He doesn't want any contact with me
I fell in love with this guy, and he just ignores me. I try to contact him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He doesn’t answer when I confront him with it. How long should I try to make any contact with him, and why doesn’t he just say straight to my face that he doesn’t want to be with me. In real life he hides, ignores me and avoids me. And this has been for two years, and now we don’t see each other anymore, and I still have feelings for him and don’t know what to do with it. I even think he already moved on cuz he recently posted that he has been hooking up with his good female friend and he is happy about it. Now I just don’t know what to do anymore. Why do I still have feelings for this guy? Why can’t I just let him go? He doesn’t even want to be just friends with me.
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@beyond, “If you confront him as a victim, he’ll continue to ignore you. This is the only thing you need to let go of. Get out of the “I am a victim” zone.”
Well said. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
@heartbeat, Never say never, there’s always a chance. But like others have said earlier, you must stop coming off as needy to him, because neediness is not attractive. Almost anyone will tell you this, it tends to be true all across the board whether you ask a guy or a girl. Unfortunately, I myself had to find this out the hard way, but now I understand why…..when you approach someone as a victim, you aren’t adding value, you aren’t raising the overall mood. You’re just draining, getting both him tired, and yourself as well. You need to show him that you are worth missing, that you have value, that you are a power. You have to show him, NOT tell him, that he’s made an awful mistake in letting you go. You have to make him feel like he’s the one who’s the loser, for missing out on the chance of a lifetime (which is you!). I know, the games people play are frustrating, juvenile in the worst way, and just dumb….but that’s how people work.
Ironically, the best way to win over a guy/girl is not thinking about guys/girls. You have to think about you. Work on yourself, chase some dreams……get in shape, to clear your head, increase your energy and get the blood flowing. Maybe read some books to boost your knowledge. Take up an art form or a sport and get skilled at it. Get some hobbies/interests/dreams, because you can’t have your main interest being a guy or girl. This is another reason I fucked up in your scenario – I had no interests but the girl, I didn’t believe in myself at all and thus I couldn’t offer her anything. I had no dreams to motivate me, to give me a purpose for being….and, it’s romantic when someone has dreams. As corny as it sounds, it’s like being a knight on a quest. And don’t let this stuff ruin your academics either…..after all, intelligence is an attractive trait!
Lastly, I’d just like to say DON’T, even for a second, think that there’s just “something wrong with you” – that only leads right back to victim mentality, which I have found out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believe you are awesome, and then do as awesome does. Pretend you are this really fantastic person already that you have made up in your mind, and take up the habits of your “dream” you. I wish you luck!!!!
@heartbeat, Yeah, it may be you are a bit needy, some dudes like women to be obsessed with them, it is great for their ego, but you don’t want to be a doormat, it is superficial. It’s hard not to wear your heart on your sleeve but I suggest you become a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man to define her, only then can you have a healthy relationship.
@donjaime23, not helping buddy. Most people want a relationship but not everybody knows how to make it work naturally. I don’t know why myself that for some people it seems instinctive and for others, it’s clear as mud….but it never helps end victim mentality to tell someone they are hopeless.
@Sasho Stoyanov, I really did not want to put this on the net I really did not wanted to do that, but he just keeps ignoring me so I really don’t have a choice than to raise the volume, because he’s constantly chasing away not confronting me, I need him to confront me, because of what I felt for him. But I really don’t know how to confront him with this, cuz I already tried to do it in a more subtle way, and he just blocked me and doesn’t answer his phone and stuff like that. It really bothers me, because he also makes fun of girls when he is with his friends, of how stupid girls can be clinging on to guys or making them fall for you and that sort of stuff. He really plays with other peoples feelings, that is why I can’t accept it, I feel used, even abused, because I still hang on to him, and he just moved on with his life. I think he abused my feelings so I feel so much violated beyond comparison. And I don’t know how to just let it go.
@heartbroken1982, Well I understand what you say, because some people don’t close things properly it keeps lingering, but I think now the door is closed so I don’t have the annoying feelings anymore. I hope I will keep it that way even if I would see him ever again. I think when I see previous loved ones I don’t always have to still feel the same about them, maybe when time passes by I just don’t feel it anymore…But that scares me, because that means time does influence how you feel, but I don’t know if that is true really..
Anyway I don’t feel that much anymore at this moment so I guess its just not there anymore I don’t know……it feels like drugs awakening from a bad trip lol…hm, but I still somewhere want the bad feeling haahaha so fucked up..
@splashartist, Yeah i know that NOW lol, i just wondered what tha fck I did to attract him in the first place bcause he twirled around me that made me paranoid, and then he suddenly acted like mister not interested and not in a friendly way but really ignoring and hardcore out of the blues while i didnt do anything, i only looked at him because i was curious and he made a whole playing game out of it, i didn’t even know what to do most of the time and he’s blaming me that i was pushing him lol, it’s really well i dunno confusing, so then i really confronted him to end the torturing feeling, it was really unfair because i was psychologically extremely vulnerable at that time, well that didn t help either lol….so I was clueless really, it s really funny but it sucks so much lol, i could make a comedy of it if it wasnt me i would laugh my heart off so funny when you look at it the other way around….lol he told me i was scary to him, lol he was the only guy who owned THAT opinion lol, who thinks i’m scary i look like a tiny indian girl with a babyface, the worst thing that could happen to him is that i would dare to kiss him or hug him omg shocking that would be really scary for him menn…in fact I should be scared of him im the tiny girl for cryin out loud lol…ah well i dont know it so much is out of space how things are, i dont know i feel like i’m under influence but i dont use any such things lol..
I’m going to put this straight out there.
If you want to be happy, then you need to move on.
Or you will spend your life thinking about this guy. Do you want that to be your life?\
You can be free of this, if you just give it up. Don’t seek him, I’m telling you. Don’t
I did for years, with this girl. Then I thought, why should I love one who doesn’t love me back, for so long, and give up so much happiness in my life for it?
Sometimes friendships and loves just end. I know it’s hard to move on, but if he doesn’t want to have contact with you, your attempts to continue is only hurting yourself. You are creating yourself more pain then you deserve.
You need to learn to love yourself more and be secure with your eternal being to be able to move forward from this. I think you need to take this time to find out why this relationship has ended and take it for what it is.
There is your love out there, sounds like he is not the one.
Move on hunny
@beyond, how am I suppose to confront him really, I totally feel like a victim, because he gives me the silent treatment and just moved on with his life not giving me any note or clue how to deal with it. And I still have feelings for him, even if we just could be friends it would be fine by me, but he just completely ignores me, and I don’t know how to deal with that.
@alwayzlknup, thanks. Like I said, I think I know a thing or two about this situation because I learned it the hard way. But in the end it wasn’t so hard after all…..I realized that I was only in love with who this girl had used to be, who she was when I knew her and that honestly, I wasn’t all that attracted to the person she became. I realized that I’d only been in love with an idea of her, with my own perceptions of her instead of the true person. I don’t bear her bad feelings at all, either…in fact, I wish her well. But I’ve just learned to let her go.
@beyond, That is just the thing, I don’t know if I broke his heart or if he broke mine. Because he broke mine too, more times, every time I saw him, and he just left, or he was hiding, he broke my heart, every single day he ignored me, every time I tried to come near to him, but it didn’t work out, and now I don’t see him anymore and I still am hooked to him, its just insane, I still have feelings for him, but I think he already moved on because he’s been hooking up with his good female friend, and he feels happy doing that, so that must mean he doesn’t feel any of the same about me. And he also tells he hasn’t been honest with his feelings anyway, but he then tells you should be honest with your feelings for someone. And I want to be honest with him about my feelings for him, then he just ignores me and avoids me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. That so much sucks beyond comparison, because I loved him like more than 2 years and still things did not work out, I just don’t get it, he even makes me angry because I don’t know how to move past this.
@heartbeat, Believe me, you don’t want to be friends, it feels so awkward if you have had feelings or still have feelings for someone. It’s better just to cut the cord. The friendship isn’t much either, because compared to what you’ve had in the past, it only feels like the second best thing, unless you really feel from both ways that you can handle a friendship, but it shouldn’t be a one way street really, then you’re just hanging on to something that isn’t even real anymore.
I would really suggest to just move on with your life, maybe you’ll find a guy that will treat you right, this guy doesn’t sound right to begin with. I would never treat a girl I really like the way he treats girls according to you, playing with peoples feelings and stuff. I can’t imagine he does that on purpose, maybe he’s clueless too about what he’s doing to other people. Why do you want to be friends with him really if you know he does that kind of stuff to people? That’s cruel. Or maybe he’s hurt, or he just isn’t serious with you. I know it’s hard to accept, but maybe he just doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Especially if he’s found someone else in his life, it’s just better to let go of him. Find someone who does want to spend time with you, who does call you back, who does want to do things with you.
Wow, again very insightful and somewhat simuliar to a sitch. that I just came out of. Involved in (I don’t know what it was really) a relationship with a man for over two and half years, he called me everyday throughout the day and eve. for hours, often falling asleep on the phone together. I didn’t know what we were and he said he didn’t know either and wanted me to “wait and see” and he always told me to “behave” befor hanging up. After another 6 months of emotionally being in his pocket and really feeling attached to this guy but feeling as though he’s not sure about what he wants and his calls became a bit infrequent I decided (because of my fear of getting hurt) to tell him “I wanted to leave things between us right here just as friends, that I care about him so much and really can just love him as that, my friend, that we need some time, rather I need some time to kinda let go and then we can come back in abetter place as friends” I meant this, as hard as it was to let him go and the idea of what we could have been, I just wanted to be free of the anxiousness. He tryed to (not very hard lol) talk me out of it, asked me if my friends had any infuence on that decision and again said “just relax and behave”. I told him I think it is for the best and I would contact him when I was ready to and please do not contact me until I’m ready. He sent me a confusing text stating ” you are being tested, don’t fail”.
I contacted him two months later, he didn’t respond to any attempts. I was hurt and confused as he always said he always would want to remain in my life even as my friend and I really had good intentions that the space I intiated would make it better for us to continue as friends. He then did something very hurtful and shocking, he finally sent me a response and said “I’m doing great, just started a new relationship, and please respect that” then he says……”and I know you have been spying on my texts and phone calls so for that I have to cut all ties with you”, he forwarded the email to his new girlfriends email which was email@example.com..
Anyway I wasn’t shocked over the fact that he had a girlfriend, he had been calling me somewhat less but insisted that he wasn’t seeing anyone, just really busy with work and his daughter. I was shocked and very hurt that he would end things in such a hurtful way that insulted the integrity of the friendship and closness we shared, that I didn’t understand still confused over that one, why he had to be so mean about when it was me that pulled back, intiated space so he could follow his heart and so I could let go and we could be friends on a healthier level.
Sounds like you’ve fallen for the “bad guy”. Don’t waste time on this guy! Simply the fact that he ignores you and doesn’t treat you with respect makes you feel that he’s to good for you, and this is bad for you. You don’t want to be with a guy that treat you like this. Don’t hang on to this shit. Find someone else and simply tell yourself that you wish him good luck and forgive him in any way he might have hurt you. You will get over this, the sooner the better. You deserve much better.
@theskafish, yes i really recognize this what you say, i felt something for someone but it was the IDEA the IMAGE of that person, that is really not REAL, and i don’t know how to get rid of it, because it is not even real…i mean it is like liking someone that is not the person you really like because you made this image inside your brain of someone else that the person really is not:S…how did you get rid of the attachment to the image?
@heartbeat, Could it be that when you loved him for these 2 years, you were with someone else? There’s got to be something he didn’t appreciate in you. Maybe you really were dishonest to make him feel unsure. There’s no other explanation. If there is something like this… well, you have to either acknowledge it first to yourself and bravely approach him once more time, really, do it, or you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
There is no point in continuing to be this way. I’m sure he’s not a heartless son of a bitch who wish you to be angry, especially about him. He probably doesn’t want these things to be shared with other people. Like you’re doing now. On an Internet forum. I’m sorry if I’m too straightforward, but it seems like the only logical reason.
Just call him. See him. And don’t think if you’re ready or not. Apparently he tried to approach you too, but you were both stupid. At least try to understand him, by asking him how he’s doing really and to cut the crap. If he doesn’t want to share his feelings towards you and says that it’s complicated… it seems like you both fucked up your relationship pretty good already. So, there is technically nothing left to lose. :)
@heartbeat, Hey you i in the exact same situation. I met this guy two years ago and he totally chase me at first i was attracted to him but i was kinda scared to give in cause the interest was already there. Once i gave in we agreed to meet up and we had the best time in my opinion of my life we really click. From what he said i thought this would lead into something. Anyway time went on and this guy totally change it hurt me soo much b/c i thought he was totally different. I thought we had something special maybe i was just a notch under his belt. Anyway we kinda lost touch and i use really want this guy back in my life so one day i contacted him via internet and we exchange our contact again and started communicating once again i thought this time it will be different anyway i fell in his trap once again he would tell me he like me but i thought if you like me why did you lose contact from me a year. I ask him if you think about me and he told me i thought you all the time but i ask him why did you drop me. He just was like oh i was focus doing what i had to do. Ok he was like i wanna see you asap but mind you we didn’t stay in the same state but it wasn’t a problem when he was chasing me cause he always wanted to fly me down. So we chated back and forth through text messages a few months so i finally call him cause he was always putting me out. This month will turn into next month and next month will turn into another month. So i finally builded another confident to call him one morning. He was kinda dry when he picked up the phone but i wanted to know what the hell was up. I think at that point he found out i liked him more than what he wanted to give and i conversation stop. He totally stop replying to my messages and everything. He left me confuse once again and i reach out to him often. It made me feel so rejected b/c i wander what did i say to get me cut off once again. It has been another year since i talked to him and i am still in love. I decided to stop contacting him cause i felt i’m giving him way too much power and i felt like he looked at me as a joke. I ran across something when i was searching the net and it read Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge. So i search a little what was the meaning it came from the 48 laws of power basically it’s saying the thing we want we can’t have and the more we want it is the more energy we give to it. It said ignoring them make start thinking that maybe she move on and we will become a subject once again in their mind. I don’t know but i started not saying anything. It’s not the point you sitting obsessing over them cause i go out and i date but it hasn’t been anyone that came in my life that made me feel like he did and that’s what drives me crazy. I just want proper closure i just want be in his life. I wouldn’t be soo stuck at he would kept talking to me. Maybe if he would told hey u know i’m not looking for that or i have someone in my life i would back the hell off but this dude keeps that door totally open and it pisses me totally off. Sometimes i think he’s watching my facebook page cause sometimes if i write something on my page i go to his facebook and he have something similar to want i wrote replying back but not talking to me directly but indirectly talking to me. I feel i can’t properly move on unless that just play out completely and i find out he’s not for me but it’s soo hard to move on sometimes i tell myself ok i’m moving on and i find myself stuck back wishing that he was in my life. I just want that feeling i just want to keep in contact or just know i’m not invisible. I almost feel pathetic ho i reach out to him and try say things and try be supportive by the little things i see he trying accomplish but he totally ignore like was never nothing to him. Sad story
@heartbeat, you have to move, its for the best, than letting your self to be hurt by that man, you dont have to force yourself to him its just like a broken glass you dont have to pick it up, cause you know you will hurt’ :D
Ok… You say that he has moved on & he appears happy being with whoever else he’s being with. If you say you really love him..if you REALLY love him… you need to accept this and leave him be (if he’s happy–let him be happy!!). If he’s avoiding & ignoring you, (I’m sorry to say), you’re annoying him & being way too clingy. No offense… it’s over. To get over it, get out there & meet new people. Stay busy & STOP obsessing over him. The ONLY way you’d ever stand a chance with him at this point is to give him space, and maybe something would work out years down the road. But right now.. the more you press.. the further you’re pushing him away. Of course I don’t know the situation…but this is my opinion.
We don’t and can’t always know why people act the way they do…obessing over it will only make you unhappy. Get out there & live your life. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who actually wants to be with you?