Communication; Verbal versus Text
How do you prefer to communicate, do you find strengths and weaknesses in each?
For me, I have always been a much stronger writer. My ability to describe meaningful things, use emphasis, and be passionate has always been much better when its put on paper or digitized. When I speak, I tend to fall back a bit, I’m quite a bit more timid and my true emotions and feelings don’t always shine through, however they are being held back by a dam that I usually don’t seem to control.
It stems from early child hood – my Dad was kind of weird when speaking to me, which I won’t go into, but it did NOT make me want to talk – ever. He kind of discouraged me from using my voice, which is unfortunate, but I understand anyway.
So, when spoken to I don’t sound very intelligent, I don’t come off passionate about anything, and I’m very shy.
However, on writing, I often am very persuasive, and have received plenty of awards and recognition from my mind on paper.
HOW THE FUCK ABOUT YOU
I relate completely. I never dominate conversation, especially with unfamiliar people. At best I contribute only a little, though I try to make that little bit mean something or push the conversation in (what I think could be) an interesting direction. It is interesting though, that merely being a wallflower can alter the mood of a group of people without actually saying anything. I always find I’m incredibly aware of my body language. For example, I’ll shift my weight to one side and whoever is talking (even if I’m only in their peripherals) will usually speed their speech out of an unconscious thought that I am board of them. This goes for a number of gesticulations such as swishing hair, scratching, or anything really. Of course, it always depends on who it is.
I like writing, but only when I like what I’m writing about. As a kid, I was a space cadet…just kind of…thinking about stuff, a lot of stuff, which I’m glad I ended up writing down. Now, I see those papers as my brain’s childhood photo album.
Because writing requires less impulsiveness and more contemplation, it can bring the reader and writer to the exact same place. Writing can just “go there” without fear of shaming looks or abandonment. Writing can grasp the full magnitude of a thought and bring it down to earth forever.
While writing is great, what are words if no one reads them?
I love conversation. Talking with someone about anything but the banal stuff draws out their emotions, creativity, stories, upon which you can build (from my perspective) a temporary reality. Conversation is lawless. It changes lives daily. It really dgaf. It’s almost a challenge to figure out how someone thinks, what aspects of their personality you can activate with a single word or idea, and what incredible nonsense you can make together with all that shared air. (If you have found and practiced being a good conversation partner.)
While conversation is great, what are words if no one remembers them?
Quick analogy; writing is the yin to conversation’s yang.
It really depends actually, the disadvantage of written communication is that it lacks emotions and body language (in face to face communication 80% of the communication goes through the body language) and that you cannot explain the context ad rem when you see that it is misunderstood or when it needs further elaboration.
Anyway, the advantage of written communication is that you have more time to overthink what you want to say, giving you more space to use stronger arguments.
I like both actually, but if I would have to choose then I would definitely choose face to face communication, because of the social aspect involved.
@cosmiclemonade, yeah so you’re ultra aware of the self and other’s non-verbal… I’m the same way… I tend to get freaked out by it though so I try to not think about it too much.
“How do you prefer to communicate, do you find strengths and weaknesses in each?”
-Sure, there are some pros and cons of both, but…
“Do you speak better or type better?”
-My speaking is much better than my writing. Written conversation is extremely limited, words only make about 5% of human communication. The other 95% that are always there in real conversation are completely absent in written words.
I use a lot of sarcasm, I swear a lot, use a varying vocal projection/tone, that shit simply doesn’t work very well in written words. There’s no flow or presence or attitude in text, there’s no deeper meaning, no subcommunication, just words.
But hey, at least one can get away with using fancy words that one does not know how to pronounce.
“Do you prefer when people email you about information, or talk (I’m going to assume it varies from person to person, friend to acquaintance).”
-Depends what information it is. I like emails because that means I have access to search engines and whatever is on the computer and so on.
Not a big fan of talking on the phone, it’s weird. It’s like talking, but that other person isn’t there, and it doesn’t have that natural flow to it. And I’m not one of those people who always carries a phone around.
The best thing would be if people could just pop up and talk for real, but then again that would also get annoying very quickly, and you’d never get any alone time.
So I guess typing shit will have to do for now.
Yeah I’m the say way as the op. I used to have intelligent conversations with my friends on AIM or texting and I was unstoppable with girls as long as it was in writing. In person I tended to be much more timid and reserved my greatest thoughts for the right people. If I got too comfortable around people, like my group of friends and my family, I would become destructive in my behavior and words. That also hindered me, because I just didn’t want to blow up and cause more pain.
@ijesuschrist, lol if people don’t know me they think i write like a guy :O, as if guys are generally more straight forward or something, when i talk i seem an insecure little girl, my voice is also like a girly girl, so there is no match between what i say and how i come across…i love talking more but some things i don’t dare to say so i write them down..yeah i think i’m a better writer than talker, writing is much easier, but i’m not that goofy in talking either, it’s just you have more barriers when talking i think..
I think it depends on the situation. If the subject isn’t important or serious, I don’t mind using text to express myself, but if the subject is important or serious, I like to talk directly with the person(s). Like I wrote in another thread, I find it difficult to express myself in a proper way while using text – and the use of smileys doesn’t necessarily make up for it.
@ijesuschrist, Cool topic!
I don’t know if I prefer one over the other. They are definitely different and are required for different purposes. I do like writing more than the average person though. Writing gives you an outlet for ALL your feelings emotions and thoughts and you can say as little or as much as you want about them.
Verbal is quicker and more short term in my opinion. Conversing and having dialogues are fun and certainly entertain more of the senses. Like @manimal, said its harder to convey deep emphasis and feeling to written word.
BOTH are great and convey imagination what truly sets us apart from everything else around us!
@ijesuschrist, lol you always make me chuckle somewhere.
It depends on what it’s entailing, but generally I don’t prefer one over the other always.
So naturally, the upside to typing would be opposite – it gives me time to relax, objectively pick up my responses/emotions more and get a better 360 degree mental view on it. I like to explore every avenue to try and keep no biases. But when you immerse yourself in “raw” responses like I do, it’s hard to be as eloquent in the moment when you ride the nuances of the emotions of a conversation at conversation speed.
@beardlike, Interesting, could you give an example of when you use your brashness?
@michaelo, You bring up something – texting on phones.
I hate texting on phones. Because I think TOO much and try to say the perfect thing (or at least I used to when I was girl chasing) which would lead to long conversations, but then at the end I was always like, why the hell didn’t I call them – it would have been more fluid, made more sense, and I wouldn’t have said stuff that I wouldn’t actually have SAID! When I used to text a lot I would end up saying things that I would never actually say in person, making the whole ordeal really awkward, because then they are expecting this repeat of the text-conversation and I just get shy and can’t think of anything to say. Real bummer back in the day, lemme tell ya!
And how about those poets you guys? For those of you who think that emotion can’t be communicated through text, read a couple poems… :P
@ijesuschrist, I can have the same problems you used to have when texting, which is why I said I liked texting when it wasn’t serious or important – and I think “girl chasing”, as you call it, can be important if you mean it (like getting into a relationship with them).
@michaelo, I was more of a hug guy than a 1-night stand. I just wanted to be hugged
@ijesuschrist, Haha, I think I might understand what you mean. Personally, I’m actually kind of scared of the “one-night stand”-kind of thing – don’t ask me why, though….
@ijesuschrist, lol well if you want a firsthand basis I displayed that pretty well just recently with someone very nicely
But if you want a less specifc/more irl example, I’m always the friend who is the “brutally honest” one. Like I said, I tend to resort to “raw” interaction from me and that will always result in very little sugarcoating. I see many social and personality tendencies with what I feel are crystal clear patterns, certain things I’ve interacted with so much during my life with friends that it becomes almost textbook the second you notice the pattern, too.
For me it’s all about face to face communication. I hate, and always have, talking on the phone. I get all awkward and feel uneasy because I can’t read body language or pick up on signals from people. Saying that I used to be shit and awkward at face to face communication too. I would write letters to people to express feelings and such…and actually used to write a lot more in general. I think my relationship is what changed that. It’s been a gradual process. I can express myself in front of anyone now.
Texting is alright but a bit of a pain in the arse, although I obviously prefer it to talking on the phone. And actually thinking about it I do struggle to express myself with writing now. It never quite makes sense, or I can’t seem to say it how I would say it, or people pick me up wrong.
@beardlike, have you read my post on truth-speak? (I think its under urban shamanism or something you should search for it if you like)
@siantastic, interesting response. I’m quite the opposite! I’m getting much better at speaking in person though, I just refrain because I find that in the rare occasions that I DO talk, I REALLY talk and start flailing arms, and get so intense I just don’t want to throw anyone off. So I stay back, calm, and conserved :P
@ijesuschrist, Ha, dude, there’s nothing wrong with flailing arms! I’m quite guilty of it too. But like I said it didn’t come naturally to me, it took a long time to feel confident during face to face communication, struggled to even look people in the eye sometimes. What about when you’re talking to people you feel really comfortable with? Do you still come across as shy?
@siantastic, well with my really close friends I let loose. They know how I feel about everything. I kind of overwhelm my girlfriend when I talk to her about passionate subjects, too…
I get shy mostly when I’m with friend’s friends, or when I’m in a group of people who all know each other, but then I am alone with only 1 or two people who I rarely speak to one-on-one? Also have a problem with male-authority, but thats diminishing really fast, surprisingly. Just the other day I gave a short presentation in front of the whole plant-bio department which usually would cause me to shit my pants, but I came off pretty strong and confident, which is nice for a change!
If I’m chatting, and the flow/outcome of the conversation is not critically dependent on my words, I prefer to speak. However, I prefer to write during debates or arguments, whether they are academic or personal. While the personal connection is compromised slightly, my message is more clear and I can edit what I say before I say it.
@ijesuschrist, well that’s awesome that you aced your presentation! I used to have the exact same problem when I was in social circles. It was a mixture of people thinking I was rude, and my boyfriend saying to me for years ‘just say what you’re thinking’ which helped me change.
I’m a bit of a pain in the ass now, so much as smile at me and I will start a conversation with you.
@siantastic, “so much as smile at me and I will start a conversation with you.”
Hahahahaha thats awesome
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.