Ex fiances and a question…

3 years, 9 months ago

First off, Hello to all…

I met the girl of my dreams about three years ago this month. It was an internet thing at first then we decided to meet up and see how things would go. At the point when we met for the first time, we both knew nearly everything about each other which I figured to be a good thing so there would be no hiccups in a potential relationship at a later time.

Anyhow, we ended up hitting it off really well and started to date. In September two years ago, we decided to start looking for a place to live together because we were so "In love" we both agreed. We eventually got our own place and spent the first night together on February 14th of the next year. we never fought and never had any problems in our relationship. It was perfect.

Eventually, she would start taking pills again on the side without me knowing. I did know she was addicted to them in the past but was under the impression it was over and behind her.

One night, I came home from some college classes and found her drinking a large amount of alcohol and found an empty pill bottle with someone elses name on it in the bathroom on the floor. I knew at that moment that she had gotten more pills and took them. I asked her about it and she tried to deny it..

Blah blah blah anyways…

She eventually started to act really weird and I am guessing from the mix of pills and alcohol. We got in an argument and her body kinda shut down as well as her mind and she started to repeat the same thing over and over again while sitting in the corner.

I was really worried and kinda shook her a little bit to try and make her snap out of it. It didnt work so I slapped her once although it was not hard to make her stop and come to.. she ended up going to the hospital. The next day, someone had shown up at my door while she was at her college classes and demanded that I let them pick up her stuff because she was moving out.

She ended up not remembering what had happened the night before except the part where I had lightly slapped her to try to get her to stop. So she moved out and I was left with nothing except our engagement ring on the bed.

Its been a year now since it happened and she has since moved in with another guy and is dating him. She will not talk to me even when I saw her in public a few times when I visited the state I used to live in with her.

My question is this: I care about this woman so much and would do anything for her. I didn’t hit her out of anger and when I say slap I mean my hand was next to her face and I tapped on her cheek with the tips of my fingers like they do to the people who are passed out on movies… So what can I do to get her back? What should I try? I’m all out of ideas, and she is the only girl i want in my life…

June 25, 2011 at 11:50 pm

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Profile photo of Michael Michael (@mike) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

Sorry to hear man, sounds like you truly care for her. All you can do is talk with her, explain as you did here. Communication is key. &Good luck.

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Profile photo of Michael Michael (@mike) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

Sorry to hear man, sounds like you truly care for her. All you can do is talk with her, explain as you did here. Communication is key. &Good luck.

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Profile photo of Daniel Feldt Daniel Feldt (@danielefeldt) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. I have a feeling this is going to turn out like one of those movies where I’ll have to interrupt the wedding and confess my love(once again) and then everyone cries and I’ll live happily ever after…

Hopefully.

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Profile photo of Daniel Feldt Daniel Feldt (@danielefeldt) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. I have a feeling this is going to turn out like one of those movies where I’ll have to interrupt the wedding and confess my love(once again) and then everyone cries and I’ll live happily ever after…

Hopefully.

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Profile photo of paul_g paul_g (@paulg) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

i say move on. and then i say it again.

not related to the above: if you’re really, really honest and not trying to present yourself in a ‘good’ way in any sense — what kind of slap was it really? again, this is not the reason i’m saying you should move on. the reason for that is that clearly, she has, and all her actions and behavior show that there’s nothing in there to get from her any more. you just need to realize it.

live is full of wonders man… you’ll have more of these encounters with wonderful people… don’t withdraw yourself from the possibilities to letting them happen… you’re clinging… stop it… move on…

Edit: P.S.: I’ll make it even more clear :) soo, why do you wanna get back into a relationship in which she has re-developed a drug and maybe alcohol addiction while not talking to you about what process was going on in her at that time? how masochistic are you to want to get back into that? seriously, it’d be asking for trouble big time… why are you longing for that kinda trouble… do yourself a favor… choose someone healthier and think about what would make that thought unappealing for you…

P.P.S: in the job-thread you say you’ll leave to china for a year in 4 weeks? how does that align with getting her back? :)

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Profile photo of Blake Blake (@begelman) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

I agree with Paul_g. Life is not about waiting on somebody, or worrying about them. It’s great that you have a sense of wanting to help her get off the pills, but you need to be concerned about your own happiness first and foremost. Her habit/addiction (whichever you prefer to call it) is just going to bring you down, man. If she is with some new guy and is still stuck in her routine, then that’s officially her AND this dude’s problem.
I’m not an expert on relationships or your life! but unless she get’s clean, SHE doesn’t deserve YOU.
Good luck with it, friend!

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Profile photo of Dan Adams Dan Adams C (@athleticcapital) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

This is a very difficult thing to experience as I have experienced events very similar, however, learn to harness the energy. If you can channel your sexual energy into other avenues you will begin to see your power as a creator. The term for this phenomenon is sexual transmutation and I can tell you that it has been the driving force to everything I have created to this point in my life. You can learn more about sexual transmutation here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

The dream girl I speak about in this post (http://www.athleticcapital.com/2011/03/the-discovery-of-my-own-hero-connecting-the-dots/) dealt with the same prescription drug problem and I found that she was unwilling to confront her own fears/insecurities to walk towards the light. This often happens with attractive women as they fail to often confront their limitations since there is always another guy that is willing to fill the void for a limited amount of time. The void, however, can never be filled by another person, you have to fill it through your own self awareness. I have not hooked up with another girl since my relationship ended because I wanted to experiment with my recently found power… I have created this: http://www.missionkilimanjaro.com and this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMRVQLoaOWc since my relationship ended.

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Profile photo of Euro Euro (@intellectualblasphemy) 3 years, 9 months ago ago

These people are right, you should first accept that there is nothing to go back to, because lets be clear, she may have forgotten why you slapped her and all but do you think she also forgot about taking all the pills? and drinking alcohol?

My bet would be no, and of course she doesn’t even want to see you, you remind her of the fuck up she did.
My theory is that she used the slap as an excuse.
Time to move on, you didn’t even know that girl.

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