How to recover

2 years, 8 months ago

from death. I have recently lost my granddad from a heart attack but I knew how ill he was. I saw him a week before but I told him that I would visit again that week. I had my GCSE exams at the time, and I was studying quite a lot of the time. I didn’t know he would be gone so soon, and I feel like I should of put him before my exams. I feel so guilty and I would like to hear something from anyone, on how exactly to grieve? Saying I have lost a lot of people in my life, I have never been able to deal with it. I always push it to the back of my mind, but I would like to deal with it – I just don’t really know how to. Everyone’s answer is welcome and very much appreciated, I’m sorry for creating a morbid discussion but I just need some help from someone.

August 3, 2012 at 5:30 pm

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Profile photo of Brandon P'naantan Pinkney Brandon P’naantan Pinkney (@hlalhabattu) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@majestictraveller, your grandfather loved you dearly, I’m certain he would have wanted you to study and get YOUR life together, as he knew his time was ending soon, so all f the guilt you may be placing on yourself right now is unjustified, in his eyes. as for how to deal with the death itself, try writing your grandfather a post-mortem letter, it is very therapeutic, it helped me deal with my uncle’s death. no one has to read it, it is between you and him. I am sorry fr your loss

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Profile photo of Alexandra Rudice Alexandra Rudice (@majestictraveller) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@hlalhabattu, Thank you ever so much and your words mean a lot. I know this will sound like just an excuse but my grandfather was dyslexic and unable to read. Is there any other way of communicating other than writing? I am a practising Artist but whenever I try to draw him, I fall apart. I drew him last week but I didn’t feel like it was good enough. Nothing could be as gentle and loving as him. I tried writing my thoughts on a blog but my friend somehow found it and said that it was too personal. I just feel stuck, with so much to say. I’m also having these dreams of people hanging and bodies being dismembered. I have really bad dreams when I am going through certain things that I can’t say out loud. The worst dreams I have had have contained my granddad. I know it sounds stupid to say they are the worst, but they are so realistic that I wake up feeling like he is still alive. In some cases, I have had to be told again that he has passed on and go through all the tears again

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Profile photo of Brandon P'naantan Pinkney Brandon P’naantan Pinkney (@hlalhabattu) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@majestictraveller, he wouldn’t be reading the letter physically, but rather the emotions and intent within, besides, I don’t dyslexia affects us in spirit, so I think you writing him this letter would be legible to him and if not, nothing is stopping you from reading it aloud to him

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Profile photo of Alexandra Rudice Alexandra Rudice (@majestictraveller) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@hlalhabattu, OK, thank you again :)

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Profile photo of hungrypsyche hungrypsyche (@hungrypsyche) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

Im very sorry that you’ve lost someone you love. I have not had to deal with very much death in my life so far, but i do think of death often. Its a great fear of mine. If you are having trouble dealing with your feelings about your grandfathers death and aren’t sure how to, id like to offer you compassion and a piece of advice that moves me through. Sit with yourself quietly and try to clear your mind. Whatever feelings come to you, let them come. Think of your grandfather. don’t try to rationalize or understand what you’re feeling and try not to push it away. What comes may take you by surprise. Just recognize what you feel, let yourself go through the motions and accept it. I hope this helps you in any small way. -With Love

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Profile photo of Alicia Lee Alicia Lee (@aliwine) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

I hope you kicked your exams butts!! Succeed in life, use your education to it’s fullest. That’s a great way to keep him proud. Also maybe try making an entire drawing “book” of all the things you wanted to say or do with him if you think that would make you feel closer to him. =]

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