I don't have feelings
Ever since I was a kid I never felt any great attachment to anything. I remember when my grandpa died when I was 7 and I didn’t feel sad or guilty or any other emotions that people would experience. I knew how other people felt and tried to emulate it but I never truly experienced those by myself. during football I never got passionate about the game, I just went through the motions, when we won big games I didn’t truly feel happy, when we lost heartbreakers I just felt well nothing. I don’t get angry when someone makes fun of me or hurts me. I don’t feel happy when I’m around my current or past girlfriends. I don’t feel amazed by the amazing environment around me. I only see what everyone around me feels and say “well in that situation I should feel this so I pretended to feel that”.
The whole human experience is about feeling emotions and learning them and mastering them. Right now I’m feeling like I don’t belong here, like my life is pointless if I don’t feel anything. So far the only feeling I have truly felt is hope, hope that by delving into my subconcsious and using the law of attraction I can eventually feel real emotions. But if anyone has similar experiences or advice for me I would love to hear it! Thank you
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“You’re not alone, my friend…”
@biga69, Hi Andrew. I’m in a very similar boat as you, my friend. I’ve asked just about the same things on other internet forums, and it’s funny that someone else actually has the same thing. But, to cheer you up about it, realize that your hope to one day feel an emotion is itself an emotion! :) People like us don’t literally not feel, we just feel to such a minor extent, that our feelings don’t change our behavior or thought process. If you really focus on these weak feelings, you can sometimes intensify them by doing some mental gymnastics. One time I used this method to make myself feel sad. But regardless, I have a suggestion.
Have you ever tried MDMA? About a year ago, I came into some quality molly, and was eager to try it, because this was during my psychedelic experimentation phase. I expected it to be very euphoric and to love music and people and life, like the “love” drug is supposed to make happen. Instead, after a confusing, tumultuous come-up of effects that didn’t seem quite akin to what I’d read about, I suddenly broke into tears. It was like a lifetime of suppressed emotions FINALLY broke through whatever sociopathic mental wall I had constructed. I was sitting outside on a city street-corner sobbing my eyes out. The funny thing is, I was crying at first only because of the fact that I was crying for the first time in over ten years, and it was BEAUTIFUL to do so. Then I started thinking. I cried even harder, as I thought about how I wasn’t living up to my family’s expectations, and I wasn’t even trying. Worse yet, I didn’t even care that I wasn’t trying, and I felt so sad that I was so mean to my mother over the years, that I let my father down by quitting sports, just everything in my life. It was an incredibly therapeutic experience. This is because MDMA doesn’t make you feel good, it just makes you feel. You and I have a serotonin deficiency, which is what causes our lack of emotion, and in some people it also corresponds to a poor memory or attention span. MDMA is a drug that tells your brain to release copious amounts of serotonin compared to base levels. So the good news is that if you’re willing to take molly (I don’t know if you’re cool with drugs or not), you can, at least temporarily, experience true emotion, and these experiences help you to be more welcoming of your suppressed inner feelings after the fact, as well.
But I definitely know what you mean about knowing how you “should” feel, and emulating it. I always dread the deaths of family members not because I’d be sad if they died, but because I dread having to fake feeling sad, because that’s really awkward for me.
@biga69 I think a certain amount of detachment is beneficial when it allows you to minimize the stress and pain you feel in your life. For instance, detachment from material possessions and your ego allow you to live a happier life. But, it seems you’ve gone too far to minimize the pain in your life. It is absolutely possible to minimize your negative reactions and maximize your positive ones to reach your fullest potential. Just because you are good at detaching from trivial situations that others would allow to cause great stress in their life, doesn’t mean that you are obligated to prohibit yourself from feeling happiness as well.
@biga69, I have had similar feelings to you (or lack there of) throughout my life. My personal experience, which has been ongoing depression, left me feeling isolated from both myself and the rest of society. I felt detached from my emotions, which seems to be similar to the experience you are having. One question I did have for you though…what prompted you to write this discussion topic in the first place? Even feelings of loneliness, isolation and dissatisfaction with life are linked to your emotions but attaching to these emotions, especially for alot of your life can cloud your awareness of the passion and happiness within you.
Two suggestions that I can make worked for me, and they may work for you too. One is to seek specialist advice. I saw a psychologist and she helped me determine the root of the depression, and knowing the reason helps move towards a solution. If you feel uncomfortable seeking help, I could suggest writing in a journal helped to sort out the influx of thoughts that accompanied the feelings of loneliness and isolation.
The other suggestion I can make, which @kedukc brought up is a Zen Buddhist approach. I’m not suggesting that you dedicate your life to Buddhism at all. I found solace though in the idea that you are not your emotions, but are instead the consciousness that observes them. Emotions are indicators, but they are not you. Some people strive to live without being tied down by sometimes unbearable emotions. Looking at your situation in a glass half full kind of way you already have a leg up on those Zen master wannabes.
I hope this helps, if not then I wish you luck in discovering the answer
@beyond, lol why is he a coward? that was kind of dickish thing to say man. && yo dude, maybe you just haven’t found something to feel for enough! you never know! but no worries, maybe talking to someone would help? shit i dunno. maybe you’re lucky. Stay neutral!
I think what you are actually describing is that you don’t feel what other people feel. In fact I hadn’t even read your post only the topic line and apparently i’m on the right track. I think it’s overrated what people are suppose to think or feel. I personally think It might be because of movies and media that you think what is suppose to portrayed. In fact I didn’t cry when my uncle died when I was about 9 and everyone else at the funeral was sobbing their faces off. I didn’t get upset at all and I was trying to force it I remember this so vividly cause I kept thinking I was completely insensitive and was looking so awkward. There are even more intense moments such as when I was facing death straight in the face yet I wasn’t really scared. These are situations that I know people should feel something yet I didn’t and I’ve learnt to accept this. If anything supposably not having feelings is a good thing in my near-death experience I was able to calm people! I know for a fact that I don’t see things how others do and I’m fine with that I think you just need to find your bliss. Their are very few people I can connect with and trust me they were hard to find so don’t give up! I also like posting really stupid youtube videos of myself and this might sound strange and weird but I really enjoy doing so and i’m sure most people will find this embarassing yet this brings me great joy I can’t explain! So i guess try everything? I don’t like how it’s portrayed how society should think and feel and even my immediate family act differently and think differently to me but this is simply individuality and this is kickass, I like to feel special :). I am absolutely sure you have feelings just don’t overrate or underate things and focus on what your feeling. Are you implying you don’t like anything or dislike anything? I know there are alot of things I feel neutral about and that is definitely okay! Like Pat said I think you should look at your personality type(if you havn’t already done so) I didn’t even know what a introvert was until this year and I feel so much more confortable with myself! IF all of this was meaningless to you then simply know I know how you feel and enjoy the company of that.
@alexmayle, I was alienated from my own family for a long time. After being alone on your own and keep isolating yourself, more or less you become that person. That’s why I am thinking the OP is just self-convincing himself there is something seriously wrong when he needs motivation and support, a push to get in touch with his most close people. Everyone is a coward to to a degree to open up and express what he’s really feeling.
@biga69 I’d advise you to see a therapist or someone close to you about this and if you think it’s serious, make it soon. I wouldn’t rely on a forum where someone talks to me about completely irrelevant shit.
@biga69, I’m probably the same, especially in regards to death, insults, pleasure and content. I’m sure I do feel, because I can always read into what others are thinking and feeling quite deeply, but Its probably as Tayler said, “On a very minor level”. What I do have is the reward center of my brain, where every time I do something, or set a goal and achieve, It releases a bit more serotonin than the base, so as a result I’ve becoming this walking vant of knowledge who does so only to seek approval, but never feeling such when attained… simply a mild sense of reward.
The human experience is different for everyone, don’t place a label on yours. Just do what you think you should do, and realize kids in Africa don’t have nearly as many options as you. Don’t give too much of a shit if its beyond your control, simply roll with it indifferently, and and cherish the subtle differences you do feel within yourself. One last thing… Emotions are a social mediator, but a man without such is capable of fabricated and controlling all within that emotional box. Clarity is your greatest strength, and instead of fixating on being like everyone else, understand we are naturally meant to be depressed as creatures for it helps us discover in the discontent and need for change… from what I see, your missing not much…. there’s much more to this world than feeling for just yourself.
Youre different, everyone is, just in different degrees. I honestly think you just havent found something you deeply enjoy and love doing. Though you dont “feel” for things right now, you know at least what you should be so its not as bad as you think
@biga69, I’m in a similar boat, except it’s not that I don’t feel anything it’s that I don’t feel any positive emotion. And I rarely feel the negative ones, but when I do OH MAN, its usually just hopelessness, which leads to suicidal thoughts but I’m still here so most people would say that is something to be happy about or be grateful for.
I felt that way for a while, but I was lying to myself. Are you sure you aren’t just masking them and believing you aren’t having them? This could be a confidence issue, depression, or have a number of other causes. In any case if you feel like this is a real problem (or don’t…) you should see a therapist or talk to someone outside of the internet. You obviously care enough to try and find a solution, so you aren’t crazy. Good luck :)