how to move on… how to heal

oh alexa. im crying real hard now reading your post. i could feel you all afternoon. i was thinking about you so much and knowing that somehow you were being super strong today . and it was about father shit.
meltdown… it all amounts somehow to father or mother shit i think.
my meltdown too. it comes down to that i guess. trying so hard to get that love and then getting just slapped in the face/. when what you needed was love, a pat on the back. an its ok my darling child/ that is what kids need. pure and simple. protection and love.. like i always gave to my kids.

you were so great alexa not to give him a huge whack in the pants. but what good would it have done. you being kind and supportive to him at this point shows your maturity and strength. inside you can later cry.
my old man died a dogs death in moscow, with no funeral. he rotted away.
i hadnt talked to him for the last five years of his rotten drunken life.
it is good if you can make it up with your old man now. this will save you years of a crappy marriage like i had.
work these things out kids… that is all i can say!