Friends who are "there" for you

2 years, 5 months ago

Generally I feel like I have a solid group of people in my life who I consider very close friends who love me and care about me, as I do for them.

But during the tough times in my life when I really need the love and support of these people, they are nowhere to be found. I realize that this is my expectations speaking. That I expect that they will call me and try to contact me when they know I am experiencing some tough stuff. And they do know.

I know that I shouldn’t have expectations about anything in life or anyone’s behavior and this just leads to disappointment when my expectations are eventually and inevitably not met in some way. But these people have been my best friends since childhood, and the fact that they are not there for me now breaks my heart. I realize that everyone has their own problems in life and mine are no greater or more significant than anyone elses. My question now is, should I forget them and try to seek out people in the future who will better fulfill my needs in a friend? or have faith in the fact that they do love me and care about me but are just caught up in their own issues and busy lives? Am I being selfish for wanting them to care about me right now?

September 20, 2012 at 6:35 pm

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Profile photo of Zoerb Zoerb (@zoerb) 2 years, 5 months ago ago

@wombat86, Perhaps a good place to start is to reach out to them when you realize that they are experiencing some tough stuff. Often times people want to help but don’t want to step on people’s toes or don’t know the best way to approach the situation. They say the easiest way to get is to give.

Also you might just need to buck up and ask them to help you. People aren’t nearly as good of mind readers as we think they are when it comes to matters of ourself.

Just my two cents.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 5 months ago ago

Just put yourself in their shoes. What would you do if one of these friends was in the same place as you? If you truly understood they were having a hard time sure you’d call them, but after that would you continue to call them every day and ask them how they are doing? Or would you feel like you’d be annoying them? Maybe they don’t think they have anything to contribute. Idk man there’s so many things that hold people back from expressing feelings toward other people, even the closest friends. You’re not being selfish for wanting this, everyone deserves to be cared about.
I’ve been in pretty much the exact scenario you’ve been in before, but the doubt in my friends disappeared with time. It never hurts to continue to find new friends and people to experience life with though.
Hope this helps a little, and don’t let life get you down!

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Profile photo of grass grass (@wombat86) 2 years, 5 months ago ago

@zoerb
Good point. I shouldn’t expect them to read my mind and reach out to me. A big part of me thinks it should go without saying right now though. That just goes back to my expectations that they “should” know.

@frustratedpanda
Another good point. I need to anaylze whether I’ve been a good friend to them when they have needed someone. Since other people are just mirror of ourselves. I also understand how people dont know what to say and dont want to “bother” someone, but I feel like saying anything at all is better than saying nothing. Makes me want to tell all the important people in my life I love them right now. Thank you.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 2 years, 5 months ago ago

It’s never a good idea to rely entirely on someone, that’s fundamentally using them for profit. “A friend in need is a friend indeed” When I reached the age of common sense, I realized that this proverb means two things. One: When you help someone, he’ll remember you the next time he needs help. Two: You can’t give what you don’t have.

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