Dealing with "friends"

2 years, 2 months ago

It was my birthday this weekend and I decided to have some drinks at a central bar in the city. I invited probably about 50 people, basically good friends as well as people I see on a regular basis who I get along with well enough for me to consider an evening with them enjoyable.

My gripe isn’t so much that some people said they were going to come and then simply didn’t show up without letting me know either, but the fact that the two days afterwards only several of these people wished me a happy birthday.

I must make it very clear here that I am not starting a post because I am pissed off that a couple of people didn’t come to my birthday party or wish me a happy birthday haha. I was annoyed, absolutely. But what pissed me off was when I thought about it all a little bit more and put it into greater perspective.

I am human. Sometimes I am a dick. Sometimes I say or do stupid things. But, at the end of the day, my parents have done a pretty decent job raising me. I am always as nice to people as I can and I will always do what I feel is right, whether it be acting out of courtesy or consideration for someone else. But I am also a person of morals. I will do anything for my friends and I will always be there for them.

My point is that now I have had several days to think about some of these people who are “friends” in a certain sense of the word, and I would like to know how other people on here go about their friendships that might be more on the more casual side of things?

Based on my principles and the way I have always felt it courteous just to be nice and outgoing to anyone who isn’t a cunt, I find it hard to find a reason to maintain that level of friendliness for people who can’t do something as simple as send a message of apology.

As I said, I know this sounds somewhat petty, but this stems from a much bigger issue of being betrayed by several people in my life who I assumed were great friends as well as falling out with people because I refused to put on a smile for someone who was happy to take, but not give.

I’d be interested to know what some of you guys do when it comes to dealing with people who aren’t your closest of friends but whom you still have to see regularly (work/study etc). I am over burning bridges and I do not want be less nice to someone to make a point, because those are both petty.

Sorry for the ramble!

December 3, 2012 at 3:39 am

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Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Just do not expect anything in life, plans always change. If you are giving to others do it for the sake of giving, not for the sake of getting something back. Once you will be able to apply this kind of thought process into your life, you will see that you will be able to handle these kind of things more easily.

Anyway, if you feel like you are not getting back what you give in your relationships with others, it probably means they do not care as much about you as you care about them. Well, what you will do with this, is up to you, but I would leave those kind of people next to me. I mean, if the friendship is not mutual, why bothering putting effort in it in the first place?

Ask yourself this: do you really need those people in your life? What would it be if they would not be in your life? Do those relationships define you as a person? If so, then you need to change your view of life, because NOTHING external defines you as a person. You are who you are, whether people accept it or not, it is their problem not yours. Just live your life like you want it, the good people will start appearing in your life, you will see. Without having to put effort in it, you will create an environment around you that will give you satisfaction.

Profile photo of Alex Alex (@staylucky) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@filipek, Cheers for that and definitely agree with a lot of what you have said. I genuinely feel that I do not do these things for the sake of hopefully getting it reciprocated though. I’ve just always felt that unless someone gives you a strong reason to dislike them then they deserve to see the best version of you. I guess what is frustrating me is that many people do not share this view.

I also agree with people like this not being essential in your life, but the point I was more getting towards is how do others go about dealing with people like this who they are forced to see on a daily basis without compromising who they are as a human being. I guess it could be argued that you are compromising yourself for being nice to people who do not reciprocate on the same level. At the same time I don’t want to start acting petty towards people. It feels juvenile.

Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@staylucky, Deep down you always expect something back, we all do, albeit it can show it self on different levels, in different fields, at different times.

Anyway, how to deal with people you are forced to see on a daily basis? Be honest. I mean, if you do not like somebody, you do not need to talk with them. You do not need to be rude either, but you can simply ignore them. When they talk with you and you do not want to talk to them, just be straight to the point. Otherwise these feelings will eat you from inside, and take up all your energy. You are not compromising who they are as a human being when you are honest! Not at all! You are, when you are being deceitful, pretending to like them why you do not!
I know it is very hard at the beginning, but you have to start learning it at some point, otherwise all your relationships will be based on lies.

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