having something she wants. I think she likes having a little challenge to strive for, something to improve upon. I don’t think anyone wants to be told they’re perfect forever, they like to be reminded in hidden moments of their inner perfection.
I have a question for you @manimal, if someone is going to break through the barrier and take the risk to do something that scares them. Isn’t their old habits going to still exist? I still get nervous to talk to girls or speak up even though I’m learning not to. Doesn’t that mean that I’m learning to do it wrong?
Don’t do anything. Keep her as a friend. If your worried about an awkward relationship with her if you just tell her how you feel. What happens if things do work out you find your way to tell her and then you two don’t work out as more than friends you will get that awkward relationship anyways. Don’t ruin a good friendship because you like someone and want to try things in a new way. Sometimes there is a reason we friend zone guys…we don’t want to loose them.
You gotta go for what you want.
If you want great stuff in life, you gotta be willing to LOSE great stuff too. Gotta let go man.
There is no safe, never has been, never will be, it\’s all an illusion.
Also, you\’re afraid you might \”lose\” her? Well, first of all you obviously don\’t even have her yet, at least no the way you want her, how can you lose something you don\’t have? You can\’t, mate.
Second, you\’re gonna lose EVERYTHING sooner or later, you can\’t keep ANYTHING forever, everything you have is just \”borrowed\” so to speak. You\’re gonna lose that girl one way or another, sooner or later, may as well aim to get the most out of your time with her yknow. Instead of a half-assed half-measure friendship, why not at least try to get a deeper relationship, sex, maybe kids and all that jazz?
Why not, man? Why not aim for the best? Why settle for something you don\’t really want? Hmm?
Also, all of your half-assery when trying to get close to her is definitely one of the main causes it\’s off limits. Girls are like that yknow, when a guy is half-assing with them they find it creepy and/or annoying. Gotta be HONEST and DIRECT man, show some spine yknow, and some soul.
Life\’s WAY too short for pussyfooting. Drop that shit. Let go and LIVE!
GO FOR HER.
If you are her best friend then she likes something about you. If she says no then move on and she’ll probably get jealous and want you when with another girl. If she will never want to be with you then you are wasting time that you could actually find someone right now. No matter what happens this is not likely the girl you will end up marrying or whatever you envision that special girl being so dont stress and go for it.
@creds, frankly speaking, I am confused with your problem. Do you want her to know that you love her or do you want to make love with her.
The two are not the same. The former is borne out of noble motives while the latter is purely carnal. While it is best to make love if there is some emotional attachment but i you can’t make up your mind what to do with yourself vis-a-vis with her, she could never make a decision in what to do with you.
@versai, I can defiantly see where your coming from, but because of how i treat her we’ve developed the most insane friendship, even though she has a boyfriend she cant help to admit that i understand her better than her does. It all depends on what you see as worth while i know that if i stay and treat her well and just respect her then she will come to me in the end and she admits that to me too. And what you said earlier is right in a way, she doesn’t chose me all the time because i am always there for her no matter and she knows that even when shes choese another boy besides me that it will hurt me so much, but she does it anyways because she knows that in the end i will still be there after he is gone. so why would she chose me when she can always have me? this is wrong and it bothers me very much and im so confused all the time, because why should i chose to love her when she treats me soo poorly? why should i accept her love back? why shouldn’t i leave her when i have treated her so well and given her everything? i honestly cant answer you that question. i know im a loser for doing what i do for her. but i havent known any other real love besides her, ive spent the last 9 years of my life growing up with her and getting to know her. I know my situation isnt fair but i love her so much and i cant help it. It hurts me knowing that she has that boyfriend but if i stop talking to her because im angry about it we both miss eachother way much and it just hurts way too much. maybe were just destined to be friends who knows. i dont understand a lot about my situation, i just hope and pray that she can someday understand how much i really do care. sorry that was kind of a lot of stuff you dont care about but thats just what i think.
@birdflyinghigh, Awww, that’s too bad. Just get back on the horse, there’s plenty of guys/girls/what-you-wants out there.
@deej, Nah it just means the rubber band is still there, with some time it will be over. But the important thing is momentum, not stopping until you’re done. Or else you may have to do it all over again.
Action is what matters, even if you feel uncomfortable doing it you’re still doing it, and that changes how you feel about it over time. It forms a new habit once the ego catches on. Consistency is key.