Dealing with "friends"

2 years, 1 month ago

It was my birthday this weekend and I decided to have some drinks at a central bar in the city. I invited probably about 50 people, basically good friends as well as people I see on a regular basis who I get along with well enough for me to consider an evening with them enjoyable.

My gripe isn’t so much that some people said they were going to come and then simply didn’t show up without letting me know either, but the fact that the two days afterwards only several of these people wished me a happy birthday.

I must make it very clear here that I am not starting a post because I am pissed off that a couple of people didn’t come to my birthday party or wish me a happy birthday haha. I was annoyed, absolutely. But what pissed me off was when I thought about it all a little bit more and put it into greater perspective.

I am human. Sometimes I am a dick. Sometimes I say or do stupid things. But, at the end of the day, my parents have done a pretty decent job raising me. I am always as nice to people as I can and I will always do what I feel is right, whether it be acting out of courtesy or consideration for someone else. But I am also a person of morals. I will do anything for my friends and I will always be there for them.

My point is that now I have had several days to think about some of these people who are “friends” in a certain sense of the word, and I would like to know how other people on here go about their friendships that might be more on the more casual side of things?

Based on my principles and the way I have always felt it courteous just to be nice and outgoing to anyone who isn’t a cunt, I find it hard to find a reason to maintain that level of friendliness for people who can’t do something as simple as send a message of apology.

As I said, I know this sounds somewhat petty, but this stems from a much bigger issue of being betrayed by several people in my life who I assumed were great friends as well as falling out with people because I refused to put on a smile for someone who was happy to take, but not give.

I’d be interested to know what some of you guys do when it comes to dealing with people who aren’t your closest of friends but whom you still have to see regularly (work/study etc). I am over burning bridges and I do not want be less nice to someone to make a point, because those are both petty.

Sorry for the ramble!

December 3, 2012 at 3:39 am

You must sign in or join to reply!

2
Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Just do not expect anything in life, plans always change. If you are giving to others do it for the sake of giving, not for the sake of getting something back. Once you will be able to apply this kind of thought process into your life, you will see that you will be able to handle these kind of things more easily.

Anyway, if you feel like you are not getting back what you give in your relationships with others, it probably means they do not care as much about you as you care about them. Well, what you will do with this, is up to you, but I would leave those kind of people next to me. I mean, if the friendship is not mutual, why bothering putting effort in it in the first place?

Ask yourself this: do you really need those people in your life? What would it be if they would not be in your life? Do those relationships define you as a person? If so, then you need to change your view of life, because NOTHING external defines you as a person. You are who you are, whether people accept it or not, it is their problem not yours. Just live your life like you want it, the good people will start appearing in your life, you will see. Without having to put effort in it, you will create an environment around you that will give you satisfaction.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Alex Alex (@staylucky) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@filipek, Cheers for that and definitely agree with a lot of what you have said. I genuinely feel that I do not do these things for the sake of hopefully getting it reciprocated though. I’ve just always felt that unless someone gives you a strong reason to dislike them then they deserve to see the best version of you. I guess what is frustrating me is that many people do not share this view.

I also agree with people like this not being essential in your life, but the point I was more getting towards is how do others go about dealing with people like this who they are forced to see on a daily basis without compromising who they are as a human being. I guess it could be argued that you are compromising yourself for being nice to people who do not reciprocate on the same level. At the same time I don’t want to start acting petty towards people. It feels juvenile.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@staylucky, Deep down you always expect something back, we all do, albeit it can show it self on different levels, in different fields, at different times.

Anyway, how to deal with people you are forced to see on a daily basis? Be honest. I mean, if you do not like somebody, you do not need to talk with them. You do not need to be rude either, but you can simply ignore them. When they talk with you and you do not want to talk to them, just be straight to the point. Otherwise these feelings will eat you from inside, and take up all your energy. You are not compromising who they are as a human being when you are honest! Not at all! You are, when you are being deceitful, pretending to like them why you do not!
I know it is very hard at the beginning, but you have to start learning it at some point, otherwise all your relationships will be based on lies.

[Hidden]
Reply to this topic

More Posts Like This

1

SHE = super high existence

Why is the abbreviation of this amazing website another hidden sign that we live in a patriarchal society. HE, clearly referring to the male gender. So, women can’t be conscious and think of a higher existence ? To...

2

Hey People. I Love You

Hey People. I just hit my head kind of hard in a totally embarrassing way that involves my dog, a laptop, general clumsiness, a coffee table, and a bit of gravity. I’m going to be fine, I’ve had worse than this. Just...

1

stuck in life

I have the feeling I am stuck in the life I have. I can’t change my life because I am stuck in my thoughts. I am stuck in my thoughts because I am stuck in the life I have. I know I have to change and know how. But...

1

Floatig

Many folks don’t live in cities that have these machines, Work your way into long-distance running.After an hour, you are forced to listen only to your breathing and your body. You find yourself feeling...

22

What single change would have the MOST positive impact on the world?

Could be societal, political, economical, etc. In other words, if we could only change ONE thing about the world to better our lives, what should it be?

1

Dreams of the same location

Hello everyone! :) I’m new to this site but it looks very interesting and I’m curious to what people have to say about all this. I was actually just talking to a friend about this and I’ve mentioned it...

10

Suggestions for a site-wide HE 30 day challenge?

Starting in February, we’re going to have monthly 30-day challenges! We had a very successful challenge years back when the discussions were first added to HE. It’s time to revive them! Which challenge should...

1

Band Names

So my friend is obsessed with trying to find a name for his band, they just finished doing all their recordings, but still can’t settle on a title. Here’s how he describes their sound: A lighter style...

6

Where are the discussions?

Three years ago was when I first found HE. The focus in the early days was discussion, ideas and argument. That was HE 2.0, we are 3 version onwards and the majority of the front page of HE is filled with pictures of...

1

Looking for friends ?

I’m Indian, 17, I read a lot, I’m pretty normal I think. Smoke weed sometimes, just looking for cool people to talk to and share worries with. I’m a good listener and have some free time on my hands, so...

1

Anybody aware of similar websites?

I love this website so much for everything from daily motivation, awareness, ambition, inspiration, etc etc. It truly is one of the best websites I’ve ever encountered, but i’m also fairly new to these type...

1

Great ways to promote something??

Besides social media, what do you do when you need to promote your work? For example, I’m looking for some tips because I want to promote my youtube channel and a couple of videos that I did.

1

I Would Like to Hear Your Suggestions..

So a little while back I created a discussion on here that was labelled, “Spaying or Neuturing”, and most of you guys were against it, including myself. Reason being? First and foremost I live by the code:...

11

Living Another Life in a Recurring Dream

Starting three weeks ago, I came back from a trip, exhausted, and slept for about 15 hours. In those 15 hours, I had a dream that spanned 17 years. The dream started with me waking up the next day and I lived out my...

1

Should "Lone Survivor's" Marcus Luttrell's dog killers be executed?

Should the men who beat and murdered Marcus Luttrell’s service dog DASY be put to death? If you have not heard of Marcus Luttrell, he is the Lone Survivor of Operation Red Wings, Afghanistan 2005. Nineteen United...