I never really thought anything of this till tonight watching the show "Drugs Inc" on national geographic. It focused on hashish use saying that in teenagers being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia within 10 years of use.
I’m close to that 10 year mark and there was a few times when I was on hallucinogens I felt we were being watched from a…dare I say spiritual stand point? Like aliens were tuning in to our consciousness and just shadowing us like puppets. At the time I realized it was just a trip due to the acid and the crazy portal lights I was watching on the internet.
I worry cause now it’s been brought to my attention that I’ve become afraid of the dark. It might sound funny,cause I use to be afraid of the dark when I was 9 and I got over it with a slow progression over time. Place me in a unfamiliar surrounding and cut the lights out and a panic will set it. Not to long ago me and my friends got into an abandoned building to tag and we found a ladder going into a basement, I tried to go in there with flash lights, fuck that. I have that feeling of hand reaching out, and once I let start thinking anything along these lines, It’s impossible to stop the down ward spiral. My minds as strong as mash potatoes at this point and can actually see dark figures within the dark. I know it’s not right, like something is waiting in there.
BUT this is where my real question comes from. I know there’s a handful of folks on here with schizophrenia, and I was wondering if this it is worth getting tested for? What’s the process of the testing? I have questions about it and grow more and more iffy the more I think about it.
Sometimes i’ll notice when it’s dark I generate a fear inside me. I know there’s nothing to fear, but still it is there. Have you tried singing? or just whistle. You need to realize just how hilarious your situation is. Zombies is a good one I like to think about. Zombies is a real fear, but its been done so many times it is entirely a comedic thing. Zombie video games.
Your mind is seeing dark things because you’ve trained it to be aware of the dark things. The mind is powerful. “Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them”.
As for being tested and stuff? I have NO idea. I think we’re all schizophrenics. The paranoid part is completely separate. You were watching a show called Drugs Inc and you listened to their facts as being 100% accurate. Once you pay attention to information so much and bring it into your reality, your mind will struggle to find places to associate it with.
You obviously are afraid, a lot of people are. I laugh at fear. It helps me realize just how ridiculous I was for actually being scared. lol
I agree with your 3rd paragraph 100%.
I do sing I love my music but I get speechless increased heart rate. The new fear I seemed to picked up is not like my old childhood one. Not just me imagining a man chasing me up the stairs from the basment. I use to laugh when I got up stairs untouched. Now as a 21 year old when I get out of a dark room I get kind of like delayed sweats and I really feel my heart pounding. There’s a lot I could go on about.
I believe this could be a temporary worry about schizophrenia, but it’s been in the back of my mind for a bit now. I’m interested in their replies
The only thing I could say is you have to face your fear. That could mean sitting in a dark room alone, or anything. As for me, I am going to be taking a midnight walk in the woods tonight to resolve my fears of loneliness, the dark and aliens lol. It’ll also rekindle my relationship with nature.
I hope I was of some help. Maybe you can meditate on it?
Oddly enough I can be in the woods at 2 am without lights or moon and be fine being alone isn’t the problem with me either. I doubt confronting is going to help me in this stage, it’s pretty intense lately dude. I guess I fear if the dark figure grabs me it’ll take something form me or something along those lines and their trying harder and harder to take it. The more they enforce their presence the weaker and more scared l get. When the panic sets in my legs feel asleep and I get a dizzy light headed feel so I (without panicking so obviously) GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE SITUATION
Hope your walk brings that refreshing connection with the good thoughts!
I dunno. Learn to love the dark figure.
You have to remember that the dark figure is a projection of your mind. Whatever it wants from you is something that you are rejecting. I say just let them get you. When you feel it coming on, just surrender. Just say “I give up!” What’s the worst they could do? Kill you? They can’t take over your mind if you have control over it first. Surrendering will let them know who is in control.
It’s just like gravity. You can push and push, but eventually you’re gonna fall.
I could be wrong, maybe you’re just a crazy person, I don’t know. Nobody knows but you.
On a sort of related note, I have experience some of the same visual and emotional senses that came with smoking weed while completely sober. It tends to happen mostly at night, I think because the lights are more vibrant. It triggers the memory in my brain of smoking and how amazing the lights looked. It freaked me the fuck out when it first started happening (ie when I was sober). I’ve sort of come to terms with it, as it’s basically just my mind remembering strong feelings, and why wouldn’t it? At the end of the day, you are still you and the universe is still the universe (though I know how flimsy those realities can become under the influence of hallucinogens) .
I think that its far more likely that you may have an anxiety disorder. Schizophrenia is actually pretty uncommon and is usually more bizarre than being afraid of the dark. So that’s pretty good news.
Bad news is that if you go to the doctors and they “diagnose” you with an anxiety disorder, they will probably only give you some pills that turn you into a zombie.
Probably the best idea would be to just get some regular sort of counseling, talk to a professional, tell them right off the bat that you’re not interested in taking medication (unless you are) and try to work on the deeper lieing reasons of why you are scared of the dark.
It is pretty unlikely that you are having real visual hallucinations caused by schizophrenia because that type of hallucination is pretty uncommon even people who are diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Either way, talk to someone and I’m sure you can get this figured out.
I’m with Addy. Don’t be too hard on yourself and what you think might be wrong with you. I think the brain does make associations between highs and memories, and I think this is what makes us somewhat ‘freak out’ sometimes, or not understand why a particular high happened like it did.
I find that if I operate from a point where I start by acknowledging that there’s nothing wrong with me, I snap out of it and laugh at myself for being afraid of the dark. Actually, I don’t get afraid of the dark, I get super anxious about whether or not I went overboard last night, overanalyze everything and everyone I interacted with – and my drug of choice is alcohol.
I’ve been toying with the idea that with any drug use, however controlled or uncontrolled, the withdrawal/hangover never really gets better managed because the chemical build up and effect on the brain rises minimally with each use but not enough to be consciously noticed.
Overtime however, I think we would end up being more a ‘hungover’ person than a ‘normal’ person and it would be given a name like chronic fatigue.
Everytime you smoke you are experiencing a small psychosis (it can also happen under alot of stress etc). So don’t worry much about that, you probably already would have had it if you were able to.
That said, it might be better to only smoke in comfortable situations.
Also, fear is generated in bodily tension first, especially in the groin area. My best advice is try to relax this area as much as you can when you feel the fear, and try to imagine you’re hugging/totally accepting the feeling. Give it some love (it probably will never go away, but your relation towards it can change). As long as you don’t accept it, or resist it, it will be rocket fuel for fear based thoughts. If you accept it, not so much.
Thanks for words guys, kind of eased my mind. Feeling better about it all today and I’m more open to the idea of sitting it out to see what happens though it does give me butterflies.
Stress could very well be a cause I am relatively new to stressful situations but I could classify what’s going on right now as stressful. May try and meditate off the negative feelings hope to kill the stress or fear.
Pills are no option lol. I’ll try giving in sometime soon and hope to god it sets things straight