If you've lost someone you love

2 years, 4 months ago

Tonight I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend that died 5 and a half years ago.
It’s one of those random nights where it feels very recent and real and painful.
Have any of you lost someone you were very close to? How has it affected your life?
Do you see positive things that came from it? How frequently are you reminded of them?

I think the reason I hurt so much from this loss, was that she saved me from a very hard situation right before passing away. I was going through the “hardest thing in my life” (to my 14 year old self) and she noticed, and decided that she was going to make it better. She was my hero. It was only weeks after this happened that she died.
I was in such a bad depression for a while that I just have black outs in my memory where I can’t remember what should be memorable events.
Anyways.
I grew a lot from it. I decided I wanted to be that person who noticed the lonely, hurting kid, and went out of their way to help them. I wanted to have fun and be wild, but truly care about others, like her. I think it really majorly shaped who I am today.

Anyways, while I have this depressing music on rotation, I’d like to hear your stories. What happened, how it affected you, how you grew from it.

December 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

“Have any of you lost someone you were very close to?”

-A few of em, yes.

“How has it affected your life?”

-Not at all, as far as I know. Why would it?

“Do you see positive things that came from it?”

-Nope.

“How frequently are you reminded of them?”

-Occasionally, when I see a picture of them or something that used to belong to them, things like that.

But the past is the past, grieving leads nowhere, only hurts.

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Profile photo of VernalSoul VernalSoul (@vernalsoul) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@manimal, I had a lot of positive things come from it. It made me a much deeper person, made me question many things in this life. Made me challenge all my beliefs. It made me realize how shallow so many things in this world are. It made me put things into perspective, it made me a hell of a lot stronger.
Grieving leads to renewal.

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Profile photo of VernalSoul VernalSoul (@vernalsoul) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@manimal, but apparently we just had very different experiences and outlooks. Fair enough.

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Profile photo of David David (@alexunknown) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

Well, I have, but in a way more foolish way.

My “justification” (and I’m fully aware it is not), is that I was too young and didn’t know what I wanted, but GOD, how I miss what we were.

Basically, she was the only person in the world, besides of my family, that I truly loved. My mistake was to center every part of my life towards her, so bad she became a main reason to my everyday life! But my mind was so narrow I just lied to her, telling her I cheated and that I didn’t love her anymore. And to this very day (this was 5 years ago), I can’t figure out why I did it. But evidently, I lost her.

Naturally, as one of the main life pillars I turned her into, I got very affected by this, and my life lost balance. I was depressed, I couldn’t concentrate at all, food didn’t have taste, love didn’t have a taste, music didn’t have a taste… ANY FUCKING THING had a taste to me.

Later on I survived and understood lots of things… I comprehended that the only one suffering at it was me and just because of me… Ironically, if a fly passed flying in front of me, it was my fault if I suffered it. But life happened and I just grew up. Now I’m ok!

I learned of it… I understood what people meant when they said that your must beloved ones could cause you the greatest of damages, as I did to her.
Another positive thing is that I learned to grow up and realize that life goes on, no matter how you take it. I told myself “yeah, you were a bitch, but it was a mistake! It could’ve been the biggest mistake of your life, but then here you are! And the biggest hint that you have another chance is that you opened your eyes this morning and had the guts to get out of your bed! Yes, you REAAAALY screwed up, but if she couldn’t understand it, then she won’t understand either when you make up for it!”.
I also understood that life doesn’t rotate around me, as it doesn’t around her either.

And well, yeah, I remember it EVERY SINGLE DAY, and it’s difficult because since that happened, I see her almost daily. Today we are friends and none of us care about it. We go to the movies, eat ice cream, play video games… I won’t lie to you, I have a little ray of hope that someday I will get to finish all that unfinished business I still got with her, but I’m not looking forward to it. She knows my feelings for her, I know hers for me, and we both live in peace with each other.

As you can see, no person is death on this story, but a piece of my heart died in it (oh, shut me up!!), so because of it, and a couple of experiences more, I kinda know what you’re into… Or maybe not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.

Personally, I’d like to congratulate you for being who you are. I know it sounds hippy and cliché, but truth is we need more people like you in this planet!!

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Profile photo of ButternutSquash ButternutSquash (@equanimity) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

I’ve lost quite a few people over the years, and I’ve been affected differently by each death. I see death as a great teacher of how to experience relationships. I attempt to live with gratitude for the time I’ve spent with that person (or any in my life) without clinging to any delusion that they’ll be around forever.

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Profile photo of MidnightDragon MidnightDragon (@midnightdragon) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@vernalsoul, I’ve lost both my parents my mom when i was 17 and my dad when i was 23 it’s been really rough and still is. I think of them on a daily basis but I’m not sad that there gone as I know death is an equalizer of all things and it’s something I’ve accepted. My advice to to just keep them in your heart and remember the good times you had with them.

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Profile photo of Robert Chase Proctor Robert Chase Proctor (@robertproctor34) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@vernalsoul At 19, I’ve lost my father, a best friend and another great friend, a grandfather, a great uncle whom I loved, a teacher/friend, a great grandmother and a dog haha. But I think of one of them, mainly my father, every day. I’ve almost become accustomed to death. The saddest thing of all was watching my father’s friends come by one after one to greet me and comfort me as they had tears streaming down their faces. GROWN ASS MEN crying kills me cuz it’s like a foreshadowing of my friends and I as we approach death. Looking at the positives, it’s hard to say that there’s not a god by all the love shown through such despair. Only a truly loving god can produce creatures with an ability to love so deeply. Losing my best friend, I tried putting the blame on myself. Long story short, I feel like I could’ve helped prevent his death, but through time, I realized it’s just part of the circle of life. (Playing Lion King ballad in head now). I have really started appreciating time spent with friends and family more through death, which is a beautiful happening.

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