Defensive subconscious

2 years, 4 months ago

Which is best, to have a few morally sound friends that you can rely on or a vast amount of friends that you can’t entirely rely on or make some immoral decisions. I know the obvious answer, but I’m talking about the question of having a little more quiet of a life style or a loud crazy fun one… I’m very guided by my morals and find it hard to imagine “friends” that do bad things. I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to get at but I’ve been conflicted between letting my guard down to make a more wide spread of friends or making sure someone is a good person before I ever even consider opening up. Thoughts?

December 8, 2012 at 11:08 pm

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Profile photo of kempsishere kempsishere (@kempsishere) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

It really depends on what you would consider as “bad”. I recently started smoking weed with friends of mine. Less than a year ago, I would have turned my nose up at the idea. But, with recent events in Colorado and Washington, along with personal experiences, I opened up to the idea. And it wasn’t shady. I smoked with people I trusted for a long time and the experience was fantastic.

It’s hard to get a read on where you’re coming from with this post, but I’ve always held on to the notion of balance. Being a good person is noble but sometimes it’s great to cut loose.

I like to think I live morally, but I am also pro-choice, which many people would label as “immoral”. And again, it depends on what you mean by “bad”. If these morally questionable people are going to parties to drink, smoke, and partake in sins of the flesh, ask yourself why that’s bad. Are they harming anyone? Are they aggressive or disrespectful to others? Are they having a good time? I don’t like to see people abandon their morals, but I also hate to see kids around campus missing out on the “college experience”.

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Profile photo of tyler_ponte tyler_ponte (@tylerponte) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@kempsishere, What I mean by immoral is people who lie, cheat, and steal. I’m not trying to put myself on the high horse and say I haven’t told a lie or don’t drink or anything like that. But people who commit such offences like lying or talking behind people’s backs or wear a false smile is what I mean by immoral. People you would have no trouble trusting, is it better to try and be friends with everyone? Even people I don’t entirely feel safe trusting? I have friends that i would do anything for and I feel like that is enough but every now and then I think to myself if the grass is really greener ya know?

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Profile photo of Alex Alex (@staylucky) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not but your last response pretty much answers your own question for you.

Nothing like experiencing it first hand though, so the call is yours to make.

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Profile photo of tyler_ponte tyler_ponte (@tylerponte) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@staylucky, I know how I feel but I what I want to know is which do others prefer, I’m just trying to see it through different perspectives. Like if others feel having more friends and more active social life is an ok trade off for an immoral set of values.

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Profile photo of kempsishere kempsishere (@kempsishere) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, Your definition of immoral lays down a very thin line for just about every person you’ll run into on the street. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you hold humanity up to an expectation we can’t reach. You can’t expect everyone to be honest right off the bat. Lying makes the world go around with a little less friction. We use it to avoid talking to people we don’t like or to get a little extra time for an essay. I can’t even fathom a bigger lie than these, but I’m saying that no one really gets hurt. Maybe I’m too accustomed to white lies to see it any differently. As far as a false smiles, everyone wears masks, it’s a natural defense mechanism of the mind. You haven’t given people time to open up to you. If they give you a bad vibe, why stick around to see what’s inside? You probably won’t like what you see, anyway.

I completely agree that talking behind someone’s back is inexcusable. I have a very close friend who does it all the time. I take it upon myself to keep him honest.

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Profile photo of Alex Alex (@staylucky) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, I really don’t think there is a logical answer to this question. Unless you place no particular emphasis on friendship (which, as you have stated, you do) and/or have the IQ of a baboon, why would anyone say that they prefer a large group of shallow and superficial relationships?

Just because lots of people live lives like that doesn’t mean that they have the intelligence to see it for what it is.

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Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, It depends what you expect out of your friendships. First of all: do not expect too much cause that will lead to disappointment, always.

Second of all, why would you want to involve with people who lie, cheat and act immorally in the first place? Have you asked yourself that question? I mean, why do you want to have such people in your life? Does it reflect your own personality?

Third, I think you should make a solid definition for yourself what real friendship means for you. I mean, you have friends and you have acquaintances. I think nowadays people call each other friends way too easily. I mean, my friends are not even countable on two hands (probably not even on one hand), but I have a lot of acquaintances, people I hang around with, my general social environment. I find it good to have a lot of acquaintances because it makes my life so much easier. It is good to know people you know, but I do not consider them as friends.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

I’ve been on both sides at different time, and I theorize that the outgoing, fun way of life is really the way to go when you can afford it.

The only times I dream of a quiet life are when I face a serious setback or when I’m too exhausted to function. The quiet life is oddly satisfying, but whenever I’m in party mode, I can’t even imagine the quiet life’s appeal.

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Profile photo of tyler_ponte tyler_ponte (@tylerponte) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@kempsishere, I see what you mean with lies make the world go round but it just seems strange in theory why it’s so. And my standards of moral are a little extreme after looking back at what I described them as… I guess when i was thinking about it, it all seemed a lot more clear.
@staylucky, As I just mentioned the question I had, had seemed a little more clear thinking about it than it does when I tried to describe and ask it. I’m a little under the influence at the moment which might be the cause…

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Profile photo of tyler_ponte tyler_ponte (@tylerponte) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@filipek, I like you’re approach to having a lot of acquaintances and only a handful of friends. I think that’s what I was going for, so you recommend having a lot of acquaintances but be careful with who you let in? That’s what I had meant to ask/say, thanks for explaining and clarifying what I couldn’t!

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Profile photo of Filip Filip M (@filipek) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, I do not want to sound negative with the following but yes, be cautious with friendships, always ask yourself why people are acting in the way they are acting, nobody is really altruistic, everybody expects something out of everything. Be careful, be wise, and I am sure you will be alright.
People are beautiful, but circumstances can make them very evil.

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Profile photo of Dreamer Dreamer (@heartbeat) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@tylerponte, better have a few good friends you can trust and a lot of acquaintances to hang out with. Sometimes the problem is when people are in between those, then you feel like you want to trust them but they can not be trusted because they are totally different and have different moral standards. You should not want to be too close to all people you know just to have a good time with them. A good friendship also is a give and take situation, so it takes more effort than just hanging around with fun people to do fun things. I think it’s normal you first want to know if the person is morally ok, lol but sometimes when your standards are too high, most people don’t fit to that standard. So then you have to choose, hang around with acquaintances with a different moral standard just to have fun with, or find yourself only with good friendships.

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