Friends with benefits

3 years, 4 months ago

Are you referring to the females, Ellie? hahah and EastSigheder, that’s also very true. You truly need to be compatible with the experience in addition to a compatible partner. guess it just depends on timing… The almighty Time!

November 14, 2011 at 7:02 am

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Is it ever possible, in our ever so vast and expanding universe, to commence a friends with benefits relationship with another, and not develop amorous emotions?

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Before you chuck the “Duh’s” and “of courses”, first of all, its easier said than done. i hate to be sexist, but its hard to be a girl and act like a guy. I feel like its ingrained in me, naturally, to act crazed and mildly obsessive due to my submission to developed emotions haha. And secondly, them romance flicks were all right :(

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Profile photo of James James (@jameslarson13) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

i’ve done it on a few occasions. it might be easier for guys than girls, but girls are definitely capable. i’ve dont it and ended up becoming in a relationship with that person, i’ve had it go from relationship to friends with benefits, and i’ve had it just stay friends with benefits. I’ve had it where i wanted to make it into a relationship, i’ve had it where the girl wants to make it the relationship.

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Profile photo of John John (@prefrontalcordless) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

One answer COULD be that women release the bonding hormone oxytocin (not to be confused with the painkiller (oxycontin) in much heavier amounts than men during a mutually pleasurable session. Session was the best euphemism I could come up with…anyway, its also known that both sexes are releasing copious amounts of dopamine, the pleasure chem, and the male , not surprisingly, gets an extra boost of L-trytophan, sometimes sending him in to an instant snooze. But back to the oxytocin-that might be the reason it is harder for women once the dirty has been done. I don’t know.. I also believe in romantic love as I am in it (oh, and then science has shown both sexes are releasing heavy amounts of oxytocin when that is occuring). But these intricate components of the brain still fascinate me.

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

session works! hmm maybe in addition to a woman’s natural possessiveness are guys who naturally want their cake and it eat too. That funny light doesn’t take away any in that truth though hahah

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Profile photo of James James (@jameslarson13) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

women are evolutionarily primed to want a stable romantic relationship, whereas men are evolutionarily primed to want to fuck everything.

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Profile photo of John John (@prefrontalcordless) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

ha! well said. lol

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

I think you could say women are more prone to want to maintain a relationship, maybe for reasons that might come off as sexist aswell, but I think men, wanting to fuck everything, is in us equally to procreate, obviously. But you know the old saying “think with your other head”, well when guys do think with their dicks rather then their brains, I think that must be a more primitive thought process. Why wouldn’t it be? If you look back to our good old ape days, then you look back to our most basic needs, and having sex and making babies has been around a lot longer then thinking consciously about..whatever else it is that you think about when your not wanting to have sex

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

It’s not that hard. Just drop the attachment. Forget the hollywood drama.

And even if feelings develop, what’s so bad about that?

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Profile photo of smily smily (@somedress2011) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

good friends mean a wealthy to us , and we can benefit a lot from they ,knowledge ,good manners and a lot of things ,i am so lucky that i have serveral goog friends .nice

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Profile photo of Daniel Daniel (@meta) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

I’m in one right now but I will admit that I have to beat her off me with a stick when she gets too clingy or talks about relationships.

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Profile photo of eastsighed eastsighed (@eastsighed) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

^Sounds like the innocent friends with benefits, smily

Anyway, as a girl that has had some friends with benefits, I’d say that it isn’t for everyone. If you aren’t vulnerable, have a strong sense of independence, and you have very many other things that bring you pleasure in life, then friends with benefits shouldn’t be so bad.

Having a friend with benefits also works better if you do this with someone you get along with, but you definitely see reasons why you would never date them, and hopefully the guy seems the same way. It’s when you try and make a friendship that you want to lead to a relationship beneficial that things have more potential to get sticky. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, but just listen to your gut on that one. I guess advice for it past that would rely on people’s personalities.

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It can be done. You need to lay down the law though.

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Never done this before but I have seen many people do the fuck buddies thing… A lot of times one or both parties end up attached, usually one more than the other.

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Are you referring to the females, @Ellie? hahah and @EastSigheder, that’s also very true. You truly need to be compatible with the experience in addition to a compatible partner. guess it just depends on timing… The almighty Time!

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

I’ve been more successful working backwards from benefits to friendship. If you can be open and nonjudgmental in a sexual situation first and then build a friendship around that openness, I’ve found it can be mutually rewarding and as long as the communication is CLEAR about expectations from both parties, nobody should get their feelings hurt. So basically it can be great; you just need to be grown up about it unless you want it to blow up in your face.

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Profile photo of Alex Alex (@hollowinfinity) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Sure it can be done. But I mean, if at the end of it you both have feelings for each other, then what does it matter?

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Actually, I have seen enough to know that it’s a stereotype that females are always the ones who get attached.

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

I totally support being opened and honest about the scenario Devon. super important! be grown up though hmm i feel like that term has been thrown about so loosely that it kind of lost the depth of its meaning. kids get told to grow up, as do adults! All have a part of the inner kid if you will, in them throughout their life… hmm i think it goes back to guys being able to do it and girls being ready to do it.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Being grown up for me means something very similar to having a “higher existence” as discussed on here a little while back, living above the bullshit. Being grown up doesn’t mean killing the kid, it’s just our society that’s given the phrase the fucked up negative connotation. Lightheartedness is the last thing you want to loose when you’re dealing with friends w/ benefits

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

Being grown up for me means something very similar to having a “higher existence” as discussed on here a little while back, living above the bullshit. Being grown up doesn’t mean killing the kid, it’s just our society that’s given the phrase the fucked up negative connotation. Lightheartedness is the last thing you want to loose when you’re dealing with friends w/ benifits

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

i agree. but you cant guarantee everyone, in every situation, the employment of “being an adult” because i think the inner kid always intervenes with one’s subconscious. its us, its part of our voices and i don’t think its going anywhere :D

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

@kim We are still our “inner children,” everything else is just addons. A lot of people don’t get this, they try to escape their inner children (ie themselves) and so their minds get messed up. And that’s why people are so messed up, they’re hiding from themselves.

The “inner child” is who we really are in this world.

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Profile photo of kim kim (@ominka) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

i dont know. maybe in this life its best to peer from the eyes of a kid. shit gets straight up depressing when you turn into an “adult”. haha super negative i know. questions are asked and they remain unanswered. a child is an optimistic dupe, happy with whatever answers they’re chucked at. hmmm i have no idea where im going with this or why it even went this way

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 4 months ago ago

“a child is an optimistic dupe, happy with whatever answers they’re chucked at”

That’s how we really are. The reason why “shit gets straight up depressing when you turn into an “adult”” is because people try to be something else. We are still the same children, but with a wider arsenal of mental tools. Nothing is “deleted,” nor can it be. The child is always there, it’s who you are.

Now, if you treat the kid wrong it’s gonna feel bad. If you feel bad that’s because you’re treating yourself (the child) wrong. And that’s why it sucks to be an adult (for most people.)

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