How to get rid of loving an imaginary person?

2 years, 3 months ago

I thought about it, because i fell in love a long time ago with a person that turned out to be totally different than i imagined. Now somehow i still love the person he is not, and every time i have to convince myself it is not the real person because he is not the same as my imaginary person inside my mind. THe problem is i am involved with this imaginary person, because i love that person and i dream of that person literally i don’t want to i dont even mean to but i want to get rid of it, how to stop this madness?? I even feel i can’t be totally involved with someone else because my feelings are towards this imaginary person that is not even REAL…………….it keeps sustaining itself through feelings that somehow are linked towards an unreal image….

December 31, 2012 at 12:29 pm

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Profile photo of DaJetPlane DaJetPlane M (@lytning91) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

What you must start to do is realize that the person you have created in your mind is simply a manifestation of ideals you truly do cherish in a person. You are certainly disappointed that you have to recognize this guy isn’t what you are seeking, but the beautiful thing about life is that each misstep is actually a step away from the wrong and eventually toward the right.

These things you’ve come to know about what you like will carry you more swiftly to the person you’ll one day fall for, either that or your standards will get even more refined with time and you’ll come to find what you are imaging now is merely a shallow representation of what you’ll one day really want.

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Profile photo of TheSkaFish TheSkaFish M (@theskafish) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@heartbeat,

@lytning91, nailed it. You have to realize that you’re in love with these traits you thought this person had…yes, it is crushing to know that they really aren’t it in the end, but that’s what you have to remember. You asked me on your other thread what worked for me to dispel this illusion – I just looked back, stepped outside myself and my bias, and really looked at who the person was I liked, and I realized she didn’t have the traits I was attracted to anymore, that it’s like you said, I was only attracted to my memories of her and my perception of her….but neither of those things are the real person, here and now. I realized that even now, even if things were reversed and she would want me, that I would still say no because I wouldn’t be fulfilled….I see her objectively, instead of how I wish she was. And I know that somewhere, there really is someone else who embodies the traits and ideals I seek.

That, and you just have to give it time. In my case, my crush went away for several months, and that gave me time to get her out of my mind. When she came back, I had already looked at the situation objectively, and realized that I didn’t even really want to call her anymore, because I realized that I wasn’t truly attracted to who she is, and that you can neither change anyone outside yourself nor can you afford to wait for someone to change. I just let the whole thing go, and have been happier since.

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