Communication; Verbal versus Text
How do you prefer to communicate, do you find strengths and weaknesses in each?
Do you speak better or type better?
Do you prefer when people email you about information, or talk (I’m going to assume it varies from person to person, friend to acquaintance).
For me, I have always been a much stronger writer. My ability to describe meaningful things, use emphasis, and be passionate has always been much better when its put on paper or digitized. When I speak, I tend to fall back a bit, I’m quite a bit more timid and my true emotions and feelings don’t always shine through, however they are being held back by a dam that I usually don’t seem to control.
It stems from early child hood – my Dad was kind of weird when speaking to me, which I won’t go into, but it did NOT make me want to talk – ever. He kind of discouraged me from using my voice, which is unfortunate, but I understand anyway.
So, when spoken to I don’t sound very intelligent, I don’t come off passionate about anything, and I’m very shy.
However, on writing, I often am very persuasive, and have received plenty of awards and recognition from my mind on paper.
HOW THE FUCK ABOUT YOU
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
@ijesuschrist, lol you always make me chuckle somewhere.
It depends on what it’s entailing, but generally I don’t prefer one over the other always.
it also depends on my relation to the situation – “am I more interested in how I present my info to people on this topic, or am I more in need of seeing their reaction?” Questions that tailor my preferences.
I *tend* to like speaking, but that is usually limited to face-to-face basis. In person you get SO much more information from body language and I like to rely on my “raw” responses because they are more candid and true to how I feel.
HOWEVER, I have a horrible tendency of having a brash personality and a straightforwardness that doesn’t sit right with a lot of people in person. It can be a little much for people and they can shy away without understanding that I mean it with good intentions and am only stating what I see to be crystal clear correlations.
With that in mind, although I like to fancy myself good with language in general, my love for directness with result in no filter and a lot of eloquence is lost since I don’t take the time to spell it out nicely. When I do it “raw” like that it is a race against me losing the words that flow naturally and make the statements I do.
So naturally, the upside to typing would be opposite – it gives me time to relax, objectively pick up my responses/emotions more and get a better 360 degree mental view on it. I like to explore every avenue to try and keep no biases. But when you immerse yourself in “raw” responses like I do, it’s hard to be as eloquent in the moment when you ride the nuances of the emotions of a conversation at conversation speed.
I relate completely. I never dominate conversation, especially with unfamiliar people. At best I contribute only a little, though I try to make that little bit mean something or push the conversation in (what I think could be) an interesting direction. It is interesting though, that merely being a wallflower can alter the mood of a group of people without actually saying anything. I always find I’m incredibly aware of my body language. For example, I’ll shift my weight to one side and whoever is talking (even if I’m only in their peripherals) will usually speed their speech out of an unconscious thought that I am board of them. This goes for a number of gesticulations such as swishing hair, scratching, or anything really. Of course, it always depends on who it is.
@beardlike, Interesting, could you give an example of when you use your brashness?
@michaelo, You bring up something – texting on phones.
I hate texting on phones. Because I think TOO much and try to say the perfect thing (or at least I used to when I was girl chasing) which would lead to long conversations, but then at the end I was always like, why the hell didn’t I call them – it would have been more fluid, made more sense, and I wouldn’t have said stuff that I wouldn’t actually have SAID! When I used to text a lot I would end up saying things that I would never actually say in person, making the whole ordeal really awkward, because then they are expecting this repeat of the text-conversation and I just get shy and can’t think of anything to say. Real bummer back in the day, lemme tell ya!
And how about those poets you guys? For those of you who think that emotion can’t be communicated through text, read a couple poems… :P
I think it depends on the situation. If the subject isn’t important or serious, I don’t mind using text to express myself, but if the subject is important or serious, I like to talk directly with the person(s). Like I wrote in another thread, I find it difficult to express myself in a proper way while using text – and the use of smileys doesn’t necessarily make up for it.
Also, the thing I like about texting is that it can give you more time to think about the subject. I like this because I’m not that good at giving an instant response.
@siantastic, well with my really close friends I let loose. They know how I feel about everything. I kind of overwhelm my girlfriend when I talk to her about passionate subjects, too…
I get shy mostly when I’m with friend’s friends, or when I’m in a group of people who all know each other, but then I am alone with only 1 or two people who I rarely speak to one-on-one? Also have a problem with male-authority, but thats diminishing really fast, surprisingly. Just the other day I gave a short presentation in front of the whole plant-bio department which usually would cause me to shit my pants, but I came off pretty strong and confident, which is nice for a change!
@ijesuschrist, Cool topic!
I don’t know if I prefer one over the other. They are definitely different and are required for different purposes. I do like writing more than the average person though. Writing gives you an outlet for ALL your feelings emotions and thoughts and you can say as little or as much as you want about them.
Verbal is quicker and more short term in my opinion. Conversing and having dialogues are fun and certainly entertain more of the senses. Like @manimal, said its harder to convey deep emphasis and feeling to written word.
BOTH are great and convey imagination what truly sets us apart from everything else around us!
If I’m chatting, and the flow/outcome of the conversation is not critically dependent on my words, I prefer to speak. However, I prefer to write during debates or arguments, whether they are academic or personal. While the personal connection is compromised slightly, my message is more clear and I can edit what I say before I say it.
@ijesuschrist, well that’s awesome that you aced your presentation! I used to have the exact same problem when I was in social circles. It was a mixture of people thinking I was rude, and my boyfriend saying to me for years ‘just say what you’re thinking’ which helped me change.
I’m a bit of a pain in the ass now, so much as smile at me and I will start a conversation with you.
I like writing, but only when I like what I’m writing about. As a kid, I was a space cadet…just kind of…thinking about stuff, a lot of stuff, which I’m glad I ended up writing down. Now, I see those papers as my brain’s childhood photo album.
Because writing requires less impulsiveness and more contemplation, it can bring the reader and writer to the exact same place. Writing can just “go there” without fear of shaming looks or abandonment. Writing can grasp the full magnitude of a thought and bring it down to earth forever.
While writing is great, what are words if no one reads them?
I love conversation. Talking with someone about anything but the banal stuff draws out their emotions, creativity, stories, upon which you can build (from my perspective) a temporary reality. Conversation is lawless. It changes lives daily. It really dgaf. It’s almost a challenge to figure out how someone thinks, what aspects of their personality you can activate with a single word or idea, and what incredible nonsense you can make together with all that shared air. (If you have found and practiced being a good conversation partner.)
While conversation is great, what are words if no one remembers them?
Quick analogy; writing is the yin to conversation’s yang.
@ijesuschrist, I can have the same problems you used to have when texting, which is why I said I liked texting when it wasn’t serious or important – and I think “girl chasing”, as you call it, can be important if you mean it (like getting into a relationship with them).
It really depends actually, the disadvantage of written communication is that it lacks emotions and body language (in face to face communication 80% of the communication goes through the body language) and that you cannot explain the context ad rem when you see that it is misunderstood or when it needs further elaboration.
I developed a lot in this field, where I used to be bad and shy with face to face communication, now I do not have problems at all (albeit communicating with an authoritarian figure gives me stress and can block my ease of communicating). So it depends, the more stressful a situation for me personally is, the less easier it will be for me to communicate adequately, but in general I do not have problems with face to face communication.
Anyway, the advantage of written communication is that you have more time to overthink what you want to say, giving you more space to use stronger arguments.
Also, saying things that are difficult to say are a far more easier through written communication. Not only because certain fears can hold me down in real life, but also because I do not find it always easy to say certain things that can be painful or hurtful for the receiver, even though it is with the right intentions. Also when emotions in a social situation get TOO high, I prefer to write a long e-mail or letter or whatever, to get to a neutral ground again.
I like both actually, but if I would have to choose then I would definitely choose face to face communication, because of the social aspect involved.
“How do you prefer to communicate, do you find strengths and weaknesses in each?”
-Sure, there are some pros and cons of both, but…
“Do you speak better or type better?”
-My speaking is much better than my writing. Written conversation is extremely limited, words only make about 5% of human communication. The other 95% that are always there in real conversation are completely absent in written words.
This is made even worse by the fact that most idiots think they pick up these signals anyway, when they’re really just making shit up.
I use a lot of sarcasm, I swear a lot, use a varying vocal projection/tone, that shit simply doesn’t work very well in written words. There’s no flow or presence or attitude in text, there’s no deeper meaning, no subcommunication, just words.
My written communication is quite poor when I’m not in my native language.
But hey, at least one can get away with using fancy words that one does not know how to pronounce.
“Do you prefer when people email you about information, or talk (I’m going to assume it varies from person to person, friend to acquaintance).”
-Depends what information it is. I like emails because that means I have access to search engines and whatever is on the computer and so on.
So if they tell me about stuff I can just look it up, if they ask stupid questions I can just google it and not have to write anything. And if there’s a particular thing being talked about, it can just be linked or attached, very practical.
Plus, people tend to make a big deal out of things and get all dramatic, that’s not a problem in an email, because there is no drama, no feelings being conveyed, just words.
Not a big fan of talking on the phone, it’s weird. It’s like talking, but that other person isn’t there, and it doesn’t have that natural flow to it. And I’m not one of those people who always carries a phone around.
The best thing would be if people could just pop up and talk for real, but then again that would also get annoying very quickly, and you’d never get any alone time.
So I guess typing shit will have to do for now.
@ijesuschrist, lol well if you want a firsthand basis I displayed that pretty well just recently with someone very nicely
But if you want a less specifc/more irl example, I’m always the friend who is the “brutally honest” one. Like I said, I tend to resort to “raw” interaction from me and that will always result in very little sugarcoating. I see many social and personality tendencies with what I feel are crystal clear patterns, certain things I’ve interacted with so much during my life with friends that it becomes almost textbook the second you notice the pattern, too.
What this results is both my lack of choosing elegant wording (though I’m capable of speaking much more intelligently-flowered) because I just… like… saying things the way they are (or how I see them, rather.) I just… when I see it that way and I get the definition in my head, that is what it is and adding anything else is not what it is. When you cushion it, it no longer is the same. Same message, but not same wording and I guess I don’t like to dress up what I think is just as good a la carte.
The brashness stems from this and/or my complete blindness to the fact that saying things too simply with a straight face is even rude (which is an unsmiling face, not something exactly super inviting naturally anyway), because I don’t see the proffers as anything rude at all. I’m honestly coming from a place where I mean to be constructive, I’m immersed in thought and 100% delved into trying to illustrate this pattern I’ve honestly noticed and am trying to do them the courtesy of giving them my most accurate account of it.
this is strictly on when this is such the case. Lol. When I’m trying to offer real advice, though, that is always the case. Me word vomming my opinions in a rude way to my friends at home are me just venting lol.
Yeah I’m the say way as the op. I used to have intelligent conversations with my friends on AIM or texting and I was unstoppable with girls as long as it was in writing. In person I tended to be much more timid and reserved my greatest thoughts for the right people. If I got too comfortable around people, like my group of friends and my family, I would become destructive in my behavior and words. That also hindered me, because I just didn’t want to blow up and cause more pain.
For me it’s all about face to face communication. I hate, and always have, talking on the phone. I get all awkward and feel uneasy because I can’t read body language or pick up on signals from people. Saying that I used to be shit and awkward at face to face communication too. I would write letters to people to express feelings and such…and actually used to write a lot more in general. I think my relationship is what changed that. It’s been a gradual process. I can express myself in front of anyone now.
Texting is alright but a bit of a pain in the arse, although I obviously prefer it to talking on the phone. And actually thinking about it I do struggle to express myself with writing now. It never quite makes sense, or I can’t seem to say it how I would say it, or people pick me up wrong.
@ijesuschrist, lol if people don’t know me they think i write like a guy :O, as if guys are generally more straight forward or something, when i talk i seem an insecure little girl, my voice is also like a girly girl, so there is no match between what i say and how i come across…i love talking more but some things i don’t dare to say so i write them down..yeah i think i’m a better writer than talker, writing is much easier, but i’m not that goofy in talking either, it’s just you have more barriers when talking i think..
@beardlike, have you read my post on truth-speak? (I think its under urban shamanism or something you should search for it if you like)
@siantastic, interesting response. I’m quite the opposite! I’m getting much better at speaking in person though, I just refrain because I find that in the rare occasions that I DO talk, I REALLY talk and start flailing arms, and get so intense I just don’t want to throw anyone off. So I stay back, calm, and conserved :P
@ijesuschrist, Ha, dude, there’s nothing wrong with flailing arms! I’m quite guilty of it too. But like I said it didn’t come naturally to me, it took a long time to feel confident during face to face communication, struggled to even look people in the eye sometimes. What about when you’re talking to people you feel really comfortable with? Do you still come across as shy?