I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a month now. We get along great.. But I am a little concerned about him using coke. Every time I come over he needs to get coke. Which is everyday. Friday night we tripped, and he realized he needs to get his life back together. he is almost 20 and still living with his parents. I am trying to motivate him back into his art an acedemics. how can i get him away from this addiction with coke and partying?
Spend more time with him, if you don’t do coke.
Don’t let him drink as that intensifies the need.
Just tell him to take a break and hang out with you for a while, rather than his friends. Let it be a little “vacation” or something from the norm. Don’t have to go anywhere, just hang out. Get him to go to a movie with you friday or saturday night. See if there are some art shows in town those nights.
Just keep him occupied for a week or two.
Try and reinforce the trip that made him feel shitty. You gotta hit rock bottom to rocket back up.
@tobiefaye, drinking makes you want cigs more, drinking makes you want coke more, drinking makes you want sex more, drinking just intensifies physical addictions.
The clingy girlfriend happened with him?
Tell him you’re not trying to be clingy, you’re just being there to help him out, as a friend, as a girlfriend. Its important to be perfectly honest in why you’re spending time with him – not just to spend the time (which is great and all) but also to be around for some support.
@tobiefaye, Well there is only so much you can do;
You can tell him he may die from it (I know quite a handful of distant friends that have died from coke).
You can spend the time with him, occupy him, ask him to start a hobby (anything).
Get him involved in school?? Don’t know.
You can move on to someone else.
He’s not going to change himself if he doesn’t change anything else. We don’t work like that. He needs to move away from his coke-encouraging friends, temporarily or better yet, permanently. He needs to stop spending time around the situations that urge him to indulge – so spending time with you would be better. Or he needs to get smacked in the fucking head by a huge revelation about how shitty this is going to end up, which acid could do in the larger doses, but he has to really want to change, and something has to make him really dive into the subject (you have to bring it up at some point).
Coke is a ego drug it helps you to feel good about yourself, best thing to replace coke is to let him find something he can do, that make’s him feel good about himself. there isn’t a replacement drug for coke, we’ll crack, but i mean something that is gentler than coke. Maybe try working out after smoking a big reefer. As mentioned before, only he can help him self getting of it. the thing you can do, is be there for him, be patient cause he’ll probably get grumpy. But you also have to get prepared to walk away from him.if he doesnt give this up, give yourself a month or two, but if its still the same situation its not mentaly healthy for you to stick around.
Tell him that it’s just not fair to put you through this? If you really care for him and cannot do anything about it, he’s not thinking much about your feelings.
People rarely get over their addictions. If they do – it’s by themselves. Their own decision. Either seek professional help or tell him to start a world famous Rock band so his addiction have some compensation. So his life have some meaning? Who knows? If he’s British, he might live up to 80. As it seems, he takes way too much things for granted now. A psychological slap to get him back in reality might do the trick.
@xyver, I didn’t want to say “You can’t do anything about it. Live with it.” And it would be kind of unfair towards him to suggest speaking with his parents about it. If that guy needs serious help and doesn’t want help, shame. I think I have to agree with Tits here.
@beyond, All the other suggestions I think are great. Spend time with him, try to distract him, get him interested in other things, those are all good ideas.
I just think if you give him an ultimatum like “it’s me or the coke” then he’ll just pick the coke.
Someone with serious addiction who lived through it would be of great help. Unfortunately people I knew that were on hard drugs are either dead or went fanatic religious. It’s different for everyone. The “night lifestyle”. If the guy is really a freaking party animal, it would be fucking hard to get him interested in other things. Easy to say it’s a good idea, but how do you actually change someone like that?
Well, I should mention, my brother has severe addiction issues. Does coke, smokes crack, and I have yet to get to him even in the slightest, except for one night, and thats when he WAS fucked up. Maybe try getting to him when he IS on coke? It might change his life, especially if he values that state of mind more than others.
Back when I was doin a lot of coke my gf hated it but I don’t think there’s much she could have said/done to change things it was going to run its course no matter what.
I’d recommend writing him a letter/email explaining your feelings so he can refer back to it, then gradually start to decouple your life from him – he will either change to stay in your life or he will continue to be a 20yr old cokehead living at home and you will move on to find someone that you are truly happy with… either way you win.
Some coke users actually prefer adderall and other prescription amphetamines because they last longer. Maybe have him try that. You can easily con a doctor into prescribing some for ADD, and then you ‘have it’ for life. Some variations like Vyvanse are chemically designed to last all day long(different than XR) and I can tell you they work very well. I’ve never done coke, but this stuff makes you feel super confident, talkative, focused and happy to do work.
I’d trip more with him too and help him keep having those revelations. He has to believe it and want to do it for it to work. If you create ultimatums you’re going to stress him out and drugs will come before you.
@versai, I think that is a terrible suggestion. Adderal is basically the same thing as coke, just legal. There would be no benefit to trading one addiction for another. I know plenty of people who’s lives have gotten pretty messed up from addictions to adderal.
If you are dealing with trying to help someone quit an addiction, I don’t understand why so many people suggest other drugs to help. Especially other addicting drugs. I can see how shrooms or LSD may be helpful, but adderal is not a good alternative.
@jblisstaz It’s good to break an addiction in steps. We’re assuming that the addict in question doesn’t want or know how to stop. And Vyvanse can’t be abused(see note about long-term chemical breakdown). He can’t snort or smoke it. Also it is prescribed, so unlike a coke addiction where you’re enabled to go pick up whenever you need(every day in the OP’s case). Your doctor needs to sign off every 30 days for the new bottle.
Yea I think it’s a terrible thing to be a user, which he still would be. But assuming they’re not going to decide to up and quit cold turkey, prescription amphetamine is definitely a step down in a good direction. Let’s hear your cure for drug addiction, John.
@versai, I don’t have a a cure for drug addiction and I don’t know anything about Vyvanse, but I do know that adderal can be equally as destructive as cocaine. Adderal can be crushed up and snorted, and you can easily get adderal without a prescription. So many kids have prescriptions to adderal these days and have an abundance of pills, it’s so easy to find, probably easier than coke. While I can’t speak on the mertis of Vyvanse having no knowledge of it, it may be a good alternative. But from first hand experience, using adderal to stop a coke addiction is a huge contradiction.