dealing with folks you really don't like

2 years, 8 months ago

Any techniques? I mean, this is dealing with folks you both live and work with, that are loud, obnoxious, and say incredibly ignorant things at such a rapid rate that you have to double take to believe it.

This is after attempting to talk about the issue, but when you can’t even escape to your own fucking room to get away from the asshole, it’s unnerving.

This goes beyond ignoring the problem, I need solutions.

April 15, 2012 at 12:16 am

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Profile photo of animus animus (@animus) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

Well the ideal thing to do would be move out/change jobs, however that’s not always tangible. Honestly, you just have to let them be themselves and accept that people aren’t always going to be easy to get along with. These people can really help you out if you allow them though, by making you more accepting of those you don’t like. It is one of the greatest traits a person can have. Look for ways to be able to get along with them, maybe try to find out why they behave in such a way. As for ignorance, that’s incredibly hard to change but look at yourself and be happy that you don’t hold the same beliefs. Also I find that when I become annoyed by someone, part of the reason is from not feeling good myself, i.e. being tired, nicotine withdrawals, being hungry, other problems on my mind. So a big step would be to make sure you’re feeling the best you can and that will really help with your tolerance.

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Profile photo of Brandon Brandon (@unstoppableobject) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

alright but when some fuckers super glue my mini-buddha statue to my desk and steal my black flag, shit gets personal.

I want a non-violent resolution to my issue that doesn’t involve my chain of command.

I’ve spent the last year and a half trying to understand and “accept” these meathead fucks, now I’m starting to realize that there’s less and less hope for them and their shallow, vapid, empty fucking lives every day.

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Profile photo of pat pat (@epath) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Brandon, I agree with the above. Really, it is so hard to deal with unreasonable people and jerky people. I’ve been in that situation and found it hard, esp. as one was my boss, to know how to respond. I end up angry, esp. if they do/say not only idiotic things, but hurt my feelings. I think if I were you, and if you have tried all tactics, you should talk to management. It sounds like harassment. There are often articles on the internet about jerky office mates, so you might want to look up some professional opinions.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

Here’s what I believe and how I deal with it. It’s not hard. Never get used to folks you don’t like. Continue to feel bad. Ignore them when you need to. Take no shit from people you cannot stand. Cooperate, but don’t fucking stand them. Hate. It gives you power. The best way is maintaining your position. However you want to.

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Profile photo of Jason Jason (@thinknowlivenow) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

This thread touches on a topic which I find particularly interesting; tolerating people who are obnoxious, inconsiderate and rude. Of course, the ideal situation would be to remove yourself, but that’s not always practical or even possible. For me, these people are nothing more than constructive resistance to which I can effectively build my conscious willpower. I’m in no way condoning subjecting yourself to these types of people unnecessarily, but you can learn much about yourself simply by observing how these types of people “rub you”.

With that said, I have to agree with Sasho. Take absolutely NO shit from anyone, regardless of the circumstances. People seek confrontation as a way to satisfy unconscious ego flaws (to validate their behavior and perpetuate unconscious emotional biases).

The “turn the other cheek” mentality is a blind submission to the continuation of abuse, and is one of the greatest downfalls of current Western ideology. In order to get rid of ANY sort of nuisance in this life, we must make a conscious internal effort to understand the situation, then bring the outer into congruency with this understanding by taking direct personal action to resolve the situation so it no longer occurs. What ever that entails is unique to circumstance, and at the complete discretion of the observer/experiencer.

For example, consider a person who taunts you daily at work, causing much aggravation and frustration. Internally, you might understand WHY you shouldn’t give this person the time of day, sink to their level, etc. But no amount of internal understanding alone is going to solve the root cause of your problem. Your REAL problem is that you are essentially telling this person that it’s completely okay to treat you this way. Simply put, until you internally understand AND take direct personal action to tell them off, YOU are allowing for the perpetuation of their behavior on you.

Love, light and wisdom for the naive and willing, and tough love for those who act as behavioral fire-spitters.

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Profile photo of Brandon Brandon (@unstoppableobject) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

So, civil discourse instead of outright aggression?

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Profile photo of SumtinProphetic SumtinProphetic (@sumtinprophetic) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Brandon, I have learned to deal with aggression and conflict on a tit for tat basis.

They prank you by gluing your Buddha statue and taking your black flag, you elevate your actions to that level and no higher. Do so with full transparency it’s in an attempt to stop whatever they’re doing. If they get aggressive, sometimes you have to get aggressive back.. to nail down your pont.

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Profile photo of Jason Jason (@thinknowlivenow) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

^This is what I was getting at : )

This is NOT the same thing as “eye for an eye” or “fight fire with fire”; discernment is the key. There is a BIG difference in telling someone off/making it known that you will not tolerate their actions, and perpetuating a tug-of-war pissing contest of one-upmanship.

Great discussion guys!

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Profile photo of Matthew Matthew (@ojai) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

I tend to believe for every negative action/motion, you can respond back with an even more positive motion. For years I’ve dealt with people just like the ones you describe. They are loud, rude, ignorant, arrogant and unsettling to me. For me, I ask why. It’s very simple to get pissed off and give someone a piece of your mind. On the other end, I feel like you can learn a lot from these types of people.

So I say, question those banterings. A fool would seem to have a lot less to say when questioned on his motives than if he was free vocalize and paint the world as he sees it.

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Profile photo of Jason Jason (@thinknowlivenow) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Matthew; I agree completely with what you said here. The only issue with this is that typically, the types of people operating under the type of behavior that the original poster addresses rarely care that you are taking the higher ground, much less respect your mature stand point. It very well could work, but just don’t be surprised if their next blow caters to your retort.

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Profile photo of Matthew Matthew (@ojai) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Jason, You’re right 100%. That would seemingly be the biggest problem a person faces when trying to reason with somebody of that nature.

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Profile photo of R.V. Star R.V. Star (@rickvonstar) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

unpopular viewpoint:

nah man just play along. Assholes love other assholes that they can be assholes with.

why not just temporarily become an asshole too? You might as well. You only live once. Just go out of your mind with it and see if you can out-asshole the assholes.

you guys could really have a lot of fun playing pranks on one other and being extremely rude, but no, instead you want to have really boring and peaceful life.

embrace the conflict and try to feed off it.

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Profile photo of Brandon Brandon (@unstoppableobject) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

I don’t want to feed off of this high school bullshit. That would make me feel like a shit person.

I want to rise above it but still stop it, I appreciate the advice from everyone, I’ll attempt to be a bit more firm about the whole deal, but some boundaries have been crossed. (Like my roommate giving a key to my room to a person who I view as one of the most vile individuals I’ve ever encountered.)

This won’t stand.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 8 months ago ago
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Profile photo of R.V. Star R.V. Star (@rickvonstar) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

so just feel like a shitty person for a while.

are you afraid you wont be able to stop once you get started?

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