I Am Afraid
@Sasho Stoyanov, If it was me, I would have fallen on my ass.
“‘I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and is striving after wind.’– When you reach this point, you are one step away from despair, and one step away from enlightenment.”
@mikeyw829, thanks for that, Mikey. It is clarifying, to be in the mental state where you always have a choice.
@beyond, I’m not like preaching enlightenment or anything just to clarify. Don’t really know if you can really ever be ‘enlightened’ or not because it’s just something you’d identify with as “the enlightened one”.. kind of makes me sick. But there are higher states of understanding that don’t consist of just changing what you believe.
But I know exactly where you’re coming from and feel like I’m going through that right now. I’m not really afraid anymore (I mean I still do have a lot of fears but not anything as close as I used to) but also not really excited or positive either. It’s like nothing matters at all, nothing on the exterior can really add or take anything away from me like it used to…But still, some things still do have this effect on me, but I get this lingering feeling that it’s just an illusion.. liberating but at the same time just a weird, kind of lonely feeling to have
The quote just made a lot of sense to me, and I remembered that you posted this a while ago so I thought I’d share it.
@mikeyw829, The moment you realize that you always have a choice, about everything you put interest into, and work fucking hard to stay in that moment – because you really always do have a choice – then you’ll be
That’s why it makes sense to you. It’s basically practicing free will, but worth it. And it is a profound truth. Taking a time to make some sense of everything, what you want to say, what you expect/desire to happen. You have a choice, everything in the world is based on it to be created. I am excited with that realization. :)
“Every profound truth is retardedly simple, don’t underestimate the simple things.” – Manimal
What you desperately need is a good punch in the face from a friend, and a lot more electric guitar instead of acoustic…
@aono, That’s what I keep repeating to my friends.
you’re growing on me sasho… I’ve been in a pissed off mood lately, maybe that’s helping :)
from my favorite song, seems relavent, somehow:
@beyond Sasho, I’ve just been here one day and I figured about five minutes ago that we both happen to live in the same country, so I’d be glad to punch you in the face any time you find appropriate… Unfortunately, I live nowhere near Varna (I’m located in Sofia), but hey – I’d gladly travel a few thousand kilometers for the chance to bruise somebody well. Anyways, if you ever happen to visit the capital, feel free to drop in. I’m not sure if two exchanged posts qualify me as a friend (“…a good punch in the face from a friend”), but meh.
@aono, I’d love that. After punching me in the face, maybe we could drink beer and go watch a movie. Gotta consider our schedules.
@beyond, sasho thanks for the title. i am afraid. it fits me so well at this moment, i just want to add that im not afraid of all those things you arent afraid of either,
does anyone feel this way, or am i alone in this. ?
@dobbyfisher, dustin, your text just about wraps it up. for me
\bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence’
@mamadragon, you are definitely not alone in this. :) There isn’t any bigger fear than fearing ourselves. But it’s also our greatest motivating force.
People have lived their whole lives trying to cope with their fears. It is the basic drive for animals and we’re not so different than them when it comes to fear. The main emotion for how things in nature work.
“A horse trainer once said to me, “Animals don’t think, they just make associations.” I responded to that by saying, “If making associations is not thinking, then I would have to conclude that I do not think.” People with autism and animals both think by making visual associations. These associations are like snapshots of events and tend to be very specific. For example, a horse might fear bearded men when it sees one in the barn, but bearded men might be tolerated in the riding arena. In this situation the horse may only fear bearded men in the barn because he may have had a bad past experience in the barn with a bearded man.
Animals also tend to make place-specific associations. This means that if a horse has bad prior experiences in a barn with skylights, he may fear all barns with skylights but will be fine in barns with solid roofs. This is why it is so important that an a animal’s first association with something new is a good first experience. ”
This is an insightful writing by a person with autism. Thinking The Way Animals Do: http://www.grandin.com/references/thinking.animals.html
@beyond, sasho. thanks for posting that. it is true we are like animals in more ways than we know. once we have a bad experience with something, or someone we tend to shy away from it. this can be as mundane as not liking a certain place or food, or even as big as having ones heart broken and never wanting to have a relationship again.
@beyond, compelling, and well written. Did you write this?
@imhotep, I wrote it, that’s how I felt that day, but decided to write it somehow dramatically. I still don’t know exactly why, but I like it too. I was on a couple of beers and had to go to another city for an exam. I guess I needed to kick myself in the ass, to prepare mentally. :)
@beyond, you never know when the inspiration will hit you, good stuff man.
Hello, HE. I’d like to share something that this site has done for me and without it, I’d never be able to do it anyway, since I suffered a lot of uncertainty and an illness that left me kinda crippled 6 years ago and always haunted me. This thread was made on the stairs outside of a store, just before my exam for applying for a university to study psychology. Getting the idea to study formally psychology came from the inspiration and motivation High Existence gave me to face my fears, and extreme amount of inspiration makes me an unstoppable wild poetic I-don’t-even-know-how-to-control-this-energy-person with personal issues, desperately trying to overcome them with peaceful self-absorption.
So, despite of becoming extremely vulnerable and unsure about everything, I decided to follow what I’m good at. I never really shared this before here, because I’m usually never looking for help and try to act upon it instead with the proper inspiration. Since I took my exams while basically drunk and thinking entirely about something else, I realized that I made the right decision. There are things you learn and then there are things you actually do without giving much of a fuck.
No uncomfortable experience has ever taught someone something negative. There’s a reason to smile at everything you’re afraid of, knowing how entertaining the overcoming of a fear is already integrated in your acknowledgment. There’s nothing difficult when you’re simply abstracting other people testing you, the hardest decisions are most compelling if you refuse to test yourself.
I love you all. :)
@beyond, This is so beautiful Sasho. I’m not sure how you feel towards my internet self, but you really are a lovely person and I am really happy I have come cross you in my lifetime. Reading your post brought the biggest smile to my face, for reasons that you touched, and reasons that effected my life. As I reread tears fall down my cheeks. Thank you, I have love for you. Keep up the life.
Nothing good ever came out of insincerity.
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