How do i treat others who think they are better than me?
I am a marine stationed and surrounded by primitive thinking, cocky, and ignorant ass holes..Needless to say its frustrating, especially coming from a small town of friendly people with my tight nit of intellectuals as friends.
Ive tried ignoring it, confronting it, and most things in between. So i suppose my question for whoever decides to read this is what would be the best way to deal with these kind of people?
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Make sure you don’t fall into the trap of thinking you are better than them because of their flaws, that is the very thing that you don’t like about them and makes you the same. People have strengths and weakness, we all have flaws, that you have some insight that they have not been granted is a sad thing, not a justification of hatred. Just don’t feed their neurosis and try your best to communicate to them on the level they are set to, some things you have a duty to rise up to and accomodate, you can’t expect the world to accomodate you.
I believe we have the right to be ignorant but we also have the right to stand up against ignorance, but there is appropriate forums to do that, and they will experience those forums and have to adapt to them inevidably and in good time. Just don’t force a forum where it does not belong. @ryanjohnsen,
In order to understand how to deal with other people, it is first imperative that you learn how do better understand yourself. I’ll explain…
You believe that other people think they are better than you. This leads you to a lot of suffering. Unfortunately, your suffering is predicated by assumptions.
You see the world one way, others see it their way. Life is different for everyone. Therefore, you are setting yourself up for misery and suffering by assuming that other people see it the same way as you. In this case, it is your view that other people think they are better than you. However, as much as you may disagree with me, there is no way for you to truly know if that’s the truth. You have no way of knowing what’s inside someone else’s head.
Therefore, it is ENTIRELY up to you whether people bother you or not. It is only through yourself that you learn how to treat other people, because it is your views and beliefs that determine your actions. If you go through life assuming that people think the same way as you do, you are going to be suffering like this quite a bit.
Just realize that you can’t change the way people are – but you can change the way you react to them.
@ryanjohnsen, first off, are you sure you want to stay in the Corps? And if not, is there any way to get out early? I only ask because a friend of mine thought for years he wanted to join the Army (not the same I know, but also part of the armed forces), only to find himself in more or less the same situation as you after he joined.
If you want to stay, or if you must, then yea, I guess ignoring them is the best bet. Don’t spend time with them or around them outside of your required duties. Try to interact with them as little as possible….and never let them convince you that they are better than you, or else the battle is lost. I used to have neighbors like this, I tried doing nothing hoping they’d change, then I tried telling them to just fuck off hoping it would cause a fight, and finally they just left so the problem was solved, but I now realize in hindsight that the best thing I could have done was just not let them anger me at all, since attention and acknowledgment was what they wanted, and even though I responded with hostility, I now understand that I was still giving them their way. People like this are like those in showbusiness, “bad press is better than no press.” The best way to deal with people like this is to brush them off, since they are the type who craves attention. They want you to acknowledge their “superiority” and they might even want confrontation, so don’t give them what they want. As they say on the net, don’t feed the trolls.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s all power dynamics. People who believe they are better than you are doing so with the idea that they have more authority, more power than you do. That is why they treat you differently. They believe themselves to be standing on a pedestal at all times when they communicate with you.
Your job is to erode their high position. Not by violence, or even confrontation. You can erode their power with subtle mind trickery, tomfoolery, body language and even the tone of your voice. Words are very powerful..and so is the way you present yourself.
Every interaction is a collusion of frames..a collision of perspectives. The stronger frame always wins by breaking down the weaker frame and absorbing it. You need to create a stronger frame than your opponent. And I say you don’t even need to resort to violence or violent confrontation to win. You need to just shake up the opponent, give him a dose of his own medicine..with strategic word play and body language dynamics.
Just last night, I was walking with my buddy towards the bar from the parking lot. I was dressed up as I just got off from work. While walking past some random dude, he jumped in my face and yelled that “thats a fucking gay shirt”.. still behind me he yelled “no I’m serious thats a gay shirt”. I just laughed because I looked fucking good, it was a plain navy blue shirt in khakis. It was so unnecessary.
But I realized what I did to attract that negative sentiment. I realized that I had my hands in my pockets and was looking down. This indicated I was submissive..and a non-threat. He felt comfortable he could stick is head in my personal space..and I wouldn’t have hit him. Had I been looking up and had my hands free, I highly doubt he could have felt comfortable to enough to get in my face and say such stupid shit…as he has no idea how I would react.
The point is..you have to be aware of how you communicate verbally and non-verbally to attract negative sentiment and then change it..to influence the power dynamic in conversation. You can change it..and it starts with you and only you.
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Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive
The Power of Body Language: How to Succeed in Every Business and Social Encounter
The Definitive Book of Body Language
Be real about it. They should see their selves in you. They should in turn be very uncomfortable around you. Most will reverse this uncomfortable feeling on you because they have no balls. They are beings of fear.
If you’re folding under their masochism that is exactly what they want. It is their defense mechanism that allows them to persist without any sort of real character. Crush them with love or let them wither in the rot.
@ryanjohnson, When evaluating an individuals ego, one tends to forget that there are infinitely many differences between subject and observer. If one possesses a competent knowledge of the mathematical concept of infinity then they will understand these differences are meaningless and, ipso facto, the idea of someone being better than another is meaningless. For one needs their counterpart in order to identify themselves. The relationship is transactional.
@theskafish, Oh and no i dont want to stay in the Marines any longer than i have to, but my reasoning for joining was not flawed. I joined to discover myself and to escape my bubble i created through being a suppressed child.(not as suppressed as most)
what is your thought process behind not letting them get to you? how is it actually beneficial?
@searchingforthetruth, thank you peter. you clearly have alot of knowledge on the ways of communicating. May i ask to add you as a friend so i can ask the occasional question about this subject?
@danfontaine, It may seem to some that i am folding to their insults but i simply turn the other cheek once i lose control of them and they start desperately trying to defend themselves through an off-the-wall argument or through physical intimidation.
@alanwatts, wow Alan well said, ive been looking for a less flawed logic to convince myself that everyone should be considered an equal. you nailed it
@ryanjohnsen, “what is your thought process behind not letting them get to you? how is it actually beneficial?”
Because people like that are attention-seekers, even if it’s just you telling them to fuck off. What they really want is to assert their supposed dominance over you, but if they can’t convince you of that (which by no means you should allow them to!) then they’ll settle for just being acknowledged even if it’s like I said, only in a negative way. So with that logic, the best way to hit an attention-seeker where it hurts is to ignore them completely. I never understood why someone would want to be like that myself, but the more I see the more I notice there are a lot of people like that, and it’s like you said, they are cocky and primitive thinking types.
Just observe without labeling or judging. Nothing wrong with “letting them get to you” as long as you observe this reaction. Also observe their behavior without automatically saying its wrong. Why do they do what they do? Is it as obvious as you think? Maybe there are a couple guys who you’ve already labeled as a meathead or whatever who could actually be your allies. Maybe its better to just play along sometimes. Youll figure it out if you start observing. Keep your mind clear and free of preconceived ideas.
@ryanjohnsen, You don’t have to like them. Just work with them… whether you like them or not, they are your brothers. im sure those egotistical shitbags have your back down range. Im guessing you have not deployed yet (I apologize if i am misled). If you feel like the guys you are surrounded with will not watch your 6…maybe its time to surround yourself with different marines. I have had the honor of meeting many fine marines…i suggest you look around.