I met this girl in the beginning of the year, I believe in love at first sight; and this was definitely it. We were together for like eight months, she cheated on me, then we broke up, and one day, she just decided she didn’t love me anymore. That was one month ago. Every time I see her, it makes me think of how we used to be, I miss her, but she pretty much ruined my whole freshman year. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s so beautiful, but, I do need to get over her. Could anybody help? I’m fourteen, sad and heartbroken.
That is the process. As you get older you (well some people mature) look at relationships a different way. I personally get all defensive if she or I start becoming possesive. Romance is great but ownership is unattractive. Some want love, others want to have a companion, someone to laugh about stupid shit together, that and sex, hell that is my ideal relationship. You start calling it love it evolves to possession and obsession which inevidably ruins it.
The relationships that I seen last the longest are as I described, not love, and if it does end it is easier to get over because it is about “it was great while it lasted, magical times” but comes a time when there is no more to milk, you are stagnant and you need something fresh to add some life, and that means parting.
That’s kind of how it works. Everyone get’s their heartbroken and if you are me or Jesus or pretty much anyone I have met you will still think about it. You will grow though and realize a lot of how you feel and act now is a lack of experience and you will be more than fine
Life is full of many ups and downs. Not to begin on a discouraging note but this won’t be your last struggle and it definitely isn’t your hardest struggle. If I could go back and tell a few things to my fourteen year old self one of them would be to not fret the relationships that help build you into the beautiful person you will become. All of this is part of your molding, making you stronger. This is how we grow, through love and heartbreak and everything in between. Give it time, I assure you it will eventually seem life a hazy memory in the midst of an awkward adolescence. :)
Don’t try too hard to get over it, repressing your feeling is the worst thing you can do. Instead try to savior in those memories, immerse yourself in love, feel that love, and feel her in every part of you… And suddenly the whole scene will change, you would start growing in love and feel ecstatic. Love is never meant to make you sad or depressed, it’s pure bliss and ecstasy. Just try to love unconditionally, just love and love, and feel every part of it, even the minutest of you. And it will be the most beautiful experience…
Honestly, sometimes it takes the love of another person to help you get over the last person.
Stated rather bluntly, the band Motionless In White has a line in one of their songs that goes “the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else and move on”. While that’s kind of blunt, it’s true, you need to find someone new. But inevitably, that relationship will end too. And that’s the beauty of relationships of any kind, you learn from them. I’m in my 8th romantic relationship in the 3 and a half years I’ve been dating people, and I’ve gone through a lot of heartbreak, but I don’t regret anything, because I learn from the past. However, every once in a while, memories of my first relationship (which was my longest and best up til this one) haunt me, even though it was me who ended it. So sometimes, the memories stay, but it’s not always a bad thing.
It’ll all smooth out with time, man.
Food for thought:
Neuroscientists have found that deep intimacy affects a region of the brain that also plays a role in addiction behavior. Ending a relationship like that puts the mind through a reaction disturbingly similar to substance abuse withdrawal.
In other words, it’s all in your head, brah.
Nik, when you see her, stop thinking of how you used to be. Because thats how you used to be, thats not how you ended up. Getting over her is going to be a process. She hurt you, you have to get over the pain and then get over her by realizing you deserve better than someone who will cheat on you and drop your feelings at the drop of a dime. Definitely acknowledge the feelings because you’ll have to face it eventually but don’t let it consume you. You feel broken now but it will hurt less and less everyday. You probably feel a touch less hurt than a month ago but you haven’t noticed. Get lost in a project. Don’t get over it by dating someone else because you will most likely end up projecting your negative feelings and fears onto that person, which sucks. Rebounds (once over the infatuation stage) are nothing more than a person who brings the issues you’re dealing with at the time to the surface. Think about how you want to improve yourself as a person and grow from this experience. Take that lesson and live your life with it in mind. Like I said, get lost in a project. The emotions will come in waves. Feel it, and then back to your project. And hang out with your friends! It’ll be over soon enough. Her loss.