How to respond to anger?
I have read that men and women do not get angry and do not respond to anger the same way.
In the light of this idea; I wanted to ask you ladies and gentelmen how do you respond to your own anger? How do you want others to respond when you are angry? How do you respond to others’ anger?
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i used to have uncontrolled anger all the time and i loved to pick fights with my husband who was unable to express his emotions. this made me crazy sometimes and i would get over emotional just to get him to react.this went on for years, and i hated it.
now im alone and i dont have so much emotion or anger any more. i went thru a phase of extreme depression, sadness then anger after he left me, and then hatred, then acceptance. and sometimes i go around in that emotional circle again, but it is ok. i just look at it, and feel it, and then let it pass.
anger is good, not bad, but you have to be careful how you express it, to not hurt other people around you. after the worst blast passes, you calm down then perhaps talk about what is bothering you. that is healthy.
but do not repress anger. it will come out in another form which can make you sick.
I get irritated, not so much anger. But it will ruminate through my head until I realize it is not worth the trouble. Partly do to the fact that I’m trying to quit smoking cigs again. As soon as I smoke weed though…I’m fine and can handle it. I will probably just be high for the next few weeks =]
that irritation animus is the lack of nicotine in your blood i guess.
when you are high i guess it doesnt effect you, that really isnt the way to work with this in the long run. but it does make it easier. i never smoked cigs so i dont know, i have just seen my son trying to quit so many times and seen how grouchy he was. this too will pass.
@stonedragon: I agree that one must calm down and talk about it. I have been reading “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, and I also have been watching this video quiet a lot:
I like to think fo anger as a temporary state, that will eventually pass and that I have to remind myself of that when I am about to get angry. Just be an observer and not react, just let it pass.
@Phil W: What about patience? What if your loved ones keep screwing up? Your kids? or other people you love?
Men and women react differently. Women go crazy and start screaming and crying, men make the completely logical decision to shout and beat the shit out of someone… makes sense?
I haven’t been angry in a very long time, but the way I used to react to anger was to beat people and break stuff.
manimal you were such an animal. and now you are getting to be more and more human!
@kidvisions. it is funny you mention mattieu ricard. i was with him last nite. he just came out of a meditation retreat here where i live. his mom lives near me. im an old friend of his. we have the same teachers.
Most of my anger comes from other people’s shameless stupidity and I’m still struggling not to punch someone in the face. :)))))))))))))))))))) It’s natural. I try to write problems on pieces of paper or express it through music. To let it all out. Let everything out, figure everything out, and leave no room for misunderstandings. Acknowledging my mistakes helps. And of course… rock n roll. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls7ov-iPsUw
I react to anger pretty calmly- I try to feel it for what it is, try to not take it out on others, and then look and see that I’m really the only one who is being eaten up by the feeling. My anger isn’t doing anyone any services or sometimes even that much harm.
I think anger is a very dangerous emotion, because if you let it take you over, you will turn into the worst possible version of yourself. I’m not saying “repress” the emotion, but I do think that people could have much more control over themselves as far as anger is concerned.
every time we get angry..
wot really happens iz.. we “dnt like it” wen things dont go the way we want em to..
like ppl react to things the way “u” dnt want em to r “didn’t expect”
or the situations aren’t the way “u” want em to..
bt den u’d say, obviously!! its natural to get angry if xyz did this to me..!
well its not..
cuzz.. if anger was suppose to be “natural”.. everythin associated to it wud be natural..
lyk hypertension, high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes etc etc..
but dey are’nt..
the point is..
we jus want to “control” situations n ppl..
wich for sure iz not in our control..
cuz most definitely we cant control ppl i mean cumon.. how wud u like it if sum1 wz tryin to control u..?
so wot v r suppose to do iz..
control the only thing dats “in our control”
keep a check on em..
jus the need to overcome the deep rooted believe systems dat we’ve created.. =]
Anger is a natural emotion but the way that we respond to it is our own choice. I believe that most of the time, focusing on the anger you feel is a waste of time. I know its cliche, but you really should focus on the happy aspects of your life. I was faced with a difficult situation that tested this belief at the beginning of the semester, and i almost let my anger get the best of me. Now I’m working on rewiring my emotions again so that I can move on and be the same happy person I have always been. Not focusing on your anger is a hard thing but it really is possible and well worth it. Bad situations happen for a reason, and the way you work through them is what gives you purpose and meaning.
Usually with laughter. Angry people tend not to stay angry when you laugh. Sometimes they get angrier though and that’s even funnier. I laugh at myself too. I don’t get angry often, but when I do I catch myself, and then instantly I’m like “hahaha, Sian, what the fuck are you doing?”
Very rarely I get so frustrated that I want to punch something. But that only happens in college. And everyone else tends to feel the same. So then we all laugh about it together.