I’m disturbed by frightening and demoralizing nightmares that involve sexual desires of the opposite sex, not hating men in general, but in my dreams I’m just scared and feel engrossed I don’t understand why or where these dreams come from, because nothing weird happened during my childhood, and i got those dreams suddenly since a few years they return when i wanted to get rid of desires of my own and others all together by becoming more conscious about desires and being free from desires. The thing i talk about is rape, murder, prostitution, imprisonement, sexual demoralizing behavior in general, why does this happen and how to get rid of them? Is it something inside me or something bothering me outside myself, like some influence or something? Or is it my involuntary scary imagination? how to control it to happy thoughts and happy dreams? I question myself this as a female, because i dont know if men experience sexual dreams as involuntary or scary at all. I could think it is because i’m scared of it that i dream about it, but it doesn’t make any sense because i was always scared of it but now even more because of those nightmares, and also more people are scared of it and they dont dream about it, and I’m not consciously traumatized only those nightmares traumatize me, and i had some weird friend in a bad circuit a long time ago, does that make a link to my unconscious?
@heartbeat, I have no idea why you would have these dreams, but I bet if you hooked up with a loving dude it would prove that not all guys are out to get you. To answer your question about if guys get these, I can only answer for myself, but no. Rape is so far down on the list of things that concern me that it has never shown up in a dream.
@generaltitsvonchodehoffen yes you would say it somewhere concerns me so that could be the reason it shows up in my dreams….i just dont know why now since a few years, actually when i decided i did not want to have to do anything with desires…problem in finding some guy that is not like that is that my brain somehow interprets his desires as harmful, evil and wrong……
@heartbeat, I’ve had dreams of being raped for the last couple years. Yeah, they’re terrifying. It affects you when you’re awake too, sometimes I’m jumpy and uncomfortable the next day or two. I don’t know why they started, I think it’s more that as I’ve gotten older and moved to the city and heard more stories it’s become a bigger fear for me, and my dreams are always terrifying anyways so i guess my imagination feels it’s a good thing to add to scare the shit out of me. Sometimes if I play really relaxing music while I sleep I don’t have such bad dreams. That’s the only solution I’ve found. I’ve wanted to see a therapist about it, but my mother says since they’re just dreams they can’t affect me enough to be worth seeing a doctor.
Oftentimes I’ve found in personal experience that dreams are thinly disguised representations of our waking emotions, and I’m sure this applies to your recent experience as well. The common theme of your dream scenarios is a loss or lack of control, a sensation of someone else holding the reins to your destiny-whether on a more immediate or long-term level. Perform some introspection and see if you can’t find the waking source of your nightly emotional expressions, then work to eliminate the source of your discomfort and you should find that the mood of your dreams becomes brighter.
As in most cases, spending time thinking about this negative issue is keeping it at the forefront of your memory and consciousness, and since dreams are often products of our immediate memories, spending too much time thinking about the issue could be having an exacerbating effect on the problem.
@heartbeat, Well, these dreams may have been occurring for a lot longer than you think, because normally we’re not conscious of most of our dreams, we don’t even remember them. We dream every night, yet most people only experience dreams a few times a month or so. That doesn’t mean the dreams weren’t there.
Another thing to note is that dreams can be very symbolic. It’s not always just what you see, but more like a way to express it. Parallels and similarities. Though sometimes it is of course what you see is what you get.
About the male and female thing, and their desires being evil and wrong, I think that’s actually how most people feel about the opposite gender. That’s where the gender war comes from, and all the demonizing myths and stuff from olden days.
And I can totally understand that you feel this way about men. After all, the purpose of male mammals is to dominate and destroy. Although the function of this is to clear the way for the females, they also end up on the receiving end of it and of course that’s usually not a nice place to be.
At the core of every man, these desires to conquer and direct still burn as fiercely as ever, so it’s not so strange that you fear us.
Men and women are like fire and water trying to mix, we have good reason to fear eachother.
But we must let go of fear. What’s the point of minimizing your desires if you keep a lot of fear?
A lot of guys have these types of dreams about women. I have them frequently. Sometimes just like you described, but the roles are reversed, the women are the cruel ones there. These are more like memories than dreams though.
But there’s also the opposite of these dreams, basically me being drained and getting soft and losing everything, because of women. Falling victim to their spell.
Yknow, a lot of “enlightenment” people completely disregard the masculine ways, saying that it’s more earthly or simply wrong and mean, but that’s an extremely one-sided and biased opinion. There are of course some who are of the opposite stance, but they’re a lot more rare.
However, they’re both wrong. BALANCE is the right way.
The masculine core desires are not just a man thing, women have them too. Just like men have the feminine core desires as well. We just have different ratios.
We’re not so different after all, and we couldn’t exist without eachother. “Can’t live with em, can’t live without em” haha.
Dreams can be fucking horrible at times, and so can reality. But that’s all just the ego’s interpretation. We must let go of fear.
There is really nothing to fear, because fear doesn’t make anything better. Fear often brings the things we don’t want into our lives. Because whatever is in our focus, we are subconsciously drawn toward it, and fear has a tendency to catch our attention due to our instinct.
Fear is unnecessary. Fear is just salt in the wounds.
@manimal, “And I can totally understand that you feel this way about men. After all, the purpose of male mammals is to dominate and destroy.” That was pretty stupid. But maybe people like the idea that they should dominate and destroy? Maybe instead of domination and destroying, everyone should be taught that they cannot be dominated or destroyed unless they want to. Seriously though, why are The Beatles one of the best bands in the world? Did they dominated and destroyed something else than society’s conservative beliefs? Or just the ego.
Yea I’ve never had a dream of being raped. Although I have had dreams about mistresses leading me on thinking I’m going to get some pussy then they run away. The cycle would repeat in dreams so it was just me chasing hot women pretty much. Fairly frustrating. But then, sometimes they give it up and it’s dope so what can you do? It’s odd, every sex dream pretty much I’ve had was with girls I don’t ever remember seeing in waking life. I wonder why..
@beyond, THAT’s stupid.
Domination and destruction have their place, they’re necessary.
People should be taught that they cannot be dominated or destroyed? Well, that is an act of dominating them. People can figure that shit out on their own anyway, shouldn’t need any teaching.
Beatles are one of the best bands because you think so, it’s an opinion, not a fact. Technically though, they aren’t a band. That was a long time ago.
They did dominate the music charts. And they did take part in destroying the previous pop culture. For something new to bloom, what was previously there must be destroyed.
@manimal, They dominated females. They are still covered for the same reason by the way. You’re gonna need a band of another bunch of real sincere friends to dominate the whole world. They didn’t just took part in destroying previous pop cultures, they inspired the bands that are dominating the charts today. You just can’t destroy classics, you’re just going to use them to your advantage. Anyway, this is a topic about sexual nightmares, not about good dreams.
@beyond meaning it is not my fantasy, so i don’t see the pervertion thing because it is not what i want, it is what i fear, like i fear insanity, those nightmares have a close feel of insanity to it, that doesn’t mean i choose to have those nightmares, or you mean i somewhere on some level in my unconscious existence influence these dreams, but that is just the thing i dont know if i do that and i dont understand how:S
@heartbeat, Freaking out because you had a nightmare is something you can actually deal with easily. It’s a dream, look at it as something that tries to protect you. Because dreams do protect you. Rational fear protects you from getting hurt. You are not hurt.
(@manimal) Interesting what you say. Also i recognize the fear attraction, because i do attract weird situations because i fear them, most of the time exactly what i fear just happens to become reality…….so that is why i want to get rid of the negativity around the feeling of desire. I somehow think it is wrong to feel or to be on the receiving end of someone’s desire, it feels possessed and gross and torturing at the same time…..so I should not fear the feeling of peoples desires, yet i know people destroy things because they feel desire inside them? I dont know how to stop being scared of destructive desires according to those nightmares or even the thought of those themes.
You say there is a balance to be found between male and female core desires. But what if you desire peace and harmony in the extend that you are willing to sacrifice your own peace and harmony to sustain peace and harmony in contact with others (for a greater purpose)? Because i do have this desperate impulse to sustain or create harmony at cost of my own well being, that is the reason i thought desires are wrong because they interrupt the peace and harmony into weird forms of animalistic behavior instead of moral behavior. I dont know why i have this negative feeling towards desire, is it a conviction or is it reality that desire does more harm than good?
I see fear as an alarming signal that something bad is happening. So there is something to fear, otherwise i would not feel fear. Is it possible to just experience bad shit happening without the feeling of terror and fear? Then i could just experience a nightmare without being traumatized by it. But you say it is logical for me as a woman to feel fearful against men, but I also fear my own desire, because i dont feel it is the moral me, it is more or less the repressed side of me that i dont know how to handle. Like for example in a loving relationship you feel love towards each other, but in this sphere of nightmares you feel cruelty and agression that distorts the image of a moral relationship. Is it normal for a man to feel cruelty and agression towards females because of the conquer and domination instinct?
@beyond Ok i want to believe it protects me, so how am i suppose to know the guy or man i meet in real life is not scary at all, because according to these nightmares there is some twisted side into people i can’t see at the surface, but it is there somewhere and i don’t know how to deal with it. How is this dream protecting me, it is only alarming me that i have to think straight when dealing with men in general, even though i don’t want to think of all the shit that could happen if someone turns out to be exactly what i fear, because fear attracts what you fear into your life………:S…I’d rather had that i don’t know of all the shit that could happen, and i’d never have to find out about it either:S…not in reality and not in a nightmare…
@heartbeat, Long post ahoy!
Desiring and being desired is inevitable, and it’s not a bad thing. Desire is a force of nature, there’s desire/attraction in everything. What’s behind magnetism and electricity is the same thing that’s behind our human desires.
People destroy things out of desire, yes, but people also create things out of desire. People make peace out of desire, people reproduce out of desire, people love out of desire.
And not all destruction is bad.
The impulse to make nice that you speak of, that is nothing but desire.
Here’s the thing though, if the individuals aren’t at peace, the artificial “peace” they live in is just a lie. A lie made out of suppression and stagnation. What is the greater purpose? And why should people suffer for it? Sounds like fanaticism to me, no offence.
This desire to make personal sacrifices for some “greater good,” true or imaginary, is something everyone has, and the ego loves that shit because it’s some of the most potent ego fuel there is. This is known in psychology under terms like “hero complex” and “mother complex” (which can be considered the masculine and feminine poles of the same complex.)
Desires are just desires, everyone has them, and life wouldn’t be worth living without them.
It’s so tragic to see all this crazy shit the misled pseudo-buddhists spread like bombs all over the place these days, and how it affects some people’s lives and makes them suffer.
” that is the reason i thought desires are wrong because they interrupt the peace and harmony into weird forms of animalistic behavior instead of moral behavior.”
I’m pretty damn certain you’ve found the problem. Because this is it.
Morals are subjective, morals are ego. We’re animals, of course we behave like animals, that’s just part of who and what we are.
You’re trying to suppress this, and that’s why you feel so much agony. Suppression does no good, it causes tremendous amounts of suffering. The “pain body” spoken of in psychology is the heap of suppressed desires and instincts most people carry within them.
And you’ll never win that game, you can’t, it’s a dead end. Just let go, accept what you are. Suppression doesn’t take the “bad” (authentic) behaviour away, it just starts an endless battle inside your being. A massive dissonance that tears at your heart of hearts.
“I see fear as an alarming signal that something bad is happening.”
That’s exactly what it is. Genuine emotion (“positive and negative,” “love and fear/pain”) is just a feedback system, just like physical pain. When you do something that’s harmful to yourself, you feel pain, in your flesh or in your mind depending on which of them you are hurting. This is so that you will stop doing it.
Your fear and agony is your soul reacting to the harm you’re causing it, just like your body gives you pain when you keep your hand in the fire.
Don’t ignore it, don’t suppress it. LISTEN to it, and stop killing yourself.
You cannot experience “bad shit” without fear and pain. Because the “bad shit” is an opinion, and this opinion brings suffering to the soul. It is fear, it is suffering. And it’s created BY YOU.
The desperation you mentioned earlier is not a causal factor, it is a reaction, desperation is a direct result of fear only. This fear is what brings you to to desperately want to suppress things. Because the ego works in feedback loops, it will do anything to stay on the track, no matter how destructive that path is.
You can rid yourself of this terror only by letting go of the obsession with morals.
There is no good reason to fear, for fear is but salt in the wounds. No matter how logical it seems to fear, it only leads to suffering. Either act or forget, flee or eliminate. Fear comes from indecision between these options. Other animals do not fear like humans do, they just heed the warning and take action. Like we’re supposed to. Instead of “keeping the hand in the fire.” When you’re speeding toward a fork in the road, you better hang on the steering wheel, or you’ll be squashed like a mosquito.
You talk so much about morals. Is it moral to ruin a life, even if it is your own? And what effect does your misery have upon others? Emotion is contagious, so is habit. Is it moral to do this to people?
A loving relationship isn’t about morals, it’s about love and attraction. Morals is a framework of stifling ego opinions and beliefs. No love gets through that barricade. Only desire, desire for another mind, body, and/or soul. Claiming it as a part of your life, as your possession.
Relationships are built out of desire, that possessive/dominant desire to keep another person in your life. This is not love, but it works very well together with love, if kept at some distance. But most people fail at the distance thing, not just in relationships but in every area of life.
If you have nightmares about the person you’re with, there’s probably a deep set reason for this, some issue in the relationship or in one of you, that hasn’t been dealt with. That has been ignored and/or suppressed. Maybe that person really is cruel, or maybe you have a bit of overlooked deep set hatred for them (this is normal,) or something like that.
It is normal, not only for men, but for everyone, to feel aggression toward others. It’s instinct, it’s hardwired, no amount of philosophy or self-mastery will change that. It’s ok to feel that way, fuck the dogma. You don’t need to act on it just because you feel it, but that doesn’t mean you have to suppress it either. Just let go, accept it, realize that it’s just who you are and that it’s not wrong.
It’s just indoctrination and dogma, that’s been shoved down your throat by society and religion and other misled, self-righteous asshats since you were born.
Fuck em, they’re wrong, and their bullshit makes people suffer. There’s nothing wrong with who we are or what we are, and there’s no changing it. Instinct is more real and true to yourself than morals and rules ever will or can be.
Look, we’re humans, that’s how humans are. You are a human, but it seems you’ve forgotten that, please come back. There is no suffering about it when you stop hating on your own nature. Because that’s really what you’re doing, and what all religious people and moralists do deep down.
Let go, accept, realize that it’s FINE TO BE WHO YOU ARE AND NOT APOLOGIZE ABOUT IT.
“Every human being’s essential nature is perfect and faultless, but after years of immersion in the world, we easily forget our roots and take on a counterfeit nature.” -Lao Tzu
You are a human being, a free fun-loving spirit, sparkling wonder of the universe, an upright ape that thinks and creates, created “in His image.”
There’s nothing wrong about that.
The real you is absolutely awesome, there’s no sense in terrorizing her like you do.
All the aggression and destructive desires can be used for good things, it’s powerful motivation and passion, it’s what drives us to erase the bad stuff, it’s what drives us to push the envelope, it’s what drives us to fight those who are “evil,” and it’s what drives us to rock someone’s world in bed. Aggression and passion are just different expressions of the same thing.
Remember what you really are at the core, and stop trying to fight that inner battle which you cannot ever win.
Because the real you is better and more amazing in every way than any counterfeit sense of self you can ever muster up.
Peace and love
@heartbeat, Work on becoming proficient at Lucid Dreaming. There are plenty of topics on this here at HighExistence, or just google it. Once these bad dreams happen, you can become aware that you are dreaming and then fly away from the story-line.
@blankey Yea i thought of something like that too, but then i thought what if it means something about me? What if those dreams or things tell me something about my world, my believes. Yet i could try to understand how lucid dreaming is working, but i dont know yet.
@beyond I mean when you feel love towards someone it is romantic, when you feel raw passion towards someone it feels animalistic..somehow i linked that to evil; but that is also because you can feel that towards someone you are not in a relationship with even if you already have another relationship you can feel it towards any other person. I don’t think it is a moral way to act on raw passion compared to love for someone:S…so i judged it as being evil and when raw passion go’s further people do horrible things, and that is not because they love the other person, it is really another way of feeling towards someone…