So, the concept of a soulmate in Judaism is that 2 souls (one masculine one feminine) are destined for each other before they’re born and they must find one another in this lifetime (also known as B’sheret). But it makes me wonder, what if a straight female’s soulmate happens to be gay? Then what does she do? Or, what if a straight male’s soulmate happens to be a lesbian/bisexual?
I’ve always connected best with a person in my life who happens to be gay. Since we understand each other and know each other really well, we rarely have problems. Of the few fights we’ve had, we’ve been able to actually communicate afterwards about what happened (why we got upset, I understand why he got upset and vice versa, realize/point out to the other where the issues and feelings stemmed from, etc., [but I attribute that to us both having a degree in Psychology]). We’re not hard on each other, we really just let the other person “be” — I don’t project my expectations or needs/wants onto him and vice versa. It’s just easy. There is acceptance on every level. And we don’t hold grudges or resentment… we never bring up past hurts. Because he knows what buttons not to push and he knows the right questions to ask. And no matter what mood I’m in, I always feel even better. I feel understood, and I understand everything he says. And the people I’ve dated have misunderstood my relationship with him… thinking I’m secretly in love with him or desperate for him or whatever. But it’s not like that at all. There’s nothing sexual to it — he’s practically a cousin. It’s quite unfair of me to expect to find a similar special relationship, but I want this easiness in a romantic relationship. And I know it just doesn’t work out like that.
Awhile ago, a married woman I know said that no one’s gonna find everything in one person, and that a spouse doesn’t necessarily need to be our “soul mate” but rather a good team partner in life. Not a soulmate, but a teammate.
Is it really asking too much to want a soulmate who is also a teammate? Does that really exist anymore? What do you think?
@kidd, I agree with you! I don’t think a soul mate HAS to be someone you’re romantically in love with. It could be a best friend too. But doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who is perfect for you to actually spend your life with just because the ‘soul mate’ spot has already been taken.
@kidd, @mybee42, And it doesn’t have to be your best friend either, that was just an example. I’m going to share one of my favorite quotes. It might describe how I think better than my own words can….
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
@meghan, Yeah that’s a good quote (and I loved that book! that’s actually sweet that she’s referring to her ex-husband as her soulmate). Interesting. Maybe that’s the concept of a romantic soul mate. Maybe we have many platonic soul mates but the romantic soul mate is the one who is our mirror of the issues we still need to resolve. Hm.
@mybee42, You know what I have never read the book, and did not know that she was referring to her ex husband. I found it when me and my boyfriend broke up, and it was exactly how I felt about him, word for word.
That is a good way to look at it :) why do we have to have only one soul mate?
Yep :) I read that quote to my ex boyfriend after we broke up and then said “I’m not sure if this is the true definition of a soul mate, but if it is, I think you are mine.” lol it was really cheesy :D
But he really did change my life and it’s crazy how different the world looks to you after meeting someone like that. We both could have done things differently to make it work out. But that’s not the way it happened. And it’s sad, but I just have to accept that someday I will find someone who will be better for me.