Finally.. from the heart

A message from my anus.

I am Happiness, That is IT! Im done! There is nothing more to discuss, ponder, doubt, wonder, check, think, second guess, appreciate, want, remember, plan, or try to change. I am Happiness doing its best to bloom in this somewhat, kinda sorta darkish place we call home at the moment. Lol this moment, right now, right here, as I type this…
(what ever this essay, confession, pifiny? Lol iono.)
this is the free’est my “soul”
( I’m using quotations around soul because I am HAPPINESS remember? Not a soul. Unless of course Happiness does have a soul itself, but that just makes more unnecessaryish clutter in my brain so lets just forget I used the word soul lol)
has ever been in my short yet erratic existence lol.
( I know Im using “lol” a lot, im just using it to show that I ain’t sum nutjob tryna write a sequeal to the holy bible, jus sharing my thoughts.. lol)
(new paragraph time! : )

I HAVE.. one goal.. one THING in mind. That is to grow and spread to every single soul on the planet. THAT IS MY DUTY.. “-_-… dead seriousface”.
(lets keep in mind that I am HAPPINESS, not a person, not a doode, not a stripper, not a priest, dog or sofa.. I AM HAPPINESS.”)
believe me.. I am aware that im sounding prettyy fluffy n shit right now to all yall suckas rite now.. but real talk doe.. REAL TALK!? Don’t take me as sum “pussy” from ‘round the block. (no offense ladies, us males cherish, are thankful for, appreciate and LOVE the fact that yall have a vagina a.k.a. pussy -_-) do not take me, “Happiness” as being weak or passive. My simplicity gives me a rare wholesome strength. A type of wholesome strength which cannot be broken. I cannot be broken for there is nothing to break (lol oh shutup.. I know im being a bit corny.. lol) basically im saying that I’m really motherfucking focused on my one only goal. Like DEADDDD TO THE BONE SERIOUS.. I HAVE A SINGLE GOAL and getting that shit COMPLETEDDD is ALLLL I GIVEEE A FUCKKKK ABOUTTTTTT. And for those of yall out there that’s ever been committed to ONE MISSION.. whatever that one goal may be, sports, boyfriend, relationships, providing for your family, caring for a sick loved one, work, unreal number of facebook notifications, getting “pussy” (thanks agin ladies”) or maybe just being happy… YOU guys and ladies.. those who have TRULY been focused on any one point/goal and given all of their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energies into accomplishing that goal, having EVERY CELL , NERVE and bone in your body focused on that goal… KNOW and understand the true nature of this “strength” that arises from such a mindset and focus.
( I use quotations around “strength” just to point out that out there on the web.. sum poor ignorant meathead is trying to pat himself on his back with one of his oversized gorilla size arms because he thinks that im referring to his “Beastmode” benchpress maxout at the gym. Which by the way brings up another seriousss issue in our society today. ESPECIALLY in my backyard.. the good ol’ US of A.. I could talk for a few days on this subject but ill be as quick as I can to the point. Collectively.. as a group… the majority of our nations ppl.. not all… most.. have this deranged fucked up, pathetic, ignorant, clueless, honestly pretty humorous idea of what it is to be TRULY.. a “man”. And ladiesssss can I hear an ahhhhhhmen! And I can say this.. cuz guess what.. I WAS that guy. lol and trust me.. it wassssss bad… I LITERALLY believed that my numbers that I was putting up in the Gym that had direct correlation to the percentage % of me getting my dick wet Lol and NO for all yall LADIES.. I promise that I am not tryna get on ur good side by saying this shit so I can get in dat PUSSSYYYYYY!!!!! Lol this is the internet.. it is safe… ahem.. lol but foreal, I know yall gurls can agree that out of ALLLL the guys in the world that u know, by the way I am referring to guys that you don’t know through the media…. “celebrities”, I am talking about men that you u know personally in your REAL LIFE..
(sigh.. noo facebook does not count u silly blondieee . like………. you have to have seen them outside of your laptop .. if that’s easier to undertand ;) .. lol)
Of those males that you REALLY KNOW.. I am guessing that Roughly 40 percent of them are somewhat attractive to you.
( Im being generous, even for the L. A. area.. lol and when I say “attractive to you” I mean anything from… It doesn’t killll me to talk to him, to he makes me laugh, to O… M.. g… “inner smile/highfive”,to hmm… I think I almost trust this guy! to I feel comfortable sleeping over at his house and NOT worry about fending off his comedic yet annoying sexual advances without hurting his feeelingggs, to I cant believe this happening.. finally! Yay! I found him!, to RAWR! ORGASIM! my motherfucking pussy is wet SPIRITUALLY.. not literally wet, but im having a Spiritual, non physical orgasim o! m! g !. lol )
out of those 40 percent that you find to be attractive.. half of them, 20 Percent of the ATTRACTIVE POOL, seem attractive to you SOLELY on there physical and sexual being.
( for those of you self proclaimed goody guds out theres.. its ok. I understand.. u are a sophfisticated young lady overflowing with classe! And u do not associate yourself with dirty thoughts! But common.. ur telling me .. if sum dude with BRAD PITTS/Beckam” facial features, stripper body, trey songz smile and dick, and a beautiful gay guy with a keen wardrobe awareness and sense.. struts on by.. WITHOUT you having any knowledge of their true nature… you wouldn’t feel that familiar litto ol’ unreasonably suppressed tickle near your bean(clit). lol .. and sorry if I am way off ..that’s wut I assume a female would feel biologically when being visually arroused, I honestly have noo fukin idea what yall feel lol.)

Any ways.. back to the point. Guess wut im saying is that whether or not you want to admit that you even have such animalistic urges.. it is part of your being to have the capability to find a male desirable soley based on their looks and physical assets. whether or not you choose to suppress these thoughts and cravings.. they are there.. no matter how far down you BURYY these urges with romantic, gushy, princessy, class, lady like hooopplahh.. face it.. YOU WANT TO BANG lol
So!… now that ive made myself clear! Lol moving on.. The other Half of guys that you females are attracted to.. yall girls obviously find potential in the guy because of their physical structure.. but wait wut? There is more! OMG! Not only are their shoulders broad.. they have……….. drumroll……..a personality! Character! A kindcaringgentlsoul!, hes not more insecure then my girlfriends!, he’s a genuine gentlemen, he can actually connect and communicate with me intellectually, emotionally as a FEMALE.. but he does so without making me feel like im talking to a gaybestfiend and my ohh my.. can maintain my sexual attraction for him in the process.. braavoo” If you are a female or interested in males and are reading this at the moment and don’t agree on what im saying right now.. don’t feel bad.. your just shallow.. its really not your fault. Lucky for you theres a lot of shallow pieces with penises that work just fine to knock shells with ; ). Just make sure you keep refreshing that wardrobe of urs.. cuz god knows sooner or later your kinds ganna run out of hair/tit/clothes/ass combinations and shits jus ganna get old for the real men.

HOLY SIDE-TRACK. GODDAMM .. lol I apologize.. you females are distractin!.. A pleasant distraction no doubt.. but a distraction none the less.

Lol anyway before I started rambling about this shortage of TRUE motherfukin men in society these days. I was talking about ME… that’s right.. ME. Did you forget? I am HAPPINIESS. And I was rambling on about .. that dam strength I find in myself by simply.. being myself!… HAPPINESS.
It allows me to reach deeeppp down inside and utilize a type of strength worthy of the GODS. Lol yall gym monkeys think the preworkouts like N.O explode get you all riled up and feeling strongish?? My “shit” will “two girls one cup” on yo assss lol.. look it up.

So right about now.. or maybe when you were about one paragraph into reading this thing I wrote.. you probably thought at least of these things.. “doode this nigahs faded” or “lol wut a dumbass” or “WTF IS HE ON? I want some NOW”.

Lol I ain’t here to hide nothing! I will ADMIT that at the moment.. I am feeling pretty scandishliacious right now as a result of some shiznitz that I have consumed into my body. Lol. But all these words that I’ve typed didn’t just come from my fuckin asshole okay.. they are a series of random ass observations, thoughts, cries of help, MOMENTS of desperation, success, love, anger, insecurity, happiness, chaos, doubt, hope, belief, defeat, victory, ignorance, false realizations, and every other fuking possible type of ‘moment” us humans can experience. Allllllllll of these BEAUTIFUL yet TERRIFIYING bits of my life have always been all over the place.. creating chaos in my head.. CLUSTERFUCKNATION .. trust me.. lol (supposedly I am bi polar and have adhd.. lol fukin know it all doctors phycaritrists.. don’t get me wrong.. I respect what they do and are thankful for their services .. lol)
I have been through COUNTLESSSS cycles that rotate through existences of absolute inner peace to having to resort to blacking out at some bar justttt to be able to think and truly be myself and express my thoughts without being influenced by others. Just imagine going from absolute bliss to hell on earth in a time frame of a few hours to a couple weeks. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND Over.. etc. eventually…………………….. no matter how breathtaking, magical, unreal, or loveoverflowing my moments of “understanding”
(I put quotations around “understanding because at those moments, I honestly believed that I had figured life out.. lol im serious.. don’t laugh at me.. like I believed that I had finally figured out how to finish this sick maze called life that god is making us go through lol I know.. im an idiot)
were to me.. the never ending cyles of depression, and waves of insecurity came without mercy.. It began to break me down. My will was methodically being crushed. In the beginning I embraced these episodes of depression with open arms for each time I came out of them.. I was stronger.. I cud feel it in my bonessss
( lol I love that techno song.. Icanfeelitinmybonesssss.. lol don’t know the dj)
but there was a catch.
Goddammit there’s always a catch huh?..
lol the thing was.. Even though I was fighting and staying strong to get out of these waves of depression.. I was not doing it fairly or honestly. I was guilty of resorting to whatever it may be.. Nicotine, alcohol, females, tv, stripclubs, denial, any sort of tool that let me take the easy way out. So eventually, since I wasnt fighting off my insecurities on my own like I should.. I eventually got to a point where my “pussy aids” began to take over.. take over everything. My “pussyaids” which were once was used justt to take an edge of the load when I was having a rough day, slowly but surely began to weaken and eventually crippled any will-power or resolve I once had as a man. This sickening blunt moment of absolute defeat believe it or not occurred maybe…. A few weeks from this very nite. How did I figure it out? Iono..lol shit.. give me a break.. its confusing.. but I think it has something to do with me just giving up on tryna figure shit out. Not only that, but trying to figure out shit that has to do with ME as an individual a dickass, selfish, ignorant, egotistical, insecure, assfuck individual. Tonite.. I realized.. or better yet Reintroduced to a sorta feeling I once used to be able to utilize and give off unconditionally to whomever I wished, with grace, and without the fear of failure or rejection. It was that ONE feeling that I used to have back in the day when I didn’t even know what wtf my penis was.. all I was sure of was that it bounced when I ran and I didn’t give a fuck wut I did it. Ya I know it seems unscientically reasonable to remember exactly just how it was like being a newborn, but come on! .. I know yall remember!.. THAT.. feeling!.. u know.. the ONE feeling..
where u go to sleep with a smile on your face because your day was jus “ahhhh☺” and because you had no idea what tomorrow would bring but who cares.. YOU were excited and ready to DO YO DAM THANG.. lol you had shit to conquer! : )” where THE fuck has that gone?? We were able to do that shit and FEELL that way as a baby…. Yet we can’t produce the same feeling as an adult?? WTFF????? Believe me I ain’t no HARVARD professor .. but.. im PRETTYY sure that’s not how it should be happening..
This is not how its supposed to be.. and if your the type of person that says.. “ooo that’s just how the world is .. that s reality.. stop daydreaming and become a real grownup..” I say FUCK YOU. I don’t mean it personally you pussy. Im saying FUCK YOU to what you are saying.. I don’t blame you one bit.. shit is FUCKING HARD OUT THERE.. no doubt.. and my own pansy ass has only a slightttttt understanding of you tough motherfuckers out there that are REALLLLYY truly struggling.. I feel for you guys.. and I FUCKING HATE.. FUCKING HATEEEEE! That I cant do anything this very instance.. and iono.. give yall a shit ton of food and IN and out burger.

It FUCKING KILLS ME.. but once agin.. im not worried.. cuz I am happiness.. and use all that FUSTRATION, ANGER and DESPERATION coming out from this unreasonably unfair structure of Human existence.. to accomplish my goal. Ya I ain’t no dumbshit I understand the odds of me, one dude turning this world into one big bong rip… in my lifetime is pretty much impossible. But u know what.. I don’t give a fuck. Cuz I realize and am aware of what I am capable of and of what I am not. Basically… either.. the rest of my life I can bitch about my life, complain about how unfair things are, ignore the fact that this shit were living in is fucked up, say that my efforts dont count for nothing…. OR ……..
I can shutdafuckup.. actually for once in my life have the COURAGE to admit that the life I am living is fucking meaningless and disgustingly selfish, and hardest part of all..

ACTUALLY go through with it, and take care of the things.. which deep down.. I KNOW need to be fixed.. whether the issue resides in my city, or my ownfuckedupself.
…
..
.

But hey.. there’s no need to cry u emotional hors lol.. Im fine now… and look!… : ) im smiling.

That rite there… right above me… it means that I AM HAPPY.

Sigh… smh lol NOO it does not have to do with anything with me looking good in my profile picture, or me trying seem sweet to sum random girl I met at the bar yesterday.

It simply means.. I’m happy bitch. Lol

well umm thanks for letting me vent.. haha whewww..

WOW

DAM………………………

yall chicks were rite bout all that “you should share your feelings!.. It’s healthy for you!” lol.
Guess I’ve been holding in a little too much these past year or so.
Thanks for listenin.
Very much appreciated yall.

With luv,

“Sum idiot who just couldn’t figure out how to be happy”.. lol

ps. I know my spellin n grammer sucks.. guess wut.. I don’t give a fuck : )