just a vent

2 years, 8 months ago

I find it very refreshing that I can use this website and rely on others peoples opinions that for some reason I truely trust and respect. With that being said I’ve had so much stress building up with family issues and knowing Im going to have to be on my own with out the help of any of them for a while. I can no longer afford college which aided my decession to pursue my dream of being a motivational speaker, but without a college degree i know its going to be almost impossible to make a name for myself or even support myself financially in the future. Im not able to keep firends for a long time because I move around so much and becuase my entire life has been an uphill battle something deep inside me doesnt allow me to fully open up as much as i so desperately want to. However, there is a side of me that doesnt let me stop or feel bad for myself. With these two sides of me constantly fighting its seems to wear me down.. I dont really have someone in my life that I can unleash all of this to, so I am using this topic description box.

July 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

I don’t feel any air. What the fuck this is no vent.
Jokes aside, I feel you.
I’m in the same situation. I’ve dropped out of school twice with no intention of going back and I just want to be a great artist now but I am letting myself get distracted and am therefore not working toward my dream nearly as much as I would like. Something’s gotta give and shit.
You say you have problems expressing yourself? How will you motivate others if you are afraid? Look inward and discover the inhibition. You will see that it is not real. You will see that nothing is concrete. This is how you begin to hammer your world into shape. Reality is malleable.
@koleworld, Godspeed

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Profile photo of Kole Kole (@koleworld) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@danfontaine, thank you.

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@koleworld, If you have any other unresolved disturbances within, I’m all ears. I take from my words as much as I give. A mutual learning experience. I added you brah.

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Profile photo of Kole Kole (@koleworld) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

@danfontaine, cant thank you enough for that

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Profile photo of paul_g paul_g (@paulg) 2 years, 8 months ago ago

Hey Kole,

so many aspects that you mention. They’ll be with you for a few more years, so be patient. Take the time to sort all family issues in your head (what are they, what happened?) and your feelings that they arouse. Next, money is always a tough one. First aim for something which can pay the bills and then see how the speaking career goes. If it’s supposed to happen, it will. But don’t take to much risk for it by disregarding all other job and career options. You won’t need a college degree to touch people. But however, you will need to have made sense of some of your own life before you can start motivating others. So, also focus on yourself enough. Moving a lot, this is a challenge for social life. But today, with internet and phones, your chances are better than 40 years ago to keep contact :) Also, maybe you can stay put a tad longer or influence things a little? Now to the real juicy stuff :) – your inner life: you’ve made a good step explaining some first characteristics of your “battle”. Now don’t stop, keep digging, get to the core of the struggle or battle, as you call it. There are several techniques you can use when there are such strong collisions of feelings. First, pick any random but fitting items around you to represent each side and have the items have a conversation. In your head, the conversation maybe is not allowed to flow freely, so giving the two sides an outer form helps with the conversation (e.g., pick a steam railway cart for the side that is never allowed to stop. and a teddy for the soft side. then let them discuss stuff.). Maybe even write the conversation down, maybe even here :) Another approach is to think about what important role the hard, never-stop-side of you (which seems a bit hindering now) took in the previous and even early years of your life. Why was it important that you develop such a strong voice in this direction, what did it protect you from? It is not there because you are evil, but it used to protect you, used to have meaning, and used to mean good with you in perhaps unfavorable surroundings. What were those surroundings? Finally, friends are important. Try out with little things if you can trust them. Pick any sentiment which you don’t really necessarily stand by all the way, share it, and see if they react understandingly. If yes, move further and see how far the ice holds you. If no, move on. We all deserve relationships in which the ice holds all the way, as far as our soul can go. The fact that we rarely get this can be called the major imperfection of this world. Facing this is called bravery, and not giving up this bravery is the true uphill battle. But we do it with self-compassion and compassion for others who share the same. All the best to you man. -Paul

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