I’m currently having one of the roughest times in my life and everything seems to stress me out. I self-injure which I hate about myself (though this week I have begun to seek serious help for it), I’m about to graduate college in May, because of this I have amassed a huge debt which hangs over my head like a storm cloud, my boyfriend and I are falling apart which is something that is eating me up and I could go on, but no one likes sob stories.
Anyway, I am trying my hardest to begin dealing with all of my problems, things that I’ve been ignoring, pretending that they don’t exist til they go away or seem to… this ignoring of my problems and refusal to deal with them that is leading my relationship to fall apart.
To get to the point, my whole life my family has always ignored the big issues, *sshhhh, they don’t exist* I hate confrontation, I think because I don’t know how to do it constructively…. I want to get rid of this conditioning and the conditioning of always trying to be the perfect child (which often leads me to be unhappy and not try things I want to for fear that I’ll fail) but I don’t know how to start, was wondering if ya’ll could help me?
I would start with an attempt to completely accept a basic fact of life: No one is infallible. Every single one of us makes mistakes, then feels guilty about them, and then beats up on ourselves. Making mistakes is simply a part of being human. So whenever the thought of beating up on myself comes up, I would take heart in the fact that that too is part of my being human.
I’m sure you realize that all of the issues you mention – trying to be the perfect child, hating yourself for the debt, blaming yourself for the relationship problems – can be addressed in some way by that recognition: you are human, you make mistakes, and so does everyone else. That’s just how it is, it’s a fact of life, no matter what kinds of pretenses people attempt. Take heart in that fact, and you will feel better.
Good luck, may you be peaceful and happy.
Look inward. To unlearn you have to clear your slate and learn new things, better things. When I experienced a time with similar stressors I took a step back and realized I needed to start doing things for me. Get rid of the notion that it matters what anyone else thinks. For me, it was a music festival, i was given a chance to be in a place where only one person knew me so I could find myself and build up and be the person I wanted to be. I wish you the best.