i function, i function
i function, i function. i walk through life with no clear purpose and i understand that i have to uncover that shit myself. i have my coffee with espresso in the morning from the tim hortons i work at. i get little love notes on the lids of my coffee that i proudly display at school. like little reminders that i do matter to people. and believe me, when you stand in a corner for eight hours talking and taking orders and making coffee and dealing with ornery customers, its a refreshing treat to see a coworker on their off time going through the drive thru. so my coworkers get excited to see me and that’s cute. that being said, my emotional attachment to that place isn’t what it used to be. seriously this job is hardcore and its exhausting and i can’t believe people get paid the same/more than me to do crosswords and sip coffee (from my drive thru). but for some reason i felt fulfilled by working my ass off and now that i’ve been there for two and a half years and this is my last one, i have somewhat of a obligation to just ride it out. with the coworkers i’ve grown to see as family. my departure is going to be fucking bittersweet, man.
but i think i know some things i want to do in my life and accept the fact that some shit is going to go wrong and that already makes me lightyears ahead of some of my peers. some who will, cliché-edly, spend the next five years desperately trying to ‘discover themselves’ in search for that one thing everyone tells them they have to decide upon. doing my own research has steered me into avenues that i would have never have reached if i didn’t have the enormous trust in myself that i do. and i thank my mother for giving me the freedom (aka not giving a fuck but i <3 her) to make my own mistakes and experience my own shit and most of all, for allowing me to use my bong in the basement bathroom. and for allowing me to indulge in my strange and sometimes concerning hobbies and interests. and for allowing me to think what i want to think, to believe what i want to believe, and for allowing me to use the most colourful of language since i was about…. eleven or twelve.
back to my point. i’m functioning and i’m not exactly a happy person but my dysthymic nature and deadpan humour have proven to be an endearing quality among those i’ve encountered, so i’m dealing. i’m turning eighteen years old in february, graduate highschool in june and i’ll be in college next september. my most life altering event event awaits me and strangely enough, i feel like i’m ready for it. i’ve finally found equilibrium among prozac 40mg, vyvanse 40mg and marijuana and armed with that newfound sense of stability, i just feel ready for my life to finally start. and i never thought i’d be one of those people
I’m so happy for you, because it’s going to be a non-stop thrill ride! Life’s amazing, just when you think the excitement is all over, and things have finally settled down, life becomes more exciting than ever before. Something about how life is a progress and the world around you has this rabbit hole effect, the deeper you go the stranger it seems. But the universe always has a way of unfolding as it should. So don’t worry, we all have to walk our paths in life. Just keep your chin up and everything will work out fine.
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