Do you want to become a better man?
You’ve probably seen me post here and there when I have a strong opinion on something that I’d like to share with you..but now I want to get your feedback.
My main passion for many years has just been improving myself on becoming a better man. Not just a better person, but a better masculine figure in society. Not the typical aggressive man that hides his feelings behind his ego, but one who is a source of strength for himself and for others.
I developed my site around this theme, and I’d love to get your thoughts on the message, the design, the articles, anything. Ideas are awesome, and much appreciated.
Here’s the site, Inner Gladiator: http://www.innergladiator.com/start-here/
Thanks guys (and gals)!
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Good job so far!
I’ve read the intro (your homepage) and I’ve skimmed through your article on hard work.
So I can only give you feedback on the intro and what I thought:
- You ask for my e-mail 4 times on your ‘start-here’ page. That’s at least 2 times too much I’d say.
- The part about yourself really got me enthusiastic. I find that part stronger that the part about ‘Being an Inner Gladiator is…’.
- Marcus Aurelius’ quote is all about having no fear of death. You are not really talking about death (?) but more about becoming a (better) man. He has more appropriate quotes, no? :)
Nice website man. I like that you not only want to change things but you are inspiring others to do so too. I know I plan on being a gladiator too, we can start an army. Im riding a chariot..
Yes women are strong too in your own ways, and there are plenty of websites geared toward such awesomeness. Let us have our fun.
@trek79, Definitely. In terms of fear, your’e right — When we’re faced with either action or inaction, we must take action for our self-confidence and the quality of our life.
It’s hard and I struggle with it sometimes, but in order to push through it I 1) remind myself of the worst case scenario, in that it’s not that bad and 2) realize that it’s much hard to live a life of “what if?” instead of “oh well”.
@feren6, I don’t mis understand your point at all, and your reinforcing what I already said. You’re supporting the already in-place idea that men should be masculine leaders and should be “Wearing the pants” in a relationship.
By saying this you are indirectly implying where women should be. You aren’t saying it, and if you were I’d be way harsher on this than I am.
Basically your site is asking people to go back to the 50′s, where men are portrayed as dominant, confident, and testosterone-fueled. Although this is perfectly healthy, it takes a bit of wisdom along with it.
You are saying that men should go after what they want, and be confident in doing it.
I would just hope that more men are questioning what they want.
I’m sure Manimal is your biggest fan…
Really I’m just butting heads with the vibe of your site. I can see a lot of guys dressed in suits and ties, getting to work, trying to act overly confident in themselves, pursuing things that aren’t worth pursuing, but do so anyways because its the societal norm. BUT WHATEVER YOU KNOW? Fuck it, have your “Successful” life styles. Whatever that means / is.
I wouldn’t really have ANY problem with your site if it came SECONDARY to wisdom and introspective growth.
This verbal sparring isn’t going anywhere. It may be because you think that I think women shouldn’t be treated equally and that guys have to goal-conquering leaders.
Either that, or you just don’t like humanity. But I’m going to assume that you love people and that
I’m going to go into gender roles and say some stuff that you probably won’t agree with. But try and keep an open mind because in this developed the whole reason why I started my site.
Political correctness (and feminism) tells us that women are equals. For most people, this is confusing.
I believe that yes, women should be treated equally — in the sense that they should have the same opportunities because gender, as we both agree on, does not necessarily dictate personality (ex. masculine women).
But that does not mean that women should be treated the same as men. They should be treated differently, because they respond differently to their environment.
Would I act the same way to a girl as I do to one of my guy friends? Hell no, unless I just wanted to be friends with her.
You might say (well maybe not you, but anyone really): Yes. And that’d be a basis for a great relationship.
That’s where I disagree. Because when you try to get a man to act more like a woman and get a woman to act more like a man, they start to resent each other. And it tears them apart..in a romantic relationship.
The way I see it is that if you want a romantic view of life — a life full of huge inspiration, a purpose, and fulfillment, you NEED to embrace the same concept of male/female relationships. You need the force that drives your inner nature, your inner spirit, your “chi”, or as @manimal puts it, “your balls”.
Those romantic relationships that involve a “manly man” and a “womanly woman” (lol) are extremely passionate. One dominates, and one submits. It’s SUPER attractive. And that attractiveness is just built inside of us — we can’t change it.
But it doesn’t only apply to relationships. It applies to life.
To clarify: when I say women, I mean “a person who aligns better with a feminine personality.” And when I say men, I mean “a person who aligns better with a masculine personality.”
Now, every man and every woman have a different orientation that’s “built in” to their core. Some men feel best about themselves as 80% masculine and 20% feminine while some have 80% feminine and 20% masculine. I don’t know if you can boil it down to a number, but there are different degrees. And when you align your actions with your preference pole, you are BEING YOURSELF IN YOUR FULLEST POTENTIAL.
I’ll start off with myself as an example:
From a young age, I was told that I was intelligent. Test scores, classes, whatever. I took a high interest in computer programming in 5th grade, taught myself many programming languages, and overall just became interested in, lets say, “less social” pastimes.
I never cared about anything else growing up — I just wanted to sit on the computer and program. Eventually I got into video games, and that turned everything to shit. I was socially anxious, was scrawny and weak, and while I was intelligent, smart, and had a good heart, I didn’t know how to act around people. I was a pushover. I was a “Nice Guy”.
I didn’t get anything done, I sat on my ass and played video games, and I was, well, unattractive to the opposite sex..for the most part..I had my moments ;)
I didn’t like the world because I didn’t understand it.
Why are these asshole dudes getting more pussy than I am? I’m smart as shit and these guys that chug beers and pick on me get are more successful with girls than I am? WTF is wrong with the world and what’s wrong with me?
Why doesn’t the world favor ME?
Now, if we relate this back to gender roles, we would see that I had a masculine personality preference and that I wasn’t fulfilling it. I had no purpose (masculine trait), I looked to others for answers (feminine trait), and I was very emotional (feminine trait).
I had a masculine personality that was not fulfilled simply because no one showed me the way. I love my dad, but he didn’t communicate with me these things in ways I could understand. I just thought he was being an asshole — but he wasn’t. And if I knew that, I don’t think I would’ve been confused about how to be happy for as long as I did.
BUT THERE IS A BALANCE. Remember the 80/20 thing? Yeah, well it could be 90/10 or 60/40 or even 50/50 (which I think is where your head is at).
Now, if I was 50/50, then I’d have no problem dominating the world or submitting to it. And I’d attract other like-minded people, and all would be dandy. Life would seem fine to me.
But like me, there are MANY other guys who aren’t living up to their fullest potential of their masculine energy. They could be 80/20 and only be living at 50/50 because they think that they have to act more like women because being a man implies that you’re a “business man goal-thriving ass-hole jerk-off ass-hole meany-face.”
YOU could even be 80/20 and not even realize it. Or 60/40. Or you could be 40/60. or 10/90. I don’t know — you’d have to test this against your own life experience.
Regardless, I focus my site towards “men” because it just so happens that more men align better in life with masculine traits than women. And I am a man, so I can relate.
By helping guys become better men and align with their masculine energy, I’m helping them develop the PASSION and STRENGTH they need in their life to really get what they want from it.
I’ve started to develop these more masculine traits and FINDING THE BALANCE of my masculine/feminine traits to become the best version of myself. I’m not completely there yet, but these the most fulfilling, the most passionate, and the most attractive days of my life so far.
I’ve been writing this for like 40 minutes because there’s so much I want to say on this topic but I’m getting unfocused. I just love talking about this stuff because it’s not common knowledge, hence why I’m on HE.
I think the point I was trying to make is that if you don’t want to be the leader of your own life and “fuck the world with passion” then that’s okay. You may be more feminine or more neutral. But for those men (masculine people) who feel that something is missing, developing those masculine traits could be the reason why.
“Info, just like everything else, is all about quality. NOT QUANTITY.”
Particularly true with info because it is immaterial. Best way to describe this is with the idea that you can get more information and meaningfulness out of a single quote than you a in some complete book.
Thanks for the feedback :)
Writing the ‘About Me’ section was difficult — it’s hard to talk about your vulnerable self, but that was the point..to open up and share with the world. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
And yeah..I’ll around for a more relevant quote.
@feren6, I’m obviously not a male, but I do love your site and I’ve only browsed it for about fifteen minutes. Your article on the Good Guy vs Nice Guy mentality really drew me in because–this is pretty petty, tbh, lol–I was tired of nice guys expecting me to go out with them for their simply being decent human beings. With logic like that, why not fuck ANYBODY who opens a door for me, you know? So it’s pretty cool to see a site for men with an article like that, putting good guys in the spotlight.
On top of that, I’m reading the introvert’s guide. Less because I’m still adjusting to the extroverted world and more that there’s always more to learn, right?
Consider me subscribed.
“You’re supporting the already in-place idea that men should be masculine leaders and should be “Wearing the pants” in a relationship.”
Yes, but I’m not saying that ALL men should be masculine leaders. If a guy is completely content with not being a masculine leader, that’s his business.
“By saying this you are indirectly implying where women should be.”
No, I’m not. I’m not saying that women shouldn’t take up leadership roles — in fact, I think they are important. How am I implying that women are a lesser gender? I fucking love women. They are fun and cute and sexy and inspire me to do awesome things. We need more strong women in this world. But women can be strong in a completely different way than men — that doesn’t make them lesser.
“Basically your site is asking people to go back to the 50′s, where men are portrayed as dominant, confident, and testosterone-fueled. Although this is perfectly healthy, it takes a bit of wisdom along with it.
You are saying that men should go after what they want, and be confident in doing it.
I would just hope that more men are questioning what they want.”
Yes. Men should be more confident, dominant, and testosterone-fueled. They should go after what they want and be confident in doing it. I agree with you that it does take wisdom…and that’s the point of the site :)
Here’s where I think you’re getting confused: just because you are confident, dominant, assertive, and testosterone-fueled, that doesn’t mean you should be an asshole, a jerk, push other people over, never smile, and treat people like shit.
My goal is to help guys who have good hearts and care about the world and the people in it, but they don’t want to be associated with those asshole guys. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
Just because you’re assertive and confident doesn’t make you a man. But if you want to be a man, you must certainly be assertive and confident. Of course this is my definition of a man — yours could be different.
That’s your opinion.
But the reason it’s my viewpoint is because 1) I’m working towards my purpose and I feel better doing it, 2) it’s attracts passionate relationships.
Check out my post on the difference between Nice Guys vs Good Guys post: http://www.innergladiator.com/nice-guys/
My goal is to help Nice Guys turn into Good Guys. Guys that are fucking awesome.
Do you think women are upset with this? FUCK NO. Ask some women in your life what they find attractive in a man. Most can attest to a man who is charming, takes care of his family, treats his friends well, AND is confident and assertive.
If you don’t want to live a life full of passion in your work AND in the bedroom, well fuck, this site isn’t for you man.
“I’m sure Manimal is your biggest fan…”
I have a feeling he has better things to worry about then being some fan-boy of an internet website. But who knows.
“Really I’m just butting heads with the vibe of your site. I can see a lot of guys dressed in suits and ties, getting to work, trying to act overly confident in themselves, pursuing things that aren’t worth pursuing, but do so anyways because its the societal norm. BUT WHATEVER YOU KNOW? Fuck it, have your “Successful” life styles. Whatever that means / is.”
Yeah dude, I completely agree with you.
“I wouldn’t really have ANY problem with your site if it came SECONDARY to wisdom and introspective growth.”
That’s not how psychology works. I can’t sell wisdom and introspective growth to the masses and expect to get people to read/understand/care about it.
My business coach told me “Sell them what they want, tell them what they need.”
My message appeals to a certain demographic, even if the knowledge can be found elsewhere. But if the same guys come to my site actually identify with my message and have had some of the same problems, they’re 200% more likely to act upon it.
Don’t get my message mixed up just because I appeal to a certain type of people. It’s just how it works.
@feren6, Hey again. I really find this topic interesting to discuss too and I read some of your articles and the about me section and I can say I did the whole thing about learning pick up at the beginning of college and not feeling quite right about it and creepy. Like being a fake in some major way, fucking up, going into religion, getting the fuck out and eventually I found this site over a year ago. I always knew, even as a dorky little kid that there was something deeper beyond or behind religion, human interaction, women, everything It took me a long time to get to the point where I am and you are knocking out some of my concerns that I’ve been thinking (<- would make that word slanty if I could) about. Specifically how to implement change and be a creator and changer. Haha it takes a lot of wasted time to realize how much time is wasted. You must have worked really hard to create this website and change the way you did and I applaud you for that!
I think your website probably gears towards people who want to create a change and maybe have thought about and read a lot about what they want to do and just don't know how they want to implement real change. People want the easy way out of pain a lot of the time so they will do inconsequential stuff their whole lives waiting to be ready.
I think what manimal said above was right about building a foundations before putting up the wallpaper and decorations is true. The basic basics need to be worked on before going on to higher levels of experience if you want to get results. That's what I see your website as, basics, assisting others to get off their asses on their feet and be happy, but a lot deeper than some other things out there.
The post about realizing people are mirrors and about looking for the patterns was an aha.
The 3 part thing about introverts, more ahahs buddy!
@feren6, Like vigilance of self. Self awareness. Taking that self awareness and instead of ever moping around about your insights into yourself, always looking for the next opportunity to shine your ideal self
“Best way to describe this is with the idea that you can get more information and meaningfulness out of a single quote than you a in some complete book.”
Ah..yes. Are you familiar with Stoicism?
Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations is a book completely filled with quotes. If you’re into a practical philosophy, check out ‘The Emperor’s Handbook’ (the translated version of Meditations)
@feren6, Cool, so now you’re way more extroverted and you feel confident and you fuck the shit out of women.
It tends to be that women who favor overly confident guys are, themselves insecure and “need” that male figure. It goes both ways, but our society says from birth that men should be more over-bearing.
I just don’t buy it that men are more apt to be like that. Perhaps they are and I’m just reluctant to accept it. Perhaps they aren’t and that is just primal B.S. that should be overcome.
At any rate, most “confident” males I’ve met in my life I’d rather not deal with, as they aren’t usually balancing intelligence with masculinity. Their perspectives are skewed in favor of themselves, and generally just an ego-fueling poop face dick shit
But fuel it on, brotha.
@feren6, I do not like this, as it poses the same archetype of male versus female as our society has dealt with for centuries.
Although there are some biochemical clues that men are more apt to be like this, there is no reason that men should be like this. Some of your phrases also hit a cord with me in a not-so-good way.
The very fact that you pose this to men only and (gals) in parentheses is telling. Maybe the fact that the majority of your followers are women should tell you something. Perhaps it is telling of us all, that we have undermined women for too long, but in the age of technology they can easily access “men-only material”.
At any rate, I’m sure your articles are great, but maybe you – yourself – should think about how you are viewing your whole scenario, particularly the masculine one.
Perhaps, however, it is the “Masculine versus feminine” paradigm that our society is so used to which makes this so appealing to women in the first place, and one changing your theme to all people (and specifically addressing ALL people) the meaning would be lost. It would be interesting to see, at the possible expense of your site (lolz).
good luck anyway
@feren6, in a weird sort of way i am. I am a communications scholar and media critic. Lately I’ve been looking into the “Age of Information” and what that means in terms of piracy and free flows of information. I will most certainly look into that book at some point, thanks for the suggestion!
@feren6, Your site is great. The layout is good, but the best part is definitely the articles. I can tell you put a lot of effort and creativity in them and they’re not just regurgitated thoughts from other sites and things like that. They were all very unique and inciteful.
As for criticism, maybe take off the “user reviews” on the “start here” page. It makes it seem like you’re trying to sell me a product. Let the site speak for itself