Healthier for singles: sex with ex or random hook-ups?

3 years, 8 months ago

When someone’s been single for many months after a committed long-term and long-distance relationship what do you think is a better option? Or feel free to suggest an alternative as well as your ideas regarding the pros and cons of each from your experience.

June 23, 2011 at 5:05 am

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Profile photo of hektor goodman hektor goodman (@hektor) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

i think its a good idea to have sex with anyone you know but when it comes to love its alil something else what do i mean well when you have love someone for very long time and been with this person its not that ez to dismiss the fact that you will always love this person because love never dies … whatz healthier well is to be careful who you bed with and try to remine with the one you love. peace

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Profile photo of paul_g paul_g (@paulg) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

go skip . quick edit: i guess only two things come to mind that can complement skips excellent post: if you explore sexuality (and i cross-link this with your answer to my book post), then also explore it in two ways other than physical: a) talking. be bold in exploring this topic with both friends as well as the people you hop in bed with. don’t only switch between sex partners, but talk and talk about sex for hours before (or instead of) hopping in bed with them. b) exploring non-sexuality or surrogates. go without for a few weeks and try and see what else gets that satisfaction for you, sports? talks? friends? hugs? meaning?. then combined with your hook-up strategy, all in all you’ll have a pretty rounded view on the topic. my 2c. plus thanks for your answer on the other thread! tc & be safe -p

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Profile photo of Ramo Ramo (@ramo) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

I speak from experience when I say that sex with an ex does NOT have to end in disaster. The person is your ex for a reason, you can connect with him/her which makes the sex that much better. Honesty and making your intentions perfectly clear is of course paramount but that’s obvious.

“one of you will get attached and the other will just get off. a shitty road that leads to confusion and shitty late night phone conversations. promise.”

Well really, if attachment and shitty phone conversations are that scary you shouldn’t have sex with anybody. There are always emotional risks, with anybody, strangers all the same.
And for the record, I have the best phone conversations with my ex.

Hurting others and getting hurt, it’s all in the game. And I refuse to let it scare me so much that I can’t enjoy the best things in life any more.

Just enjoy it. Think about it just enough, but not too much.

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Profile photo of Em Em (@emily) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

Oooo Stephanie that’s a toughie :) As you can tell by the answers already–this will come down to you & your personal situation bc there is no right answer.
I agree with Ramo all the way–that sex with an ex can be awesome. And post break up sex can be the best…you’ve already broken up, you’re not “supposed” to be having sex, you’re like “breaking the rules”, so it can be very passionate, exciting, & pleasurable. Everyone’s different when it comes to ex’s…it all depends on your personal relationship with him (or her?) :) Random sex can be fun too… but there’s no guarantee you’re going to connect-it may turn out awkward & you’re staring at the ceiling rolling your eyes praying for it to end asap :)
However.. like Skip said emotions can make it confusing. So (like Ramo said haha).. communication & explaining your intentions is so important. If you just want to bang, make sure HE understands that. And if you start having feelings again, you have to recognize that & either let him know, or stop what you’re doing.
I’ve had sex with ex’s that went well, and other times was a horrible idea. If you’re trying to move on emotionally… I think you should do just that. Either way…good luck!

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Profile photo of Zon Zon (@ozon) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

i prefer to have sex with someone i have some love for than with random people. since i still have love for my exes, i’d rather go there than pick up someone in a bar.

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Profile photo of Zon Zon (@ozon) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

sex with an ex is fine if it’s just sex as part of an open relationship.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

What kind of relationship do you have with this ex? How many exes are we talking about? It’s all contextual – we need more information.

MY advice is, if you’re horny, go have a random hook-up. I broke up with my girlfriend very recently for the SECOND time. After the first break-up, the only reason we reassumed dating is because we had started having sex a little earlier on.

After awhile, I remembered why I’d dumped her in the first place, realized that it was lust, not love, that had convinced me to take her back, and now I’ve re-lived the terrible experience of breaking her heart all over again.

Between the two? Random hook-ups.

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Profile photo of Adam Mac Adam Mac (@emceedan) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

If there was an emotional connection then you need to stop fucking after your breakup. Break all ties for several months or you won’t get past it. You want to be “friends” but that’s bunk. Sever the ties that bind. You’re a good catch.

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Profile photo of Rodrigo Rodrigo (@rodrigo) 3 years, 8 months ago ago

It’s probably healthier to have sex with somone that doesn’t end up killing you in your sleep.

Sleep with the people you have done no wrong to. Having sex with an ex is worse than having sex with a stranger because of the emotional strain it would cause you two.

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