Is it acceptable to…

3 years, 2 months ago

So a guy asks me out on a date, and I am not attracted to him whatsoever but I say "yes" because I would genuinely like to be friends with him. Is this okay? Or is it not okay to go on a date with him when I don’t feel that way?

February 23, 2012 at 4:01 am

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Profile photo of Nikola Atanasovski Nikola Atanasovski (@nikola) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

dont do that, leading guys on is bullshit and so is playing mind games. one’s intentions should be made clear from the start

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Profile photo of Sarah Sarah (@smorris926) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

If I were in your situation, I would say “how about we just make it coffee instead, before we get to know each other?” That way, you are just going out for coffee and a chat instead of an actual date.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

It’s acceptable. You’re just hanging out and you must tell him that you’re not attracted to him. Just don’t twist his mind, because then there would be no way for you to be friends. Cheers.

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Profile photo of Orinda Orinda (@orinda) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Im not too sure myself, but im kind of thinking no…

But since you already said yes, i recommend you dont go on a second date if you want to be just friends.

But who knows, maybe youll like him more/differently after a first date!

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Profile photo of Sarah Sarah (@smorris926) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

And who knows, maybe an attraction will spark while you’re getting to know him over coffee!

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Profile photo of R.V. Star R.V. Star (@rickvonstar) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

If he’s asking you out on a date, he probably doesn’t want to be just friends

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Or maybe he’s just bored and you think that you’re oh, so beautiful. Hahaha. Sorry. :)

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Haha, thanks guys. I’m not positive it’s a date actually. Let me re-phrase. He asks me if I want to hang-out, maybe go hiking or play pool or something. This is a lot more casual, and it’s true that he may just want to be friends too, correct? OR is a guy asking a girl to do something like this still imply that he wants it to be romantic? Sorry, I’m kinda new to the dating thing.

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Profile photo of Alex Eastman Alex Eastman (@alex) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

I was thinking “HELL NO, that is terrible” but then I started thinking of all the times that I wasn’t given a chance AT ALL. Give it a chance and maybe you’ll fall for him. At least if you give him a chance, he’ll feel a little more fulfilled that way.

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Profile photo of Orinda Orinda (@orinda) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

In situations like yours, him asking you to do stuff one on one normally tends to be a date. If he were asking you to go with him in a group setting (eg. hang with a group of friends), it would probably be a friend thing.

Just some ideas/thoughts im tossing out there.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Ohhhhhhh that’s why stupid bitches thought I was hitting on them just because we were alone. Oh, God. Please, don’t think that way.

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NO NO NO! That’s fucking misleading as hell and results in a really awkward friend zone situation.

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Okay, I’m getting conflicting responses here…. If it’s not a date then cool, I’ll just hangout with him. If it is a date, then what do I do to make it clear I don’t like him like that?

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Profile photo of Emily Emily (@briarxxxrose) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

That wont make you guys friends. In his mind it will probably make you an ex. Once he gets the real message, he wont want to talk to you anymore most likely. But if you stop it before it happens its less likely to end in termination. A guy has a hard enough time hearing no without you saying yes! lol

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

It seems like you’re having troubles speaking your mind. Start from there.

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

So I can just tell him, “I don’t want anything romantic, friends?” Blunt. That works for me…

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

OR just go out and have fun.
If you go out and tell him something like that and even share that you’ve made a thread about it – he’ll either laugh his ass off, or he’ll run away from you. Good luck. :D

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Profile photo of Kayla Kayla (@tangerinesky624) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

i envy that you could be so blunt like that.

I’ve been in the same situation and its really hard to put some one in the friend zone if they don’t want to be there, and if you don’t want to hurt their feelings because you genuinely want to be friends with them.

lets just say i think I’m pretty good at leading guys on… oops

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

@Kayla – Hurt their feelings? This is a great misconception. Men don’t hurt like women do. There are a few exceptions, but if you’re hanging around with pussies, what does that say about you ?
And what’s this “to put him in the friend zone” shit ?
Do you even realize that you are putting yourself in this friend zone? Can you tell me how many guys had put YOU in their “friend zone” ? Probably not. :D

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

That’s exactly what I thought. I don’t really think it’s that big of a deal. I figured I would just ask, because quite frankly, I’m not very aware of dating etiquette. I’m glad to hear that generally guys don’t fell “sad” when a girl turns them down, and I’m happy to be put in the “friend zone” and put him and the “friend zone.” Thanks for the advice!

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Profile photo of Kayla Kayla (@tangerinesky624) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

@sasho i don’t generally “go after” guys, therefore i don’t put them in a situation that they would have to place me in the friend zone :)

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Profile photo of TheSkaFish TheSkaFish M (@theskafish) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

If you don’t mind me asking, what is so godawful about this bloke? Why do you want to be friends with him at all if he is so dislikable?

Not that I think friends and dating are the same thing, but from what it seems there is something you strongly dislike about this person. Like for example, I couldn’t date a yuppie-ish person, and I wouldn’t want to be friends with one either.

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

There is nothing godawful about him. In all honesty, I would say there are several small things that I would be picky about in a mate, but not w/ a friend. For example, his voice irks me, he is shorter than I am, and I really just am not attracted to him. But we have similar interests and he is a cool person. That’s really all. I know it’s shallow, but I am only 18 and right now looks are important. I wish they weren’t but I really can’t help it. I’ve been corrupted by pop-culture…. :(

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

I wish I could help you but I’ve always passionately hated Pop. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj-xOkHtHRg

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Profile photo of Callisto Callisto (@calypso) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Don’t get me started. Pop music is the worst form of music. I passionately hate it too. However, pop-music isn’t what I was referring to. Pop-culture is basically all encompassing, in regards to media, which is very hard to escape. Trust me, I’ve tried.

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