In the Dark

2 years, 3 months ago

What if
Upon our meeting I asked You for just one thing?

Would you give me the chance to look in Your eye?

By A thing more provident than Chance
Would your eyes soften with a smile
so gentlly as to outline the corners of your mouth?

The Energy flows
Both of us inside
Where wisdom grows
And all warm feelings start and flow
Know
Friendship

December 3, 2012 at 10:49 am

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Profile photo of O Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@grosshaj, put more feeling into it, develop a vocabulary, use metaphors to stimulate the flux of sentiments through symbols, it`s nice but not good enough. I understood your poem intellectualy but i didn`t feel it, a poem without feeling is impotent.

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Profile photo of TheWalrus TheWalrus (@grosshaj) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@seeker, Thank you for your feedback. :) You are welcome to read and comment on anything I produce. Encouragement for reading aloud. :)

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Profile photo of O Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@grosshaj, i`m glad that you didn`t react negatively, you can be whatever you want, develop those synapses! :)

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