I have acknowledged the increase of relationship advice on this site and it has been frustrating to me in a place where higher ideas flourish to worry about the matters of relationships. I understand though that this is a very big part of everyones life so I now support these. Today i have a question of my own even though it might now fall under relationships as it might fall under the differences between genders.
My lifes focus is solely on growing each day to be a better more understanding and compassionate being than the day before. Also to create something everyday as well. Through my life experiences i have come to find my self becoming more and more secluded based off of lack of connection with the general “status quo” public. This turns me to focusing on finding a girlfriend(i am a dude) to spend my spiritual journey with. One that will both challenge me to grow everyday but also one that will understand the ideas of non-duality. Although i have grown up in Kansas as of 8th grade(i am now 23) which equals a lack of creativity and spiritual nature because of agricultural society and conditioning (my way of say not so open minded) my experiences tell me that females are much more of the selfish type of person i so fear. Also to my research of enlightened humans through history there is a very little mention of female sages and gurus. There are some of course but significantly less this could be for numerous reasons. I think it has to do with attachment to emotions. But basically are there any women on hear that do not attach your self with your emotions that end up controlling you.
This post moved me to sign up in order to respond to you. As an aware female myself, I am compelled to disagree with your theory.
As for a reason to why there is little mention of female sages and gurus – females have been repressed in many facets of life and denied higher education (as well as higher education/involvement in religious and spiritual matters) for a long, long time. This would be one, vital, reasoning.
I do not believe that the assumption based on the gender we were born to somehow straps us down and keeps us from growing further than a being born to a male body. It is our society at large that has shackled those who have not awakened (down with gender roles!), and that can go for anyone regardless of gender.
With that, I implore you to keep your heart open, they are out there ;)
You might want to pack your bags though, head towards the areas better known for their upward thinking populations. Agricultural Kansas doesn’t sound like a hot spot :p
Love & Light
I think your lack of finding of female sages and the like attributes to the fact that history loves action. And the feminine (or even Yin) personality alone is less about action and more about reaction. The masculine personality tends to be more action and less reaction, so males tend to have a drive to take initiative from the get-go. Emotions might have some to do with it, but not most.
Especially since, like @sacredslang said, women have hardly even been considered equal until recent centuries. Just because we haven’t been in the spotlight doesn’t mean women are overemotional, lol.
The idea of gender reminds me a lot of the introvert vs extrovert discussion, quite frankly. Men (and extroverts) have the will and drive to be number one. Women (and introverts) rarely do, but that doesn’t make them any less in any way.
Like Julie, I would also consider myself an aware female and would disagree with you. I think it affects both genders and saying that females fall victim to their emotions is stereotyping. One of my reasons for my lack of a relationship is that I tend to attract what I would consider emotionally unstable guys. I’m not complaining too much, I try to help them find security to the best of my ability but in doing so, they feel I’m the “only one who’ll ever truly understand” them and end up falling in love with me within a week, at times intensely and even violently at one stage.
I don’t attach myself to emotions in the way you have described. The reason for the few female saga and gurus is because, as mentioned above, gender suppression.
Perhaps start traveling and you never know, you could find the girl who you want to share the rest of your spiritual journey with!
What @sacredslang, said.
I agree that I have more trouble finding females who can think logically above their emotions, but I have the same trouble finding dudes who care to think logically about things.
But those people are out there. If what you’ve been doing and where you are hasn’t turned up what you want, then change what you do and where you go.
@theboss7607, I also disagree, with a lot of reasons already mentioned above. I am a female on my own journey as well, to grow and learn more about myself and the world each day. I’ve got big dreams and goals in my life that are most important to me above all else. I’m making progress, and life is becoming even more beautiful and exciting. It seems to me that you are saying that females in general do not have the capability to do this due to their “attachment to emotions.” It is true that generally males and females express their emotions differently, but this “attachment” idea is a stereotype that plays into gender constructs that our society has established over time. Maybe you just need to get out in the world and experience different kinds of people. The more you learn about different kinds of people the more you realize that we are all more alike than different, and that everyone is just at a different place on their own individual path.
There’s a bunch of reasons why there’s not much talk about those female ones. Gender suppression has very little to do with it.
1. There hasn’t been that many of them.
2. Civilization was invented, designed, built, and shaped by males, and so it revolves around male values. Thereby, men get more space, more voice, more use, etc. This is not suppression, this is the society game, since this game is built around male values men generally play it better. If you play this games, you follow rules that are more favourable to men, that’s what the game is about, and if you don’t wanna play it you don’t have to. It’s a choice, and if you choose to play this game, you choose to follow its rules.
3. Males generally have much more “fighting spirit” and passion for achievement, we’re generally much more proactive and focused than girls. Partially due to social condition, but mostly due to natural alignment with these behaviours.
4. Women can always take the easy way out, while men usually cannot, therefore there’s not as much incentive for a woman to push the envelope and grow, because there’s very little need for it to get by. Until recently, this was never the case for men, men always had to stand on their own, take, achieve, earn, men couldn’t just kick back and float along passively.
5. Masculine enlightenment and feminine enlightenment are actually two different things. Feminine enlightenment is a lot easier to achieve, especially for women. (and therefore wasn’t considered a big deal, not much to mention) For a woman, there’s practically nothing standing in the way. For a boy/man, there’s a rigid man ego and loads of deep set social conditioning standing in the way, it’s a bigger challenge for them. Males also tend to “boast” a lot more, again this has to do with core values.
6. Illuminated feminine women without the illuminated masculine are very chaotic, impulsive and reactive, with fierce mood swings and little control. A lot of people do not recognize this as illumination, and therefore the illuminated women don’t get as much notice or cred.
Most humans have no understanding for the feminine, Yin, throughout history and in most cultures, this has almost always been feared or hated, and for no reason at all.
7. Women with a balanced illumination are rare. There’s a lot of polarized feminine enlightened women, but not a lot of masculine illuminated ones. Among males, there’s quite a lot of feminine illuminated ones (not as many as women though,) and some masculine illuminated ones (although it’s rare.) And then there’s the rare case, people who are illuminated to both the masculine and the feminine, and most of these are men.
It takes a tremendous effort to get there and achieve this balance without stifling growth.
They’re two parts of the whole. You’re not really enlightened unless you have both pieces.
Plus, enlightenment is not absolute, it’s relative. It’s not a light switch, it’s a dimmer.
And nobody knows how much light you can get from this dimmer, for all we know it might be infinite.
We practically know nothing.
Even the most illuminated person to ever live… wasn’t really that illuminated. We have a long way to go.
The sense of enlightenment you get from introspection is FALSE, it’s like peeling layers off an onion. Peeling off one layer and thinking you’ve reached the core is idiocy, you’ve just found another layer to peel. It’s like climbing a mountain, you reach ledges and plateaus, but they’re not the summit. And when you reach the top of the mountain, you discover that there’s a much taller mountain, and once you scale that one, there’s another, and another.
Nobody is enlightened, and nobody is unenlightened, because it’s not an on/off switch but a slider/knob, there is more and there is less, but there’s no absolute.
Nor is it a constant, it’s all in the moment, there are moments of clarity and moments of delusion, your level of enlightenment is as temporary as your hairs and your desires, it’s always increasing or decreasing, and it always has peaks and valleys.
Feminine illumination unlocks intuition, emotion, mood, enjoyment, compassion, health, flow, love, reflex, positive attachment, things like that… but without the masculine pole keeping it in check there is no structure, no direction, no order.
Too much exposure, and you drown in your own feelings, you implode.
Masculine illumination unlocks logic, reason, power, focus, courage, clarity, neutral observation, determination, strength, purpose, proactivity, integrity, things like that… but without the feminine pole keeping it in balance there is no meaning, no enjoyment, no peace.
Too much exposure, and you get consumed by the inner fire, you explode.
When these two combine, things such as passion, creativity, balance, and genuine satisfaction emerge.
That’s why all the genuine bushido ryu put a lot of importance in cultivating the feminine side of their warriors, and also why the maenads, seidkonas and yoginis put so much importance in cultivating their masculine side.
Because together, the two poles create an incredible force. The more you charge each pole, the stronger the force, and the more total illumination.
No matter how much you deny it, there IS duality. And without a proper balance of these poles, you will never see or understand both sides of things. And the more you have of each, the more you see and understand that side of things. But without balance, this means that you get further and further into the one-sided delusion.
A lot of people say the “divine feminine” is currently asleep or supressed, but very few people recognize that it’s even worse with the “divine masculine.”
What people these days call masculine is rarely anything else but a crude emulation of it, carried out by the feminine.
Most people these days have a feminine alignment, and very dormant masculine aspects. This is all due to society, because the leaders don’t want competition, they want compliance. And the masses don’t want power and freedom as much as they want comfort and security.
The populace is feminized and deluded.
But finding an “enlightened” woman these days is not very hard at all.
You’re just looking in the wrong places, with the wrong methods, and the wrong profile.
You must also recognize that it’s all about attraction. Polarity.
Just like magnetism, that’s where the word attraction comes from. Attraction happens between opposite poles, two poles of the same charge repel eachother.
Attraction is a deep thing, and it’s not random, it doesn’t just happen by chance. It’s instinctual and logical at a very deep level.
The key to getting the more enlightened women is to be more enlightened yourself.
And the key to attracting women is to be a man. The more illuminated women are even more drawn to masculinity than the ordinary women are.
If your mind is tuned the right way, you’ll find them, and they’ll find you.
Hello! I, too, consider myself an aware woman and this is my first post on the site. I see why you would feel the way you do. In retrospect, I used to be a bit of a woman hater because I couldn’t find any like-minded females to share my ideas with. I now realize that, like what someone else mentioned, that woman are generally in the background. We can be emotionally attached because we have incredible communication skills and strive for connection. This can get out of hand when an unenlightened female directs these intense emotions towards something that doesn’t matter. I have realized that because females have this awareness that we are also HIGHLY intuitive. Men are much more aggressive and let their ego take over. I believe that this actually makes it much easier for us to become more aware. Men, on the other hand feel the need to prove themselves (their intellect, strength, whatever!) and their ego is easily disrupted. Women are more inclined to be open to other ways of thinking because we want to make connections with people and “be on the same page.”
And, Like other people have said, you need to travel to more places and meet more people. Kansas seems like it would be hard to meet enlightened women OR men. Try Northern California :) And please try not to judge ANYONE based on gender. There is much to experience in this world…if you remain in this stereotypical way of thinking, even if you do meet an amazing aware female, she will see right through you. :)
@theboss7607, yeahhhh…take a women’s studies or any course on gender at any university in your area. OR simply buy a book on the subject. This is an extremely complex subject, and I think you are stereotyping based on what you have encountered in your life-but get out of that. This website and this post will not be detailed enough for you if you are really interested in tackling these questions.
I do think that you are wrong, and I might point out that if I wanted to, I could stereotype men into a limiting and semi-degrading post as well. People are complicated, and not often what they first present-men and women included.
@theboss7607, Interesting that you say that, because it is quite difficult to be unattached. I tried it a lot, really a lot, but it also backfired on me, because my emotions are sometimes so powerful i don’t know how to be unattached to them so they control my whole being while against my own control, even though i would really really want to be free of them, especially those emotions that make relationships complicated, like jealousy, fear, guilt, shame, anxiety etc. I do believe being free of these emotions can lead to a better life. I do try extremely hard, but sometimes it feels like emotions are overpowering really like a vulcano or something..
As for female enlightened people I do know they exist, but they are most of the time not people that are public all over the world. I know from certain civilizations there was a female priest or female enlightened person that cured other people, but maybe people call them witches I don’t know that because of the domination of men in religion. I think female enlightened people are much more guarded to sustain themselves.
Ok i will admit i wasnt very clear i got rushed towards the end and didnt convey my thoughts appropriately. My opinions are based off of the experiences ive had while trying not to be too attached to the emotions of the past i assessed that i have a disconnect with the female mind. This is my attempt to reconnect but understand i mean no harm in what i say. Also when i say selfish this automatically gets taken as a serious accusation but i am just stating more selfish then men but not by much just more though. I believe it is an issue with our society but to me when i see that a highlight point of a woman’s life is her wedding(Sometimes the peak) that comes off very selfish. I also do see a lot of new mothers that are more obsessed with themselves more than the actual baby. I also recognize that lots and lots of long-term relationships fail because A. 5 years in the female started changing her personality and not being the same person anymore. This is the most unfortunate ive seen friend feel horrible to divorce cuz of the kids but had to because their health was effected by the negativity. And B. the constant control factor of women in a relationship they may not think we realize all the little manipulations but we do and its disheartening someone would try to manipulate a loved one. But just one more reference to female friendships. Time and time again u will see girls write off their best friends over nothing and talk shit behind their friends back telling all the secrets they’ve ever been entrusted with its pretty depressing and i have to take into account that if they will do that to them why not me. What i want to know is this the majority ? I feel the female audience here is already the “exception to the rule” but right now i dont have much hope for a meaningful relationship. Sorry if i hurt anyone with my original statement
After going back through and re-reading response i have to say WHEW they were pretty amazing
I am very happy tho that my ignorance has gotten several people to write their first post and even get a member to join !!! that takes great patience to deal with a soul like me LOL
@sacredslang i agree with with everything you said and i glad you joined. I will and need to keep my heart open i was mostly pointing out frustration. Your response gives me hope tho
@cj1121 that is very helpful POV i have never considered that the female is spirit has less work to do in terms of defeating the ego. The ego is very strong in my life but thanks for the help also im glad this is your first post very effective one!!
@kidd you sound very wise. Great and useful Tao references i myself and still trying to identify all of these ever changing yin and yang relationships thanks for the help
@caoimnesweeney thanks for the help i am going to start travel so that was a great idea i deff need to get out more im going to china so hopefully that will me epic. One thing that i find my self doing is being the “stable” one in my relationships and guiding if you will. Which i dont mind cuz im hear to show the light but its troubling from my standpoint
@greenbird9183 thanks so much for the reference link ill check out some of those books ive always steered away from books like those but i need to open my mind more
@manimal that was amazingly in depth and insightful you really have a way seeing relations. I think that enlightenment at any rate is no small feat tho HA. i will need to read much more in to the differences of their paths i wasnt aware of this. thanks for taking the time to convey those ideas i would definitely not disagree with any of the statements of suppression and forgot to mention my beliefs on it. I was merely referencing to my experience. I have never met an existential female and that is what troubles me. But i do need to branch out very badly. most likely a product of my environment
Everyone that uses the excuse of “society” to explain why females haven’t had the same opportunities as males forgets that “society” is a mirror of our collective consciousness as a whole. Deep down within the consciousness of every human we are still at war with learning to balance our own masculine and feminine energies, and this is why society reflects our genders differences instead of our similarities.
thinking in terms of vs. or, which is better, is not align to the path of understanding the topic you wish to know about, these thoughts are limiting, instead consider it as an understanding that all can find, no matter the gender,
consider, were not females often left out of the history books due to the patriarchal societies that were dominate even up til 50 – 60 years ago? woman were considered unimportant to society and only very few are ever mentioned, in general,
so i am not sure your –there is a very little mention of female sages and gurus.– point is as inherent as it appears.
@manmal aka known as elin the purpose was to share your own idea’s not to try look smart and by credit of others, this is you in a nutshell..you are not a male and no one here belive you.this girl like to highlight information she seeks out online rather than to impartially allocate their own experience and their own observations, instead, you use support and pumps in a word or string of your own opinions. ie you are driving yourself and not free rides as usual on others. I think the post is to contribute its own part, based on their own experiences ..
by literally writing of what is in the books and avprinta information
she persistently find online in between writing a few words or a small number of her own opinions and interpretations.
she might need to do it that..
nice attempt to try hook me up with someone I would never have feelings for and you are even more amusing by reacting as soon as you got the news. :)
if everyone here already know that you are Elin know that you come from sweden isn it a proper time to just realize the reality and give up? cause you are currently fighting against reality itself and the amusement level is high and a pro tip don’t underestimate ability to decipher you…what ever I do this girl follows me around..she suffer from serious hybris
just like you cheat and try compete with me in everything, the funny thing is that you cheat and that’s what you are you know this too, a cheater you even have to take testosterone for help
stop try with your cosmetic bullshit elin and stop try search approval from others, stop with your manic behavior, desperation, everything. this girl boys and girls, she falls in love with millions and millions of men
I suppose you have no ability to stand on your own feet and must use me as a tool to be inspired, you even use thing’s I say in posts here, I can’t even write text documents without you knowing it, so how hard to you think it was to figure out media(bonniers specifically and kd christdemocrats) have an espionage project? and you can’t even edmit your obsession, I told you to leave this place but I know you can’t listen and you will never learn to intercept when I tell you to fuck off with legit reasons, you have to be all in my ass all the time at every moment and is half and half your job and existence. I think you should be a priest instead to just sit and bable about everything you read to then try imply that material as your own cause that’s the only thing you currently are doing, you lack originality, that’s nothing admirable to me that’s a parasite behavior, I can relate to some people in this community but you never were, you were never a part of my life you were just a little bitch that brought a curse to me, and as always you do as much as you can to save your life..people here know you very and some people here already saw you through long time ago..why didnt you just listen to what I told you several years ago, nothing is ever good enough for you, much want more is a saying here but your urge and desires are so ridicelous I can’t help to put you down, especially after invading my realms constantly and soil it. stop fucking jinxing thing’s you complete nutcase and stay the fuck away from my life, you follow me and must do EVERY SINGLE THING i do you try challenge me only to try get approval from others even though you are just a little pretentious cheater that’s your method to get more influence? haha you have your puny little “ultimate plans” its very corny shallow transparent and souless you always also try lean on me when you realize you can’t save your own ass anymore, you rely on others to carry you on the way. here though you are such an asskisser and selfloving bitch. If you had learned to stop continue to try take advantage of me and just from all aspects shit my game up completely I wouldn’t have had to told you this, I tried to get through to you for so long so now I just have to display it here. stop following me around now, fuck off I am not placed on this earth to be your amusement park bitch
Have you ever heard of Pope Joan? She is a, “medieval religious leader believed by some to have been a female pontiff who reigned over the Roman Catholic Church, who dismisses her as myth.” Upon realizing that she was a woman having contractions, she was executed. The church denies her existence to this day.
I think that there are likely many scenarios just like this throughout our history on this planet and as civilized nations. In many cultures, the women represent the spiritual and emotional connection that man has with nature and the world around him, whereas the male forms represent strength, steadfast movement, and testosterone. The men are the driving force and the women maintain the speed and keep things balanced. Balance is key. Male or female, emotionally-reliant or physically-reliant.
No matter the culture, there are always references to feminine qualities in nature and people, and the healthy balance of masculine qualities in all. It’s like the Yin and the Yang. Adam and Eve.
I think the concept of being enlightened relies more on the person’s understanding of their ego and at what length from it they are separated, rather than what gender they identify with. The emotions that exist in one person are the emotions that could exist in another, but not everyone is an empath.
Being empathic seems to be the divide here. I, myself, am a strong empath and very spiritually inclined (pagan), but I do not identify with my thoughts and emotions as being driven by my proposed femininity… they are things void of gender. Emotions and thoughts are how my mind conveys the energy around me. How I choose to act on them is the difference, as it is for others as well.
I don’t feel like I have anything to prove I am saying that you should stop engaging with me and your affiliates, learn that we were from 2 different world you dragged me into shit, and have done it more exessively over the years. I knew about gaming community, I knew about the media and I knew about every damn thing, You are not considered a genius to place the pieces to the puzzle you are just so dumb that you imagined in your fairytale world that I would fall for it..your goal of “living in a house” you will never get your goal through me, just give it a rest you are fuckhead and leave already I don’t like you here go to the racist forum and spew out your dumb opinions and misconception of reality and you can continue to troll on reddit and facebook as well if you’d like but this place is a nono..dont ever try get in touch with me or spy on me. I am telling you openly honest and proper, I dislike you nothing to be butthurt about deal with it and stop be arrogant